Tattered on My Sleeve

by Autumn Jones Lake

  Doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy fucking with him a bit.

  Sitting back, I narrow my eyes and stare him down. “You trust her?”

  “You know I do.”

  “You trust her with your life? Our lives?” I point at every brother at the table. I know Rock’s thought this through. He wouldn’t have brought it to the table otherwise. But I have to ask.

  “Yes, she’d never spill club business.” I agree. As clueless as she is, I’ve never seen her run her mouth. “How much club business you gonna let her in on?” This is important and I wish to fuck he’d straighten this out before he patches her.

  “She understands but said she doesn’t want details in case she ever ends up having to represent one of us in court.”

  Didn’t see that one coming. I should have though. I’ve actually seen her in the courtroom and she’s a fierce little thing. “Okay. You got my yes.”

  The relief on Rock’s face is so obvious, I almost feel bad for messing with him.

  Almost.

  Now that Wrath knows what I’ve been up to, it’s nice to be able to work during the day. While the guys are locked up in the war room for church, I finish one project and send it off.

  Church rarely lasts longer than an hour, so I hustle down to the kitchen. To my surprise, Birch already has breakfast started. I grab a cup of coffee, a piece of toast, and try not to freak out about him messing around in my kitchen.

  Rowdy voices come from the dining room, prompting me to grab a pot of coffee and head out. But I’m surprised to find only Ravage, Dex, Bricks and Stash sitting around one of the tables.

  “Where’s everyone else?”

  “Rock, kept ‘em behind,” Dex explains with no other details. Fuck, I hope nothing’s wrong.

  “Sparky head back downstairs?”

  Rav rolls his eyes at me. “What do you think?”

  I run back in the kitchen and make up a plate for Sparky, then run it downstairs to him. He barely notices and mumbles a thank you on my way out.

  Wrath’s definitely wound up when he busts into the dining room. As soon as he sees me, his demeanor changes. He jerks his head toward the hallway.

  “What’s up?” I ask when we’re alone.

  “Just wanted to see you. Alone.”

  “Everything okay?”

  Z, Murphy and Teller walk up together but stop when they see us. “Where’s Rock?” I ask.

  “Halfway to slam-central station by now,” Murphy answers with a snicker.

  Z glances at him sideways. “What’s the matter with you?”

  Wrath finally steers me into my room. “Aren’t you hungry?” I ask.

  “Yeah. But not for food.”

  “Handling club business with the guys got you worked up?”

  “No. Thinking about you got me worked up.”

  “You were thinking about me in church?”

  “I think about you all the time.”

  Shit. I don’t know what to do with that. My cheeks burn and I have to look away. “Me too.”

  When I turn back to face him, he’s wearing such a serious expression, I wonder what the hell went down in church. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m thinking it’s time we stop screwing around and announce our relationship.” He runs his finger over my cheek. “I want everyone to know you’re my girl.”

  “Wyatt—”

  “You realize I don’t need your permission?”

  Now that pisses me off. “If that’s the way you want to go, why tell me at all? Just embrace your inner caveman, like you’re dying to do. Maybe you’d like to drag me in there by my hair to really drive it home to everyone.”

  “You make me fuckin’ nuts. You know that? I’m trying so fuckin’ hard—”

  I catch his hand and hold it until he looks at me. “I know you are. I’m sorry. Don’t you think everyone sort of suspects it anyway?”

  “I don’t care. I want to announce it. I want everyone to hear me say you’re my ol’ lady.”

  The enormity of it strikes me in the chest and I stagger over to my desk to sit down.

  “Soon okay? Can we stick to the original plan? I thought things were going well?”

  “They are.” He glances at the door and back at me.

  I know better than to ask what went down in church, but it’s really bugging me. “What happened in church?” I blurt out.

  His face locks down hard and cold. “Club business. You know better.”

  Yeah, I do.

  “I’m gonna go down to the dining room,” he says. “You comin’?”

