Cass listens intently until I ask her, “What was she like when you met her? It’d been a couple of years since I left by the time she was a junior.” And shortly before I stopped visiting all together, but I don’t tell her that. I take another bite of my food, “I did come back and visit for a couple of years on holidays, though.” I pause, “She really only mentioned me a couple of times?”
She smiles, “Sorry playboy, she really only mentioned you a couple of times.” She takes a bite of her lunch and continues, “More of the same as you described. It wasn’t until college, when she met Wes that she started slowly becoming someone different.” Hmm, there goes that name again. I’ve obviously never met the guy, but even the mention of his name pisses me off.
“How so?” I question.
She shifts in her chair. “Listen Drew, I’m not one to talk about my friends behind their backs—”
“And I’m not asking you to. I’m asking a simple question, just as you had.” I reply winking at her.
“Mhm, yeah, sure. You and your brother are a real piece of work you know that, right?” She breathes out a sigh accepting defeat. “Well, she seemed to be less comfortable with who she was—more introverted, not as outgoing and vibrant as she used to be.” She stares off past me as if remembering something. “Then she slowly stopped spending as much time with me and Ade, and her family. Then, as more time went on, we rarely saw her.
“Anytime we would make plans to hang out, something always came up last minute. After a while, we stopped hearing from her altogether.” She looks back to me. “Then one day out of the blue, I got a phone call telling me her and Wes’ engagement was off and that he was no longer living with her. Was I relieved? Of course, but she still won’t tell anyone what exactly happened.”
Sounds pretty similar to the story Kip told me. What could possibly have happened to make her feel uncomfortable sharing? It just makes no sense to me. “It all seems strange doesn’t it?”
I set my fork down and lean forward with my forearms on the table.
“Yes. It does all seem strange. Very strange, but we can’t force her to tell us what happened.”
My phone rings interrupting our conversation. Looking at the caller ID and seeing it’s Jax, I touch the screen to answer—he doesn’t even let me get out a “hello”.
“So, are you going to be at lunch all day? It’s been over an hour.”
I look at my watch. Shit, it’s been almost an hour and a half. “Lost track of time, we’re heading back now.” I stretch my arm across the table for Cass to see the time. She puts her hand to her mouth wording “oops” before giggling.
“Yeah, yeah. Hurry your ass up. We have work to be done and you’re hanging out with my girl.”
I cough out a laugh. “You wish. See you in a few minutes.” After I hang up the phone, we both stand to grab our trash, dump it and head back to the office.
I want to say that was a somewhat insightful conversation but, realistically, it wasn’t. Clearly something’s wrong with Kennie. What’s killing me is that no one seems to know shit about how it got this far.
ANOTHER WEEK HAS passed and I’m still at a stale mate with myself. I did, however, make good on my promise of joining the boys for a run the next day. I ran hard; harder than I have since I’ve had a running partner. Drew claims to enjoy these runs, but I know he’s lying. Two days into our morning exercise he kept “sleeping in”.
He still stopped by before work though. Instead of asking for normal household ingredients this week, he was paying me back for what he borrowed. He couldn’t give them to me all at once—no, no. It was something different each day. It’s sweet, and a little unusual, but if I get to see him every day who am I to say no? He’s definitely got my attention. Although I’ve seen him more, he’s been keeping things strictly platonic. Oh well. I always knew going into this I didn’t really stand a chance anyway. We could try and be friends, at this point, it would be better than nothing at all.
MONDAY MORNINGS SUCK. There’s no other way to put it. I don’t have a typical office job, but I still need to keep a schedule. Today will be the photo shoot at my father’s office. The company merger is a pretty big deal, so he needs photos for the website. I’m not sure if he’s going to be changing the name of Tillson Remodeling Inc, but we’ll see. To my knowledge, Drew and Jax’s father will be handing over the business and retiring with Mrs. Dean. I chose a couple of spots to actually have the shoot. I don’t feel like having it standing room only, like a kindergarten class, will be good enough. Besides, that shows no creativity. The building I’ve chosen is smack dab in the middle of downtown, so I’m thinking maybe across the University campus could work. It’s nearing the end of October so it’s a little chilly. It’s one of those “perfect” days we Floridians refer too. It’s a perfect cold temperature in the sun, but in the shade it’s a little too much. However, it should be beneficial for what I have planned today.
I’ve chosen to wear some green jeggings, with a long sleeved grey tunic and boots. I have my hair down in natural waves, and light make up on as well. I grab my purse, camera, and keys and head to the door. When I open it, there’s Kip. This is a surprise because coming to my place is out of his way. My handsome brother has his hand up to push the doorbell for my condo as I’m opening the door. He looks down at me and smiles.
“Mackenzie. You look good.” He leans downs and places a kiss on my cheek.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” I smile back at him. Kip normally doesn’t dress up for work, and by that I mean just a casual button up shirt and khaki pants for his daily wear. Today, for obvious reasons, he’s got on black slacks, and dark grey button up silk shirt with a white tie. Yes, my brother is a definite lady killer.
