How did I get here? How did I fall so low? How was I able to let someone dictate my self-worth long after being gone? How? Considering the true—albeit unhealthy—perception I have, it’s a miracle I find the strength to get out of bed daily. I flip off the switch so I no longer have to see the disgust my inner thoughts bring to the surface with something as simple as looking in the mirror. I change into something more comfortable to sleep in, and plop down on my bed. As I lay there, I reflect on this past week’s turn of events. The forefront of my mind brings the Dean Brothers; moving back out of the blue. Where were they all of these years? How did our fathers find each other to partner up and expand an already successful business? Were we supposed to find each other again? Can I trust and be trusted not to fail this time? Is it worth it to even try? Is the heartache worth tearing down the walls I’ve built around me? How can I even entertain trusting a stranger to me when I haven’t even been able to trust my closest friends and family thus far? So many damn questions floating around in this restless brain of mine and I hate it. When my mind starts working overtime, it usually brings bad memories. Unfortunately, tonight is no exception.
Lunch with Kip was such a rarity then; I’d almost forgotten how often he made me smile. I walked in the door, and saw Wes was out on our back porch smoking a cigarette with Adam. I hated him doing so, but it was his life and he didn’t do it around me, so it was whatever. He had cut down some, and that was better than nothing. He hadn’t heard me come in, so I headed over to the door to say my hellos. I stopped when I heard Wes talking about his last business trip. He traveled more frequently than not for the marketing job he had. That last one had taken him overseas for a month.
“Adam seriously, I was gone for a month. I called Mackenzie like every other day. Making sure she was working out and staying in shape—”
“Seriously, don’t you think that’s a little harsh? She already looks great.”
“No, I know that,” he chuckled, “but I swear man, she’s been getting lazy about it. I don’t think you should ever be comfortable enough to let yourself go, so, I want it to be a constant reminder for her. Who wants an old lady they can’t show off?”
“Really? I think you should be more than thankful to just have her. She doesn’t nag you, she doesn’t question you, she loves you and most importantly doesn’t mind your guy nights like all of our other girlfriends.”
“I do appreciate her; I’m not saying I don’t. I love her too, all I’m saying is—if I can stay in shape, so can she.”
The smile I had upon coming home became lost on me. I wondered if that was all he ever thought, and spoke, about with his friends. Before I could make a discreet exit, Adam spotted me standing by the door—Wes’ back had been facing me, so he hadn’t seen me walk up. Adam scratched the back of his head awkwardly, no doubt wondering if I’d heard any of their conversation. Wes turned around, “Hey baby-baby. You just get home?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, just now.”
“How was lunch with your brother?”
“It was good. I’m going to go change and head to the gym.”
At that declaration, his face lit up. “Good for you babe.”
“Good seeing you again, Adam.”
“You too, Mackenzie.”
I managed a half smile and turned around to head inside. “Babe, where’s my kiss?”
As much I as I didn’t want to kiss him, I felt it better he didn’t know I overheard him. I walked over and kissed him lightly, begrudgingly so, and got ready to shed the unwanted pounds I’ve apparently gained being “comfortable” in our relationship. Tears started to surface, and began to sting my eyes. I walked back inside before he could notice anything was wrong.
I scramble off my bed, rush to my bathroom, and heave my dinner into the toilet. Most of my memories don’t cause this violent a reaction, however, thinking of Wes and his constant issue with my physical anything, left me feeling completely nauseated. I brush my teeth for the second time tonight to erase the disgusting taste from my mouth. Trying to lie down again, dark thoughts continue to swirl around. I look over to the clock and see it reads after one in the morning. I have no clue how I’m going to make it for my jog with the boys at this rate. I wipe the tears from my eyes, and for the second time tonight, wish myself to sleep.
