Kip and Jax had left to go play video games upstairs; Kennie’s parents went to the kitchen and finished cleaning up. It left just the two of us.
“I have something for you, too.” She leaned over and handed me a box. I opened it and found a big mason jar. I looked at her confused. She grabbed it out of my hand and explained herself. “So, my thought behind this empty jar is this; since you’ve moved, I haven’t known much about your life. I was thinking maybe, whenever something good happens, you could write it down and put it in this jar. I got one for me too, and then when we see each other again, we can read what’s happened. That way, we don’t have to feel like we missed out on anything.” She finished excitedly, “Unless you think it’s totally stupid.”
“I love it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I really do.”
Her eyes shone a vibrant blue like they usually did when she was excited or happy about something. That whole morning was like every other year at Christmas with the Tillson’s. We were a family. Kennie was still Kennie, but I was starting to realize how much more I truly cared about her.
“Jax, you’re charming as ever,” Jamie tells him as she gives him a hug. He just grins.
“Hey mom, hey dad,” I greet them as we all file into the dining room. “Brunch looks great.” As usual Jamie goes above and beyond with her hostess duties.
“Where do I start?” Jax rubs his chin. “Quiche? Fruit? Sandwich? Jamie, you do know the way to a man’s heart.”
She laughs and turns away.
“Mr. and Mrs. Dean. What a pleasure it is to see you again.” Kennie walks over to hug both of my parents.
“Mackenzie, you look absolutely stunning darling,” my mother tells her. My father hugs her as well.
We all sit down at the table and the chatter commences. Conversations and laughter flow freely. I look over and see the giant Christmas tree, the fireplace going in the next room. Everyone is happy, and for the briefest moment, I forget the trouble still haunting me.
IT’S BEEN A long and rewarding day. We just left my parents’ house after spending most of the day there. Cass called to say she couldn’t make it because she was busy hanging out with her family, but Ade managed to make it over. When she got to my parents’ house, she was a little off, but Kip and his dry wit brought her back to the feisty girl we all know and love. I didn’t even get a chance to ask her what was going on before the atmosphere was overrun with the holiday spirit. Christmas has always been one of the biggest times to celebrate in my family.
PULLING INTO THE parking garage, Drew eases his car into his normal spot. I’m really excited to give him his present. I got Jax a little something, too. These boys have become a huge part of my life, and truthfully, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
We exit out of the car and begin to walk to the elevator. Jax swings a free arm around me while Drew is on my opposite side.
“This Christmas has been pretty epic. I forgot how much fun it used to be when we celebrated them all together.”
I smile up at him. “Yeah we did have some pretty great holidays together. Too bad you didn’t get to see Cass…” I’m baiting him and he knows it.
“Says who?” Drew pushes the button for us to go up in the elevator. “She text me a little while ago, we’re going to meet up later.” He winks at me.
I’m so happy for him. He’s a little rough around the edges, and his charm is undoubtedly unique, but he deserves happiness—just like Cass. I really hope everything works out for them.
“That’s great, Jax. I’m happy for you.” We exit off of the elevator and walk towards their place. He kisses the top of my head.
“I know you are,” he whispers.
“Mind if I take over,” Drew interjects, and nods his head at Jax’s arm.
“As a matter of fact, I do mind. Let us have our moment.”
“Yeah, yeah. Move over.”
“How I went all of these years without the two of you is beyond me,” I admit through my laughter.
We walk into their place chatting and laughing—Drew and Jax picking on each other, the normal. We walk down the hall and fall back down on the couches. I snuggle up to Drew as we all sit in silence for a moment. My mind wanders to their beautiful Christmas tree and how my holidays for this latter part of the year, have been the best I can remember in a long time. Drew’s absentmindedly rubbing my back, while his free hand is behind his head. I tilt mine to look up at him and see he’s staring at me. His face breaks out into a huge grin, so I reciprocate.
“You two really are great together you know that, right?” I almost forgot Jax was sitting one couch over. Since he’s almost never quiet, it’s understandable.
