Second Chance Draft

by Roxy Sinclaire

I blushed and pulled myself away. He still thought we were playing Scrabble when it was the last thing on my mind. I was killing the moment as I backed away toward my coat, which was hanging on the coat hook. He was frowning at me and no longer smiling, but hopefully, once he found out what we were doing for the night, he’d get excited.

  “No patient of mine has made such development in such a short space of time,” I rambled. “I got carried away, sorry about that.”

  His frown only got deeper. I handed him his coat, and after giving me a long look, he simply put it on. He wasn’t as enthusiastic as before, though, and I felt a little guilty.

  Just wait a little longer, I thought. This will all, hopefully, be worth it.

  “Let’s go,” he said. “I am getting tired already.”

  I chewed on my lip. “Um, can you wait a bit for me to get ready? I was kind of waiting for you, so…” I hadn't changed into the outfit I’d planned for our little outing.

  Ryder nodded and sat back in his chair, the picture of patience.

  20

  Ryder

  I knocked on her door. She was dressed in black. Alexis looked as sexy as hell, and my thoughts drifted to when we were back in High School, when I took her out on her first date, we’d hung out with a couple of cheerleaders and Austin and Craig. Alexis even joked about us being joined at the hip. I never really thought about it.

  I used to do everything with the guys. Even fucked a couple of cheerleaders in the same room with them. We were the misfits living in Romeoville who didn’t have the perfect family. I lived with my dad, Austin with his mom, and Craig with his nan.

  The only thing we had going for us guys was the fact that we were bad boys and sports players. Otherwise, no one would give a shit about us. We knew the deal. It was sad, but we accepted it. We were kids, and we thought the most important thing to do in our world was to be popular.

  We figured out how and we stuck to it.

  It was my second date with Alexis. I never went on dates with the girls. I either hung out with them at a party, diner or at the park. There was something hot about hanging out at the park late at night, having a few shots, and fucking in the bushes that always turned me on.

  I couldn’t do that with Alexis.

  I knew that if the plan was going to work, I had to do something different. Craig had said, “Book a restaurant or something; impress her.”

  It was a fucking stupid thing to say to someone who had no fucking dough most of the time. I thanked him for his suggestion and asked my dad. This was the crazy part. Dad had said the one thing that I never expected to hear, “Girls love simple stuff. Nothing fussy. But something that means that you made an effort.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Dad hadn’t fucking dated in a long time, the chick he’d married, the drug addict, he hadn’t even really dated either. Anyway, according to Alexis it had ended up being the most romantic night that she’d ever had in her life. She couldn’t stop hugging and kissing me as we hiked up to South Mountain Reservation with a picnic basket. The worst part was, the whole time she was talking about her aspirations to be a nurse and the fact that no one had ever done something so romantic for her, the only thing on my mind was, Ask her to the prom; then she’ll learn the true meaning of romance! My mind had been on one thing then, and it wasn’t her feelings. Having her claim our shared hug and kiss had been nothing but over enthusiasm, hurt me, like I imagined my reaction to that night had hurt her.

  Alexis started to push me, until I said, “You don’t need to push me. This wheelchair is automatic too.’’

  She didn’t say a word, but she stopped pushing, and there I was moving along with the electric part of the wheelchair. It was perfect for both indoor and outdoor use. State of the art. My mind wandered to how much the whole thing must have cost.

  Alexis mumbled, “I didn’t mind pushing you.”

  I got agitated, especially as she directed me toward Sagamore Road. Is this some fucking trick?

  Of all the places she was taking me.

  That was the one place I didn’t want to go.

  She might as well have directed us to the fucking high school to make a point.

  So then I blurted out, “Like you didn’t mean to fucking kiss me? And if we are going to South Mountain Reservation, in case you haven’t fucking noticed, I can’t hike at the moment.”

  She ran to block my way. She was pissed, with her hands on her hips.

  “Don’t you even think of turning this around on me! I had this all planned. We were just going to sit on a bench at the entrance to the park and talk.”

  I found it ridiculous—like she was mocking me. “It’s fucking November. Who the fuck goes to a park in November?”

  Her red wooly hat was practically covering her eyes. The temperature had dropped, and sitting in a chair wasn’t helping things. Neither was stopping to have this type of conversation. People tried not to stare, but they couldn’t help it as they drove by. I could feel all eyes were on us. Apart from walking in the park, everyone drove, even to go to each other’s houses. Only when it was hot during the summer would people take walks, and even then I got the impression it was to spy on other people, not to take in the summer air. The temperatures here went from one extreme to the next. Too humid or freezing your ass off cold.

  “We fucking do. Why, is it too close for comfort for you?” she said as she bent down. Her breath was cold, and her face was red as if she was as nervous as I was about the whole thing.

  I pulled her close to me. I wrapped my hand around her head and pulled it into the side of mine. My tongue laced with hers as she opened her mouth and she moaned. It wasn’t a kiss that said that we were friends or that she was simply my nurse. It was a kiss that told her that she was mine. Whether she liked it or not.

