Dismantling Evan

by Venessa Kimball

  I look at the user name, Braxhs, as Nikki hovers over my shoulder. “Yeah.”

  I read the thread below it. “Slavin’ away because his daddy went AWOL. Poor Brody. No more football for you. #dreamsshattered.”

  I look down the thread at the cartoon thumbs up, comments and the fifteen likes.

  The front door opens suddenly. “Hey, what are you two doing out here?” Asher asks playfully.

  Nikki grabs her phone from me, tucks it in her pocket and puts her arm around my shoulder and acts like nothing is going on. “Nothing babe, just girl talk,” she says.

  Asher grins. “Ah, got it. Food’s ready though so come on.”

  Asher takes Nikki’s hand and pulls her in. Nikki turns to me and whispers, “Don’t...”

  I cut her off just as Brody shakes Dad’s and Mom’s hands, then makes a bee-line straight for me.

  “I won’t,” I whisper, and replace my troubled look with a small smile.

  “Hey.” He takes my hand in his and interlocks our fingers, then leans close, brushing his lips against my temple and resting them there as he whispers, “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  All my worries slip away as I focus on Brody’s words and his lips and breathe against my temple. I smile and whisper back, “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  Remembering where I am, in a room with my mother and father, I look for them to see if they have caught Brody and my minor public display.

  They are both eyeing me, but not in an angry way. They are distracted when Mrs. Ferguson calls out, “Okay everyone. I think we are ready.”

  Brody tugs on my hand and leads me to the table.

  “We don’t have a big enough table, but we have plenty of chairs in the living room and here in the kitchen,” Mrs. Ferguson continues.

  Mom goes to her side and places her hands on Mrs. Ferguson’s shoulders. “It is perfect, Sarah. We are so thankful to be here and everything looks so good.”

  Mrs. Ferguson smiles graciously then looks down humbly. I see where Brody gets his bashful look... from his mom.

  Everybody starts moving around each other, as they dish out their food. Gavin is standing right in the mix of it all, which is strange, because he is usually out of the way. He isn’t talking, like everyone else. He is just smiling from ear to ear; that goofy smile that is all Gavin. Brody nudges me. “Okay, California?”

  I nod and grin at his continued use of “California” as a term of affection.

  “Yes.”

  Seeing everyone just like this, happy and at peace, it feels like everything is perfect.

  December2013

  “Yet do not cast all hope away. Tomorrow is unknown.”

  Tolkien, The Two Towers

  Everyone I love was here for Thanksgiving, well... except Dad. I’m still holding out that some news will come before Christmas. Not casting hope away.

  Ernie, Justin, and I are studying and I’m going to try to fit in more. It will be easier since Brody won’t be at school because of the suspension. I won’t have to worry about him looking for me, telling me to stay away from them.

  I’m taking my camera. At Thanksgiving second dinner, Nikki said that she needed Evan and I to take pictures of the clubs and sports teams doing things together around campus this week. I may have sounded overly excited. Everyone stopped eating, then looked at me strangely. I don’t really care about that. Mom told me something last night when I told her I was taking my camera to school today. She said that some people believe that taking someone’s picture captures their soul. Logically, I don’t see this happening. But, if I were to imagine Tolkien or Shakespeare saying something like this, like in some kind of metaphor...I can believe that.

  The picture does capture something, and if it is a candid picture of a person doing something then maybe it does capture their soul....the good and the ugly.

  Anyway, that stuck with me so I’m going to try and focus on capturing the souls today.

  I’m going to ask Evan if I can use her work shed to develop them too. I don’t know if she will let me without her being there.

  Brody just called me. Says Evan is here. She is supposed to watch out for me this week.

  Bye.

  -G.F

  “HEY,” BRODY SAYS AS HE opens the front door. He is wearing just a t-shirt and track pants, ‘hang around the house’ clothes.

  “Hey.” I step through the door.

  Mrs. Ferguson is buzzing around the kitchen. “Brody, I will be late today. Are you going in to the shop this afternoon?”

  “No, I’m going in this morning so I will be here when Gav gets home. Thank you so much for looking out for him this week,” he adds.

