“And...leave me alone!”
“As you wish,” Arman murmured. Kei didn’t get in a temper very often, but it was always worth respecting his boundaries when he did. Besides, Lord Meki had not handled it well, and Arman, admiring the man profoundly though he did, had to admit he wasn’t always the best at handling people. He should have known Kei would always be slightly standoffish with him, the result of past mistakes. Oh well. What was done was done. Curiously, there was no sense of release, of the freedom that had been given to him. His life was still pending, and would not be decided for weeks, months. He had his own views about what was best for the two of them, but he would not ever express them to Kei. This had to be a completely free decision, because it would be one his lover would have to live with for a long time. They both would.
Freely Given: 3
Kei had many opportunities to curse Lord Meki afresh over the next few weeks. Arman refused to be drawn on what he thought they should do, and since Kei himself had insisted they keep the whole thing secret until they—he—had decided what to do, he couldn’t even discuss it with their friends, nor with Reji when he came to collect them. Reji knew something was up, and Kei would have been amazed if his shrewd former lover hadn’t made a good guess as to what, but he said nothing, and only talked about how glad he would be to have them home, and how much he was enjoying his domestic life. Jena and Karik clearly occupied much of Reji’s thoughts these days, and though it caused Kei a jealous twinge or two, he was glad for his friend’s sake. If anyone deserved happiness, Reji did.
“I just never saw you as a family man,” Kei confessed as he and Reji broke camp. Arman was harnessing the beasts on the second cart with Lori, making only his third trip as Reji’s driving partner. Kei’s cousin and adopted brother wasn’t enjoying it much, he’d confessed. Reji would have to recruit someone else if he wanted a permanent assistant.
“Nor I, but then that’s hardly surprising. You don’t resent it?” Reji asked, keeping his voice low. “I mean...Karik might have been....”
“But he’s not,” Kei said firmly. “And I’m very happy for you and Jena. I tell you, Rei-ki, the day you brought her home to the village, was one of the best days of my life.”
“And mine. Gods, I love her. It seems every day I love her more.”
Kei grinned at him. “I know how you feel. It’s terrifying, but it’s wonderful too.” And how much more wonderful to have a son. A family, all of one’s own. Not that Arman wasn’t enough—but perhaps it would have been even more satisfying...?
He wrenched his thoughts away from that line of thinking, because it wasn’t fair to Reji or Arman. He had much to be thankful for, much to be content with. And he was going home, where he had longed to be all those dark, horrifying months in Utuk, and the uncertain time that had followed. “Do you think Myka will have kept any beer for me, or will Banji have drunk it all?”
“Well, you know our Banji-ki—the man’s a walking stomach when it comes to your sister’s beer,” Reji said, grinning widely as he considered their friend. “But I believe she might have mentioned something about a special brewing in honour of your return. Perhaps I misheard, and it was a special spanking she was planning.”
“Sounds more like Myka,” Lori said, coming up behind them. “Didn’t she say something about wringing Kei’s neck for abandoning her for so long?”
“I do recall something along those lines. Now, everyone, let’s move out. The daylight’s a-wasting.”
They switched partners around, to keep things interesting. Some days Kei drove with Reji, others with Lori. Arman took his turn at driving too, and was, unsurprisingly, as competent at it as he was at everything else he put his hand to. But however they had made up the pairs during the day, at night, around the fire, Kei always ended up at Arman’s side, one strong arm clasping him possessively tight against Arman’s hard body. From time to time Reji grinned at their showing so much affection, but Kei could sense no jealousy—just pleasure and approval. From Lori, there was only curiosity—he hadn’t been in the village during the invasion, and had no negative associations with Arman, for which Kei was grateful. Most of the village accepted Arman now—there were one or two pockets of hostility and suspicion, but surprisingly little of either, considering. There was no doubt that if they chose to make Ai-Albon their permanent home, Arman would fit right in. It would make life a little easier for their other Prij—Vikis, Kesa, and baby Karik—if Arman was accepted there. But was that a good enough reason to keep Arman in such a narrow world?
