Hunting Shadows (Shadow Series #3)

by S. H. Kolee

  “You look a little flushed.”

  “I’m fine,” I said with a bright smile. A part of me wanted to tell Sarah about my conflicted emotions but I wasn’t even sure exactly what my feelings were. Things were complicated enough as it was and I didn’t want to pull her into the chaotic mess of my emotions. Besides, I was determined to squash whatever feelings I had started developing for Ryan so there was nothing to tell. “I’m going to get changed.”

  I made my escape to my bedroom and changed quickly, not really paying attention to what I changed into. I acted as naturally as I could when I came back into the living room and but I was acutely aware of Ryan watching me. I tried to ignore him and told myself this would be a good night and I wouldn’t ruin it with my neuroses.

  Fortunately, Jenny and Sarah kept the conversation going as we made our way to the East End and I made sure to inject comments here and there so that they didn’t think anything was amiss. The bar was already packed but we managed to finagle a table in the back. I took a large swallow of beer as soon as the waitress set the bottles down on our table.

  “When do you find out if you got the job?” Jenny asked, leaning towards Ryan so he could hear her over the din of the crowd. I blinked in confusion, but Ryan remembered the lie of why he was in town with ease and answered smoothly. I tuned out their conversation and took another sip of beer.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Sarah asked in a low voice so only I could hear her. “You’re acting kind of weird.”

  “I’m fine,” I said reassuringly, smiling at her. “Just tired. It’s been a stressful few weeks.”

  Sarah laughed. “You can say that again.”

  I was saved from having to answer any more questions when the crowd starting cheering so loudly that I feared for the safety of my eardrums. Simon, Grant and Marcus filed onto the stage and Grant settled behind the drums as the other two picked up their guitars.

  “I know we’ve been M.I.A. for a while,” Simon said into the microphone, grinning widely at the crowd. I sometimes forgot how charming and charismatic he could be on stage. I felt a tug of pride as I watched him.

  “We’re lucky that we have such loyal fans and we’ve missed you as much as you’ve missed us.” Simon winked at the crowd as they cheered. “Let’s not go so long without seeing each other again.”

  The Henchmen started playing one of their fast songs and the fans went wild. I was content just to sit back and watch and I felt a warmth run through me when Simon caught my eye and winked. In that moment, my feelings for Ryan seemed ridiculous and I was barely aware that he was sitting at the same table as me. My heart belonged to Simon and that would never change.

  They played a long set and it was late by the time they were done. They were mobbed when they came out from backstage and after a while they were able to make their way to our table.

  “Amazing, as always,” Sarah said as they sat down.

  “You were awesome!” Jenny chimed in.

  “And what did you think?” Simon asked as he sat down next to me and rested his arm around my chair. I wrinkled my nose.

  “Passable, I suppose.” I ruined the effect of my disdain by laughing. “You know you were great. You don’t need me to tell you that.”

  “But it means the most when you say it.”

  My heart ached a little at his words and as I leaned forward to kiss him softly, I resolved to never give him any reason to doubt my loyalty to him. When I pulled back, his blue eyes were sparkling and he looked happier than he had in a long time.

  We hung out for a while at the East End and although I had the most fun that I had in a while, I was also keenly aware that we were all paired off except Ryan. It didn’t seem to bother him, but I couldn’t forget the words I had thrown so coldly at him earlier. He had revealed enough of himself to me that I knew he didn’t relish a lonely life, but he seemed resigned to the fact that it was his destiny as a seer. He avoided looking at me and I wondered if he had finally accepted the fact that there would be nothing romantic between us. I hoped so because it would make it a lot easier to push aside my feelings for him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The visions came back with a vengeance. The next couple of weeks were filled with countless visions of death while I slept, but instead of weakening me as they had done in the past, they strengthened me. Ryan and I settled into a somewhat comfortable relationship. We both seemed to want to ignore what had happened between us and connected simply as seers. He was invaluable in helping me recall details in my visions that I would have missed on my own. Simon was still distrustful of Ryan but he seemed to accept that we needed him to help me get stronger to defeat my father. Once I realized that Ryan seemed to accept that nothing would ever happen between us, I was able to relax around him.