  She pulled away as we heard the murmurs of passersby. Then, she stumbled backward and screamed, “You are not fucking doing this to me again.”

  I turned in my chair, chasing her full speed ahead.

  “Doing what, Alexis?” I said as I nearly drove into the back of her. She had lost even more weight; she said that she jogged in the mornings, seeing as I didn’t need her so much. She was fit, and unlike before, Alexis could move.

  I didn’t know what speed my wheelchair could go up to, but I was going to test it out. I needed to get this conversation over and done with now.

  “It was the first fucking time you could go out. I thought you would want to go to a place that was familiar to you. One you said you loved to hike in. One that you—”

  I shouted out, “It was a fucking lie, Alexis.’’ Did she think that I used to hike? Sure, I used to run—it was all part of our fitness program. I told her when I first took her to the park it was somewhere I liked to hike. Somewhere I loved to get away from it all. It was all a fucking lie, and all this time she’d believed me.

  She halted as if I pulled a string on top of her head as if she was a puppet and I was stopping her from moving forward. I wasn’t expecting her to stop, and I bumped right into her. As I did, she fell forward and shuffled to get up.

  “I fell for it again.”

  I wanted to help her up.

  I wanted to bend down like a gentleman and help her up or even put her in my arms, and I felt helpless.

  She started to laugh as I drove to the front of her. She didn’t try and get up. Instead, she screamed, “Fucking wake up, Alexis. He wasn’t fucking broken when he took you to the prom. Ryder Russ fucking just does what he wants to get what he wants—”

  “Alexis, just get up. We need to talk,” I pleaded, sitting in my chair. She kneeled slowly and avoided looking into my eyes.

  “You are starting to get sexual urges again, aren’t you?”

  That wasn’t what this was about. She thought that I was getting horny, so that was why I felt this way about her.

  “This has nothing to do with it…”

  She held her hand up and shouted slowly, “For once in your life, just answer the fucking questi
on.”

  I debated for a minute. If I told her the truth, she would accuse me of being horny and just wanting to fuck her. Just because she was a woman. If I said no, it would be a lie. Either way, I was fucked. I started getting anxious. I didn’t notice that she had just left me. On the fucking street. Like a rejected child. Would she be there when I got back home?

  Damn it.

  I felt if she was, then we would just end up arguing. Instead, I headed back to the park. I had been there a few times with the guys, but never to hike. Simply to drink and chase our nightmares away.

  21

  Ryder

  As we started to play, I moved closer to her on the sofa. She wasn’t accusing me of cheating, I was beating her fair and square, and she knew it. I didn’t take my eyes off her as she puzzled about what words to put down. Sometimes I wondered if she was playing with me as she picked up a letter and put it down again or if she was winding me up.

  Nothing she did could do that. She had changed clothes since we went to the park. The house was warm, and she was in her pajamas. Shorts that went down to the middle of her leg and a shirt. She was covered up, but all of it clung to her curves. I could see that she had no bra on as she shifted from side to side trying to put her breasts in place.

  I wondered what they were like, the mature breasts that she had developed. I'd squeezed them once as a teenager when we kissed, but her body might feel different now. I knew one thing for sure. Her lips did. God, I wanted to kiss her again.

  “Are you going to play or just keep staring at me?’’ she questioned as she looked directly into my eyes.

  I was too busy trying to get a sneak preview of her cleavage to notice. “If I beat you, I want one thing.”

  Alexis sighed as she touched my hand delicately with her soft fingers. “We tried it, and I think that you are having these feelings because I am the only—”

  Alexis had no idea how beautiful she was or what kind of power she had over me. It was fucking nuts. I put my finger on her lips so that I could say the one thing that I had wanted to say for days.

  “If I win, then I want to take you out.”

  She took my finger and put it on my lip. I was fucking shaking. I had to prove to her that I was serious. I didn’t have feelings for her just because I was some fucking emotional kid ’cause I couldn’t get it up and ’cause I was with her all the time. Shit, I had practically spent more time with Grandma lately, and I didn’t feel the need to kiss her. Although I had to admit she did look good for her age.

  Alexis started to look up in the air. The same way she had during the game. The score was nearly equal, which was unusual. Normally hers was a lot higher. She picked up the score paper, shook my hand, and said, “Fine. I love a challenge.”

  She had no idea that this wasn’t a challenge. I had every intention of winning. I moved my chair to the side. I didn’t want her to accuse me of cheating like she had done once when I put down the word imitating. It had been the highest word score ever, with triples and doubles. She could hardly believe it. I had every intention of winning not only the game, but her heart.

  22

  Alexis

  I’m going to win,” Ryder said with such pride in his voice.

