Killing Me Softly

by Devyn Dawson

"Hey, Stu!" a voice calls out.

  The interruption makes Stuart sigh, and he responds with a loud and somewhat annoyed, "What?" His face rests close to Jules' neck.

  "Coach was looking for you. He had something he wanted to run by you, I think."

  Lifting his arm to let his teammate know he heard him, he turns his attention back to Jules; touching his forehead to hers. Although his face is partially shadowed from the street lights, she can make out his puppy dog pout.

  "Whatcha say? Just me and you tonight?"

  Jules doesn’t waver. She presses a small kiss to his lips, trying to soften the suggestion she knows he won’t like. "Let's go to the Shack, okay?"

  "I'm so tired of Friday nights at the Shack, Jules. Man! I can't wait to get to USC and have more to do." Obviously angry, he steps back and slides next to her; propping his tall, lean frame against the car door.

  "Um, okay. Sorry you're so tired of us here in Texas, surfer boy," she grumbles; facing him and giving his foot a playful kick with the toe of her tennis shoe.

  A slight grin teases Stuart's lips. "Aren't you, though? Aren't you ready to get out of here too?"

  "We've had this conversation a million times. I'm staying in Texas. I love it here. It's my home."

  "I know."

  She’s grateful when the sharp blast of a car horn interrupts their conversation. They both look up as Tanya's car pulls to a stop in front of them, her best friend Katie riding shotgun in the passenger seat. "We're heading out. Y'all gonna stay here all night or are you coming?"

  Jules opens her mouth to send them on their way, but Stuart beats her to it. "She's riding with you two," he shouts; straightening and pushing away from the car.

  "I'm what?" She can’t believe he is seriously not going to come with her. They've been dating for almost two years now, and Friday nights at the Shack are a way of life in Tyler. Especially for the football team.

  "Ride with them and I'll meet you. I need to go see Coach, remember?" he reminds her before leaning in with another long kiss.

  "Get a room," heckle her best friends from the car.

  They break into obnoxious giggles, crank up a Taylor Swift song causing Jules to laugh into Stuart's mouth. Tanya and Katie begin shouting about being 'Twenty-two', their voices resembling cats in heat, and she cringes and laughs harder.

  Stuart growls irritably at the loss of her lips and drops his forehead to her shoulder. She pats the top of his silky blond head, consoling him.

  "Damn. And that's why I don't drive with her. My ears would bleed."

  "You know you love them," she teases. "Don't let Coach keep you long, ‘kay?"

  "Can we go back to my house later?" he asks again; his voice hopeful.

  "Maybe," she offers with a wink; not wanting to fight about it right now.

  "Love ya." He presses another brief kiss to her lips before making his way back to the gym with a quick wave to Katie and Tanya.

  "Jules!"

  She turns from watching Stuart leave and notices Katie hanging out of the passenger side window. Katie raises her hands in a silent question and Jules shakes her head; opening the door and sliding into the backseat.

  "’Bout time, wench," Tanya teases, throwing the vehicle into ‘Drive’.

  Katie turns the radio down and twists around in her seat to talk, and Jules can see what’s coming from a mile away. She tries to throw a happy smile on her face, but she's never been any good at fooling Katie, at least not for very long. Katie is the analyzer of the group. You show up happy, sad or even angry, and the girl will pick at you until you tell her what’s up in your life to make you feel that way. She’s also the psychologist; the one who will listen to your problems and give advice.

  Katie pops a stick of gum in her mouth, a well known stall tactic, and then starts in on her. "What was up with Mr. Football?"

  Leaning forward, Jules steals a stick from the pack for herself. A quick glance at Tanya shows she’s busy playing on her phone while waiting to turn out of the school parking lot.

  Thinking she might be able to get out of heavy conversation, Jules lies. "Same ‘ole, same ‘ole."

  "Ha!" Tanya bursts out. So much for being busy, Jules thinks as Tanya starts in on her. "The boy just wants some action. I saw his grabby hands. You need to put him out of his misery already."