  With each vision came the tracking and surveillance of the potential victims. I took a different approach with each of them since the circumstances were so varied, but the inevitable stand-off was the same for all of them. I felt a growing sense of pride and confidence as I was able to destroy each vardoger and I began to learn the exact amount of energy I needed to channel to destroy them. My control over my powers became more honed and instead of fearing the encounters, I started to look forward to them.

  Ryan was always beside me, guiding me in these moments but Simon was always there too. I felt a sense of safety with them around and I began to truly believe that I could fulfill my calling as a seer.

  I couldn’t help wondering what my father was waiting for, why he wasn’t coming for me, but I decided to not question the gift of time I had been given and resolved to get as strong as I could.

  I told Grant and Sarah minimal details about everything I was doing, not wanting to get them too involved, but it was still a burden to keep it a secret from Jenny and Marcus. I was relieved when winter break rolled around and everyone went home. Simon and I had decided to stay in Rochester despite his family being disappointed that we wouldn’t be coming to Connecticut for Christmas. Simon gave the excuse of taking a music seminar that Maxwell was offering over the break and fortunately his parents bought the excuse.

  Ryan stayed with us as well, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had anyone to call to make excuses to. It made me sad to think that he didn’t and I was reminded how alike we were in so many ways. I had no family to make excuses to either.

  Christmas was interesting, to say the least. I decided to put on the works and make a full dinner on Christmas Eve even though it was just the three of us. It made me feel a little more normal and both Simon and Ryan seemed to appreciate the gesture. An uneasy truce had settled between them and they were able to put aside their differences to sit down to a civil dinner.

  I woke up from a vision-less sleep on Christmas Day, my spirits lifting when I saw the sunlight streaming through the window. I turned around in bed and saw that Simon’s eyes were already open.

  “How long have you been awake?” I asked softly.

  “Just for a few minutes. I wanted to enjoy what little time we have alone.”

  “I know Ryan being here isn’t your idea of an ideal Christmas. Thanks for putting up with it.”

  Simon leaned over and kissed me gently. “You’re worth that and more.” He deepened the kiss and I pressed against him, reveling in the feel of his body against mine. He pulled back slightly and gazed at me. “Merry Christmas,” he whispered.

  “Merry Christmas,” I whispered back and pulled him closer so his lips were against mine again. The slow heat began to burn hotter and I opened my mouth, making a sound of satisfaction when I felt his tongue caressing mine. I pressed against him harder but he broke the kiss.

  “We need to stop now, or I’m not going to be able to stop at all,” he said, his breathing heavy.

  “I don’t want you to stop.” I was tired of waiting. I didn’t want to wait for the perfect moment anymore because I had a feeling it would never come. It didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that Simon and I were together. />
  His blue eyes darkened in anticipation but he still asked the question. “Are you sure?” He glanced at the closed bedroom door. “We’re not alone.”

  “I don’t care. I want you too much.”

  That seemed to melt any hesitation Simon had and he pulled me towards him, kissing me deeply. There was a new urgency to our kisses, as if knowing what they were leading to made us even hotter.

  I moaned when he trailed open-mouthed kisses down my neck, barely even noticing when he pushed up my shirt.

  “Lift your arms up,” he said hoarsely and I obliged, feeling a little nervous when he pulled off my shirt so that I was bared to him. My nervousness was forgotten when I felt his mouth on me and I gasped when he pulled my hardened nipple into his mouth. I raked my hands through his hair, mewling when he showed the same attention to my other breast.

  Simon was already shirtless and I moved my hands to his back, stroking his muscled shoulders. I found myself growing impatient, needing to feel as close to him as possible.