  “No thanks necessary. I’m happy to help.” It feels real nice to be a part of something; doing this for them.

  Mrs. Ferguson turns off the kitchen light. “Thank you Evan so much for helping with Gavin this week.”

  “No problem, Mrs. Ferguson. I think of Gavin like a little brother.”

  She stops in front of me and smiles softly. “You have been such a gift to both of my boys young lady.”

  Off the cuff, she pulls me into her arms and rocks side to side a little. It would feel awkward if she wasn’t such a sweet woman. As it is, my body softens and I melt a little into her arms.

  She releases me and turns to Brody, giving him a quick hug. “Okay, I will be home later. Call if anything comes up. Bye Gavin!” she yells back to the hallway, just as Gavin appears.

  “Oh, sorry honey, I thought you were still in your room.”

  He looks at the three of us, his backpack on his back, his army cap on, and his camera around his neck.

  “Ready to take some pictures today, Gav?” I ask, making conversation.

  He starts to say something then hesitates. Brody closes the door behind his mother, saying goodbye again as she reminds him of their appointment on Wednesday with the insurance companies.

  I move closer to Gavin, “What is it, Gav?”

  He shakes his head and looks at me shyly. “I wanted to know if I could use the darkroom sometime, like when you aren’t around. I want to try developing on my own.” He shakes his head. “It is okay if you say no.”

  “What? Of course you can. Why would I say no?”

  Brody catches the tail end of the conversation. “Say no to what?”

  “Gav just wanted to use the darkroom, that’s all. I told him yes, of course.”

  Gavin is looking down shyly, so I bend over to make eye contact and smile. “No need to ask Gavin. Anytime.”

  He smiles widely, then scoots around me into the kitchen.

  While Gavin is getting something to eat, I ask Brody cautiously, “So, Wednesday is the meeting?”

  Brody breathes in deeply. “Yeah, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. I’ll text you when we are done.” Brody looks beyond me at Gavin. “If this happens though, Gavin will finally have more people in his corner; doctors, medication, counseling.”

  The sound of a horn honking interrupts Brody as we both glance at the door. “It’s Ash, Gavin. You all have to go,” Brody says as he opens the front door for us.

  Before I step through the doorway, Brody tucks his arm around my back and draws me to him. His lips are gentle as they take mine quickly. It isn’t passionate like the time in the work shed, but it takes my breath away; I don’t think that will ever stop.

  A strange cackle from Gavin as he walks around me and out the door keeps me from swooning and falling deeper into Brody’s arms. I pull away to hide my reddened cheeks as I follow Gavin to Ash’s car.

  Nikki climbs out and lifts the seat forward, I hear Brody say what he has only said once before in the work shed in the heat of things between us. “I love you, California.”

  My eyes meet Nikki’s instantly and she is wide eyed and grinning like a Cheshire cat. His profession paired with his tender name for me, makes it easier to turn back to him and possibly tell him what I was too afraid to say that night in the shed. Watching him lean against the do
or in the open doorway, his hair disheveled perfectly, I boldly go there; “I love you too Texas.”

  Gavin laughs from the backseat of the Jeep and Ash whistles loudly.

  Nikki sighs, “True love.”

  I smile at her boldly then she says in the most sickening sweet tone, “Get your true lovin’ ass in the car sister-friend.”

  On the drive to school, I finally ask her, “Could you please tell me what sister-friend means?”

  She turns down the radio and angles back to face me. “Sister-friend is like a way of saying that I think of you like a sister and you are my friend.”

  I nod, then ask, “Is it a southern thing?”

  She shrugs and shakes her head. “Not sure.” All of a sudden she reaches back, puts her hand over mine, and squeezes. “All I know is that no matter what, you are like family now, Evan.”

  With her eyes locked with mine, I rest my other hand on top of hers and squeeze tightly as I contemplate when I should tell my friends my own secret.

  December 2013

  Captured lots of pictures yesterday and today.