  "Shh, she's not you, T," Katie chides; throwing an irritated look at Tanya before turning her focus back on Jules. "So tell Dr. K what's up."

  "Oh, no you didn't. You did not call yourself Dr. K!" Tanya breaks out in hysterical laughter, which earns her another nasty look from Katie.

  "I seem to recall having a thirty-minute session with you a few hours ago, T. Don't know what you're laughing about."

  "If I knew it'd go to your head, I'd have asked Jules instead."

  "Wait, wait…ask me what? Where was I when this conversation was taking place?" Jules yanks at her seatbelt so she can slide forward in her seat to get a better view of Tanya's profile.

  "Boy issues as usual, no biggie."

  "No biggie? And what boy? You've been playing the field all summer." Tanya throws her a look that clearly states 'shut it', but Jules isn’t deterred. "Spill it!" After all, these girls are always up in her love life. She has no shame.

  "Nothing. I was just telling K, I might actually be ready to try a relationship..."

  Jules almost chokes on her gum at the revelation. Tanya doesn’t do relationships. She's the fun one. The ‘let’s party, kiss every cute boy I see, and who cares what anyone thinks’ girl. Katie and Jules often liked to joke about how Tanya was trying to work her way through the football team. She's already made a pretty big dent on the O-line.

  "And I told her," Katie interrupts Tanya to fill Jules in on what she missed, "that it was an awesome idea. Don't you think so, Jules?"

  She doesn’t miss the crazy look Katie throws her way. Trying to decipher the meaning, she quickly chimes in, "Of course. You know I won't argue with having a boyfriend."

  "Speaking of...?" Tanya pipes in.

  "Yeah. What's up with you two?"

  And...the attention is back on her. Throwing herself back into her seat, she slouches down and contemplates her situation. Katie and Tanya have seen her through the ups and downs of her relationship with Stuart over the last two years. They always know the right advice to give, but lately things with Stuart have been strange, and she isn't sure if her two single-minded friends can help anymore.

  "Nothing. We're good."

  "Jules?"

  "Don't 'Jules' me, Katie. We're fine."

  "Leave her alone, K. They're the freaking golden couple," Tanya points out as she makes pretend vomit sounds. The sounds earn her a light slap upside the head from Katie, and Tanya jerks the steering wheel, yelling, "Hey! I'm driving here — watch it!"

  "What about you, Katie? We saw a certain DB throwing you some serious 'I want you' eyes tonight."

  Katie turns back to the front, but not before Jules catches the dreamy look she gets at the mention of the 'DB'. The DB in question is defensive back Jeff Parker, Mr. Sweet and Sexy himself. They have a completely irrational relationship where neither one of them will man up and declare their coupledom, although everyone knows they’re way into each other.

  "There might have been some talk," Katie hints, and Jules leans in again.

  "Yeah?"

  "There's always talk...it's all you girls do. See why I haven't done the whole relationship thing? Too much talk and not enough action, ladies."

  Jules rolls her eyes at Tanya but laughs in spite of herself. "Good Lord, you're such a ho."

  "Takes one to know one, baby."

  "Whatever," she replies lamely.

  All conversation stops when Katie squeals, cranks up some country rock song she loves and starts singing along with it. The loud music gives Jules the moment she was hoping for to sit back and think.

  She doesn’t want to talk about Stuart with her friends because they are always on her side, and while she love
s that about them, sometimes she needs to think things through on her own. This is one of those times. Stuart spent a good deal of his summer away; between football camp and staying with his grandparents in Houston, they've barely seen each other. In her heart she knows they've grown apart, and it confuses her to discover that the reality of the situation doesn’t seem to hurt her very much.

