by Erin Osborne
“We got a threat at the strip club. Pres wants us on lockdown as soon as we can get everyone here.”
“Okay.” I answer, heading in the bathroom.
“Babe, are you okay?” Irish asks, walking up behind me.
“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking.”
“Whatever you were thinkin’ about couldn’t have been too good. You looked a million miles away and had a sad look in your eyes. Talk to me, Caydence.”
“I haven’t taken a test or anything, but I haven’t felt the best the last few weeks. I don’t want to know when we already know the outcome.”
“Okay. Well, don’t you think we should know in case there’s a slight chance this time will be different? It’s up to you, I’m just wonderin’.”
“I get where you’re coming from Irish, and I’ve thought about that too. But, more than likely nothing is going to happen with this pregnancy either so, I’m still debating.”
“And I’ll respect that. You let me know what’s goin’ on and we’ll take it a day at a time.”
“That’s all we can do at this point.”
Walking into the main room it looks like most of the members and their family are already here. Now, it’s time for me to do my part as Irish’s old lady and help out with anything that needs to be done. There’s kids to make sure are occupied, we have to make sure there’s enough supplies, we go through the extra rooms and make sure they’re ready for any surprise guests we have, and a whole list of other things that need to be done.
At the same time, Irish and the rest of the guys will be in church deciding the best course of action to take to eliminate the threat. The rest of us will only know what we need to know, when we need to know it. Right now, I don’t want to know anything. My mind is already filled to the brink and I can’t process anything else until I know what’s going on with me. Looks like I need to take another test and see what it says.
After a while, I can sneak off and take a test that I’ve been carrying around with me. Waiting the allotted time, I sit and bite my nails. It’s a nervous habit that I can’t seem to break no matter what I do. Looking at my cell phone, I see that more than enough time has passed and I look at the test. There for me to see is the very faint line that tells me I’m pregnant again. Almost as soon as I read the test, my stomach starts cramping and I’m getting scared. I know what to expect from losing a baby. I just don’t know if I should get Irish or not. He’s still in the meeting and I don’t want to bother him with this. I can deal with this on my own.
Chapter Four
Irish
Four years later
WE’VE BEEN AT THE NEW clubhouse for a little while now. Shortly before we moved there was a massive attack on the clubhouse and we lost more than a few people. We weren’t expecting an attack of the size that we had. Now, there’s been a shift in our roles within the club. Grim is now the President, Joker is the Vice President, Cage is the Enforcer, Glock is the Treasurer, and I’m the Secretary. Grim is the one that continued pushing for us to move locations and be closer to our other charters and friendly clubs. Maybe if we had been when the attack occurred we wouldn’t have lost as many people as we did. It’s a loss we still feel today.
Around the same time, my girl suffered through another miscarriage. She tried to be strong and not let me know what was going on because I was still in church when it started, but one look at my girl and I knew something was wrong with her. When I finally got her to tell me what was going on, I discreetly talked to our Pres and got her to the hospital. He only sent two prospects with me because I knew that Caydence wouldn’t want anyone to know what was happening. This time it was going to be on her whether or not she told anyone. In the meantime, I made my excuses as to why she wasn’t around. The main difference this time was she didn’t stop going to counselling and she didn’t pull away from us. That I’ll always be thankful for.
We’ve all settled into life in this new town and a few of the guys have found love and are starting to settle down. Pretty soon there’s not going to be many single guys in the Wild Kings. But, we’ll see what happens.
Bailey has left and gone to help out Gage’s charter of the club for a little bit. At the same time, Caydence and I have had a life altering event take place. Some bitch, Vicky, came in here trying to claim that she was going to have a baby and Grim was the father. She was caught hiding out in his office and we dragged the truth out of her. Vicky was pregnant by the President of the Soulless Bastards MC and we ended up taking her precious little girl. Caydence named her Cassidy Rose and we couldn’t be happier. Well, I couldn’t be happier. Caydence is going through some changes and wants to stay in our room most of the time. She barely comes out these days. I’ve been trying to stay with her as much as possible, but I have club things that I need to do. The guys are only going to tolerate my absence for so long before my role within the club comes into question.
We’ve been through some trying times with different things the women have gone through. I wouldn’t change any of it for anything in the world though. It’s brought us closer together as a club and it’s been a change of scenery for Caydence. Something we all desperately needed.
I’m finally falling asleep after being up for a few days on club business. All of sudden, I hear Cassidy crying. Caydence is lying in bed and not making any move to get up and take care of our daughter. So, I get up and go get her. She’s soaked from head to toe and I’m not sure when the last time she was changed. I take her into our bathroom and give her a bath so that I can get her back in some pajamas and a bottle.
“Caydence, can you help me here?” I call out.
When I get no response, I walk out drying Cassidy off and see that she’s still lying in bed crying. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her, but I can’t talk to her until after I get our daughter settled back down and asleep. I’m still getting used to this whole not sleeping thing. I’ve done it for the club, but doing this as a father is completely different. I don’t have to be on guard with Cassidy. It’s just a matter of getting up every few hours so we can take care of her and get her back to bed.