“I know.” Drew breaks his stare to look over at his brother. We all burst into laughter. Yes, this Christmas has been absolutely wonderful.
“So, presents?” Drew’s eyebrow lifts.
“Sure. We’ll have to go back to my place for yours, and I have one for you too, Jax.”
“Yeah? Sweet. Thanks girl. I got you a little something, too.”
Drew stretches. “I’ll be right back then, let me go grab it.” When he stands, their doorbell rings.
“I’m going to grab yours, too. Mackenzie, can you see who it is? It may be Cass.”
“Of course.”
They both head into their respective rooms as I stroll up to the door and open it with a smile on my face…a smile that fades rather quickly at the angry brunette with dark brown eyes boring holes into me.
“H-hello,” I stammer. “Can I help you?”
“Yes, I’m looking for Andrew. He lives here, right?” she scoffs. What would she want with Drew, on Christmas nonetheless?
“Yes, he does. I’ll go grab him for you. May I ask your name?”
“Name’s Vicki. If you don’t mind, will you just point me in the right direction?” Before I can answer her, she blows by me. I shut the door and turn around to this tall slender brunette in a light green, knee length dress, pea coat, and heels clicking down the hall. I rush to catch up with her.
When we get to the living room, Drew calls out before stepping out of his bedroom, “Sweetheart, who was at the door?”
She answers for me, “Sweetheart?” Her glare lands on me before moving back in the direction of where he called out.
“Andrew, it’s your wife.”
There’s no way I heard her correctly. Drew has a wife?
She must be mistaken. He wouldn’t have kept something that serious from me. Not my Drew. No way. I refuse to believe it.
All of my fears, all of my doubts, all of my insecurities slowly start to surface from a place I buried and moved on a short time ago—and that happens because Drew’s face upon seeing this Vicki girl confirm all of my fears. He turns ghostly pale and the gift he has in his hand slips from his grip and crashes to the floor.
They say when you recall a traumatic experience it comes to you in a quick flash. I, however, would like to call bullshit. From where I stand, everything’s moving in slow motion.
I stumble over to the back of the couch to get a grip on something sturdy to keep me from falling over. What I’m hearing and seeing just can’t be true. It just can’t. Not Drew, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t hurt me. He knows what I’ve been through. I’ve bared my soul to him. I’ve relived things with him I didn’t think I would be capable of reliving ever again.
Once Jax hears the crash of the present Drew was holding, he comes rushing out. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees his brother standing stock-still. Vicki’s arms are crossed over her chest. I look at Jax with a pleading look for some sort of explanation. That whoever this girl is happens to be just a crazy ex-girlfriend, or something. He meets my gaze, and it’s written all over his face—the guilt, the helpless look in his eyes. He knew.
He fucking knew.
“Vicki, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“Now, is that any way to talk to your wife, sweetheart.” The last word spills from
her mouth like venom.
“Seriously Vick, what do you want?”
“Well, it’s Christmas. You know, a time to spend with your loved ones?” She glances at me, poor helpless pathetic me—holding on to the back of a piece of furniture to keep from breaking all over again. I’m nauseous and am fighting to keep it all down. She continues, “Since you wouldn’t answer my calls, or return them for that matter, I decided I would come to you.”
“Jesus Christ, Vicki, today of all days? What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Jax crosses his arms over his chest—face full of disgust—he is pissed.
“Well, if your brother would call me back, I wouldn’t have had to take such drastic measures.”
“There was nothing for us to talk about. How many times did an ignored phone call not clue you in? Or perhaps my lawyer sending you divorce papers? It’s not my issue you didn’t want to sign. This is a new low, even for you.” Drew’s eyes continue to shift in my direction. My guess is to see if I’m okay. Which, I’m so far from being right now.
“Without even wanting to work on us, Andrew?” Her tone softens. “Is it because I wasn’t good enough for you?” Her gaze follows Drew’s to me. “Is it because of her? What does she have that I don’t? I know you thought I had let myself go, but this girl—.”
