Volume 2 - The Sighs of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  Volume 2

  The Sighs of Suzumiya Haruhi

  Prologue

  Haruhi seems like the kind of person who shouldn’t have any worries. But, she does. Only the thing that’s bothering her is that “The world is too mundane.”

  To her, the “Non-mundane things” are any kind of supernatural phenomena, meaning she often thinks things like “I can’t believe there’s not even half a ghost appearing before me.”

  I should also let you know that the word “ghost” can be replaced with “aliens”, “time-travelers”, or “espers.” However, it is common knowledge that these things only appear in fiction novels. They simply don’t exist in reality. Which means, as long as Haruhi continues to live in this world, she will continue to be bothered by this fact. The world is supposed to be like this; nothing out of the ordinary. However, recent events in my life have made it very hard for me to have confidence in this fact; I’m also bothered.

  Because I know these aliens, time-travelers, and espers do exist.

  “Listen to me, I need to tell you something very important.” “What?”

  “Haven’t you always wished for the existence of aliens or time-travelers or espers?” “That’s right. So what?”

  “In other words, the purpose of our SOS Brigade is to find these people. Right?” “Not only to find them, we have to be able to play together. Just finding them isn’t good enough, I want to participate in the act, not just be part of the audience.” “But I always wish I was watching from the sidelines… sigh, whatever. But have you ever thought that these aliens, time-travelers, or espers might be surprisingly close to us?” “Ah? What do you mean? Don’t tell me you mean Yuki, Mikuru-chan, or Koizumi-kun? If it’s them, then that’s not really a ‘surprise’.” “Umm… actually I meant to tell you that it was them all along.” “Are you an idiot? It can’t be that easy.”

  “That’s true, this would be too simple by normal standards.” “Then tell me, who’s the alien?”

  “You would be very glad to hear this. Nagato Yuki is the alien. Hmm, how should I put it? Should be Integrated something entity… or Data something entity… something like that. Basically created by aliens and given a body.”

  “Hm, then what about Mikuru-chan?”

  “Asahina-san is easy to explain: she’s a time-traveler. She comes from the future. There’s no problem calling her a time-traveler right?”

  “Then how many years into the future is she from?”

  “I don’t know this, she didn’t tell me that.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  “Really?”

  “That means Koizumi-kun is an esper? Were you planning on telling me that from the start?” “That is correct.”

  “Ahh.”

  Haruhi twitched her eyebrows while she spoke, then slowly breathed in some air, and screamed: “DON’T MESS WITH ME!”

  Just like that, Haruhi completely discarded the truth that took me so much effort to get out. Oh well, this was expected of her. Even after the three of them each used their own way to show me that they were indeed an alien, a time-traveler, and an esper, I still had doubts in my mind. To make Haruhi believe this, especially considering that she hadn’t seen what I had seen, was almost impossible.

  But what else could I say? I had told her the absolute truth. Even though I don’t look like a very credible guy, when I know there’s no benefit to be gained from lying, I will tell the truth.

  But in fact Haruhi wasn’t at fault either. If a nice guy came up to me and said “This person you know is actually someone unbelievable…” I believe I would also lose my temper and start yelling at him. If some guy said that kind of stuff to me with a straight face, I would probably think that his brain had been infected by some virus, or had been addled by poisonous waves. Perhaps I’d even feel sorry for the guy. I don’t think I would continue to talk to that guy in any case.

  Hmm, right now, isn’t “that guy” me?

  “Kyon, get your ears over here and listen carefully.”

  Haruhi stared at me with fire in her eyes.

  “It doesn’t matter whether it’s an alien, a time-traveler, or a esper. They’re not going to casually appear in front of us just like that! Do you know how precious they are? If we find them, we have to grab them by the neck, tie them up, and hang them up so they can’t escape! The people that I randomly grabbed off the streets to join our club can’t be that rare and precious!”

  Wow, that actually made some sense. But other than me, the other three really are blessed with supernatural characteristics. I’m the only normal human being. Wait a minute, did she say that she just grabbed random people to be in her club?

  Sigh, why does this dumb girl only have common sense when it comes to strange topics? If she would only believe me, everything would be much simpler. At least this bogus SOS Brigade could disband, since it was formed for the sole purpose of finding aliens et al for Haruhi. Once she finds those things, there won’t be any point in keeping this club around. After that, she can play with those unnatural beings all she likes, while I stay to the side and add a few laughs here and there. I hope this happens soon, because right now I feel like a circus animal being forced to perform.

  However, if Haruhi had any sense of what was happening around her, I don’t know what the world would be like.

  Ah yes. I should let you know that only two people participated in this dialogue, from the beginning. It happened during the second “SOS Brigade wandering around in the city (temporary name)” club event, when I talked with Haruhi inside the restaurant by the station. I didn’t have any doubts that Haruhi would pay for the meal; I’d explained all that to her very naturally as I was sipping my coffee. But she didn’t take me seriously at all. I’m fine with that though. Whoever believes in that stuff needs to have their brain examined.