  “Easy,” he rasped when I made a move to take off his bottoms. “We should take this slow since it’s your first time.”

  I made a sound of protest. “The last thing I want to do now is go slow. I’ve been going slow for twenty-one years.”

  The grin Simon gave me somehow turned me on even more. It was full of rakish satisfaction and open lust. “That’s why I want to take this slow and make it worth your while.”

  My breath caught in my throat when he pushed my pajama bottoms and panties down. Even though I knew what he was going to do, that didn’t stop me from gasping in surprise and then moaning in pleasure when I felt his mouth on me. Time seemed to stand still as he continued his onslaught and just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he stopped and pulled himself up.

  My body felt like it was on fire and I couldn’t stop shifting restlessly beneath him. My voice didn’t sound like my own when I spoke. “Simon, please. I can’t wait any longer.”

  I felt lost in his gaze as his eyes drank me in as if he couldn’t get enough of me. “I love you, Caitlin,” he said, his voice hushed. His blue eyes grew dark until they almost looked black. “Don’t forget that.”

  “I won’t,” I said, pressing myself against him. I was urgent to become one with him and the longer he denied me, the needier I felt. I almost sighed in relief when he shed his bottoms and I heard the crinkle of a foil packet. He never broke eye contact as he raised himself above me and I opened myself up to him.

  The pleasure blotted out any twinge of pain there might have been and soon nothing in the world existed except Simon. He tried to control himself, the muscle twitching in his jaw telling me how much he was trying to pace himself, but soon neither of us could deny the driving need and we came together with a fierceness that took my breath away. I never felt more connected to anyone than the moment when we lost ourselves in each other, the sharp and sweet pleasure almost too much to take.

  The aftermath was just as beautiful as we lay in each other’s arms, neither of us wanting to break the connection.

  “Are you okay?” Simon asked softly, brushing the hair back from my sweat-dampened face. I snuggled closer to him feeling content.

  “I’m more than okay. I always thought the first time was supposed to suck.”

  I felt the rumble of his chest when he laughed. “I guess that’s a compliment.”

  I kissed him lightly. “It’s definitely a compliment.” I watched as his amusement faded and he watched me with serious eyes.

  “Do you love me?” he asked, as if he actually wasn’t sure of the answer.

  “Always,” I whispered. “I’ll always love you.”

  The lines of tension on his face relaxed and he pulled me closer. We spent the next hour in bed just enjoying cuddling together. Reality slowly started to intrude and I couldn’t help wondering if Ryan had heard anything. I had given no thought to how loud I was being since I was too lost in the moment. The thought of Ryan hearing us, of hearing me, made me cringe and I felt embarrassment start to creep in. It was still early and I hoped he had slept through the whole thing.

  “Do you think he heard?” I asked.

  Simon frowned, the contentment on his face vanishing. “Who the hell cares? He’s the one intruding.”

  I sighed but didn’t push the subject, not wanting to ruin the mood. I reluctantly sat up and grabbed my clothes that had been discarded on the floor, putting them on quickly. “I need to take a shower.”

  I padded down the hallway but walked past the bathroom to take the opportunity to peak into the living room. Ryan was still sleeping on the couch with his back turned to me and I breathed a sigh of relief. It was probably a good thing that he had refused Sarah’s offer to sleep in her bed while she was gone, since her room was so much closer to mine.

  I made my way to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower while I relived every moment with Simon. I couldn’t stop smiling like a giddy schoolgirl and wondered if I should call Sarah to tell her what had finally happened.

  Simon was no longer in the bedroom when I returned and I dressed quickly, hoping that he hadn’t woken Ryan. Even though I doubted Ryan had heard anything, I still felt a little embarrassed and transparent, like I had “just lost my virginity” emblazoned across my forehead.