  She’s excited for school to start on Monday so they can finally get more time together. Last year after school and practices they would sit in his car talking about the day or make out before he took her home. It was one of the few times during the week they had to themselves. In a town the size of Tyler, there’s no such thing as going on dates alone. Everywhere they went, they ran into friends. Plus with Stuart, everybody wants to stop and talk football, college commitments and Pro games on Sunday. It can be exhausting standing in the shadows while her boyfriend goes on and on about sports.

  Yet, she does it happily. She’s proud of him and of his talent on the field. He’s on track to break a few state records this year. She knows she shouldn't fault him for being preoccupied lately; his plate is full. She sighs as she thinks about those kisses back at the school and the feel of his hands on her skin. Tanya's joke about him wanting action fills her head. So does his suggestion to go back to his place because his parents aren’t home. She knows what he’s hoping for, but she also knows he won’t push her if she isn’t ready. Maybe what they need is some alone time to work the kinks out of their relationship. Maybe if they are alone for a while, she’ll be ready to progress their physical relationship.

  The sound of Tanya and Katie yelling at each other stirs her from her thoughts, and she looks out the window to see they’re almost at the Shack. Her mind made up; she pulls out her cell and sends Stuart a quick text.

  Jules: Let's go back to your house tonight. I want to spend some time alone - talking...and maybe a little kissing too ;)

  She isn’t sure how he’ll take her text. It sounds a little as if she’s offering up sex, and she fights back a cringe. Maybe she will finally do it. After all, she doesn’t have a clue as to why they haven't already. Okay, that’s a lie, she knows why – it’s never felt right. No matter how many times they've talked about it or gotten close to it, when it comes down to it she pulls away with a 'Sorry' every time. Each time she turns him down Stuart frowns, but he always assures her it’s okay.

  The sad thing is, sitting here now, she still doesn’t get hot and bothered thinking about going to his place and being alone. She loves his kisses; she loves his touch too, but something is missing. Maybe tonight it’s finally time to locate the missing piece. Maybe the piece is sex? After almost two years together, maybe they need something new to bring them closer again.

  - The From The Wreckage Series -

  From The Wreckage - Available NOW everywhere

  Out of Ruins – Available July 17, 2014

  All That Remains – Available August 28, 2014

  You can find Michele at http://www.michelegmillerbooks.com

  Twitter: @chelemybelles

  An excerpt from Holding On (Holding On #1)

  by Rachael Brownell

  website: authorrachaelbrownell.wordpress.com

  She never looked up from the floor, and I never looked back as I left my room in a dead sprint. I grabbed my purse and keys off the entry table and ran to my car. I needed to focus on driving as far as I could, as fast as I could. No time for tears, I kept telling myself over and over again. No time for tears.

  I pulled into the school parking lot and killed the engine. That’s when I broke. I could not even contain the loud sob that came. I opened the door and started to walk toward the courts. I should have grabbed shoes and a jacket. I ran back to the car and found my rain boots in the trunk and a blanket. I quickly swapped out my slippers for the boots and grabbed the blanket. I would have to make do with these.

  The closer I got to the courts, the more I realized that with all the snow, I wouldn’t be able to open the gate, so I veered left and went into the baseball dugout. At least I was out of the wind. I plop down on the bench and curl up in the blanket the best I can. My body was numb, but not from the cold. It’s starting on the inside and working its way to my limbs. I was still crying, and I wanted to stop, but I just didn’t know how. My eyes were like a faucet that wouldn’t turn off.

  I wasn’t prepared for this. My life was finally getting back on track. My shoulder was healed. The trainer had cleared me to practice today. I was going to be able to play with my team in the spring. My grades were good. I have finally been able to spend some quality time with my friends. I only have another year and a half until I go off to college. Why now? Why was she destroying everything now? Couldn’t she wait until I finished high school?

  My phone began ringing in my pocket, but I didn’t even bother to look. I knew it was probably my mom wondering where I ran off to. She probably wanted to finish our very one sided conversation. She wasn’t asking us; there was no talking about this—she was telling us that we were moving. The ringing stopped and then started again right away. Really? Can’t she just let me be alone right now? Does she not understand how upset I am?