  As for me, I didn’t bother to tell her the specifics, since details in things like this would only cause more suspicion. Since all this was coming from me: the guy who got dragged to Nagato’s apartment and had to listen to a long series of unclear explanations, there was no reason to suspect anything funny.

  “I don’t ever want to hear lame jokes like this again.”

  Haruhi drained all the yellow-greenish vegetable juice from her glass, and said: “Let’s go! We can’t separate into two groups today, so let’s just wander around! Oh yeah, I forgot to bring my wallet today. Here’s the bill.” While I was still staring at the eight hundred and thirty yen bill, thinking about how to protest this atrocity, Haruhi grabbed my coffee and finished it. That left me with the impression that she wasn’t going to accept any protests. She then marched out of the restaurant, and stood in front of the automatic door with her arms crossed.

  Half a year has already passed since then. Now that I think about it, I seem to have experienced a lot of strange phenomena during these past six months. SOS Brigade’s official name is still “The Save the world by Overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi’s Brigade” which gives me the creeps. I have no idea where in the world this club brought more excitement to. I think only Haruhi felt whatever excitement it was supposed to bring. Also, the club’s reason for existence is still a mystery. The original goal was something about playing with aliens, kidnapping time travelers, and battling alongside espers. However from Haruhi’s perspective, this goal still hasn’t been reached.

  This is all because Haruhi believes she hasn’t met any aliens, time travelers or espers. Coming to that conclusion isn’t something I can help. I’ve already told her the other three members’ true identities, but she just won’t believe me. So this shouldn’t be my responsibility anymore, right?

  Even though the
SOS Brigade has failed to reach its intended goal, thus losing its primary reason for existence, it still hasn’t disbanded. Even now, this unrecognized organization still secretly exists in the Old Shack.

  Of course, our five members, including myself, still choose to hang out in our clubroom every day. The student council, after several meetings and different levels of analysis, seems to have chosen to ignore us. They didn’t approve our club initiation documents, but they didn’t say anything regarding our forced takeover of the Literature Club either. Maybe it’s because the club’s only member, Nagato Yuki, has no problem with us being here. However, I personally believe that the student council simply does not want to get into an argument with Haruhi, so they’ve decided to feign ignorance.

  I don’t think anyone in the world would intentionally step on something that says “Warning: explodes when stepped on” in red neon lights. Even I don’t have the courage to do that. If I had only known, I would not have talked to that stubborn girl who put up that unfriendly expression every day.

  A normal high schooler who accidentally pressed a button that activated a time bomb, and is now being forced to carry that bomb around like a moron – that’s me. And this time bomb labeled “Suzumiya Haruhi” doesn’t even have a counter on it. I have no idea when it’s going to explode, how much damage it will cause, or what else is inside. Even more importantly, I don’t even know if this bomb is real. Maybe it’s just a toy used to fool little kids.

  I can’t seem to find the trash bin labeled “Hazardous Materials Only” no matter how hard I try. Which means, this dangerous entity that I’ve activated is essentially covered with superglue, stuck to my hand harder than anything else could be.

  Sigh… Where am I gonna find a place to dump it?

  Chapter 1

  High schools organize certain activities from time to time, and the high school that I attend held a sports day last month. When Haruhi suggested that the SOS Brigade participate in the inter-club relay race, one of the many competitive events held that day, I felt quite dubious. To make things worse, we ended up actually beating the Athletics club and the Rugby club in the relay race, in which Haruhi overwhelmed the second place runner by a whole thirteen horses’ lengths!

  So as a result, our club went from being an unspoken taboo, only discussed in the shadows (except by me), towards being the current fad at school, reminiscent of a troublemaker who pulls fire alarms. I was already at a total loss on how to deal with this, but there was more. Of course Haruhi was the main instigator of all this, but Nagato, who had run the second leg of the race, was just as guilty. I could never forget her speed, which could only be described as instantaneous movement. Nagato, you should at least warn me before you do that!

  When I asked Nagato what sort of magic she used this time, the stoic, alien-created living humanoid interface replied with explanatory terms such as “energy positioning”, “molecular dispersion” and other jargon. Of course, such explanations meant nothing to me, since I had already decided to embrace the artistic subjects and abandon the scientific ones, to which I gave absolutely no effort in comprehension or trying to comprehend.

  After that tumultuous sports day ended, a month passed by and the school festival came up. So at this moment, this insignificant prefectural high school is busily preparing for this festival… though the only people who are really doing anything are the teachers and members from the organizing committee and the art-related clubs, since it is their only chance to flex their muscles.

  Now when it came to club-related contributions to the festival, the as-yet unrecognized SOS Brigade was not required to provide any creative attractions. Actually, if it were allowed as our club contribution, I wouldn’t mind locking up a stray cat in a cage, adding a sign indicating “Extraterrestrial Alien” and displaying it as a sideshow attraction to make money just like in a circus. Though I think that would be unwise because people without a sense of humor would be terribly offended while others with a sense of humor would only laugh despicably.