  “No. I ate. I’ve got some stuff to do.”

  The disappointment on his face shreds me, but he nods and leaves.

  I need something. I’m so damn wound up now. Why am I doing this to him? To us? He’s been true to his word. Haven’t seen him blink in the direction of any of the girls.

  I haven’t thought about anyone else. Even when he pisses me off.

  Thinking about all this has me jumping out of my skin. I change and walk across the hall to see if burning off some energy will help my brain calm down.

  I’m still so fuckin’ scared if this doesn’t work, I’ll find myself homeless. Right? That’s my reason?

  The familiar swirl of insecurity spins through me but I keep pushing. Maybe if I pound the treadmill hard enough, I can outrun all the bad memories threatening to crush me. Wyatt’s a risk I want to take. I should take. But I’ve chosen safety and security over everything else my entire life. And here I am doing it again.

  Z senses I’m pissed as soon as I sit down.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You mad about voting Hope in?”

  “Fuck no.”

  Murphy chuckles. “I think prez was convinced you were gonna down vote her.”

  I tune out for most of their conversation. Eventually Z and I are the only ones left.

  “What’s bugging you, man?” he asks without his usual smirk.

  “Nothing. I’d just…nothing.” I’m annoyed for a whole bunch of reasons. I wasn’t lying to Trinity about wanting to make my own announcement. But she’s right. We’re not ready. It’s not about the fucking cast, or her room, or what anyone thinks.

  She still hasn’t confided in me about her past. I haven’t pushed her yet, because I want her to tell me on her own. Because she trusts me.

  Z thumps me on the back once before heading out.

  Trin catches my eye when I pass the gym. She’s burning up the treadmill. God damn she’s cute. Yeah, I use cute to describe Trinity a lot. But I don’t have a better word. Fuckin’ adorable? Knock-out beautiful. Dick-twitching hot. Yup. She’s all of those things too. I gotta stop being so damn hard on her. She’s trying, that’s all that matters.

  She raises her hand to wave and I tell her to take her time. Girl’s been waiting on me long enough. She deserves to have at least a minute to herself.

  I’m barely in the door, before she comes in. All flushed and sweaty, she wipes our earlier argument clear from my head. Her red cheeks and chest remind me of other things.

  “Hey,” she says softly.

  “Hey.”

  She disappears into the bathroom but doesn’t bother shutting the door, so I stare at her ass while she bends over to wash her face.

  She comes out rubbing a towel up and down her arms.

  “Babe, don’t you got any of those sport bra top things to work out in?” I blurt out. Not that the fitted T-shirts and tight pants don’t turn my crank.

  She raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you see enough tits and ass running around this clubhouse?” she asks, walking closer. Almost within reach of my grabby hands.

  “Yeah, but the only tits and ass I wanna see are yours.”

  She snorts at me. “Please.”

  Snagging her around the waist, I pull her to me. “Don’t act like I’m spewing bullshit at you.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  Squeezing her chin between my thumb and
forefinger, I turn her to face me. “Why do I gotta keep explaining this to you? You’re the most beautiful woman in my fuckin’ universe.”

  “Wrath—”

  “Don’t fuckin’ ‘Wrath’ me.”

  “It’s hard okay? No one’s ever said that to me before.”

  How is that even possible? “That’s hard to believe.”

  Her head drops, gaze lowering to the floor. “I used to get teased a lot. Called Lizzie.” Her hand brushes over her side. “You know, for lizard skin? My mother spent years telling me how ugly and unappealing I was because of my scars. That I’d be lucky if any man ever took an interest in me. And here you are, physical perfection…”

  What the ever-loving fuck? “Babe, your mom sounds like a fuckin’ bitch. She was probably jealous of you.”

  She shakes her head.

  “Come on. Known plenty of fuckin’ women who get jealous when their daughters grow up pretty and all they’re doin’ is gettin’ old. See them at the gym all the time, callin’ their daughters fat and shit. Didn’t you ever watch Snow White?”

