Dismantling Evan

by Venessa Kimball

  Wearily, Nikki looks back at Gavin quickly before returning her eyes to the road. “I think he is, you know...”

  “Stuck. He looks like he is,” I say finishing her thought. I’m only able to look at his bloodied face for a second, then I have to look away. It hurts too much.

  Lia tells us what happened. I wasn’t really listening the first time with the shock of seeing Gavin and her huddled in the breezeway. Hearing it now sickens me. This Ernie and Justin guy told her to meet them by the gym, during study hall. Said it was something about Gavin. When she arrived they pinned her to the wall and told her to keep quiet. She tried to kick them, bite Justin’s hand as it covered her mouth, but they told her if she kept it up it would make things worse for Gavin.

  Once the passing bell rang, Justin left for a minute. When he came back, Gavin was with him. Lia said when he saw her his eyes got wide and he ran at Ernie who was still holding her against the wall. He started swinging at him, but Justin attacked him from behind. They both beat him until he was curled up on the ground sobbing.

  I am too overwhelmed to say anything. I guess everyone else is too.

  As soon as we pull into the driveway, Asher gets out and pulls the seat forward to let me out. When I’m free, Asher leans in and helps pull Gavin up and out.

  “I can walk,” Gavin says in his nasally tone just as Asher is about to lift him.

  At first, he limps a little as he walks through the grass and the front yard. He grows stronger with the movement until his stride morphs back to his normal gait; his head is down and his stiffened body sways a little.

  We quickly follow him around the front of the house and to the side gate, letting ourselves in through the back door with the spare key.

  Gavin walks straight to his bedroom without saying anything. I mention Chad and Spencer being in class just before I found Gavin.

  “Of course they were! Because their parents got them out of it! We need to report this shit, right now! We have names, witnesses. We know who did this! And I bet fucking Celine, Spence and Chad put Ernie and Justin up to it!” Asher seethes.

  I remember the smirk Chad gave me in class just before he sat down. Nikki had said seniors were putting underclassmen up to their dirty work.

  “Hell yeah they did!” Nikki growls before she puts her arm around Lia and hugs her. “We need to get you home.”

  Nikki looks back at Asher, then me. “I’m driving her home and telling her mother everything. They are going to want her to go back to the school to file a report. I will go with her. You two stay here with Gavin until you can get hold of Brody.”

  She leads Lia out the door and I sit down on the sofa, numbly, unable to think straight.

  December2013

  “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future”

  J. R. R.Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

  I was wrong about them.

  They hurt her.

  They hurt me.

  They hurt everyone I love.

  Took my hat. Said I didn’t deserve to wear it. They called me son of a traitor as they hit me so hard.

  They hate too much and someone needs to make them see.

  The voice in my head... the beautiful voice.

  It is Lady Galadriel telling me that even if I am small,

  I can change things.

  I can be the one to make them see.

  -G.F

  SITTING ABSOLUTELY STILL ON THE sofa, seems to help settle events down a bit. Asher paces from the living room to the kitchen; back and forth, back and forth. Every so often he picks up his phone, makes a call, then hangs up without a word. I know he is trying Brody.

  I look down the hall every so often, curious about how Gavin is. I want to go and clean him up if he will let me. I stand slowly, feeling my jell-o legs give out a little from under me.

  “Where are you going?” Asher asks urgently.

  “He needs to be cleaned up, Ash. I can’t leave him for Brody and his mom to see like that. I can’t see him like that.”

  Asher nods and runs his hand through his hair. “I’ll keep trying Brody.”

  I nod and move sluggishly down the hallway. I don’t hear anything as I approach a door on the left, Brody’s room. There’s a bathroom next to his room. I need a wash cloth and water. I step into the bathroom and grab a hand towel and start to wet it and wring it out again and again as I think. Should I leave him alone? He’s been through hell. He acted like he wanted to be alone, but maybe that was him being stuck; the seizure. What if the seizure took a turn for the worse and he’s lying in there, catatonic? What if he’s lying there, not breathing right, because he’s in some kind of coma?