I’m finally done putting Cassidy back to sleep, and I’m ready to see what’s going on with my girl. We have to figure out what’s going on, and see what we have to do to help her get past this and able to be back to her normal self. It’s only gotten worse the longer we have had Cassidy.
“Caydence, what’s wrong?” I ask. “This is only gettin’ worse and I’m about ready to do somethin’ I know you’re not goin’ to want me to do.”
“What do you mean?” She asks, turning tear filled eyes and stained cheeks towards me.
“If you can’t get past not havin’ a baby of our own and ignore Cassidy when she’s cryin’ I’m goin’ to put her up for adoption. You can’t carry on like this. It’s not healthy for anyone.”
“You wouldn’t?” She cries out.
“I would. You don’t want to seem to have anythin’ to do with her and I can’t do it all. I’m already missin’ out on club business because you can’t take care of her. This can’t continue, and I won’t allow it to.”
“What do you want me to do Irish? I lay here, and I hear her crying. I know I have to get up and take care of her, then all I can think about is the fact that she’s not really our child. Cassidy isn’t a part of both of us. She’s someone’s else’s child and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed and take care of her. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Then we need to get you in to the counselor and make sure you talk to them about this. There’s got to be somethin’ we can do to get this under control. Some way that we can help you.”
“I truly want to get through this and be the mother that I know I can be to Cassidy. I’ll talk to Karen in the morning and see if I can get in to see her first thing. I’ll go extra if I have to and there’s nothing that’s going to stop me from being a mother to our daughter.”
“She is our daughter no matter how we came about havin’
her babe. We just need to get it in your head that she’s our daughter, because I know you feel it in your heart. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and the way you take care of her when your thoughts don’t get to you. Cassidy is goin’ to be here for the rest of our lives and she’s goin’ to make us better people babe. We just have to get you where you can talk to me and lean on others in the club when you are feelin’ overwhelmed and need a break. We don’t have to do this alone and no one expects us to.”
“I know that Irish. I just feel like if I let her out of my sight that Vicky is going to know and come back and take her from us. It’s not rational and I know that she’s going to be here for the rest of our lives. No one will take our daughter away from us.”
I hold my girl and let her fall back to sleep. Sleep can wait for me. Right now, I need to figure out the best way to help Caydence stay out of her own head. That’s what’s killing her. She can’t stop the thoughts running through her mind, and she lets them get the best of her. If I could take them away from her I would in a heartbeat. Caydence is getting in her own way of being the great mom I know she can be. So, I feel at a loss because I can’t fix this for her. I can’t take the pain away.
It’s been a few weeks and Caydence has been doing better. She gets up and takes care of Cassidy without me having to worry about what’s going to happen when I’m not here to watch over them. I’ve had to do a few more things regarding club business so it’s one less worry I have while I’m trying to get my head in the game.
We really stepped in it when we found a ring of sex traffickers and now we may have the cartel coming after us. Cassidy and Caydence are my number one priority in making sure they’re safe. I will send them away if I have to in order to protect them. So, when I’m on club business, my head really needs to be where I am and not focusing on what’s going on in my room at the clubhouse. If any of the girls think anything is wrong, they’ll step in and make sure that Cassidy is taken care of. But, Karen seems to be doing wonders with my girl and I’ll forever owe her a debt I’ll never be able to repay.
I’ve decided that as soon as this cartel business is over with, Caydence and I are going to be looking for a house. Staying in our room at the clubhouse is fine for right now, but we need to have a home for Cassidy to grow up in. She needs to know that there’s always going to be a place for us at the clubhouse, but at the end of the day we have our own personal space with a huge backyard and room to do what we want without having the members of the club around constantly. I think it will help Caydence out too. Knowing that she has somewhere to call her own, being able to decorate and make our home ours with her special little touches. It’s always been a dream of ours to own our own home, we’ve just never done anything about it. That changes now. My girls deserve it and I’m going to give it to them.
Chapter Five
Caydence
About one year later
I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’VE HAD our baby girl for almost a year already. Time seems to fly by and I love watching every new thing that she learns on a daily basis. Cassidy is so smart, and I can’t believe that for a while I let the thoughts in my head take away from being her mom. There are still days where things get to me, but I’m slowly learning to lean on the girls and let them in. The only thing I’m still having a real hard time with is getting out of the room and mingling with everyone else. I just keep thinking that the second I step foot out of the room, Vicky is going to reappear and take our daughter back. But, we haven’t heard from her since they put her on a bus to parts unknown and I know we’re not going to. My man made it very clear what will happen to her if she ever attempts to come back into Cassidy’s life.
Irish told me that we have somewhere to go today. I’m supposed to be ready when he gets back from church, but I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m not backsliding and letting my thoughts rule my life, I’m just tired from the workout he gave me last night into this morning. Cassidy is laying in bed next to me and we’re just relaxing. But, I guess we better get up and around so he’s not waiting when he gets back.
