Hard Love

by Meredith Wild

  My thoughts reeled at a million miles an hour. Erica’s first instinct to go to Michael had been right. She just didn’t know it. Still, I couldn’t believe Michael would go to the effort of hiring Trevor. Michael had been a great mentor, but I had no idea he was looking for new recruits.

  “The things you did for M89 a decade ago were remarkable,” he continued, clasping his hands in front of him. “Cutting edge, really. If you hadn’t gotten caught, banking software wouldn’t be what it is today. You identified the shortcomings in what was out on the market. Maybe you didn’t realize it at the time because you were still so young—not quite the capitalist you are today—but because of what you did, everyone with money to protect had an interest in solving this problem. Bankers’ phones were ringing off the hook. People wanted to know how their money was going to be protected. You created fear. And people respond to fear.”

  “Banksoft was an easy sell for you.”

  “Absolutely. In a way, it was priceless. Banksoft was the most expensive software acquisition in history up to that point. That wasn’t a fluke. Because how much would you pay to protect your wealth?”

  He glanced my way, but I was silent and still, sensing there was more that he wasn’t telling me.

  “Let me ask you another question. Can you put a price on the integrity of the vote that determines the men and women who will run our country, at any level of government?”

  And there it was. A bitter smile twisted at my lips.

  “By your math, the price goes up considerably after someone compromises a faulty system. Is that your new business model?”

  He nodded slowly. “It was. I figured the same principal would apply to the voting software I wanted Trevor to build out for me. And when the time came, I’d have the solution ready to sell to the highest bidder. But instead of waiting for demand, I created it. I wanted scandal. Some news.”

  “Glad I could help you out.” I ground my teeth, already seething from what Michael had revealed. The way he perceived Trevor made me question everything I’d ever respected about Michael. How could he see promise in a person who’d done nothing but vandalize my efforts?

  He sighed. “Blake, I didn’t want to send you to prison.”

  I let out a caustic laugh and shoved a hand through my already messed-up hair. “He used my fucking code. That didn’t concern you?”

  “I didn’t know the first thing about encryption routines until the FBI came calling. I’d given Trevor access to whatever he needed. Whether that was code or money. I brought him into the fold, the same way I did you. People like you respond to trust when no one else believes you deserve it.”

  I worked my jaw. “People like me, huh?”

  “Don’t be so sensitive, Blake. That’s how I won you over all those years ago. I trusted you… implicitly.”

  “I trusted you too.”

  A flicker of emotion passed behind his eyes. “I know, and perhaps I failed you there. But I needed your trust to teach you all the other things first.”

  “Why the governor’s election? Why Fitzgerald?”

  “That was an easy choice. His attorneys turned their backs on Max when we went to them for representation. Do you have any idea how many hundreds of thousands I’ve dumped into Fitzgerald’s firm?”

  “So this was about vengeance.”

  “Not at all. This was about creating an opportunity first. Vengeance was an unexpected benefit. A bonus, if you will.”

  “And when I was implicated and the FBI came to you, you still wouldn’t give him up?”

  “If it had been simply a matter of protecting you, I would have. But I was concerned Trevor might turn and try to implicate Max to get back at me. The last thing I want is my only son doing more jail time. He’s a goddamn fool, but he’s my son. It was easier to keep Trevor in the shadows than expose him for what he’d done.”

  I shook my head and stared listlessly out the window. “Unbelievable.”

  “You know as well as I do that when you start letting emotions get in the way, you lose control of the situation. It’s a weakness and a vulnerability that will catch up to you, sooner or later.”

  Michael had taught me that, and at the time, it was a principle that made sense. I was all emotion when he’d met me. I needed hard lines. He’d simplified everything with the laws of business and showed me how to use my talents within a framework that was both legal and lucrative. Don’t fight the problem from the bottom, he’d say. That’s a waste of time, not to mention dangerous. Find their weaknesses and root out the solution from the inside.