“Shut your fucking mouth, Vicki. Don’t you fucking dare come at Mackenzie,” Jax huffs.
“Mackenzie?” Her voice rises with dry laughter, causing it to feel like nails on a chalkboard. “This is the girl I kept hearing about? Seriously, this is the girl who I viewed as competition? Quite frankly, I’m offended, Andrew. I thought you would’ve had better taste.”
I’ve heard enough. I straighten up and numbly make my way to face Drew. He stands there with an unreadable expression masking his features, but in his eyes, I can tell he’s troubled.
“You.” I push him back, wiping at tears I didn’t realize were streaming down. “Married? How could you? I confided in you Drew. I let you in. I let you into a place I promised myself would only be reserved for someone who deserved to be there.” My voice shakes from the sobs building in my chest. “I believed you when you said you would never hurt me. I believed you when you said you wanted to make me happy. I believed in you. I believed everything that came out of your mouth.” I inhale a deep breath. “I trusted everything you ever said. I trusted you when you said I was special to you. I believed I was worth all of the shit you kept telling me. I…believed…you.” I inhale a deep shaky breath, but my lungs are still fighting for the air hindering my capacity to breathe.
“Kennie, I was going to tell you—”
“Don’t ‘Kennie’ me.” I jerk back. “It’s not like you didn’t have opportunities to be honest with me, Drew. There were perfect openings for you to tell me about her.” I jerk my head in the direction of his wife, Vicki. “You know when the absolute fucking perfect time would’ve been?” I ask him in a shrill voice. “When I bared my heartache and soul to you. I picked you, Drew. I picked you, to finally open up to. I picked you spend late nights with talking and laughing about nothing. I picked you—for all of it.”
I spread my arms wide. “I picked you because I believed you were worth fighting for. You were worth learning to trust again. And for what? To be used and lied to? How could you?” The last statement leaves my lips in a completely dejected fashion. “How could you, Drew?” My eyes plead with him as my voice softens to a whisper.
I don’t want his answers or excuses. Not really, anyway. I can’t bear to hear any more coming from him. Considering what’s happening right now, I wouldn’t be able to believe him—even if he was telling the truth. As I stare into his beautiful pale green eyes through my tears, I see he’s doing the same. He’s not a blubbering mess like I am, but the few that escape express so much pain reflecting back at me. I can’t feel sorry for him. I just can’t. I’m not the one who lied. Who lied about something so major it makes me question myself and how much of what I live is reality. There had to be signs, there had to be something I should’ve or could’ve picked up on. I want all of this to go away, to be a horrible nightmare I will awake from at any moment.
Sometimes, it simply doesn’t matter how hard you wish for things. Sometimes, the reality of it is this: life will throw curveballs, it will break you down, and it will constantly change. My trust has completely dissipated, and right now I want for nothing more than to detach myself from every reminder I have of these brothers. To hide out, collect my thoughts, and figure out how to move on…all over again. I honestly still can’t fathom any of this being real. How could someone hide something so significant to a person they claim to care so much about?
“Mackenzie.”
It’s then I remember Jax standing mere inches from Drew.
“Hey, you okay?” My crystal blue irises fill with more tears. I shift my gaze between the two of them. They both look so incredibly lost—it rips my heart in two. Jax moves to pull me into his embrace. “Don’t,” I sniffle out.
He freezes. “Don’t pay attention to her. She’s crazy, classless, and is only looking to get a rise out of you.”
“Did you know he was still married?” Squaring my shoulders back, I stare at him completely ignoring his statement. “Did you know your brother was still married?” I ask louder. It’s a dumb question, because I know the truth. Of course he did.
“Yes,” he bows his head and whispers.
“How could you? How could both of you?” I become assaulted with memories of a scenario eerily similar to this. What have I done so terribly in my lifetime to endure this kind of heartbreak again? My best friend, my boyfriend, and the other woman? Life is cruel. Completely, utterly, and brutally cruel. “You knew Jax.” I stare at him.
