Volume 2 - The Sighs of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  Indeed, the first words Haruhi said when she emerged from the store were, “We got it!” If the manager was so willing to give things away, I’m willing to queue up as well. So please, tell me the magic words you used!

  Haruhi turned and smiled, “It was nothing really! I said I wanted to make a movie and needed a camera, and he said ‘Okay.’ There was no problem at all.”

  I felt that even though things were going smoothly now, it wouldn’t end so easily. Could I be worrying too much?

  “Don’t sweat the small stuff, just happily be my servant and things will be fine!” Unfortunately, up until now, I still held the uneasy feeling from this spring, of boarding a cruise ship called the Titanic. I wanted to send out an SOS signal, but sadly, I don’t know Morse code, and I’m not the sort of person who can be glad at being called a servant.

  “All right! Now for the next store!”

  In the bustling crowd, Haruhi waved her arms and strode forward. I exchanged glances with Asahina-san, and then hurriedly followed along behind Haruhi.

  Haruhi next visited a toy and model store.

  As before, Asahina-san and I were left outside while she went in to negotiate. I was beginning to have an idea of what she was up to, since every time she pointed out towards us, her finger was always directed towards Asahina-san. If I’m guessing correctly, she must be using Asahina-san as some sort of bargaining chip. Asahina-san has yet to realize this, as she was curiously studying a globe on display in the window.

  A few minutes later, Haruhi came out carrying a huge box with her. What is it this time? “A weapon,” Haruhi replied, and shoved the box to me. I looked carefully and saw it was a plastic model; it looks like a gun-shaped weapon. What does she want with this stuff? “We’ll need this for the action scenes, the gun fights that is! An intense battle is the basic ingredient for any entertaining movie. If it’s possible, I want to blow up an entire building as well. Do you know where they sell explosives? I wonder if the hardware store has them.” How the hell should I know? At least I know you won’t find them in the convenience stores or on the internet. Maybe they have some in the stone quarry… I had wanted to remind Haruhi of this, but quickly dispelled the thought, mainly because she would probably go there in the middle of the night and steal some dynamite and wires for herself.

  I lowered the camera and plastic model boxes and shook my head.

  “What should we do with these boxes?”

  “You take them home first, and then bring them to the club room tomorrow. It’s too troublesome taking it back to school now.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you.”

  Haruhi crossed her arms and gave a benevolent expression. That was a smile rarely seen in the classroom, and reserved only for the SOS Brigade, and every time Haruhi makes such a smile, I always had to take care of the rest. Just what was I to her?

  “Excuse me…”

  Asahina-san politely raised her arm,

  “What should I be doing…?”

  “You can go home now, Mikuru-chan. Your work is done for today.” Asahina-san blinked her eyes and had the look some one that had just been possessed by a fox. Since all Asahina-san ever did today was blindly follow Haruhi and me, she probably doesn’t know why Haruhi had asked her to come along, though I could guess what Haruhi was up to.

  Haruhi walked energetically like a gym instructor and led us to the station. It seems like today’s Haruhi-ist activity was coming to an end. The loot included a camera and a few toy guns. Rather than by skillful negotiation, Haruhi probably obtained these through very unorthodox means. The expenses were zero. In other words, we got them for free.

  There used to be a saying, “There’s nothing more terrifying than not needing to pay.” The thing is, Haruhi doesn’t seem to care. If someone knows something that would make her terrified, please, do let me know.

  The next day, besides my bag, I had to carry some excess baggage up the slope.

  “Hey, Kyon! What are you carrying? Some present for a certain model student?” Running towards my side is Taniguchi, a classmate of Haruhi’s and mine, a very simple single-celled organism, and as normal a high school student as you can find anywhere. Normal is such a great description for him. Right now, for me, normalcy is a rare commodity since this word represents the magic of the language used in reality.

  I hesitated for a while, and then stuffed the lighter of the two supermarket bags into Taniguchi’s arms.

  “What the hell’s this, a toy gun? I didn’t know you had such hobbies.” “It’s not my hobby, it’s Haruhi’s.”