He simply couldn’t make up his mind, and he came to different conclusions from hour to hour. Arman said nothing about it for several days as they travelled, but finally, one night, as they kept watch together in the early hours, wrapped in blankets in front of the campfire, he spoke his mind. “If this is going to torment you, then perhaps I should simply say I don’t want to go to Darshek and put an end to it.”
“But that’s not true and it still doesn’t answer the question of where my own duty lies. So we’re no better off than we were.” He sighed and nuzzled Arman’s bristly cheek—his lover did his best, but shaving was difficult on the trail, and Kei had told him not to bother. In a way, he missed that amazing beard, but Arman had some odd points of honour and the beard was one of them. Darshianese men did not wear beards, so he would not—he was surprisingly adamant on the issue. Just one of the little quirks that made Arman so fascinating. “I want to be happy, but I want to serve as well.”
“You’ll serve wherever you are. Don’t torture yourself. Can I ask a favour?”
“Anything, you know that,” Kei said, snuggling closer into Arman’s embrace. This was nice, he thought contentedly. Maybe they could be Reji’s permanent driving partners and spend nights on the trail, holding each other, entirely alone in their own world. Of course, it got pissing cold on the trail at night, so it wasn’t always so romantic, but this was good. “What do you want?”
Arman’s hand stole under his shirt, and Kei shivered a little at his cool fingers though he loved the touch. “Stop thinking about this. Put it aside completely until we get back, even until after the night of the ancestors. Concentrate on this time, on being home. Throw yourself into it, fully enjoy it. It’s the only way you can truly decide if you can give it up.”
“How can I stop thinking about it? It’s the biggest decision I’ll ever make.”
“Mmmm, yes. But it will still be there in a month and a half. And in the meantime...perhaps I could...distract you?” Suddenly he bore down on Kei, pushing him flat. “Don’t you think?” he asked with a disgustingly triumphant grin.
“Arman! We can’t have sex while....ooh....Arman...Reji....” Gods, it was hard to concentrate when Arman licked his....
“Reji’s not listening, or he won’t be if you keep quiet, you annoying child.” He made his point by silencing Kei’s protests with his wonderful mouth. Gods, the man had learned how to kiss.
But Kei still had to try to make his point. “Arman,” he sputtered as soon as his lips were set free. “We can’t.”
“And who says? Who had sex with me in front of fifty sailors, hmmm? Who keeps telling me there’s no shame in sex?”
“But carchos....”
“Can watch if they like. Now....” Arman’s hand made an extremely impertinent movement, and Kei gasped with pleasure. “Well?”
“Oh...shut up....”
~~~~~~~~
Within a day of their return, it was as if they’d never been away. Kei’s room was exactly as he’d left it, and he had been deeply moved as he had walked through the library again, touching the books that had been his parents’, and now were his and Myka’s. Old friends, beloved friends, joined by new ones from Jena’s collection, and those sent to Myka and Kei both by colleagues in Darshek and elsewhere. The treatment room was just the same—clean, efficiently laid out, and well stocked with all the common remedies, he noted approvingly. Myka and Jena had arranged things between them and by all reports, wer
e working well together. Kei wondered if he was even needed any more.
But Jena had a child to look after, and research of her own, so she would be glad not to be a full-time healer. Her contentment with her lover, her son and her new home, was a delight to feel, and her joy at his return was completely unalloyed. She’d insisted he spend all his first morning with her, telling her all the gossip, while Arman got reacquainted with Vikis’s workshop and Myka made her rounds. Kei held Karik as they talked, and admired how much he’d grown. “He’s such a pretty baby,” he said, letting the child hold onto his braid and wincing from time to time as it was heartily yanked. “I’ve seen more than a few and he’s definitely the fairest in every sense.”
“Sweet-tempered too. Meis keeps telling me I have it easy, haven’t I, darling,” she said, tickling her son under his chin and making him gurgle, his fat fists waving in the air with delight. “Now—when are you going back?”
Kei blinked. “Back? To Darshek? Who says I am?”