  I’m sticking with my theme (that is what Evan told me it was called) of capturing the souls... the good and the ugly. I took a whole roll yesterday. Today, I finished another. Some of them were not so good, but some of them... they showed the souls of the subjects (that is what Evan told me that is what you call the object or person you are taking a picture of).

  Evan said that I was a photographing machine. That made me laugh. She said that she was proud of me too.

  I didn’t tell her, but last night I snuck out of the house to develop my film strip. I told Brody that I was going to read in my room, then go to bed. I climbed out my window and snuck into the work shed. I remembered everything Evan had shown me and made sure I put everything back the way I found it. The subjects I chose to print turned out good... I think. Definitely captured their souls.

  I’m going to sneak out again tonight and get today’s film done. I hope Evan doesn’t mind. I won’t tell her until I have the prints finished; maybe tomorrow.

  I’m glad Evan gives me some space at school. I wouldn’t have been able to get some of the shots I did. And, I wouldn’t have been able to hang out with Ernie and Justin. We had just finished studying and Justin had an idea. He told Ernie and I to follow him into the boy’s gym locker room. No one was in there, but Ernie said it was all right.

  I wanted to fit in so I did it.

  We took clean towels off the shelves and threw them into the middle of the shower stalls. Justin turned on all the faucets. Ernie told me to take some of the towels and stuff them in the toilets. At first I was scared and told him no, but he called me “chicken shit” which didn’t sound good at all. I didn’t want them to be mad at me so I did it.

  Then Ernie yelled for us to run and we did. Justin said I was cool. Yeah, he actually said that.

  We ran back to study hall then and no one knew what we had done.

  I know what we did wasn’t right, but it felt good to be accepted at least.

  Ernie and Justin told me to skip study hall today and not to tell anyone. Said there was something really cool they wanted to show me. Told me to meet them between the gym and cafeteria.

  Gotta go. Brody and Mom have to leave for a meeting and I hear Evan’s voice.

  Bye.

  -G.F

  “SO BRODY AND HIS MOM have that meeting today about the insurance,” Nikki says as we walk side by side down the crowded hallway.

  “Yeah, he was on edge this morning. I could tell he was worried.”

  Asher comes up behind Nikki and lifts her off the ground before putting her back down. She giggles wildly as she leans in and kisses him. Just as she does, a teacher approaches them, “Ms. Bell, would you kindly keeps your lips off Mr. Vega?”

  Exaggeratedly, Nikki presses her lips together so they almost disappear into her mouth altogether. She nods quickly and mumbles, “Mhmm.”

  As soon as the teacher leaves, she bursts out laughing. “Okay Evan, gotta go. Ash, walk with me.” She links her arm through his and pulls him along down the hall. He smiles and salutes me before following along.

  Mr. Thompson walks past me and into the classroom and I follow him in. Let’s just say things between him and I are bordering tolerance... at best. I shuffle into class along with the other students, sit down, and open my binder.

  Students keep trickling in and I look up now and then to see if Gavin appears, but he doesn’t.

  Spencer arrives. What the hell is he doing here? He is suspended. Just like Brody. He sits down hard in the seat in front of me. I look back up at the door and Chad jogs in just as the bell rings. He is suspended too! Fucking A-grade shit! Chad smirks as his eyes catch hold of mine. Just before he sits down, Spencer sticks out his hand and Chad gives him a side high five.

  Mr. Thompson shuts the classroom door and starts to speak at the front of the room.

  My stomach twist with worry. Where is Gavin?

  I need to go look for him. I raise my hand high. Mr. Thompson barely acknowledges me, bowing his head and looking over his glasses and says, “Yes Evan.”

  “Can I use the restroom?”

  “Class just started Ms. Phillips. No,” he says, flatly.

  A snicker, giggle, and a few hushed oohs are let loose. My skin start to tingle and prick with tiny needles and my throat feels dry. Gavin has never been late to class. He is always here before me if anything. Something isn’t right. I have to find him.

  Witless and unscripted, I take my things and walk up the aisle to toward the front of the room.

  “Where do you think you are going Ms. Phillips?” Mr. Thompson says, lazily

  “To the restroom.” I walk to the door.