“You knew what Sammy did to me. You knew I trusted her.” My voice shakes, “You knew I told her everything.” Tears roll down my face, “You knew she knew about Wes and Jenny. You fucking knew.” The betrayal of yet another person I considered a part of my family is almost too unbearable.
“Mackenzie—”
“No. Please just spare me the details and your excuses. I can’t believe I trusted you. I can’t believe I let you into my life, into my heart. I can’t believe how fucking stupid I was to believe you would be any different.” My chest is heaving in and out forcing air through my lungs. “Of all of the people I chose to surround myself with, I never thought, in a million years, you or your brother, would have a hand in breaking my heart for the second time.” The tears flow freely. “Jax.”
A wet drop glistens down his cheek as he looks helplessly at me. “I look at you and all I can see is Sammy. All I can see is the hurt she caused me. All I can picture is her knowing and not saying anything to me. You are her. Right now,” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, “right now you are the best friend I confided in before anyone else, you are the single soul that got through to me when no one else could, and you are now a part of my life I wish to no longer recognize. I want nothing to do with you, Jax.” More drops glisten down his cheeks at my words. “With either of you.”
I glance at Drew once more. He jaw ticks and silent tears continue to stream down both of their faces. “I thought being betrayed by Sammy was one of my ultimate lows, but this?” The tears fall so hard, he becomes a blur. “This is so much worse.”
“Oh honey,” Vicki interjects, “Maybe the world is trying to tell you something. Living through this mound of shit twice?” I turn to look at her while she studies her nails. She puts her hand down and her brown eyes bore into mine. “Maybe you were just meant to be alone.”
I’ve heard enough. “Merry Christmas. To all of you.” I turn and take a step towards the hallway. Drew grabs my arm.
“Sweetheart, please just give me a second. Listen to me.”
I jerk my arm free. “Drew, there’s nothing you could say to me right now that I would believe.”
“Please,” he begs, softly.
I shake my head sadly letting him know that, right now, words
are failing me.
I walk over to a smirking Vicki. “Mackenzie, I just want you to know that you never stood a chance against me. So, all of this blowing up in your face? It happened for a reason. You simply aren’t good enough, sweetie.”
I’ve been torn down in so many ways through other’s words. But this bitch doesn’t get to come out of nowhere and degrade me.
No one will. Ever again.
Before I stop myself, I raise my hand and slap that stupid smirk right off of her face. Her looking at me like some victor and saying the words she did to me when she doesn’t know me? I don’t think so. How many times would I be the one who gets hurt? How many times will I let people walk all over me? How many times will I let someone knock me, along with my self-esteem, down?
I turn my back on her. “I don’t want to see either of you,” I pause, gazing over at Jax who’s sunk on the couch with his head in his hands, “ever again. Don’t come to my door, don’t apologize. I’ll be better off if you both just disappear like you did eleven years ago.” I grab my purse and run down the hall. Without looking back, more tears spill down my cheeks at the prospect of never seeing either of the Dean boys again.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. What the fuck just happened? Not even half an hour ago my life was damn near-perfect. I replay all of the events in my head, still unable to comprehend completely the words and actions of my Kennie. She’s the woman who makes me a better man, the woman who would never intentionally hurt anyone, the woman who lights up a room with her smile—and I just fucked it all up. In the span of twenty minutes, my whole world has come crashing down. What the fuck have I done? She can’t have seriously meant she never wanted to see me again? To never talk to me again? No, she was just angry with me—which she should be. I know I needed to be honest with her. I was going to tell her. Not today, not on Christmas day, but I was going to come clean. I was even going to tell her I love her; that loving her has made me a better man. That I never knew what love truly was until she came back into my life. I don’t care if it makes me look like a sappy weak mess. I’m secure enough in myself and as a man to admit when someone special like her comes into a man’s life, it can make him whole—especially when he didn’t know a piece of him was missing. I love her. I. Love. Her. And, I’ve single handedly ruined any trust I built with her.
Ending a Broken Journey Page 25