MY TRUSTY ALARM goes off at six a.m. on the dot. I roll over to hit snooze, and drift back off; if I can get an extra five minutes, so much the better. The doorbell rings—what feels like—two minutes later. I look at the clock, it’s six thirty. Shit! I turned off the alarm instead of hitting snooze. The story of my life; can I do anything right? I lift off the bed, and shuffle my way to the front door. I’m not making it this morning, this much I already know. I open to see two very handsome fresh faced men in running shorts, running shoes and tank tops. Upon viewing me, immediately both of their faces fall.
“Kennie, is everything okay?”
Do I look that bad first thing in the morning?
I rub my eyes. “Yeah, I’m not going to make it this morning.”
“We can see that girl. You look rough. Everything alright?”
Why do I feel comfortable with Jax again?
“Yeah I’m fine, promise. Just exhausted.”
“I call bullshit,” Jax says sarcastically, “but I’ll wait ‘til you’re a little more awake to hound your ass. By the way, you should put some tea bags or some shit on those eyes.”
I scrunch my face in confusion, Drew leans in and whispers in my ear, “Sweetheart, your eyes are really puffy, you sure you’re okay?”
Damn. Did I cry that much last night? I nod my head as he straightens up. “Promise. You boys have fun. Tomorrow I’ll make up for missing out.”
I shut the door and let out a big sigh. That couldn’t have been more embarrassing if I planned it. I step over to the mirror hanging on the wall by my door. Holy shit. How I didn’t realize my vision was skewed is beyond me. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Since I’m skipping out on my jog, I may as well go back to bed. This time though, I drift off easily into a dreamless state.
“HEY, YOU READY for work?” Jax pops his head into my room.
“Yeah almost. Five minutes.” He disappears and I continue getting dressed for work. Looking in my mirror, I knot my tie and grab my blazer. The jog this morning sucked three ways from fucking Sunday. The only reason I even agreed to it was because I thought Kennie was coming. Okay, and because I’m not sure what’s going on with her and Jax. Maybe I was a little jealous of the ease they have together…maybe. The whole jog was pretty silent. That was mainly because it’s been awhile and I was trying to focus on my breathing. I wanted to pry into my brother’s friendship with her, but I said I would maintain just being her friend until she’s ready to open up about whatever it is she’s going through. As long as it’s beneficial to her, I can wait, again…maybe.
I head into our kitchen which has alternating colors of black and white with stainless steel appliances to match a very bachelor pad-esque theme. I discover Jax in front of the stove making us some breakfast. “How domestic of you,” I joke.
“Hey, I’ll just cook for me next time, asshole.” He points the spatula at me then puts eggs onto two different plates as I seat myself at the bar. He slides a plate in front of me.
“So what do you think was up with Mackenzie this morning?” He grabs some OJ and sits down next to me.
Well if he’s going to bring it up first…”I’m not sure. I do know Kip warned me away from her last night, though.”
“I knew it!” he laughs, and turns to look at me. “I knew you were into her man. You’re so fucking obvious. You know what else I know?” He turns back to his plate and digs into his eggs. “I know you only agreed to go jogging because you thought something was going on with us.”
Well, fuck. “I didn’t necessarily think something was going on—”
“Bullshit brother,” he cuts me off. “Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think she’s hot.”
I give him a sharp look. “However, we both know how I feel about blondes.” He grins widely. I know he’s referring to Cass.
“Yes, and we all know how blondie feels about you.”
He scrunches his brows at me and flips me off.
“Anyway, nothing’s going on with us. We run together and have some harmless chat. She’s not really big on the personal stuff.” He rubs his chin. “But, we know I’m not either, so I can’t fault her for it.” His face clouds over, with memories past no doubt, so I switch gears.
“Kip told me she needs space to figure out her shit. He even threatened me,” I chuckle at that last part.
“It’s no surprise to me he would. He’s always been ridiculously overprotective of her.” We finish off our breakfast; Jax decides to change the subject.
“So how do you feel about dad and Elijah’s companies merging? I think it’ll work out. The projects he has lined up will require it regardless.”