  With my final thought, I walk out of the bathroom, take the few steps to Gavin’s door, and knock softly.

  “Who is it?” he asks, immediately.

  “It’s Evan. I was wondering if I could clean you up.”

  Silence.

  His lack of response has me worried.

  “Gav, I don’t want Brody and your mom to see you... like that. It would hurt them to see you like that. Please let me clean you up.” I wait, hoping my explanation works.

  All of a sudden the door opens and Gavin stands before me, his face downcast so I can only see half of his bloodied mouth and his good eye. He backs away from the door and asks, “Would you like to come in?” He can’t hide the troubling tone beneath what he’s trying to maintain as his normal voice.

  “Yes, thank you,” I say as I enter his room, following behind him. It isn’t huge, but has enough room for a bed, dresser, small desk with a chair, and a lamp with a side table.

  There’s nothing hanging on the wall except the print of him and Brody at Hamilton Pool, splashing. He walks over to his bed and flops down, keeping his head bowed low.

  I reach to pull his desk chair over to the bed and notice a few prints under some dated and printed sheets. I’m tempted to shift the papers aside to see the pictures, but I decide it might upset Gavin, so I just pull the chair across.

  “Could you lift your chin, Gav?” I ask tenderly.

  He sits up straighter then looks at me. I try not to think of his face in its entirety. I concentrate on the dried blood on his check, chin, and side of his neck. Carefully, I dab the wash cloth on his check and chin, but wait on the swollen lip until the very end.

  Periodically I ask, “Are you okay?”

  Each time he just nods. When he’s clean, I sit there for a moment and wait for him to look up at me. He hides his swollen eye and tests my patience by getting up from the bed. He hovers over the printed paper and underlying photos that caught my eye. He quickly takes the stack and puts them into a folder.

  “Hey, Evan!” Asher calls.

  “What?”

  “Can you come here for a second?”

  I wish Asher had better timing. I know that as soon as I leave this room, I mightn’t be invited back in or see Gavin until Brody gets home with his mother.

  “Yeah,” I call out before I respond to Gavin, “I’ll be in the living room if you want to talk, Gav. I can be a good listener.”

  He doesn’t nod, he just stares off at nothing in particular and says stoically, “Okay.”

  I walk to the door and close it softly behind me before meeting Asher back in the living room.

  “How is he?” Asher asks, anxiously.

  I shake my head. “He let me clean him up but I think he is still having his seizure thing. It’s hard to tell.”

  I look at him. “Did you get hold of Brody?”

  He shakes his head. “No, but Nikki texted me. Said that Lia, her parents and her are back at the school filing a report. They want to know why we took Gavin home and Nikki told them it was too much for him to take. They have already pulled Justin and Ernie for questioning.”

  Feeling like a small fete of justice was being made, I breathe in and out deeply.

  My phone vibrates in my back pocket. As I pull it out, I see the text.

  Brody: We are
done. It’s good news. On our way home.

  My hands start to shake and I ache for Brody and his mother and what they are about to walk into when they get home from what should be the best moment of their lives. Finally getting help for Gavin. Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. That is what today was supposed to be; not this.

  “Is it Brody?” Ash asks.

  My eyes cloud with tears, so I close them and nod. Words have escaped me.

  “Do you want me to call?” he asks.

  I nod again and cover my mouth as I try to keep the bitter sorrow from pouring out in a blustering cry.

  Asher walks out the front door, closing it softly behind him. He is being kind trying to separate me from the phone call. I hear Asher’s voice through the door though. I suppose it is because I am intently listening for every shift or pause in his voice to try and decipher what Brody could be saying on the other end.

  It doesn’t last long . Asher comes back through the door and looks directly at me, “They are on their way.”

  His voice is shaking and I can tell by his quick pacing now that he is as worried as I am about how Brody and his mom are going to react when they get here. He sits down next to me on the sofa and we wait.

