Surrender to More

by Rachel De Lune

  What was once a dull ache, is now a throbbing distraction. My pussy is wet and lust rages through my body. Luc smacks the cane onto the woman’s arse and her whole body twitches off the bed. His hand gentles her, before he repeats. He builds a rhythm and my mind imagines it could be me under his hand.

  “It doesn’t hurt as much as you imagine. He’s being gentle with her.”

  “How do you know?” I turn to Izzy, unable to imagine her letting Seb do this.

  “I… well, I prefer a flogger. It’s thuddier, heavier. It’s a heady mix of pain and pleasure.” She grins. “You can see he’s not putting much force behind the hits. It will most likely leave some nice stripes though.”

  Thinking of Luc leaving his mark on my skin sends a rush of liquid heat between my legs. My breath comes in shallow pants and my tight nipples rub against the fabric of my lacy bra. God I want this. With Luc.

  LUCAS

  The pretty sub’s mewing cries soften. I’ve backed off on my last few strikes. The edge of pain had crept into her voice, and my cock strains tightly against my jeans. She’s done exactly what I’ve asked of her tonight. The red stripes decorating her thighs and bum are vivid, but I haven’t broken the skin. My palm itches to caress her further, to pull a throaty moan from her, but that’s not what we planned tonight.

  Seb had warned me I had a visitor, and there was no way I was going to scare the newbie off straight away. She’s seen enough tonight, and I’m hoping it’s got her as revved up as I am.

  I drop the cane on the bed and smooth my hand down the sub’s spine. She arches into my touch, clearly content and looking for more affection. On any other night, she’d have it. I’ve given her one orgasm. We didn’t negotiate sex. I usually play with a sub at least once before sex is added to the mix, but I’d usually spend a lot longer in the scene.

  Seb had arranged for Matthew to look after the subbie after I’d finished. He’s a good guy, a considerate Dom, and has played with her before. I nod my head at him, and he comes to join me.

  “Matthew will take it from here, Abi.” Despite our brief conversation, she clearly thought there would be more to our scene. The disappointment shows on her soft face. “Thank you, for tonight.” I run my hand down her arm, and Matthew switches places with me.

  I move away from the scene and survey the floor. I spot them immediately. Christ, you couldn’t miss Jess in that dress. The bright red material might as well be a welcome mat for any single Dom in the place.

  She spots me and the moment I meet her eyes, lightning strikes, and my body hums with excitement. With the light scene still fresh in my blood, I’m eager to see how she’ll respond to me, especially as she’s in my playground.

  As I walk towards her, she and Izzy stand, and I do everything I can not to trip over my own tongue. The dress barely covers her arse and makes way for miles of leg. Her wild blond hair cries out to be messed up even more—preferably by my hands as I hold her head still so I can fuck her delicious mouth. Her hour-glass figure has my cock twitching like a horny teenager.

  The attraction was instant. The moment I saw her at my practice I wanted her. Flirting with her last week was fun, and now she’s here, I have the upper hand. I know she likes me enough to come to Solace. Seb told me she’s a newbie and doubts she’s even submissive. That doesn’t bother me. I want to see how compatible we are. God, Natasha warned me there would be sparks with this one, and right now, I want to light up the fucking room.

  Despite being nervous about my surroundings, everything fades away when I set eyes on Luc. He’s sucked the oxygen right out of the air. He holds me captive. I am powerless to stop it, nor do I want it to stop. For the first time, I enjoy this feeling. It was… new. The attraction for me was intense beyond reason, deeper than meeting a guy in a bar for the first time, or going on a date.

  I stand and wait for him to approach. He eases through the few people between us. Every fibre of my body anticipates his voice. I take note of his appreciative gaze as his eyes sweep over me.

  Being in the basement of sin has given me permission to be sexy. I don’t have Natasha watching me, and I don’t need to be concerned what I say. He knows I like him. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.

  Luc arrives in front of us. I smile and put the brakes on my imagination. With the spanking scene fresh in my thoughts, it’s not an easy task.