“Yeah I think it’s going to be good. Speaking of, have you spoken to mom or dad this past week?”
“Nah, we’ve been so busy preparing paperwork, moving, and getting bullshit done.”
I nod in agreement; it’s been quite a busy week for us. Meeting after fucking meeting; paperwork on top of more paperwork; getting adjusted to our new office location and having more responsibilities since dad is staying back home. Honestly, I didn’t think we’d make it this far. It was touch and go there with Jax for a while. I guess every family has their dark secrets. When we first moved away, I always thought we’d come back, but we didn’t. And when we didn’t, and stopped visiting all together, I figured at least I could call, right? I didn’t. I adjusted to life in Virginia, and moved forward. Partying and girls all the time; Jax and I quickly made friends living the lifestyle of the rich and bored teenager. It wasn’t long after, that I calmed down. I met Vicki and we’d been on and off for years. Kip, being the womanizer he is, and I have seemed to grow together yet apart. I understand why he thinks I’m not good enough for Kennie. Fuck, half the time I don’t think so either, but since seeing her again, there’s no denying I feel something different, something real when she’s around.
“Hey, get your ass moving, we gotta go.”
I get up to put my dishes in the sink while Jax waits by the door, tapping his foot impatiently.
TILLSON REMODELING INC., twenty floors high with our offices located on the eighteenth. I walk past security with a wave and find Cass waiting for the elevator. “Good morning, Cass.” I smile at her.
“Oh, good morning, Drew. I feel like I see you more than my own family,” she jokes. I chuckle. Jax comes strolling up behind us.
“Well if it isn’t the lovely Cass.”
She snorts, “Morning Jax.” She turns back to the elevator. I find it pretty damn hilarious how standoffish she is to him.
“Oh, it’s like that? No friendly conversation? I feel like we’ve been around each other enough to have something to talk about, honey.”
She turns around as I stand and watch smiling to myself.
“First of all, the name’s Cass. Second of all, there’s nothing friendly or charming about you.”
“And third of all?” he smirks.
“Third of all? No, there’s absolutely nothing we,” she motions between the two of them, “have to talk about.”
He clutches both hands to his chest and leans over. “You’re killing me here, Cass.”
The elevator opens and we step in, she gets off on the fourth floor. “Have a good day, Drew.” She looks my brother up and down. “Jax.”
“You too,” I tell her through a smile. As an afterthought I ask, “Hey, what’re you doing for lunch today?” I glance over at Jax. If looks could kill, I would be dead.
She stops at the elevator doors. I hold the button down for the doors to stay open. “Well, I usually bring lunch, but as luck would have it, I rushed out of the house this morning and left it on my counter.”
“Okay, how about I treat if you have any specific place in mind—we can go grab a bite to eat?”
“You don’t have to do that, but we can certainly do lunch. How about noon?”
“I insist. I’ll stop to scoop you up on the way down.”
She smiles continuing to exit the door. The elevator closes escorting us up to our working floor.
“Bro, what the fuck?”
“What? You know I’m not interested in her.”
“Yeah? Then why’d you ask her out to lunch?”
“Are we for real having this conversation?” The elevator doors close, “Rein in the green jealous monster, asshat, it’s just lunch. I thought we established this morning who I’m into. Think before you react, little brother.”
As we make our way off of the elevator, we step into a lobby area where our secretary, Lisa, is settled. She’s a little older, serious about her job, and very efficient. We wave our hellos to her and continue through the glass doors. In the middle of the space is a big mahogany oval desk that we’ve been using for meetings, brainstorms, conferences, and presentations. Past the table is a big row of windows that stops on either side. To the right is my office; Jax’s to the left. Walking in, I flip on the switch and start to gather messages left on my desk. There are necessary plans needing to be put together for the last leg in our company merger. As I sit there, I think about lunch with blondie. I don’t want to seem like a creeper asking her all kinds of questions about Kennie, but who better to ask then her friends, right?