  This sort of attraction wouldn’t require any serious consideration for values and success—it didn’t even require any real effort. The same could be said for the rest of the attractions. High school festivals in real life can be that gritty. If you think I’m joking, visit any school holding festivities. When you do, you will realize then that such attractions are pretty much considered a regular expectation of school festivals.

  On the other hand, what did class 1-5, the class Haruhi and I belong to, intend to do that day? It turns out that we will be preparing some sort of lame questionnaire. I can see it only as a cover so as to appear to be organizing something for the festival. Ever since Asakura Ryoko disappeared this spring, our class had been devoid of a student with leadership qualities. So due to the lack of student participation, this uncreative idea was painstakingly brainstormed by Okabe-sensei during the long and boring homeroom session. Without anyone consenting or objecting, the motion passed and the long homeroom session was over. But what kind of questionnaire? Who would actually be interested in doing this?

  Probably no one, I suppose. But since it’s been decided, keep up the great work guys! And so, suffering from apathy syndrome, I walked wearily towards the club room.

  Why did I go, you ask?

  Naturally, this is because of a domineering girl coming towards me and rambling endlessly, “What questionnaire? This is so retarded!”

  She said this with an outraged expression on her face. “I mean, where’s the fun in that? I totally don’t get it!” Then why didn’t you suggest something better? Weren’t you there as well, looking at Okabe-sensei standing there like a lonely ghost, not knowing what to do? “Forget it, I never intended to join any of the class’s activities anyway. There’s no fun in organizing an activity with these guys.” But didn’t you contribute to the class by winning all of the inter-class races on sports day? I thought it was you who won as the last baton in the short, medium, and long distance relays. Or has my memory served me wrong? “That was different.”

  What was different?

  “A school festival is a school festival, or in other words, a campus festival. Though public schools are seldom called campuses, but that doesn’t matter. After all, isn’t the school festival the most important activity of the whole school year?”

  Is that so?

  “Absolutely!” She nodded vigorously, then faced me and announced the following, “The SOS Brigade will do something very interesting!”

  The face of Suzumiya Haruhi now shone with the same determined look as Hannibal, who had decided to cross the Alps during the Second Punic War.

  Shining she may be, but……

  For the past six months, whatever Haruhi thought was “interesting” was anything but interesting to me, and her interests have all resulted in me being exhausted. At least, that’s so for me and Asahina-san, but this is because we’re normal human beings after all. From what I see, it is common knowledge that Haruhi isn’t a normal person, while Koizumi possesses a state of mind not present in ordinary humans. As for Nagato, she’s not even human to begin with.

  Hanging out with this bunch, how am I supposed to peacefully live through this extraordinary high school life of mine? I really don’t want to get involved in silly stuff anymore. Just thinking about it is enough to give me an urge to aim a gun at my forehead, or extract and burn the brain cells containing those memories. Though I don’t know what Haruhi would say about that.

  Maybe I was too busy thinking how to erase those memories of the past because I wasn’t paying attention to what the annoying girl next to me was raving about.

  “Hey, Kyon, are you even listening?”

  “I wasn’t, where were you again?”

  “The school festival! You ought to be more excited! We only get a school festival once a year!” “That may be true, but you don’t have to be so concerned about it.” “Of course I have to be concerned! It won’t be a school festival if it isn’t exciting enough. It should
be like the campus festivals that I know of.” “Did you do something ridiculous while in junior high?”

  “No, it wasn’t fun at all. So it won’t be reasonable if the high school festival isn’t fun as well.” “Then what is it that you find interesting?”

  “Like real monsters appearing in a haunted house, the number of steps in a flight of stairs suddenly increasing, the number of school mysteries jumping from seven to thirteen, an Afro hairstyle three times the size of a normal head appearing on the principal’s head, the school transforming into a giant robot and doing battle with the monster from under the sea, or even autumn being represented by plum blossoms…”

  After listening halfway, I stopped paying attention to Haruhi, so I forgot what was said after she mentioned how many number of steps there are in a flight of stairs. If anyone was paying attention, please do let me know.

  “……Sigh, forget it. I’ll tell you more when we get to the club room.” Haruhi strode with large footsteps towards the club room in a bad mood, and in a moment’s time, we arrived at the door. The sign above the door read, “Literature Club,” and cellotaped under that sign was a piece of paper with scribbling that read “with the SOS Brigade.” “Since we’ve stayed here for half a year already, I don’t suppose anyone would mind if we claimed this room for ourselves.” Haruhi unilaterally declared her sovereignty over the use of the room and had wanted to remove the original sign, but I stopped her. After all, it’s important for humans to maintain a certain amount of caution in their actions.

  Haruhi opened the door without knocking, and standing inside was a fairy girl. When her eyes met with mine, she smiled like a lily blossoming.

  “Oh… hello.”

  Wearing a maid costume and sweeping the room with a broomstick is the best tea girl ever, the pride of the SOS Brigade – Asahina Mikuru-san. As usual, she carried a sweet smile befitting of a fairy residing in the club room and welcomed my arrival. Maybe she is a fairy in disguise. She feels more like a fairy than a time traveler from the future.