  And that’s what I’d done with the payoff from Banksoft. Instead of punishing the people responsible for the injustices I saw all around me, I built companies that answered those problems with solutions that didn’t exist yet.

  Ironic, when my mentor was paying a hacker who’d done everything in his power to disrupt all my efforts. I curled my fists tightly, counting down the seconds until I’d be home and this fucked-up conversation would come to an end.

  “I can see that you’re taking this personally, Blake. But you have to understand that after a certain point, this was damage control. Something I’ve had to do a lot of when it came to Max. I’m disgusted with what he did to Erica. I really am. But I wasn’t about to lead this investigation to him.”

  “I thought you didn’t let emotions get in the way.”

  “I don’t. Max and I are different that way. Every business decision Max has ever made has been emotional. Fueled by vengeance or pride. Trying to get my attention or tear you down because you’d always gotten so much of it. Max never understood why I brought you into the fold… why it couldn’t have been him instead. He was too young, of course, but it was never a matter of having faith in his abilities. There was nothing he could do to change the fact that he was my son, so he had to be sidelined.”

  “He hates you now. You know that?” I remembered our brief interaction in the cafeteria. Before I’d wanted to rip Max’s throat out, I’d registered the smallest inkling of sympathy for him. Without Michael’s protection, he seemed so lost. I’d never forgive him for what he did to Erica, but an unmistakable feeling of shared betrayal tugged at me. Max had betrayed me a hundred times. I’d expected it, and half of the time, I’d seen it coming. But Michael had always had my respect and my trust. His betrayal cut deeper. It cut right through me.

  “Regardless, he’ll inherit the empire I’ve built, and he’ll thank me. Maybe not right away, but eventually he’ll understand that in order for me to have come this far, I couldn’t allow my emotional attachments to rule my business decisions. There’s no greater attachment than a parent to his child.”

  Michael seemed older in that moment. No longer the young, ambitious mentor I’d always known. But someone who had changed before my eyes. And suddenly I wasn’t the young man he’d coaxed out of a troublesome period. I had grown, and I had lived. More than anything, I’d learned. In this very moment, I was still learning.

  I pushed at my forehead, the beginnings of a headache emerging.

  “You seem surprised, but if you strip away all the emotion you’re feeling right now, this is what you would expect or even do.”

  “It’s never something I would do.”

  “This isn’t betrayal. This is business. If you look at your life, you’ve done the same thing. The way you handled Heath, for example. You marginalized him from your affairs. You’ve always exercised a level of control over your world that impressed me.” He paused. “With Erica… she’s good for you, I think, but she’s a weakness. You’re changing for her.”

  I riled at the mention of her name. How dare he even presume to know what she was to me?

  “She’s worth changing for.”

  He nodded. “It’s normal to feel that way. Love and passion will do that. Clearly you have both with her, and I’m happy for you. It does pass, though. You’re married now. She’s pregnant. She’ll focus on your family, and this obsession you have for each other will settle. You�
�ll find your way back to yourself.”

  No. Nothing could temper what I felt for her. That she carried our child now only added fuel to that flame. “The last thing I want to do is find my way back to myself when I’ve already found the best part of myself in her.”

  “I have faith that you will. I’ve invested in you more than anyone else in my life. I have a pretty good track record of making sound investments.” His satisfied smile dimmed a bit. “Except for this whole situation with Cooper… Too much pride, I think.”

  “Him or you?”

  “Maybe both. I wanted to cheat and jump ahead a few spaces. Of course you know all about that.”

  “Do I?”

  “Moonlighting as a hacker? You don’t consider that cheating?”

  “I’m not hurting anyone.”

  “You’ve never sought out information to position yourself more favorably in a business deal? You’ve never used that information to discredit or eliminate competition? You can dress it up in whatever white-collar terms you’d like, but we both know it’s cheating. And that’s fine, because anyone who isn’t cheating at least a little bit isn’t making it very far.”