“So what’re you doing here? I mean, I’m not exactly on the way to work.”
“Oh I know, but I figured today is this huge photo shoot thing, so, I wanted to pick up the person who’s going to make us all look pretty.” Always sarcastic, I love him, but sometimes…
“Haha, very funny. I love it when you get all smart ass on me,” I lightly joke.
“I know you do,” he chuckles. “So are you ready or what?” To my surprise, I don’t see Drew or Jax, I was pretty sure it was a given we would all ride together. In any case, I’m happy to have alone time with my brother. We don’t get much of it anymore, and he keeps my mind distracted.
“So, shall we go?” He extends his arm for me to loop it in. We make our way down to the parking garage.
“Want to take my car or yours?” I ask him.
“Which you prefer, sis,” he replies.
“K, let’s take mine, but you drive?” I give him a little smile. He chuckles and nods his head. I slide in and close my door as he starts the car. “Are you nervous for the shoot?”
I’m insecure about a lot of things—a lot. But, there always seemed to be a calmness about me when I’m either behind the camera capturing special moments, or when I sitting down with my journal.
“Nope, not at all.”
I usually went to the playground when I’d been really upset. That day, I was sad. I wasn’t angry or pissed off; I wasn’t happy or excited; I was simply sad. It’d been five years since Drew left, and three years since he’d lost all contact. I always imagined at some point his family would’ve moved back, and maybe we could’ve gone to college together and lived happily ever after. Stupid dream, I knew it, but it was mine and I could dream as much as I wanted to.
There were a few families with children running around and screaming, but the swings were empty, almost always empty, when I went there. Was it some sort of sign? Who knew?
I walked through the sand, journal and pen in hand and sat on a swing. I gently rocked back and forth drowning out the noise. I focused who it was I’d been missing since the last goodbye.
I was a little girl then, not much older now,
But I still think of you, still miss you every day.
I know I never got the chance to
explore my feelings,
If exploring is what it would be called.
I’ll never know if I’ll see you again
Or if that’s what I even need.
All I can feel is a pain in my chest.
Is this love?
Is this hurt a real feeling?
Can it be?
When you don’t see what I see?
I was a little girl then, not much older now,
And I can still hear your voice,
I can still hear you laughing.
At a video game,
At my expense for a joke I didn’t get.
At inside jokes with my brother.
I don’t know if seeing you is what I need,
Or if it’s simply just the notion of what it would mean…
To see you again.
I was a little girl then, not much older now,
But the feelings I have held inside are more real,
More intense,
More vivid,
Than I ever thought I could feel.
You may not have known then,
You surely do not know now.
But if what this experience has done to me,
You moving away
You coming back
You calling
You coming to visit—
You…leaving for good?
Without a peep?
Without a final good bye?
But what if all it has done to me, is make me ache?
Is it something that I want to keep fantasizing about?
I was a little girl then, not much older now,
But what I do know
Is that I was good enough, at the very least,
For one
Final
Goodbye.
Writing always seemed to cure some of the ache I felt generally. However, that day, as I looked at out at all of the families laughing, hugging, sneaking in kisses? I couldn’t help but be jealous. I’d been so young to feel such intense feelings, but the heart wanted what it wanted.
“Mackenzie, we’re here. Where did you say we were going to be doing this? Can’t we just stay here at the office?” He’s such a whiner sometimes. He’s parked in the garage of our building and is getting out of the car. We had a good chat about how he’s doing and who he’s seeing. Currently, there are no victims to his charms.
“No, we can’t stay in the building. Why are you trying to ruin my craft? I understand dad’s office is nice, but open up your mind a little.” He grumbles his response as I grab my purse and camera from my back seat and get out.
“Fine, let’s go then. We’re meeting in the building that would be ‘ruining your craft’.”
I sigh in response and follow after him.
We wave past the security guards and head to the elevators going up. As we approach, I see a tall, slender blonde wearing ridiculously high heels and a short dress. I snort silently because in this kind of weather, it’s a little attention seeking. When she turns around, my stomach drops and my heart jumps into my throat. This has got to be some kind of a sick joke. Why would she be here in my father’s building? She sees me and smiles. Smiles. She’s got some audacity and is obviously crazier than I thought.
“Sammy?” Kip’s deep bravado voice interrupts my inner rage. “What’re you doing here?”
THE ELEVATOR DINGS as my brother, Kennie’s father Elijah, and the rest of the employees, sit around the conference table engaging in mindless conversation. I look up and see Kip, some leggy blonde laughing and hanging all over him, and Kennie. She looks…like she’s going to be sick.