  “No,” he said from about ten feet away. Had I just said all of that out loud? Probably. When I get emotional, that tends to be my MO. “You are not allowed to be alone right now.”

  As I turned my head, I couldn’t help but smile. He was such a beautiful person, inside and out, and he was mine. He towered over me in height and could probably bench-press me as a workout. His body was always in great shape because he was always at the gym trying to strengthen his upper body for football. He was doing a great job. I could see how impressive his build was, even though the sweatshirt he was wearing.

  We had been best friends since middle school, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world. This was not the first time I had noticed how incredibly desirable he was. I had been pushing those thought from my brain for years now. It’s a dance I had been doing for a while and had perfected. I would start to lose control of the fact that we are friends, and the next time we see each other, he has a girl on his arm, usually a new girlfriend. It always helped to bring things back into perspective for me.

  I was staring at him, taking in the “view,” as his long legs bring him the ten feet or so in about four steps.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked him as he sat down next to me on the bench and wrapped his long, muscular arm around my shoulder. I put my head in the crook of his neck and exhaled the breath that I didn’t even know I was holding.

  “Your mom called me when you left the house. I was running about five minutes late, so I took a detour and figured you would be here if you were upset. I saw your car, but I didn’t see you on the courts, so I called your phone and listened for the ring to find you.” He knew me too well sometimes. As he hugged me tighter, I began to shiver. He gave my strange appearance a quick onceover and started to laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” I know I sounded defensive, but I really didn’t see the humor in anything at that moment. The only thing I was focused on was the pain in my stomach and the fact that my brain was refusing to process what was going on. I was starting to get a headache.

  “Do you see what you’re wearing? You would be laughing too,” he replied while trying not to laugh too hard. He was successfully failing.

  I looked down and started to laugh too. I had on my hot pink rain boots with my favorite purple sweat pants and a very deep red-and-black sweater. To top it off, my blanket was an ugly burnt-orange–school colors. I looked like a very ugly rainbow of colors. I had to laugh, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. Brad always knew how to make me laugh, and he always knew how to make me feel just a little bit better about any situation or at least make me forget about it for a moment. I actually felt the tension begin to melt from my body.

  “So are you going to tell me why you ran out of the house before I got there, or are we going to the movies with you looking like tha
t?”

  Welcome back, tension.

  “Calm down, birthday boy. First, I think we are missing the movie right now. You should probably call the GF and tell her you are going to be a bit late. Second, you know you’re jealous of how hot I look in all these fabulous colors,” I stopped to smirk at him for a minute because he knows I never refer to myself as hot. “Last, I want to tell you, but I don’t really want to ruin your birthday. Let’s get out of the cold, and we can talk about it tomorrow.”

  He pulled out his phone, typed out a quick text, and shoved it back in his pocket. “I just told Claire that we won’t be making it to the movie. I told her that we would meet up with her and everyone else when the movie ends. So in the meantime, I think you need to tell me what’s wrong.” As if realizing that his phone was going to chime any minute with an unpleasant reply, he pulled it back out of his pocket and turned it off.

  He talked about his girlfriend so dismissively that I forgot she was not a fan of our relationship. If she saw us right now, with his arm around me, she would flip out and start to throw a tantrum in front of whoever was willing to watch her. She was a very sweet girl, but very possessive and clingy. It struck me as odd that Brad would even date her, considering he was so incredibly laid back. They were complete opposites, and I had been trying to figure out their relationship since they started dating last spring.

  Last week, we were celebrating my birthday. Today we were supposed to be celebrating his. Nothing about this situation constituted celebrating. We’ve always had a ritual for our birthdays since they are so close together, but my “situation” was messing everything up. We were supposed to be going to a movie and then to a party at Emma and Ella’s in celebration of his birthday. It was the same thing we did last Friday night on my birthday. It was the same thing we did last year for our birthdays. It was our tradition. This was not on the agenda for today.