  It doesn’t take them more than ten minutes to pull into the driveway. Brody rushes through the front door and Asher and I both stand up, quickly.

  Brody’s eyes are red rimmed and wide, like a deer in headlights would be. “Where is he?”

  “In his room,” I say, shakily.

  Mrs. Ferguson comes in behind Brody, panicked and sobbing, but catches her breath as she looks beyond Asher and me. “Oh my God, Gavin!”

  Gavin walks stiffly into the living room and sits down in the chair furthest from the sofa. Mrs. Ferguson rushes over to him, but hesitates from touching him. I see the turmoil roll through her, wanting to hold her little boy, but fearing his reaction.

  Gavin looks up at her and shakes his head. “It is okay, Mom. Please don’t cry. Everything is going to be okay.”

  She shakes her head and gives in to the urge to hold her son. She cradles his head as she wraps her arm around his shoulder, pulling him to her body as she cries louder. It is hard not to cry seeing a mother hold her son for the first time in years when the event that made it finally happen is full of misery and grief. I’m glad Asher had the capacity to take over and tell Brody and Mrs. Ferguson what happened because I can’t bring myself to speak coherently. Mrs. Ferguson goes through waves of sobbing, then bawling. The scene plays over again in my head and I close my eyes hoping to wish the images away.

  “Gavin, get your jacket on,” Brody says coarsely.

  “No Brody! He has had enough today,” His mom says, firmly.

  “This needs to be fixed now and we need answers. Who the hell let Spencer Morietti back on campus? And Chad? They were suspended! I know he is behind this, ma!” Brody is seething and he spits each word out, raising the roof with his voice.

  Asher tries to be the voice of reason. “Brody, man, it is already four o’clock. Classes have dismissed. Nikki, Lia and her parents have already filed the report at the school. Nikki said they listed Justin, Ernie as the suspects and put Celine, Chad, and Spencer in the report too.”

  “I don’t care what the report says. It isn’t enough! Those bastards need to see what Justin and Ernie did to him! They need to see his face!”

  Asher moves closer to Brody and lowers his voice, “Look at Gavin, man. He has had enough. Don’t do this to him Brody. Don’t make him go back there now. I’m begging you man. Friend to friend, brother to brother. He has had all he can take.”

  I look at Gavin being rocked in Mrs. Ferguson’s arms. His eyes have the empty look they get when he has gotten stuck.

  “He has had more than one seizure. He needs to rest, “I say, weakly.

  Brody looks from Asher to me. His eyes soften as he walks over and sits down on the sofa next to me. “Are you all right?”

  It feels like I have been holding my breath since he walked in the door. I finally release it trying to fake strength, but I can’t. I shake my head from side to side and croak, “No, I’m not.”

  Brody immediately takes me in his arms and holds me tightly. I let him rock me until my crying subsides, then I pull away. “You trusted me, Brody and I should have...”

  “Stop it!” he says, firmly. “You aren’t responsible for this, do you hear me Evan!” He points at the door. “They are responsible for what happened today!” He takes my face in his hands and rests his forehead against mine. “Don’t blame yourself, do you hear me?”

  I nod and say wearily, “Okay.”

  “Okay?” he asks.

  “Okay.”

  “It’s getting late. I have to get home and explain to Mom and Dad,” Asher says as he starts toward the door. Brody quickly rises and follows after him, walking him out and shutting the door behind him.

  Mrs. Ferguson pulls back from Gavin and looks into his eyes. “Gavin, I’m going to take you to your room honey.”

  His stare, his stiff frame, don’t acknowledge her in any way. She doesn’t wait for a response as she puts her hands under his armpits and lifts him to rise. The nudge seems to get him moving and he rises on his own now, but she leads him back to his room down the hallway.

  Brody comes back a few minutes later. “Where did they go?”

  I thumb towards the hallway. “Bedroom. Your mom helped him.”