“Reji. And me. And Neka too—she says all the academy were wild to keep you there, and she was sure you were offered a job. Did you?”
“None of your business,” Kei said, trying not to lose his temper. “I’m home and that’s all that matters. I’ve spent long enough away, and I just want some peace and quiet. Or do you just want to get rid of me?”
“No, of course not,” she said, leaning over and quickly kissing his cheek. “We missed you terribly—Myka tried to hide it, but she really felt it. And Reji too. Damn it, Kei, I only moved to Ai-Albon because of you.”
“Not for Reji?”
“Not entirely,” she said firmly. “Back then, not even mostly, and you know it, you rotten tease. But the academy, Kei—what an opportunity! Did you really hate it? All of it?”
He sighed, and handed Karik back to her since he was looking for his mother and Kei didn’t want him to cry. “Not all of it. I missed our house, and all of you. Gods, Jena, it was like being in Utuk sometimes. Don’t you remember? Literally sick with the pain of missing everyone?”
“I remember,” she said quietly. “But it surely wasn’t really like being a prisoner.”
“No, though it was a little like it sometimes. We had the tiniest room for the two of us, and we couldn’t cook for ourselves, or even do our own laundry. Lord Meki said we could have a proper apartment though.”
“So you did get an offer. Are you going to tell Myka?”
“No, not yet—and neither are you,” he said, wagging his finger. “I’m still thinking about it. Damn it, I just got back. Let me enjoy it for a whole day, please. And there’s no point worrying Myka when I’m not sure what I want to do myself.”
“I won’t say anything, I promise. Reji and I have talked about it, but it’s only between the two of us.” She looked at him seriously. “If it’s any consolation, in your position, I’d have no idea what to do either.”
“Thanks very much, that really helps,” he said, but smiled because she was only trying to help. “Enough of this. Tell me about this new dressing you’re trying out.”
And so the morning, and the day, and then the weeks passed. Kei was busy, welcomed, happy and determined to do as Arman had asked, to throw himself wholeheartedly into his life in the village. It was his favourite time of year, which helped—the end of the harvest, close to the start of autumn, a time of plenty, of activity and life and fun. Just as in the year before, Arman was dragged into all the cleaning and preparations for the night of the ancestors, and there were days when Kei didn’t see him at all because he’d been hauled off to work on some task or another. He had built himself a reputation as a willing and uncomplaining worker, someone with height and brawn and wit, so was much in demand for the heavy jobs—house repairs, furniture moving, shifting stores, even butchering the beasts and jombekers that would be smoked and stored for the winter. Kei, Jena and Myka were also preparing for the winter, harvesting herbs, making up essences from those which could not be used in their dried form, extracting oils, pounding seeds, and treating the stream of minor injuries that inevitably accompanied all the domestic activities.
But there was still time to talk, to gossip, to revel in the luxury of familiar company and friendship, quiet moments when Kei could enjoy his family, old and new. It was during one such quiet moment that he learned that his family was about to change again. They had been so busy, and Myka had been working away from the house since she said Kei could handle any patients who walked in, so he had mostly only seen her in the evenings. But this day, they were all in the library, discussing whether the academy’s latest advice about the treatment of deep cuts was sound or not, and Kei noticed that Myka’s colour was...different. He took a closer look at her body, noted the minute changes in her posture, the shape of her face, her skin—and her mood. “Sister mine—how’s the baby making going?”
Her deep flush would have been enough of an answer, if Jena’s slap on his arm was not. “Oh....you!” his friend said irritably. “We were keeping it as a surprise until after the feast!”
“Why? And is it true?” He got up and put his arms carefully around his sister’s waist, and looked into her eyes. “Are you pregnant?”
“Yes, but how on earth...oh, never mind, Ma always said you had a nose for such things.”
He kissed her cheek. “Sorry to spoil your surprise, but this is wonderful news. How far along?”
“Three months. We didn’t want to say anything until we were sure it would take.” Her smile, now the secret was out, was radiant, and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed before that she was blooming in the classic manner of the expectant woman. “I was hoping you would be here when it was born.”