  I then gave Taniguchi a brief explanation, but Taniguchi was quite right in treating this as an odd hobby.

  “I find it hard to imagine Suzumiya breaking this up and then reassembling and preserving it.” I too, found it hard to imagine, so who else besides Haruhi can break up and reassemble these things? I might as well tell everyone that when I was young, I attempted to assemble a toy robot, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t attach its right shoulder and I threw it away out of frustration.

  “You sure have it tough.”

  Taniguchi said in a tone that didn’t sound sympathetic at all, “Up to now, the only person capable of protecting Suzumiya has been you. This I can guarantee, so you’d better stick with her.” What the hell are you talking about? There’s no way I would want to stick with Haruhi! The one I should be sticking around with is Asahina-san. I’m sure everyone would feel the same.

  Taniguchi giggled like a gremlin.

  “Ah, that won’t do, after all, she’s the little angel of North High, the solace for the hearts of all the guys. If you don’t want to be stuffed in a sack by half of the school, I suggest that you’d better watch your step. I don’t suppose you’d like for me to stab you in the back with a knife, would you?”

  All right, then I’ll go with the second best and pick Nagato.

  “That won’t do either. She may not look like it, but she has a lot of hidden admirers. How come she stopped wearing glasses? Has she switched to contacts?”

  “Hmm… why don’t you ask her yourself?”

  “Ask? Up to now, no matter how hard I tried, she has ignored everything I’ve said. Everyone in Nagato’s class firmly believes that a single word she says is enough to determine the fate of the day.”

  Stop treating Nagato like a god. What sort of superstition is this? She may not be ordinary, but for her standards, she’s actually quite normal. Though I don’t really know what her standards are.

  “Anyway, you fit well with Suzumiya. Only you can carry out a decent conversation with that idiot. So keep a good eye on her and minimize the casualties to as low as possible. Oh yeah, the school festival is coming up, what huge event are you guys planning for then?”

  “Don’t ask me.”

  I’m not the spokesperson for the SOS Brigade, but Taniguchi continued, “Even if I asked Suzumiya, she would just answer with something cryptic, and if I don’t time my question correctly, I might even get attacked by her. As for Nagato Yuki, you won’t get anything out of her no matter what’s being asked, while Asahina-san is off limits, as I’ll probably be lynched by a mob if I tried to talk with her. So in the end, I had to ask you.”

  He sure is good at making excuses. According to him, I’m just mister nice guy.

  “Aren’t you? You look like the sort of person who would continue walking forward with her, even when you know a cliff awaits you ahead.”

  As we got near the school entrance, I snatched the bag from Taniguchi’s arms while looking quite irritated.

  I don’t know what lies ahead in the midst of Haruhi’s madness, but I don’t think it can be anything good. Yet, I’m not the only one walking with Haruhi in this perilous journey. There are at least three others with me. Two of them can probably take care of themselves, but Asahina-san would be in great danger since she has no idea what to expect. It’s as though she isn’t from the future at all. But that’s also where her charm lies.

&n
bsp; “Which is why,” I explained to Taniguchi, “Someone needs to protect her.” Ah, that’s more like what a male protagonist should be saying. Though I’m just protecting her from Haruhi’s sexual harassment. That’s all.

  I calmly continued, “Since I was given this chance, I have to protect her. I don’t care what the rest of the guys in school say, be my guest if you want to form a gentleman’s alliance or something like that.”

  Taniguchi continued to giggle like a gremlin.

  “You’d better tread carefully, since every month is a new month.” After leaving the sort of blackmail threat a conniving thief would use, Taniguchi walked past the school entrance.

  As I carried my baggage and headed towards the corridor outside the classroom, I saw Haruhi stuffing her things into her locker. I proceeded to put the camera equipment and model toy guns into my stainless steel locker as well.

  “Kyon, we’re gonna be busy today.” Without even saying good morning, Haruhi slammed her locker door and gave me a smile as warm as early spring.

