It Always Rains in November

by Richard Hoffman

  “What’s the...”

  “…and then you came up to me, and I told all the others to fuck off. And you and me began lipsin and making love.”

  “That’s so sweet, Nath. You really binned Jordan for me?”

  “Mashed and dashed, and Stacey as well. She had been well up for it so she was pissed.”

  Kelly was laughing and Nathan could tell that she was relaxed. They walked the rest of the way with their arms round each other. Nathan hoped that it was mutual desperate lust. They were lipsin before they had reached his house.

  Once inside, Kelly uttered the three little words that meant so much to Nathan, “You got protection?”

  Nathan had nicked a box of eighteen Durex featherlite from Boots some months ago, in anticipation of this big event. Although he’d almost been caught, it looked as though the risk was going to be worthwhile.

  Chapter 14

  Monday November 8th – Audit meeting

  Marie and Louis walked into Jeffrey’s vast office. As there were a number of attendees, its size appeared less overstated than before. Jeffrey Parker was sitting at his desk, towering over the others, like a crazed dictator peering down at the poor huddled masses before him.

  Apart from Jeffrey, the only other recognisable face was Martin Miller’s. The others were introduced as Simon Croft, Head of IT, and a younger man -Richard Horton. Whereas everyone else had papers on their laps, Richard Horton’s was occupied by a sleeping infant. The red leather settee was the only place left for Marie and Louis to sit. They sat at either end, placing their papers between them. Both sat perched at the front of the settee, to avoid dangling legs. Marie looked around, recognising an addition to the Monet and Van Gogh as a Constable. If she had liked Jeffrey, she would have asked him about his art collection, but had no intention of doing so.

  “Can we get started please?” Jeffrey said, once they were settled. “Richard, I do hope we aren’t going to have any contributions from your daughter….”

  “It’s my son, Jeffrey.”

  “What, you’ve named him after me?”

  “No, he’s not called Jeffrey. I was answering you.”

  Jeffrey was beaming “Only a joke, Richard, probably over your head. What is his name anyway?”

  “It’s Louis, after Armstrong, because I have a trumpet.” At this, Louis, the auditor not the baby, flinched, and caught Marie’s eye.

  “Well, it is a big nose, Richard, but not quite an elephant’s trumpet.”

  “Sorry, I meant I play the trumpet. The instrument.”

  “Well, we all like a bit of sax, I bet you do Marie.” Transported back to 1970s Britain, Marie groaned. She was not amused. Only Martin Miller laughed and Jeffrey continued, unabashed. “We have two Louis here. Both baldies. Let’s hope they can both sit quietly during this meeting and not shit themselves, eh, Louis? Pardon my French, Marie.”

  Even Martin was struggling to produce sycophantic guffawing this time.

  Jeffrey’s mood changed.

  “OK, let’s go through the agenda before the baby wakes up. Tell me again why you’ve brought him in. I know Simon mentioned something last night.”

  Richard Horton inhaled some much needed oxygen before explaining.

  “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t expecting to be summoned today. My wife’s not too well and I had taken the week off. Simon asked me to come in. I had no time to make other arrangements.”

  “Never heard of childcare, I suppose?”

  Simon Croft interrupted. “Let’s be fair here, Jeffrey, Richard’s wife is 6 months pregnant and she fell ill yesterday. Richard should be off looking after Louis and is doing me a big favour coming in.”

  Parker looked at the baby with contempt.

  “Can’t you leave it with my secretary? We are supposed to be having a meeting here.”

  “I did try, but he’s a bit clingy. Hopefully he’ll stay asleep.”

  “OK, I don’t want to spend this meeting pontificating about babies with you. Marie needs to discuss audit issues and you, Simon, appear to have only one member of our IT department who can respond to her questions.”

  For the first hour or so, the meeting went OK. Marie set out her accounting requirements and Simon was able to provide relevant dates and details. Baby Louis was quite peaceful, not disturbing the meeting.

  Marie asked about email acquisition.

  “That’s down to Simon’s team and Richard in particular,” Jeffrey replied.