He refused to look across her head at Jena, but he could feel his friend looking at him. “Of course I will be,” he said lightly, then kissed her again. “Congratulations, Mychichi. I just wish Ma and Pa could be here to know about it too.”
“I wish they were here anyway,” she said quietly. “I’ve been missing them so much this year. It was worst while you were away, Kei.”
“I know. Me too. But now is not the time for sadness, sister. When are you going to announce it? Fedor will be beside himself with happiness, Sira too. I’m surprised Banji has kept the secret—or doesn’t he know?” he asked suspiciously.
“Oh, don’t be an idiot, Kei, of course he knows. But he agreed not to tell anyone either. We were thinking of maybe a couple of days after the night of the ancestors?”
“Why not that night, Myka? It would be fitting, and we could drink to the baby’s health.”
She jabbed him in the ribs. “Like you need an excuse for that, brother mine.”
“Excuse for what, Myka? Hello, Kei, I see she’s beating you up again.” Banji was grinning as he walked into the room. “And you’re all getting out of the chores.”
“Oh, sit on a thurl’s nest, Banji-ki,” Myka said, making no attempt to maintain the dignity of a wife or a mother to be. “My nosy brother has worked it out.”
“Oh. Er. Are you mad at us, Kei?” Banji asked, wringing his hands a little.
Kei let his sister go and went over to his friend. “Furious,” he said with a mock scowl, then pulled Banji into a hug. “Congratulations. Both of you. I was just saying to Myka that I wish our parents could be here, because they would be so happy for you.”
“Banji, he thinks we should tell everyone at the feast. Jena, what do you think?”
She held up her hands. “Whatever you want, darling. It’ll be wonderful news whenever they hear it.”
“Well, why not do it then?” Banji said. “Yes, let’s get Fedor to announce it. It’ll make him happy.” He came over and clasped his wife around her waist. “Though not as happy as I am, love.”
“Huh, let’s see if you’re saying that when the baby’s teething,” Jena said, but she was grinning too. “Speaking of babies, I better go and see what Reji’s done with our boy. Probably fed him to the jombekers or something like that. Kei, you and Arman with
us for supper.”
“Yes, lady Jena,” he said with a deep bow and a wink at his sister. “Can I tell Arman? Please?”
“Oh, like you have any secrets from him. Of course—but no one else,” she said sternly. “Don’t spoil things.”
“I promise. Now I better go find Arman and tell him to come home for his lunch.”
“Sounds like our cue to make that lunch,” Banji said cheerfully. “Come on, wife—I’m going to get full measure out of you before you get too fat to...ouch!”
“Too fat to...?” Myka said sweetly, still holding onto the braid she had yanked so hard, it had made Kei’s eyes water in sympathy. “Kei, remind him about the old saying about not upsetting healers, will you?”
“She’s got you, Banji, sorry. If not by the braid, it’ll be by the balls. Glad she’s your problem and not mine any more,” he said over his shoulder, skipping out smartly before his fiery-tempered sister could exact revenge. But she’d make him pay for it later anyway—she always did.
Freely Given: 4
Kei’s news had delighted him, and the lunch that had followed with his sister and her husband had been a happy occasion, full of laughter and jokes and plans for the house which would need extending to accommodate a child, or possibly more. But that made it all the more puzzling to find Kei later that afternoon, in his favourite spot by the big waterhole, jabbing fiercely at the ground with a stick and clearly distressed about something.
“What’s wrong?” Arman asked without ceremony, joining his lover on the log he was using as a seat. “Did you have a fight with someone?”
“No. Just....” Arman was shocked to see Kei’s eyes filling with tears—and more than that, he’d already been crying.
Arman put his arm around him and pulled him close. “It’s all right,” he murmured. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix.”
“Can you fix me being infertile, Arman? Can you give me a family? Can you bring my parents back from the dead? Leave me alone,” he snapped, struggling out of Arman’s grip.
Staying Power (Darshian Tales #3) Page 67