  That makes her laugh. I love the way she laughs. Love it when I’m the one to make her laugh.

  “What is it with you and Disney movies?”

  What an odd question. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re always calling Hope, Cinderella.”

  The stupid colors from that movie flash in my head. An image. Some sort of memory. Crushing guilt.

  Without thinking, my mouth opens. “That’s all my sister would watch. Princess movies.”

  Trinity reels back. “I didn’t know you have a sister.”

  Fuck, my chest burns. I haven’t thought about Faith in a while now, and that fact brings on a wave of guilt. “Had. She died.”

  Her mouth drops. She settles her hand on my chest. “Oh my God. How come you’ve never—”

  “Happened so long ago.”

  She slides out of my hold, sitting next to me on the bed. “Older or younger?”

  “Younger.”

  “What happened?”

  I sit up and drag my fingers over the fuzz on my scalp. Last fuckin’ thing I want to remember right now. The gentle touch of Trinity’s hand on my arm shakes the words out of me. “I fucked up.”

  “What? How did you fuck up?”

  I can’t look at her. “I was supposed to watch her. We always played outside. Safer that way. My job to look out for her.”

  Her hand moves to my face. “You were only a kid.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I was her big brother. Supposed to protect her.”

  Trinity’s still watching me and I can’t believe I’m going to admit this to her. Rock knows. Told him shortly after we met when he wanted to know why I was living on the street. Maybe by sharing it with her, she’ll finally open up to me.

  “Remember those stupid, plastic Big Wheels?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “We were riding them outside. Up and down the sidewalk. I didn’t realize she rode out into the street. I should have been paying closer attention. A car came. They always drove too fast in our neighborhood.” My eyes squeeze shut. “The sound was fucking horrible.” I can still hear my sister’s scream, the crush of plastic, the squeal of tires. My mother shrieking. Feel the impact of my father’s fists. The yank on my arm, burning pain.

  “Wyatt?” Trinity’s voice pulls me out of the memory. Her touch pushes it back into the past.

  “What was her name?”

  “Faith,” I croak out.

  Her hand automatically runs over my side. “Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark,” she whispers. Her eyes meet mine. “I always wondered, but never—”

  “You had it memorized?”

  She shrugs. “It’s pretty.” Her fingers tickle over where I have the bird tattooed above the inked words she just quoted. “How old was she?”

  “Five. I was eight.”

  Her lips form a small O of surprise and she inhales sharply. “Wyatt, you were a kid. Your parents had no right to—”

  “She trusted me.”

  “Of course she did.”

  “She was the sweetest kid. My friends who had little brothers or sisters hated them. Never understood why. Loved Faith from the second they brought her home and handed her off to me.”

  “I can understand that. I always wanted a sister to do stuff with.”

  Of course most of my time was spent protecting Faith from my father’s drunken rampages. “Hated when I started school and I had to leave her behind.”

  “Jesus, Wyatt. All these years, I had no idea—”

  My twists into a frown. “That I was such a whiny bitch?”

  “No.” Trinity’s a perceptive girl. I suppose she had to be to survive the life she did. She knows there’s more to the story. Her hand squeezes my arm again. “What else?”

  “What do you mean? There’s nothing else.”

  “Bullshit.”

  I turn so I can glare at her, but she doesn’t back down. “What do you want to hear? That my father turned gettin’ drunk into a full-time job and took his anger out on me? That my mother couldn’t stand to look at me after I killed her little girl and did jack shit to stop him? That at thirteen my mother took off for good and then things got real interesting at home? Or that at fifteen I decided I’d had enough and living on the streets was a better option?”

  The shock on her face is too much. I have to get up and get out of the bedroom.

  “Where are you going?” she sounds close to tears, and I can’t fucking stand it.

  “Outside. I need to be outside.”

  “Okay.”