After bathing and dressing Cassidy, I get myself ready to go. It’s hard to dress when I have no clue where we’re going. So, I dress in jeans and a tank with a hoodie over it. That’s about as good as it’s going to get for now. If I’m not dressed appropriately, he can let me know and I’ll change once he tells me where he’s taking us. Finally.
“Babe, you ready?” Irish calls out, coming in our room.
“I guess. It would help to know where we’re going so I knew how to dress.”
“You look fine,” he tells me leaning in for a kiss before kissing the top of Cassidy’s head. “ready to go?”
“Yeah. I’ve already got her diaper bag packed and we’re just waiting on you.”
Irish takes Cassidy from my arms and leads us out of the room. He lets me lock the door so no one gets any bright ideas to go in there while we’re gone. Leading us through the clubhouse, he takes us out to the SUV we bought when we brought the baby home. While he’s strapping her in her car seat, I get in the passenger side and wait to see what he’s got up his sleeve this time.
“So, you know we’re gonna have to start thinkin’ about a birthday party for Cassidy. What do you want to do?” he asks me.
“Probably just a barbeque with the rest of the club. I’ll get the girls to help me decorate and get the clubhouse ready for it. Why, did you have something else in mind?”
“No, babe. That sounds good. I think it will be good for you and the girls to get this done together. They miss you.”
“I know. I’m trying. It’s still in my head though that Vicky’s going to come back and take our daughter. Karen said I feel like that because of my own inability to have children. When you hear about adoptions in the news and things, it’s always when the parents change their minds and take the child back. So, I’m focusing on that and nothing more when I go in public with her alone.”
“It makes sense, I guess.”
We sit in silence the rest of the trip. Each lost in our own thoughts. I’m thinking about what I want to do for our daughter’s party and I couldn’t even begin to guess what he’s thinking about. There’s so many things I can do for her party and the more I think about it the more excited I become. We could do a princess theme, which has me laughing inside imagining a bunch of bad ass bikers at a princess party. Or we could just decorate in pinks and purples until she gets a little older and would appreciate theme parties. The girls will help me make decisions though. Because at this point, the only thing I know is that I want Skylar to make her cake. I’ve missed her cooking and baking, and I need to get back into the swing of things and join them more.
After a little while, Irish pulls up in front of a cute little house. It’s a single level home painted a light blue. There’s white shutters on the windows and a wrap-around porch, perfect for sitting on warm nights and watching children play in the yard. I give him a questioning look and he says nothing as he walks around to get Cassidy out of her seat.
“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” I ask.
“We’re gonna look at this house and see if it’s somethin’ you would want to buy.”
“Are you serious right now?” I ask, astonishment lacing my excited voice.
“Absolutely. It’s time, way past time, to get our own home.”
I let Irish lead me inside and my jaw about hits the floor. There’s an open floor plan so we can look right through to the kitchen and dining room. Off the dining room, there’s a sun room that I can sit in with Cassidy on the cooler days to play. The rooms are huge and in the living room there’s a fireplace that I can see sitting in front of on cooler days and letting the heat radiate through the entire house. He leads us through the rooms and I fall more and more in love with this house as we go. The bedrooms are spacious and all on one side of the house. We can have one for us, one for Cassidy, an office, and a guest room. Off our room is a master bathroom that makes Skylar’s look tiny in comparison. Thi
s house is definitely deceiving from the outside. I had no clue it would be this big.
“I love it!” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“You haven’t seen the best part yet baby.”
With that, he leads me out the back door to this amazing yard. There’s a garden off to the side and flowers planted along the edge of the house. The rest of the yard is empty and we can do anything we want to it. I can already see a grilling area with a playset for Cassidy. At the very back of the property, Irish points out a small stream and I can envision a bridge going over it with those little bears you see with fishing poles hanging over the edge. There’s so much we could do out here. It’s big enough to have the club over for small parties and everything. I don’t know how my man found this house, but I’m glad he did.
“Do you like this place baby?” he asks me.
“I love it! Are we really going to buy this?”
“If you want to. I know I like it, but I didn’t know if you were goin’ to like it or not.”
“Well, I love it!”
“I’ll call them now and tell them we want to make an offer.”
We head back to the SUV and make our way back to the clubhouse. I can’t believe that we’re looking at houses. Now, I’m going to try not to get my hopes up because I don’t want to be disappointed and end up not getting this place. It could end up setting me back if we don’t get it. So, I’ll keep it in the back of my mind until we hear something concrete about the house. For now, I’ll go back to the clubhouse and see if I can gather the girls up to start planning for Cassidy’s party.
Pulling back into the clubhouse, I see Bailey and Skylar outside sitting with the kids. If I can get the rest of the girls out here, we wouldn’t have to worry about getting in the way of anything the guys have to do. I pull out my phone and send a group message to Maddie and Melody to meet us outside. I haven’t included Ma because I know that she’s had a few headaches over the past few days and I don’t want to bother her. When they get there, I start talking to them.