Her gaze finally lands on me and I swear I see panic in her eyes. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I want nothing more than to go to her and make sure she’s okay. That would probably draw more attention to her than she’s comfortable with, so I wait as they all walk up to the table. My attention turns to Kip. He looks uncomfortable with whoever this chick is all up on his dick. If she’s here in some professional capacity, she’s doing a shitty job of it. Kennie finally makes it to the group and diverts her way to stand next to Jax. I don’t know why, but that little movement really pisses me off. He’s my brother and I know I honestly have nothing to worry about, however, it almost seems like she’s using him as protection. It should be me that makes her feel that way. Jax takes one look at her and instantly turns into protective mode. Elijah, as he would rather I call him, speaks first.
“Sammy, I’m glad to see you could make it.” She walks over to give him a hug. Apparently they know each other well. Now I’m really confused.
“Mr. Tillson! It’s so good to see you again,” she gushes. “I’m so glad you thought of me, it’s been far too long.” Whoever this Sammy is has a strong Southern drawl.
Elijah turns his attention to everyone else. “Alright everyone, we know my beautiful daughter will be the brains behind making our company photo be the best it can be,” he pauses. “I would like for all of you to meet Sammy Parker, she will be the event planner for the dinner next month. As you all know it’s a big deal, and we need nothing but the best. Since she is a family friend, I figured she would be able to get the job done.” He looks down at her proudly, meanwhile, out of the corner of my eye I see Kennie shift her weight and grab Jax’s forearm. He leans down, she whispers something in his ear, and they discreetly head toward his office. Now I’m fucking pissed. What the fuck is that about? I look towards Kip again who is standing by his father; he catches my glare, shrugs his shoulders, and nonchalantly shakes his head. Like I fucking understand what he’s trying to tell me? What I do know is there needs to be some explaining going on.
“Hi everyone, I’m so excited to be a part of this. I would love for nothing more than to make this the best event it can be,” Sammy speaks up.
“Will you be a part of the photo shoot as well?” I find myself asking out loud. She turns towards me and her smile gets even bigger.
“Not exactly. I’m kind of behind the scenes,” she nudges Elijah in the side. “There may be room for me one day here permanently, though.”
I nod my head and cross my arms over my chest. I see her size me up and a smirk play across her face. This behavior would normally do it for me. Easy piece of ass and all; it would work for me. It’s what I do, or used to do once upon a time. Her blatant flirting mixed with Kennie’s reaction to her, however, has me turned off. I do find confident women to be extremely sexy, but there’s a desperation about her that doesn’t sit right with me. Everyone begins to chat again, introducing themselves to Sammy and getting a feel for her, I’m assuming, when Kip walks up to me.
“Hey man can we talk a second?”
Fuck yes we can talk for a second.
“Sure, my office.” I turn on my heel and head to my office right as Kennie walks out with Jax. It looks like she’s been crying. Her eyes look bloodshot, but other than that, there are no telltale signs. Kip clears his throat and walks past me into his office.
“So, what’s up Kip? What’d you want to talk about?”
He starts pacing back and forth in my office and runs his hands through his hair.
“I had no idea my father called Sammy in to help with anything.”
I’m not following why this is such a big deal.
“Okay? Well, she’s not helping with any projects, just the celebration dinner.”
“I mean, it’s not like I can be like, ‘Dad, what the fuck are you doing?’” He continues on his own private rant, completely ignoring me.
“Uh, definitely not following man.”
“I’m not even sure why I feel like this anyway, this was one of Kennie’s best friends a couple of years ago…”
“Earth to fucking Kip.” I snap my fingers at him. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
He stops pacing. “Oh shit, sorry.” He leans against the window and crosses his right foot over his left. “I’m not sure why my father brought Sammy on to help with anything we have going on.”
“Yeah, I g
ot that part; I just don’t understand what the fuck the big deal is.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure either. All I know is that Mackenzie and Sammy would go everywhere you know? She kind of replaced both Cass and Ade. I was never really a huge fan of hers, but my sister insisted she was good people.” He crosses his arms across his chest. “Then she called and said her engagement was off and Wes had moved. She never mentioned Sammy not being around anymore.
“I assumed they still hung out every now and then, but, like I said, she wouldn’t mention her. I didn’t think much about it until I saw Mackenzie’s reaction to her today. Something’s definitely wrong.”
This much I had put together already. Well, at least the part of Kennie not being a fan of Sammy-whoever-the-fuck.
I hear a knock on my office door. “Come in,” I call out. The door opens, and it’s Kennie. She looks a tiny bit shaken, but other than that, all together now.
“Hey guys, are you ready? We’re going to head out to the location. If you two want to ride together, Kip you know where it is right? Across from the University?” She looks at her brother.
“Yeah, sure. I know where it is.” He smiles at her.
“Okay well, I’ll see you guys there.”
I want to ask her what’s wrong, to find out what the hell is going on, but instead, I let it go and make a mental note to show up knocking on her door later, because, I have to know what the fuck is going on.
DEEP BREATHS. DEEP breaths are what I continue to tell myself. I'm sure I was completely obvious in asking Jax to take a moment out. Sammy, being Sammy, was just her usual bubbly self. Last I knew, she was on the road to super stardom with her modeling career. At least, a few years ago she was.
Ending a Broken Journey Page 10