  “Sit down now or I will be forced to right you up!” he bellows.

  I turn the door knob and look at him only once before walking out the door.

  He had study hall before this. I back track to Gavin’s study hall class from English. The halls are empty and the sound of my feet on linoleum is irksome.

  I turn down one hall with the hope of seeing Gavin walking toward me but it is empty. I walk swifter with every empty hall I turn down.

  All of a sudden I hear a cough then a small muffled wail ahead. The echo has me confused as to where it is coming from. The cough comes again.

  “Gavin?”

  “Oh my God, Evan! Hurry!” a female voice screeches.

  “Lia?”

  I sprint toward the sound of her cry, my blood rushing through my pounding heart, filling my ears.

  When I round the set of lockers next to the gym, Gavin’s army cap, the one his dad gave him, is strewn on the ground. I run to it, pick it up and that is when Lia calls out, “Right here Evan!”

  She sounds like she is right behind me. I turn around and look down the narrow breezeway I just passed. I can’t speak and I nearly fall to my knees as I see Lia kneeling on the ground, holding Gavin’s head in her hands, his mouth bloody and his eye swollen shut. His skinny body stretched out the width of the passageway.

  “Gavin?”

  I drop everything and run to them. Lia is crying hysterically now as she tries to talk to me, “They grabbed me and pulled me down the hallway. They said Gavin was going to come and they would beat him if I didn’t keep quiet.”

  Looking at Gavin’s face, hearing him cough and gurgle through the saliva and blood in his mouth, I can’t listen to her right now.

  “H-he saw me here and he tried to protect me.” She sobs as I get my phone out of my pocket and text Nikki and Asher.

  Evan: Help. It’s Gavin. By Gym and Cafeteria

  “They wouldn’t stop hitting him Evan,” she wails. “They brought me here, knowing no one would hear us.”

  My phone pings.

  Asher: I’m coming.

  “Evan!” The urgency in Nikki’s voice echoes in the hall

  “Over here!” My voice doesn’t sound like my own.

  “Evan,” Gavin says, we
akly.

  “Yes,” I lean in close. Nikki yells when she sees us in the breezeway.

  “I want to go home, Evan,” Gavin says, weakly, through his split and swollen lip

  More squeaking of shoes on linoleum. “Ahh, no Gavin. Fuck,” a deep pain filled voice hisses; it’s Asher.

  I reach down and put my hand on Gavin’s shoulder. “Okay Gav. We are going to take you home.”

  “Home? We fucking need to get the nurse, the principal! Who fucking did this to you Gavin? Huh?” Nikki probes.

  Gavin starts to sob. “I just want to go home, Nikki.”

  “No! Who did this?” Nikki presses.

  “Please, Nikki,” Gavin pleads.

  Asher takes Nikki by the shoulders and turns her to him. “Nikki, stop it! We don’t want him flipping out. Not on top of all this. His seizures Nik! We have to get him home.”

  Nikki nods. “You’re right. Give me your keys.”

  Asher hesitates so Nikki asks urgently, “I need to get your car! Give me your keys! I will pull around the side of the gym.”

  Asher drops his keys in her hands.

  “I’ll pull the car around the side of the gym. Wait outside,” she tells us then runs.

  Gavin’s cold fingers tighten around my hand. “Please, just take me home.”

  My heart breaks in the middle of the breezeway and I can’t keep from sobbing. “We will, Gav. I promise.”

  Asher comes around the other side of him. “I’m going to carry you, Gav,” he warns before touching him. When Gavin doesn’t respond Asher puts his hands under his body and lifts him from up from the ground.

  Gavin is in the middle of the backseat with Lia and I on either side of him. He stares straight ahead.

  “Did you call Brody? Text him?” Nikki asks as she drives.

  “I haven’t,” Asher responds. “I tried but it went to voicemail. This isn’t a voicemail kind of thing, Nik.”

  “I know that, Ash. Did you text him?” she asks, angrily

  He turns his body to her seemingly shocked, “I’m not going to fucking text him that his brother was just beaten up at school, Nikki!” He shifts angrily back in his seat and looks out the side window.