  “Izzy, a pleasure.” He nods in her direction.

  “Miss Riley.” He steps forward and there’s no longer any space between us. Even though I’m in heels, he’s taller than me and makes me feel delicate. He dips his head to kiss me on the cheek in welcome. His scent envelops me, lust and sweat with notes of his aftershave. I want to breath him in, forever. He’s dangerous.

  “Mr. Clark,” I whisper.

  “Good evening.” Seb’s voice snaps me out of my Luc daze, and I step away. He tucks Izzy next to him. “I’m going to get a drink with Isabel. We’ll come and find you in a short while.” I don’t miss the stern look Seb and Luc share. Luc gives the hint of a nod and then turns his attention back to me. I see them depart from the corner of my eye. As they disappear, the blood rushing through my veins grows louder in my ears.

  “Breathe, Jessica. Nothing is going to happen. Unless you want it to?” He closes the gap between us again, and this time, his fingers catch some lose strands of hair, and he threads them behind my ear. Every instinct I have screams at me to nuzzle into his hand, but I don’t. This first contact from Luc has drawn more of a response from me than any touch by any man in my past.

  “What are you fighting against, Jessica?” His observation worries me. Of course, he should be good at reading people. His job, and his… hobby, require a keen eye.

  “I’m not fighting. I’m just stopping this from moving too quickly.”

  “And what is this?”

  “Us.”

  “You want there to be an us already?”

  “For tonight.”

  His lips turn up into a sexy smile that sets my pussy aching again. He’s crowding me. Our breath mingles and I’m desperate to feel those lips on mine. Hell, I want his hands on me. They have been stuck in my mind for the last week.

  My calves bump against the chaise Izzy and I were sitting at.

  “There are a few things to discuss before, “us”. Come.” He takes my hand and pulls me through the room towards the frosted entry.

  “Why are we leaving?”

  “Because, if we don’t, you’ll end up tied up and fucked. I want to talk first.”

  “Oh.” My insides burst with delight at his words. At least now I know where he stands. He leads me through the door and guides me up the winding stairs. I heat where his arm lies on my bare flesh. He begins leisurely strokes up and down my spine. His fingers inch closer and closer to my arse. His hand curls around my hip and pulls me closer to him as he steers us into a small alcove. It’s similar to the one we were in earlier but without a bar.

  It’s private, secluded. Sexual energy palpitates through my body. My nerves are on edge, and my pussy feels hot and achy. Instead of sitting us down on the small sofa, he steers me towards the wall. I turn, but he blocks my way and backs me up against the cold surface.

  “You look fucking delicious. Red definitely suits you.” His eyes shine with wicked intent.

  “What are you thinking, Jessica? Afraid of me? Want to know what I’d like to do with you?” Leaning on the wall, he rests his forearm above my head, trapping me. His other hand starts to play with my hair. It’s distracting and intoxicating all at once.

  “I’m not afraid.” At least not here. Maybe downstairs in full view of all those whips and canes. I came here to make my desire clear to him. He’s more daunting than I remember. Perhaps I should not have been so hasty.

  “You’re lying to yourself. If you’re not afraid, then you should be. I’m a hard core Dom. I like a touch of pain when I play. Considering this is the first time you’ve been to Solace or shown any interest in BDSM, I consider fear an int
elligent reaction.” His assessment is on point, and his words chill the fire of lust racing through me.

  “That’s better.” His thumb swipes at my bottom lip and my mouth falls open. My tongue wisps across his pad and his eyes darken in response.

  “You’re playing with fire, Princess. I could do whatever I want to you, and you’d agree. But I don’t want this to be a one night thing. I’d like to play with you; fuck you, see how much of me you like. What do you say?” He’s so close his nose touches mine. I could brush my lips against his and seal our fate for this evening. He pulls back, and I inwardly curse.

  “I won’t lie. I want you. The playing, everything else—I’m not sure of yet.” I’m as honest with him as I can me.