  “Well, obviously I’d need to know your precise requirements…” Richard began.

  Jeffrey interjected crossly. “We know their requirements, man, they want emails so they can evaluate correspondence between us and our suppliers and determine whether anything has been overlooked. Can they have them or not? It’s a simple enough request.”

  Richard sighed.

  “Company emails are not straightforward, it depends what is in each employee’s contract and the effect of the Data Protection Act.”

  Jeffrey was in his element, hounding the young employee who looked like he needed a good night’s sleep and who must be more concerned about his wife than about acquiring company emails.

  “Well…” Jeffrey snapped, “what is in our employees’ contracts then?”

  “I don’t know, I…”

  “You don’t know?! It’s your job to know. If you don’t know, what’s the point of you being here? What’s the point of you? Bloody useless! You might as well get out and take your brat with you.”

  Richard looked around for support. He was not going to get it from Martin, who seemed to be taking pleasure from the ritual humiliation. He wasn’t going to get it from Marie – she wanted to shout out on his behalf but she needed this contract. He should have been supported by his boss, Simon, but he appeared to be rendered impotent by the senior status of Jeffrey Parker.

  Richard lifted baby Louis to his shoulder and started to make his way out, dropping his papers on the floor. Marie picked them up for him and he mumbled thanks but Jeffrey wasn’t finished.

  “Sit down, sit down. Before you go, Marie needs to know what, if anything, you do know, and what you are going to do to help her.”

  Marie was appalled. Here was this poor guy, shattered, exhausted and worried due to his wife’s condition, being verbally abused in front of an unhelpful audience and, when he thought things could get no worse, baby Louis awoke and began playing with his tie.

  Jeffrey used this to pour more vitriol on the unfortunate Richard.

  “Oh, great, the sprog’s awake.”

  Louis – the infant one – looked at Jeffrey Parker and blew a raspberry into his face.

  Marie had thought Simon spineless as he had not defended his staff, but at the baby’s action both he and Richard laughed out loud. Marie and Louis also chuckled, leaving Jeffrey and Martin sat stone-faced. The brief levity appeared to assist Richard because he regained his composure. Once the giggles subdued, he set out his plans for the audit.

  Marie was pleased for him and Jeffrey was unable to continue his bullying tirade. He was unused to people laughing at his expense and he made no attempt to smile or thank Richard for his explanation, instead addressing Simon.

  “He has not determined email capture yet and that will clearly delay Marie’s work. I expect you both to have a timetable by the end of the week.” Turning to Richard, he continued, “You come to meetings in future better prepared and without any offspring. Go now, please.”

  Richard picked up Louis and his papers and this time left without being called back. The baby blew three more raspberries as they left the office. Richard tried to catch Simon’s eye, but his boss averted his gaze. Marie felt sorry for both of them.

  That should have been the end of the meeting, but with the departure of Richard and baby Louis there was no reason to hasten its conclusion. Whilst Simon, Martin and Louis sat bored rigid, Jeffrey proceeded to ask Marie about her various other audits, findings and general work ex
perience. Then a bit more personal – “Is there a Mr O’Brien?”

  “No, there was once, but no longer. Just me and my two daughters.”

  “Two daughters, eh, and a working Mum. What do they do when you are at work?”

  This was beginning to irritate Marie. She did not want to start explaining that Carly lived with her Dad or that she was living in the local Travelodge with her younger daughter.

  “Oh, we manage. And what about you Jeffrey, is there a Mrs Parker?”

  Taking the initiative in a conversation with Jeffrey Parker was something lackeys Simon and Martin would never have dared to do, but she knew the old sexist would allow her a degree of latitude.

  “Twenty five years married this year. Three beautiful daughters. I am a very lucky man.”

  “I am sure that Mrs Parker thinks the same too.”

  Jeffrey Parker studied her face for a few seconds before responding. She reminded herself that he was no idiot, and would have detected her sarcasm. Maybe he was indulging in quiet self recrimination. He must have been a cheating, lying bastard of a husband over the past 25 years and because of work and various mistress commitments, probably a fairly useless father also. A much worse parent than even she was.