  Ryan was awake and the sheets and pillow were neatly folded on the couch when I walked into the living room. Simon was sitting on the recliner and they both looked up when I entered the room. I had obviously interrupted their conversation and I was curious as to what they had been talking about without me. They weren’t known to make idle chitchat with each other.

  “Good morning,” I greeted Ryan. Remembering the holiday, I added, “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas,” he reciprocated but he didn’t smile at me. I glanced at Simon and he wasn’t smiling either.

  “What are you two talking about?” I started to notice the growing tension in the room.

  “Simon was just telling me that he thinks it’s time for me to leave,” Ryan said, his voice bland but his eyes were narrowed. “Nothing new, but he seems to think you’re on board with the idea as well.”

  I turned to Simon. “What’s this all about?”

  “We don’t need him anymore. I can help you just as much as he can to make you stronger. I’ve been with you every step of the way.”

  “You have and I appreciate it, but I still need Ryan. Because of him I’ve been able to learn how to retain much more from my visions. And don’t forget that he’s the only one that can warn us when my father is near.”

  Simon looked far from pleased by my response and his lips thinned. “We don’t need him anymore,” he insisted. “We don’t even know how accurate he is with tracking vardogers. All we have is his word.”

  I felt my ire start to rise. Just when I thought we had made some progress, Simon’s stubbornness reared its ugly head again. “Don’t forget about Marie. She’s the one that led us to him in the first place, and she seemed pretty convinced of his powers.” I made a sound of frustration. “I don’t want to argue about this again, Simon. Not today.”

  I turned around abruptly and stalked into the kitchen. I had planned to make pancakes for Christmas breakfast but that cheery thought was squashed as I leaned against the counter. I wasn’t surprised when Simon followed me into the kitchen.

  “What’s this all about, Simon?” I asked in a hushed tone, not wanting Ryan to overhear. “I thought you had accepted Ryan being here.”

  “Things are different now.”

  “Different how?”

  The expression on his face darkened. “Didn’t this morning change anything for you?”

  I looked at him, not quite understanding his meaning, and then it dawned on me. “Are you talking about us having sex?”

  His jaw tightened but he just stared at me.

  “Are you kidding me?” I said incredulously. “Why would us having sex change our need for Ryan’s help?”

  Simon
reached for me, pulling me close. His look was almost pleading as he spoke coaxingly. “Because we belong to each other even more now. We can face this together. He’ll just complicate everything. What happened this morning changed everything between us. It’s not just your decision to make anymore.”

  I pulled back and glared at him. “Are you saying because I had sex with you, I’m now somehow obligated to do what you say?” My anger was growing and I stared at him disbelievingly. “I don’t belong to you, Simon! I’m my own person and I make my own decisions!”

  Simon started to grow angry as well. “That’s not what I’m saying! I belong to you just as much as you belong to me. I just thought my opinion would matter to you now.”

  I made my voice controlled even though I wanted to shout at him. “Your opinion has always mattered to me, Simon. I thought mine mattered to you as well. Just because we were physically intimate doesn’t mean I now have to do what you say.”

  “Physically intimate?” Simon spat out the words as if they disgusted him. “I thought we made love to each other. I thought we were pledging ourselves to each other.”

  His words were confusing me, making me doubt myself. What had been a beautiful moment was now making the situation even worse.

  “Of course we made love to each other. I just don’t understand how that affects everything else! What does that have to do with you thinking I should follow what you say, even if I think otherwise?”

  Simon rubbed his forehead, looking tired and sad. “I don’t know, Caitlin. I don’t even know what the hell we’re arguing about anymore.”

  I took a deep breath, trying to get my temper under control. I reminded myself that getting angry with Simon wouldn’t solve anything. “Can we just drop this? It’s Christmas. For one day, let’s just pretend like we’re normal people.”

  Simon visibly flinched at my last statement, and I instantly regretted my choice of words. I had been talking about both of us, but he seemed to think it was a pointed barb at him. I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his neck.