  “I don’t do vanilla relationships, Princess.” His voice has an edge, a warning for me.

  “I don’t do relationships.” I offer my challenge in response and wait for his next move.

  “Sex is only half of what I want from you.” His words hit hard, his frustration clear in his voice. “You’ll need to trust me, put faith in what I can and will do to you and how good I will make you feel. You need to be ready for that before we go any further.” As his words ring in my ears, I can already feel my body tense. I haven’t trusted a man since Daniel. I try and move away from Luc’s hold, but he pins my hip in place with his free hand. His fingers dig into my flesh. His control halts the panic that starts to invade. No other man has challenged me this way. They allow me to take the lead and dictate the pace. This is confusing.

  “Easy, Princess. Seems like you’re more willing to give me your body than you are your trust.” It was true. The mention of that five letter word sent my mind reeling.

  This was not how I had imagined—and fantasised—this would go. “I thought we could have some fun together. I didn’t realise that meant I’d have to bare my soul first.” I need to make sure he understands my position on a few things.

  “I don’t know you, Luc. How can I trust you? Trust is hard to earn and easily broken.” I look away and shift back, indicating I want him to let me go. Every feeling of hot and fiery passion has twisted into a hollow ache. How did this conversation get so serious?

  “We’ll certainly have fun, but I’m not about to just fuck you and let you leave. As I said, I don’t do vanilla and you’re a newbie. It’s not going to be a one time thing between us, and you’ll have to be open to trusting me.” He releases my hip and steps away. The space gives my racing heart a chance to calm down, yet, I miss his contact immediately. I try to hide my disappointment. Luc still watches me.

  “I think you’re confused, Princess. Your body’s telling you yes, but I can see the doubt in your head. Go home and think about what part you’re going to listen to.”

  He’s right. I’m so confused, I’m not sure which way is up. It’s like I stumbled down the kinky rabbit hole. There’s something different about Luc. Our instant attraction and the pull I feel towards him is unique for me. It blows the pre-conceived ideas of what this evening might entail out of the water. He threatens to pull me down a path that will be no good for my battered heart. Trust could lead to emotions and feelings, and I’ve sworn off of anything like that when it comes to men. He steps back, and I sag against the wall. I was so sure I’d be spending time with Luc this evening. I knew I hadn’t misread the signs, but now I wonder if I’ve just fucked this up.

  I’m about to walk away when Luc slams into me. His lips crash against mine. His hands tangle in my hair and keep me trapped while his tongue teases my lips. I open to him and dissolve in his embrace. His kiss bruises my lips and consumes me, rough, hard, controlling, and everything I never thought I’d want. My lips try to keep up with his ferocity, and we find a balance that is heady.

  I drown in our kiss. All my fears slip away. In this moment, there is only me and Luc. This moment is precious. I want to grab and hold on tight, before it escapes. My arms wrap his neck to bring him closer to me. I feel the muscled contours of his chest and I press my body closer to him.

  He growls deep in his throat, and it vibrates through his chest. I smile against his lips.

  “Come on, Princess, before I do something I regret.” As quickly as it started, he ends the kiss and runs his hands through my hair, down my arms, to my wrist. He holds my hands, and it’s that simple connection, that simple gesture that sets my heart stirring in my chest. I look up to find Luc watching me. His beautiful green eyes glint like emeralds before he turns and pulls me from the alcove, keeping my hand firmly in his.

  He marches across the lobby and around to the bar we sat in earlier. Izzy and Seb are sitting quietly in the corner. Izzy spots me first and nearly jumps up to greet me. She smiles at me, but her eyes are running up and down my skin, clearly looking to see if I’m in one piece. Seb stands and waits for Luc to deliver me back.

  “Ready to go, Jess?” he asks, but I don’t get the chance to respond.

  “Yes, she is. I’ll speak to you soon, Seb. Izzy.” Luc drops my hand and leaves, disappearing out of the bar. No goodbye.