NOON COMES SOONER than expected, so I grab my office keys, leave my blazer behind my chair, and step out to meet Cass downstairs.
“So you’re really ditching me for blondie, huh?” Jax looks at me sulkily. I see he’s gotten over his jealousy from earlier.
“Seriously? You’re a grown ass man. It’s just lunch. I’ll see you in about an hour.” I add, “Take Lisa out to lunch if you’re so lonely.”
He sniffs dramatically then grins. “Maybe I will.”
I shake my head and continue to the elevator. Exiting on the fourth floor, I see a sign on the wall straight in front of me which points me to the right—the direction of Human Resources. I hang a right and am met by a cute redhead sitting at a receptionist desk.
“Excuse me.” She looks up at me and smiles wide. “I’m looking for Cass?”
“Oh, do you mean Ms. Tyce?” she asks for confirmation.
Wow so formal. “Yes, that’s right.” She points me to the left which has a singular oak door and her name engraved with the title, Human Resources Manager, on it. I nod my thanks and walk over to the door, knocking lightly.
“Come in.” I hear her voice.
“Hey, you ready for lunch?” I pause. “Did you decide where to eat?” She finishes typing something on her computer, locks it and then grabs her purse from an easy slide out drawer. Upon the short assessment of her office, there are plaques, degrees, and some photos of different people—who I assume are family—and then a few of her, Ade and Kennie. I smile at the picture placed right behind her desk on a bookshelf. It’s the three of them wearing medals around their necks; maybe from running a marathon of some sort?
“Yeah I’m ready, let’s go. I decided on a little sandwich shop that isn’t too far from here.” She looks up at me, smiles and leads the way.
We exit the building and walk a couple of blocks to a little corner shop that says Café Le Moore. I hold open the door for her to walk in. “Thank you. You seem so much more gentlemanly than your brother,” she comments.
I smirk. “Yeah, I get that a lot. He takes some getting used to, but he’s a good guy.”
She nods. “So how have you been settling in here? Are you enjoying Tillson?”
“I am, actually. It’s good to be back in some ways. I miss a lot of things about Florida; the weather excluded,” I chuckle. We walk up to the line and debate silently on what to get.
“Glad to hear it,” she responds. “So, you’ve known Mackenzie for a long time then huh?”
“Y
eah, I have. Since I was a kid—like nine or ten, somewhere around there.”
“And why do you call her Kennie?” she continues her line of questioning as we inch forward in line.
“Well, she was a huge tomboy when she was younger, so I shortened her name—she hated it,” I finish laughing. She laughs a little with me. We reach the register and order. She reaches into her purse to pay for her meal, but I pull out my card faster—looking at her as if she’s insane—and pay for our lunch. She shakes her head in disapproval at me. We search the little shop for a place to sit and find a vacant booth next to the window. I follow suit behind her, maneuvering around tables and catching wind of people’s conversations. We settle in—our backdrop is of people walking back and forth outside.
“So why did you really ask me to lunch? For your brother, or for information on Mackenzie?”
Well isn’t she intuitive. I lean back and stretch crossing my hands behind my head. I chuckle, “No bullshit, huh?”
She looks me straight in the eye. “I’m not really one for it. I find it wastes time.” Taking a sip of her drink, she continues, “So which is it?”
I respect her directness and take a deep breath. “I may have wanted to know a little more about Kennie.” Taking a bite of my food, I continue, “But, I’m not exactly sure what it is I was hoping to find out.”
“If you’re at a loss for questions, I have one.” Setting down her napkin on the table from her lap, she folds her hands, “What was she like back then? I’ve known her since junior year in high school, but not before then. She only mentioned you a couple of times, vaguely though.”
Ouch, Blondie, that hurt. “Kennie was a feisty one. The four of us—Kip, myself, Jax and her— would hang out all the time. She always wanted to be one of the guys; competitive, determined and a blast to goof on. It would drive her nuts and we, as immature boys, kinda thrived on that.”
Ending a Broken Journey Page 9