  I don’t realize she followed me, until she reaches out and holds the back door open. The idea of navigating over the uneven ground annoys me, so I drop down onto the top step, stretching my leg out in front of me.

  Trin perches next to me but doesn’t say anything.

  After a few minutes of silence, she places her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”

  I can’t stand the thought of her feeling a second of guilt. “It’s okay.”

  “What did she look like?” she whispers after a few seconds of silence.

  If I close my eyes I can almost picture my sister clearly. “She was so pretty. Big frickin’ blue doll eyes. Had this long blonde hair down to her butt.” I shake my head. “I was the only one she’d sit still for to brush her hair. Our mother always threatened to shave Faith’s head, so I’d make sure it got done.”

  “Geez. Wow, Wyatt.”

  Yeah, I’m a giant sappy, puss, I know.

  “Do you have any pictures of her?”

  “One. Up in my room. I’ll show it to you some day.”

  She nods and squeezes my hand. “I’d like that.”

  I cover her hand with mine and pull her closer. “I’m sure later I’ll feel better about talking about it. Right now I just feel—”

  “Exposed?”

  “Yes.”

  “I understand.”

  And I know that she does.

  I’m still sort of raw from all the darkness I revealed to Trinity. She seems to sense it and keeps her distance.

  Well, as much as she can when we’re sharing her room.

  Rock had yet another blow up with Hope. Right after we voted her in. Poor bastard. This time I can’t say it’s entirely his fault.

  He takes off first thing in the morning to work that out. Z and I sort of shake our heads.

  “How did he think this was going to turn out different?” he jokes. “He’s in for a lifetime of ball-busting.” He chuckles in a gleeful way that makes me laugh too. Yesterday we gave Rock our thoughtful advice. Today we heckled him until he got fed up and left.

  My fist lands on his bicep. “You’re such a dick.”

  Trin rushes by with a basket of laundry. That situation needs to end real soon. Girl’s still behind on her book covers. That’s what she should be focusing on. Not laundry. Z stares after her a
nd I swear to fuck if he makes one comment about her ass, he’s dead.

  “You two okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah. Like to take my own fuckin’ vote,” I grumble.

  “That what’s been pissing you off? Why? You don’t need our votes. She’s practically a member already.”

  That’s where he’s wrong. “Fuck that. She deserves the same fuckin’ vote as any other old lady.”

  Z reels back and I swear his cheeks redden a little. Didn’t think the fuck had an ounce of shame in him. “You’re right. She does. I just meant, we all trust her. No one would say no.”

  “I know what you meant.” It’s a nice sentiment. But I still want things done right.

  Z’s phone buzzes and he yanks it out.

  “Shit.”

  “What?”

  He shows me the text from Rock.

  At Empire Med with Hope. Bad.

  “Jesus Christ. Tell him we’ll be right there.” I struggle to pull myself up and decide it will save some time if I just yell for Trin.

  She comes running. “What? You okay?”

  “Yeah. Want you to hang close to the house today. Something’s gone down. Rock’s at the hospital with Hope.”

  “Oh my God.” She trembles and chews on her thumb. “What happened?”

  “Don’t know yet, babe. That’s why you gotta stay here,” Z explains as he heads for the door.

  “I’ll call you in a bit, okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  Before I step outside, she grabs my arm and leans up to kiss my cheek. “Just be careful.”

  Navigating the parking at the mammoth hospital is a pain in the ass. Z ends up throwing his truck in some reserved spot.

  “Brother, what the fuck?” Z asks when we find Rock in the waiting room.

  “I don’t know. They haven’t fucking told me anything yet.”

  Rock’s covered in blood and I’m afraid to even ask what happened. If it’d been a drive-by you’d think there’d be cops crawling all over the place. My hand brushes over my side, the familiar weight of the Glock holstered there comforting. Any Vipers show up, I’ve got ten chances to make them think twice.

  “What happened?” I finally ask.