  Beaten by the day, Brody walks over to sofa and sits down next to me, sinking back into the sofa and closing his eyes.

  I look over at the clock; it’s almost five. “I better get home before they start wondering.”

  I wonder if Mr. Thompson reported me truant again. I haven’t heard from them up until now so I’m guessing he didn’t.

  He sits up straight and starts to rise. “Okay, let me walk you out.”

  I put my hand on his knee. “No, it’s all right. You need to be here with Gavin and your mother right now.”

  He nods and closes his eyes as he brushes his face with his hands, exhausted.

  “Your text, you said that it went well.”

  He pulls his hands away and holds them together in front of his lips as he stares across the room. “Yeah, we signed off on Dad’s insurance carrier and added Mom’s.” He huffs. “You think everything is going to be okay, then something like this happens. It runs your train right off the rails again: a runaway train.”

  I understand completely. I get up and start to the door when Brody speaks again, “Evan, I have to tell you something. I know this might not be the best time, but with all that has happened... Gavin and everything.”

  I turn around and stand in the middle of the living room, waiting for him to continue. I don’t like the sound in his voice. Mrs. Ferguson suddenly comes down the hall and Brody gets quiet. She looks at both of us and says, “I’m going to get changed. I’ll be out in a minute. Brody can you listen for Gavin, just in case he needs something?”

  Brody nods as he keeps his eyes on me. “Yeah, I will.”

  I don’t budge. I want to know what he is going to say, but I don’t. Being a glutton for punishment I stay fixed on him until Mrs. Ferguson closes the door to her bedroom.

  He doesn’t continue right away, so I nudge him along, “What is it Brody?”

  “Mom and I were talking in the car on the way home before the call from Ash. She made a suggestion and at the time I didn’t think it was a good idea. But, now, with Gavin...”

  He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “I’m thinking we should.”

  “Think you should what?”

  He opens his eyes and says flatly, “Move on.”

  Hearing him say that sounds foreign and out of place. “Move on? Like move away?” I ask intently to make sure I’m understanding him.

  He shrugs. “Yeah. Maybe it’s time.”

  I shake my head, and think of how my mom and dad’s conversation might have gone the night they decided to move us here to Br
axton Springs because of me.

  “So you think running away will make everything better? Hiding will make everything better?” I state flatly.

  Brody furrows his brow and moves closer to me. “You want to talk about hiding with me?”

  “Giving up here and going somewhere else won’t change anything Brody,” I argue back.

  “Giving up? You of all people should lecture me about hiding and giving up,” he says, loudly.

  I grab my things and head straight to the door. “If you want to hide, run away, and give up. I’m not going to tell you it is a great idea, Brody. It’s a lousy idea and you’ll regret it.”

  I pull the door shut behind me, but Brody pulls it back open and follows me out into the front yard. “Like you, California?”

  I spin around and glare at him, waiting for him to explain what he thinks he knows.

  “You don’t think I really see you, Evan, but I do! I didn’t need fucking Celine to tell me that you had some problems! I already knew! And, it didn’t bother me that you had them, because everything else about you made it so worth being close to you Evan. I will take all your sadness, all your moodiness just so I can be close to you!”

  I can’t move a muscle as he steps closer to me. “I know you Evan. And running, hiding, being invisible? You have done it. You are still doing it. You are still hiding who you are from everyone around you.” He scoffs with annoyance.

  He shakes his head and walks in a wide circle before coming back at me, “But I know you Evan Phillips!”

  I scramble to keep the discussion on him and the fact that them leaving would be a terrible mistake. “What if your dad comes back?”

  Brody groans and chuckles. “Of course, bring the discussion back to me to avoid talking about you... still hiding Evan?”

  Even though his words bite, I keep on track, not wanting to let this go. Let him go. “What if he comes back and can’t find you because you have moved? That would destroy all the hopes of seeing your father again!”

  Brody folds his arms over his chest and looks down at me. “I’m never going to see my father!”