  My fingers brush against my lips to check I hadn’t imagined the kiss. I didn’t. My lips tingle and throb from the force of our kiss. His touch leaves sparks of heat.

  “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Izzy is straight in with the questions, but I don’t want to answer them. I’m not even sure what happened between us. Something… clicked. For me, at least. “I’m fine. I’d like to leave now.”

  “Very well, let’s go.” Seb ushers us out of the bar.

  Tonight was nothing like I had expected. My eyes have been firmly opened to a world I never thought I’d enter. I’d come here to see Luc, learn more about him and see if there was anything between us. I’d succeeded on both fronts, but felt the barrier between us as if it was a physical mountain.

  Despite everything in my past, I knew I was going to have to let my feelings get involved if I wanted to see Luc again. The thought scared me more than anything he might want to do to me with a whip.

  Trust and faith. Two things that are impossible for me to give, or even contemplate, giving to another man. Especially one like Luc. Luc is dangerous to me, but I can’t get past my initial and growing attraction to him. I’ve lived so long without engaging my feelings that this… draw, this pull I feel to him, is all consuming.

  I pull the black, leather-bound notepad towards me and stare at the blank pages before me. Dr. Cross had asked me to write down my feelings. So far, that wasn’t working. I twirl my pen in my fingers and think about what I should write down.

  How do I take the first step towards trust?

  I run the ball of the pen over and over the curve of the question mark as if the answer is going to leap off the page. It would make my life a lot less scary if it did.

  My phone interrupts with a buzz across the table.

  Are you ok? You haven’t said much since Solace. Izzy

  Izzy has been texting for the last couple of days to try to get me to talk and open up. I’ve told her I’m fine, but she’s not taking my response seriously. She might be more worried about me than I am about myself.

  I’m fine. Luc gave me a few things to think about, that’s all. You don’t need to worry so much. X

  Are you going to see him again?

  Could I see him again, knowing what I’d need to battle? “Arrr.” I collapse back onto my sofa in an overdramatic huff. I need to get this crap squared in my head and have some confidence in my decisions.

  Maybe, but I’m not sure we will go anywhere. What he’s asking me to accept is going to require a lot of trust on my part. I’m not sure I want what he’s offering considering the conditions he’s set.

  Don’t you want to know if you can, or what it could be like if you do? x

  Damn you Izzy.

  Dr. Cross’ office has the same welcoming feel. My first visit was a lot to overcome for me. It was like taking the first step on a very long and perilous journey.

  “How have the journal entries been going?”r />
  My stomach drops as I think back over my lame attempt at writing about my feelings.

  “Honestly, not very well. I’ve not gotten further than a few sentences.”

  “Is there anything in particular that’s stopping you?”

  “It’s pretty awkward. Trying to think of something to write down to help with what I’m feeling isn’t something I’m especially comfortable with.”

  “Do you think you can continue to try it?”

  “Yes, okay, I’ll keep at it.”

  “Thank you.” I’m relieved that Amanda hasn’t taken offence at my lack-lustre effort with the pen.

  “You are concerned about being unable to develop relationships. Is there anything in your past you feel has contributed to your inability to sustain a relationship?”

  She looks expectantly at me.

  I look around the room and try to grasp at anything that will delay an answer. Yet at the same time, I know I’m going to have to offer some insight—to open up—if I’m going to make this work.

  “My first love, Pete, cheated on me after we’d been together for four years. I was innocent enough to believe we’d last. We had similar ambitions, the same interests. He stole my heart then shattered it by betraying me. Seeing him in bed with that skinny bimbo who called herself my friend crippled me.” I swallow down the bitter taste in my mouth and stare at my hands.

  “I’m sorry to hear you were treated like that. If you’ve been hurt in the past, being willing to trust someone not to hurt you again has likely become difficult for you.”

  “Yeah, I think I’ve worked that bit out,” I say sarcastically and immediately regret it. “Sorry.”

  “How would you characterise your current relationships?”

  “I tend to go in with blinkers on, not wanting to give anything that might leave me open or vulnerable.”