  “You didn’t make it too far with this one.”

  He glanced out the window. “No. Unfortunately, Trevor had more of Max in him than you. All emotion and no control.”

  “And what makes you think your new prodigy isn’t going to tell the FBI that you put him up to this?”

  “He won’t be telling anyone.” He shifted his gaze back to me. “I’m sad to say they found him hanging in his cell this morning.”

  My blood went cold, stilling like ice in my veins. Michael’s confessions had rattled me to the core. But the vision of Trevor, a boy I’d never met, hanging in a cell not unlike the one I’d just left, was incredibly vivid in my mind. My stomach writhed and I couldn’t shake the sick feeling that swept over me no matter how hard I tried. We were less than a mile from the house and I’d had more than I could take.

  “Let me out here,” I said to the driver. He pulled to the side of the road and I stepped out. A light rain had begun to drizzle down but I didn’t care. I carried forward.

  Michael got out and circled the vehicle. “Blake, wait.”

  “Enough!” I shouted and doubled back to face him. “Call it business. Call it keeping everything under control. Whatever the hell you want to call it that makes sense in your warped fucking version of reality. It’s nothing but a goddamn game. And you’re deluding yourself if you think you own the board and can move all the pieces however you like.”

  His lips drew back in a bitter smile. “I do own the board, Blake.”

  I took off my water-stained glasses and stared at him. Resentment and pity for the man in front of me mingled with my anger, creating a potent brew.

  “Maybe you do, Michael. And if that’s the case, consider this my final act of forfeiture. We’re through. I’m not playing anymore.”

  “You’re willing to throw away our entire relationship over this? Is that what you’re telling me?” There was a hint of challenge in his voice and I didn’t like it.

  “That’s what I’m telling you.”

  His jaw tightened. The mirage of warmth and kindness had vanished. “Do not cross me, Blake. If I taught you anything, I taught you that.” His voice was low and edgy, laced with threat.

  Maybe at a different time in my life, I would have heeded it, but not today. Not when I’d been so close to losing everything. I’d been turned inside out. Everything I knew to be true, every tenet of wisdom Michael had instilled in me had to be questioned.

  “I’m not crossing you, Michael. But I am walking away. If you think that because you took me under your wing ten years ago I’m going to worship you for the rest of my fucking life, you’re wrong. I’m not pandering to you the way everyone else does. I made my money, and I’m using it to work on things I believe in. I’m making a life with the woman I love. And I don’t need to find my way back to myself. This is it, right here. This is who I am, and I don’t need to play God with people’s lives and count my money all day long to feel like my life is worth something. So get in your goddamn car and go back home.”

  With that, I turned and made strides toward home. After a few moments, the black Lincoln drove past me. I walked faster, fueled with relief that Michael had left and a powerful urge to get home to Erica.

  The rain came down heavier. Cold driving rain that saturated my clothing and seeped into my skin. It couldn’t numb the chaos inside me. And it couldn’t wash away the blood on my hands.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  ERICA

  I paced the living room. What was taking so damn long? Rain pelted against the window, obscuring the clear view of the ocean. Gove had called me this morning, letting me know to expect Blake soon. I’d wanted to pick him up myself when they let him go, but he insisted I wait. He wanted to be the one to break the news to him about Trevor.

  Leave it to Trevor to take matters into his own hands.

  My heart broke for Blake when I thought about what he must be feeling. Relief to be free, but now the guilt he’d harbored for Brian would double if he let it. I wanted him home so I could talk him out of that way of thinking. But it wouldn’t be easy. I was up against Blake’s darkest memories, and history had just repeated itself.

  I’m not sure what we could have done differently. Carmody had said he wouldn’t let Trevor out of his sight, but I couldn’t take that literally. None of us could know that he’d seriously consider suicide as a way out. The police barely had a chance to question him before he’d taken his life.