  “Mikuru-chan, Yuki, and even Koizumi-kun, I won’t allow you guys to have any complaints! The movie script in my mind has now neared completion. I can even hear it rumble; now all that remains is to just put it on screen.”

  “Really?”

  I casually replied, and entered the classroom. My seat is the second from last of the row. Since the school term began, we’ve changed seats many times already, but so far I’ve never been allocated the seat in the back since Haruhi always ends up sitting there behind me. I’m beginning to feel that it’s too unnatural to be coincidental, yet I still wanted to believe that it was all just a coincidence.

  If I don’t tell myself that, I would lose faith in the word “coincidence,” I sure am kind. I’m sure anyone who gets involved with Haruhi would believe the same as I do. I’m like a midfielder in charge of intercepting any ball that’s not controlled by either side, while Haruhi is a hyper-attacking striker standing in an offside position and running towards the goal. She’s probably so offside that the nearest opponent is miles away, so even if she does get the ball, the linesman would have no choice but to raise the offside flag.

  For Haruhi, she’d probably say that’s the linesman’s mistake. She would say with a straight face that something is wrong with the rules and then proceed to pick up the ball, run past the goal posts, and declare that she’s scored a point. If that’s the case, I suggest she stay away from rugby.

  In order to deal with her inconsiderate attitude, the best way is to just pretend nothing ever happened and quietly leave the crime scene. Or to just give up on struggling and obey whatever she says.

  Besides me, most of the classmates have chosen the former option.

  So after the sixth session, with one more class to go, Okabe-sensei and the other students all had nothing to say about the seat behind me being empty. Did they not notice? Or did they choose not to notice? Or perhaps they just couldn’t be bothered to waste their time worrying about such things? At any rate, everyone has agreed that it’s best to leave her alone, so it’s no longer important to know why.

  I walked towards the clubroom with an ominous feeling, carrying the bag containing the boxes, and stopping before the Literature Club room.

  I thought I heard something. The “Ahh’s!” are the cute screams of Asahina-san, while the “Waah’s!” are the chilling yells of Haruhi. Here we go again.

  If I opened the door now, I would probably see very pleasant scenery, but as a man with common sense, I held back my desires and quietly waited outside.

  After about five minutes, the soft screams of resistance have finally subsided, as it always ends with Haruhi putting her arms on her waist and smiling victoriously. Like a rabbit that can never defeat a snake, there’s no way Asahina-san can ever defeat Haruhi.

  I knocked on the door.

  “Come in!”

  Haruhi’s energetic reply echoed through the door. I tried to guess what was contained within the paper bags that she brought this morning, while opening the door, and entering the clubroom. As expected, Haruhi’s victorious smile greeted me, but I was already tired of that expression. I turned my gaze towards the person sitting before Haruhi on a steel chair, and I felt my temperature rising instantly.

  A waitress was sitting right there, looking at me with watery eyes.

  “…”

  Her hair a bit messy, the waitress lowered her head and kept silent like Nagato. Haruhi had the waitress’s brown hair tied into two ponytails. Amazingly, Nagato was nowhere to be seen.

  “So how is it?”

  Haruhi snorted and asked me. What’s with that face telling me it’s all thanks to you? Asahina-san’s cuteness is a god-given gift, yet…

  I actually think she looks great in this costume. I wonder what Asahina-san thinks? She wouldn’t disagree with me having such thoughts, would she? Though, isn’t her skirt a bit too short?

  Like 100% pure fruit juice, Asahina-san the waitress clutched her hands and placed them tightly on her fists and sat stiffly.

  This costume looks perfect on you; it’s as if it were made especially for you. Thanks to this, I silently stared at Asahina-san for thirty seconds. Suddenly someone patted my shoulders and nearly had me jumping in fright.

  “Sorry about yesterday. We still have to revise the script today, but I insisted on leaving early since I didn’t have the opportunity to prepare with you guys from beginning to end yesterday.”

  Koizumi smiled with his handsome face and then glanced in the clubroom over my shoulder.