  Jeffrey ended the meeting abruptly.

  “OK, seems like we are done. You all know what to do. Off you go, and I’ll be in touch about a follow up meeting.”

  Everybody shook hands. Marie’s only thought as they left Parker’s office was to find Richard Horton and apologise for his ritual humiliation.

  Chapter 15

  Monday November 8th @ school

  Lunchtime for Carly at school followed a routine pattern. Bitching to Bethany about Jacquie, bitching to Jacquie about Bethany, bitching about enemies, such as Anna, bitching about geeks and Goths and emos like Rachel, Laurel and Jess, bitching about boys like Shane and Drew, talking about fancying boys, like Shane and Drew. Carly enjoyed lunchtimes but was always aware that someone, anyone, might piss her off. Anybody did, and she would scuff them.

  The concrete paths at the front of the school were used for secret bitch sessions and one to one confabs. Carly was in full pigeon mode to Jacquie.

  “See that Anna, she’s bear hypin’ it with Shane.”

  “You gonna...”

  “Jacqs, if she keeps beggin’ it with him, I will...”

  “Let’s go to the field. See what Shane and Drew are ....”

  “If she’s there, I’ll...”

  “Take a chill pill, Carly. You’re better than her. For a start she’s got no tits.”

  Carly smiled, and the pigeon flew away. They walked round the school building. Behind the school, on the green fields, the boys played football and any beefs could be settled by scuffing. There were a few trees at the back of the field and this was the unofficial smoking and lipsin area. Carly and Jacquie surveyed the scene. Shane was playing football 400 yards away. Carly caught sight of Anna looking at her. Anna was tall for a year 7 girl, taller than Carly, and even taller than Shane.

  Carly’s pigeon returned.

  “If she keeps screwing me, I’m gonna smash her face in.” This was shouted and Anna responded.

  “I’ll fucking screw whoever I wanna screw.” Anna took a step away from her mates, towards Carly.

  “The ugly bitch is screwing me again. I’m gonna have her.” Carly also began to walk towards her enemy.

  “Don’t screw me or I’ll smash your face in.” Both girls were now screaming.

  “Fall back or fall flat.” Anna’s challenge was the 21st century teenage female equivalent of pistols at dawn.

  Carly was well up for it. “Let’s scuff this out, you fucking slag.”

  Carly punched Anna in the face and Anna pulled Carly’s hair. Both girls fell to the floor. Carly pulled Anna’s hair and pinned her to the ground. Momentarily pinned to the ground, Carly was shorter, but stronger and not afraid to headbut Anna’s face, in order to free herself. Anna’s lip was bleeding but a punch caught Carly under the eye, in the same place her Dad had hit her. The girls rolled over on the grass, Carly digging her nails into Anna’s face as they rolled around. Carly was determined to inflict as much pain as possible on Anna. Her enemy was a bitch and was going to lose this fight, whatever it took. Now, Carly had Anna in a stranglehold and punched the younger girl’s face and stomach.

  A crowd had gathered, some shouting Carly’s name, but others rooting for Anna. Somebody shouted that teachers were coming and the throng dispersed. A group of boys who had been playing football down at the bottom of the school field and missed the action came to see what had been going on.

  “What’s happened? Who’s been scuffing?” asked one. It was Shane.

  The fight was nearing its end. Carly let Anna go and both girls stumbled to their feet. Carly was quickly up and even though her left eye was half closed she could see Anna’s blood trickling down from her mouth and nose and, even better, she could see tears in Anna’s eyes. The teachers had not arrived yet. Carly took a deep sigh and was about to continue the battle when Anna turned her back on her.

  “Where are you going, pussy hole? I haven’t finished with you yet.”

  “Yes you have. I’m ending it.”

  By the time the teachers arrived, Anna was defeated. Carly had won the battle of the bitches and she was marched off to the head of year eight’s office. Anna had blood still flowing and scratches down her face and was taken to the school nurse. Although, Carly’s left eye was very swollen and coloured red, blue and purple from the two injuries, she was less marked. As the girls were led away, Anna was in tears, whereas Carly turned round to grin at Jacquie and Bethany, Anna’s tears adding sweetness and certainty to her victory.