  It was almost as if Blake had seen this coming from miles away, and turning away from any path that would lead to Trevor’s incarceration was his way of avoiding the inevitable. Yet, he couldn’t have known. And here we were still…

  I’d wanted truth and I’d wanted justice, but Trevor’s death was still tragic. Like Mark’s, his life meant no less than anyone else’s despite his transgressions.

  The sound of rain falling filled the room when Blake came through the door. He was soaked through. I stood, frozen in place. He shut the door and leaned against it, his chest heaving under his breaths.

  “Erica.”

  The pleading in his voice made me run to him then. Our bodies crashed, and I wrapped my arms around him. I slid my hands through his damp hair, curving over the nape of his neck and down his chest where his shirt clung to him. My heart raced and swelled. I whispered his name, like a dream. He was home. Thank God, he was home.

  He held me so tightly around my ribs it almost hurt, but I didn’t care. I held him back. When I finally pulled away, my heart twisted at the sight of those incredible green eyes boring into me, brewing with emotion. I feathered my fingers over his lips, over the prickly hair along his jaw. My love…

  Seeing him had sent a rush of adrenaline through my body, warming me, but Blake was still cold. The moisture from his clothes had started to seep into mine.

  “You’re soaking wet.”

  I pushed back a little, separating us enough to unbutton his shirt. I skated my palms down his chest and back up, pushing the wet garment over his shoulders. He wrenched it off the rest of the way and pulled me back to him roughly, capturing my mouth in a savage kiss. He was all taste and need, and I was engulfed in it, unable to feel or see anything but his urgency, his all-consuming presence. My pulse hammered in my veins, but he still trembled against me.

  I broke the contact, breathless but scared for him. “Blake, you’re shaking.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” he murmured, moving his hands all over me.

  I put my hands over his, trying to slow him down.

  “You’re going to get sick, Blake. Let’s get you warm and dry.”

  He stilled, and the fire in his eyes blazed. “I need you… please.”

  The desperation in his voice destroyed me, and I wondered if the cold was making him tremble against me. Whatever it was, I wanted to take that look away, and whatever pai
n had caused it.

  I nodded quickly, and then his mouth was at my neck, sucking and biting. I felt the edge in every touch as liquid desire snaked through me. He pushed my shirt up and over my shoulders. Tugging at my jeans, he got them past my hips before I stopped him.

  “Let’s go upstairs,” I said.

  I led him toward the stairs. My breath caught when he came at me again. Tangled in each other’s embrace, we almost made it.

  “Here,” he rasped.

  We stumbled at the first step, and he took us both down to the floor. His hands were everywhere.

  “Now.” He yanked my jeans and panties off and hauled me over to him so I straddled his hips.

  He pulled me down against his chest, anchored me to his mouth, and ravaged me with one breathless kiss after the next. A knot of heat grew within me, starting low in my belly and weaving down my limbs and to the throb between my legs. Desire was thick in my veins.

  “Tell me what you need, Blake.” My body was soaring under his touch and I was racing for more.

  Raw emotion flashed behind his eyes. “You. You’re the only one I need. You’re the only one in this whole goddamn world I need.”

  Ripping open his fly, he shoved his jeans down just past his hips. He grasped his firm length and lowered me down onto him. My head fell back at the sweet pleasure. Lifting his hips, he rooted deeply, joining us completely.

  A hoarse cry tore from him. One that brought tears to the corners of my eyes. I could feel his pain, his struggle.

  Eyes closed, jaw tight, he began to move me over his cock. I clenched against his penetration, overwrought and aroused. Pain hit my knees with every thrust, but I didn’t care. I only cared that we were connected, loving one another, giving each other what we needed.

  He worked me over him in urgent glides. I met his pace, churning my hips to feel him everywhere. He bucked up and held me firmly, fusing us together with vigorous, shattering drives. Every one struck at the heart of me, and I cried out. The sound echoed off the walls and melted into the next desperate cry that left my lips as he claimed me over and over.