  “Hi.”

  He smiled cheerfully.

  “This costume…”

  Koizumi walked past me, placed his bag on the table and sat down on one of the steel chairs.

  “Suits you wonderfully.”

  He gave his most direct opinion. Well, everyone knows about that. What I don’t understand is what is a waitress is doing here in a crummy old room instead of in a cafe or restaurant.

  “That’s because,” Haruhi said, “I wanted Mikuru-chan to wear this costume in the movie.” What’s wrong with the maid costume?

  “Maids only do certain tasks for the rich in their mansions. Waitresses are different, they appear on the street corner, or in some store, and provide all sorts of services to the mass public at an hourly rate of 730 Yen.”

  I don’t know if that hourly rate is considered high or low, but at any rate, I don’t think Asahina-san would dress up as a maid just so she can work in some mansion. It’s a different story if Haruhi actually pays for her services though.

  “Stop picking at the small details! It all has to do with how you feel, and I feel this looks good.” You may think so, but what about Asahina-san?

  “Umm… Suzumiya-san… I think this costume is a bit small for me…” Asahina-san’s probably worried about her panties showing, since she’s tightly pressing the edge of her skirt down. But doing this only serves to unsettle me further, and before I knew it, my eyes were transfixed upon that spot.

  “I think this suits you just fine.”

  It took a lot of effort to move my gaze away and fix it towards Haruhi, who was smiling like a beautiful flower blossoming in the middle of a forest. Haruhi aimed her pupils, which can only see what’s before them, to me.

  “The concept for our movie this time is…”

  She pointed towards Asahina’s shivering back.

  “This.”

  What do you mean “this”? You want to make a documentary of a girl working part-time in a teashop? “No! There’s not much fun in making a candid camera show of Mikuru-chan’s daily life. We’ve got to make a movie about the daily life of an extraordinary person, only then can the movie be attractive. Making a documentary about the daily life of an ordinary high school student is just satisfying one’s ego.” I don’t think that Asahina-san would be satisfied by making this movie. I believe someone else needs to have their ego satisfied, and I believe that Asahina-san’s daily life is already extraordinary enough, but I
decided to keep quiet.

  “As the director of the SOS Brigade, I will carry out the mission to entertain the masses. Just you wait! I will make everyone give me a standing ovation!”

  Looking carefully, I realized Haruhi’s “Commander” armband had now been replaced with the word “Director.” Such a meticulous person.

  An excited female director, a depressed lead actress, and a lead actor smiling enigmatically as though he’s only a bystander, I really don’t know how to describe this scene. At this moment, the clubroom door opened.

  “…”

  I thought it was someone else, and for a moment my mind was filled with terror. I thought my short life had finally come to an end, since even Death had come to receive me. I even thought I was in the backstage of the movie where Salieri slowly destroyed Mozart as he composed his Requiem.

  “…”

  Nagato’s usual pale face silently emerged from the doorway. She only showed her face, while her body was shrouded in darkness.

  I wasn’t the only one frightened into silence, Haruhi and Asahina-san weren’t any better, even Koizumi’s usual smile carried a bit of fearfulness in it. Nagato was wearing a strange costume that even Asahina-san would feel startled in. She had covered herself with a black cloak, wearing an equally pitch black pointed hat, a recognizable witch outfit.

  Under our petrified gaze, Nagato, who was dressed like Death, silently walked to her reserved seat by the corner, took out her bag and hard-back book from under her cloak, and placed it on the table.

  Ignoring our stunned glances, she began to read her book.

  Looks like this would be the costume used for divinations for her class during the school festival.

  Being the first to recover from the shock, Haruhi bombarded Nagato with a series of questions. From her monosyllabic replies, we came to this conclusion: there must be a talented fashion designer in her class to be able to make Nagato enjoy wearing this costume around.

  Nagato entered the room in such a terrifying doll-like costume, has she secretly decided to compete with Asahina-san in her own way? Her logic is even harder to understand than Haruhi’s!