  * * *

  Carly was sitting in Mr Philips office, staring out of the side window, so that she did not have to look at either teacher. Lunch had finished so the only thing to look at were blackbirds in the school field eating bits of discarded packed lunches and packets of crisps.

  Mr Philips was sat at his desk opposite Carly and Miss Payne. Carly reckoned that the reason that Payne’s fat arse could not be squeezed in on the other side of the desk next to Mr Philips.

  Carly liked Mr Phillips, her Head of Year 8. She couldn’t remember him ever having a go at her and he always seemed to listen. He was old, about 40, black, quietly spoken and, really small. Only a couple of inches taller than her and she was only 5’ 1”. Carly wondered how he managed to have respect from the older kids when he was shorter than most of them.

  “So, Carly, tell me, what was this fight about?”

  His voice sounded caring, almost gentle. Carly was surprised. She had been in a fight that she had started, with a younger girl, and she had wanted to kill her. Yet Mr Phillips was asking her nicely, as if she had a bit of an argument.

  Carly shrugged her shoulders. “Dunno, sir.”

  It sounded dumb to explain she and Anna had started over fancied the same boy. She wasn’t even that keen on Shane, or any boy at school, really.

  “Well, there must be a reason. Do you hate Anna so much?

  “Dunno, sir.”

  “Carly, I can’t tolerate this behaviour. Why would I have someone at the school who starts a fight with a younger girl for no good reason?”

  “I dun...”

  “You keep saying ‘I dunno’ and I will consider expelling you. There is a girl at the nurse’s office with a cut lip and scratches down her face. Must be a reason why you would do that to her.”

  “ Yes, sir, I...”

  “Go on, Carly.”

  She couldn’t tell him about Shane but she needed some defence.

  “She started...no, ok...we both started...giving each other dirty looks...then threatening each other...then it just...”

  “So you admit that what you did was wrong?”

  Carly’s eye was beginning to throb and she did not want to be kicked out of school.

  “Yes, sir. I�
�m sorry, sir.”

  Miss Payne spoke for the first time.

  “Sorry isn’t enough, Carly. You have beaten up a younger girl, and there will be consequences.”

  Carly didn’t look at her.

  “She asked...no, you’re right, Miss. I shouldn’t have ...”

  Mr Philips looked at Carly for a long time before speaking again.

  “I’m not sure that you have convinced either myself or Miss Payne that you are honestly sorry, but I’m willing to give you benefit of the doubt, one more chance.”

  He opened his top drawer, brought out the essay that Carly had written a week before, and passed it to Carly.

  “Remember this?”

  Carly frowned in confusion. What had beating up Anna got to do with a shitty essay she’d written? The essay wasn’t that bad, surely.

  “It’s only an essay sir. She told me to write it.”

  “Not she, Carly. Miss Payne. The teacher sitting next to you, who you haven’t had the respect to look at face to face since you walked in here.”

  Even when he was having a go at her, he did not raise his voice. Carly thought about her mum and dad, and how when she screamed at them, they shouted back. She reckoned that if she shouted at Mr Williams, he still wouldn’t shout back. Made it so hard for her to have a go.

  “I have, sir,” she protested, but even now she didn’t face her form tutor.

  “I’m over here, Carly.”

  At last, Carly turned around to look at Miss Payne, who was smiling at her. She didn’t want Miss Payne being nice to her. Her form teacher hated her most of the time.

  Carly put her left hand through her hair, grimacing as she felt bits of school field mud. She sniffed her hand – at least it didn’t smell like dog shit.

  “Carly, you...”

  Carly had sussed. It was the essay. They both felt sorry for her. Carly wanted to swear and she wanted her mum. Her face felt like Miss Payne was stood on her left cheek with her weight on the heel of her shoe just below her eye. She didn’t want to talk to teachers anymore. Her decision was to attempt contrition.