  When I looked up, it was to see him grinning, his eyes still on the Scrabble board. So I looked down too, and I frowned. Just looking at the words and what was left on the board to use, I couldn’t tell for sure I was going to lose. Either he was getting overconfident, or he could see something I couldn’t.

  “In any case, it’s your move, so make it already,” I prompted, waving a hand at him. I braced my elbows on my knees, folded my hands together, and rested my chin on my hands. “We’ve been holding this game long enough. I want to finish it tonight.”

  He hummed, losing the grin as he focused until a small frown appeared on his brow. My eyes drifted from the game, up to his face, and I got lost looking at him.

  When was the last time I saw him this focused on anything? He was probably like this during his football games, but I rarely ever got to see him play, anyway. Still, he looked good like that. My mouth went dry, and I parted my lips for a deep breath.

  “All right!” Ryder said suddenly, startling me. “I’ve got it.”

  He made his move then grinned up at me, but I’d already dropped my gaze, so he didn’t notice I’d been staring at him.

  Good. That’s not the kind of thing I want him to see. We were more or less okay now. We hadn't talked about it, but our relationship was fairly stable now and in a lot of ways, much better than it was from back in high school. But I couldn’t help being wary.

  “Alexis?”

  “Hmm?” I looked up to find him frowning at me.

  “What’s up? You don’t look like you’re focusing…”

  “Um,” I stalled, my eyes drifting to the side. “Sorry about that. I guess I was just thinking way too much about things best left alone.”

  “Like what?” he asked.

  I winced. Fucker. Couldn’t you let it go, just this once?

  I glanced back at him, but he was staring at me so intently, I knew he had no intention of letting this go. So I sighed and leaned back in my seat, loosely crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Well, I was thinking back to high school, I guess, toward the end, there.”

  I looked at him out the corner of my eye, and he’d tightened his lips.

  “You mean, around the time you started pulling away from me? Before you completely disappeared once college came?”

  I hummed. There was a short silence between us.

  “I always wanted to ask why. It’s part of what I wanted to talk about…that night.”

  I felt a twinge of guilt in my chest. So, even in a roundabout way, I was still responsible for him crashing, and the condition he was in now.

  “You won't like my answer. Not one fucking bit,” I warned him, seeing his mouth open. “Wouldn’t it be better if we just forget about all of that shit? We’re past it now, aren’t we?”

  His frown only grew deeper. “I want to know. I forgot about it before, but now that you’ve reminded me, I want to know.”

  I winced again. “So, you mean, if I hadn't mentioned it at all, you would have forgotten all about it?”

  He didn’t answer immediately, actually taking some time to think it through. He folded his hands together and sat back. Slowly, he raised his head up to me and nodded. I met his eyes, then looked away with another sigh.

  “I dumped you at the Prom,” I said bluntly. He wanted to know, didn’t he?

  “Um, no you didn’t?”

  I turned to him, and he had his head tilted slightly in a confused expression. I huffed a small, humorless laugh.

  “No, seriously,” he said, frowning. “I would have known if you dumped me at Prom, Alexis. The night ended just fine, didn’t it? I didn’t notice…”

  But his voice trailed off as realization dawned on his expression. Something from that night must have occurred to him. I held my silence and waited for him to conclude on his own.

  “Would that even count, though? I mean, I wanted to go somewhere, and you went right home…”

  “You wanted to go to a hotel,” I said with a dry smile. “And I said no. because I knew exactly what you wanted and I wasn’t up for it that night.”

  “So that’s what happened?” he said, scratching the back of his head. “You know, I might have been the only football player that didn’t get laid on the night of Prom? Some of the other guys laughed at me for it.”

  I just shrugged. That had nothing to do with me. Teenagers placed way too much importance on Prom and the night of it. Most, if not all of the students present probably thought about sex that night, and maybe more than half did it. I thought about it, too, but I changed my mind long before the dance was over. If Ryder hadn't driven me, I had friends to take me home, I would have left early. But I kept up a nice act, up until he asked me to spend the night with him…

  “I thought th
e night went well,” Ryder said. “So it surprised me when you said no after I invited you. I mean, I didn’t have a place ready yet, so I didn’t lose anything. And I thought it was a little strange, how stubbornly you refused, but then I figured it made sense because you were just nervous. I don’t remember you dumping me, though…”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. “I was too chicken to do it directly, I guess. We talked a bit after that, but the reason I started drifting away in the first place, is because, in my mind, I dumped you at Prom. I just…didn’t see a way forward for us.” Then I scoffed and leveled him with a look. “There wasn’t much point, was there?”

  He frowned and leaned back. “What’s with the look?”

  I smiled, but it wasn’t happy. “Because…” I let out another small laugh, then a sigh. “Remember, there was one time when we stopped dancing and mingling, and I told you I needed to go to the bathroom?”

  He nodded. “What happened?”

  “Well…” my voice trailed off as my mind drifted back to that night. “I went to the bathroom, and I got in one of the stalls. Unlike some of the other girls, I didn’t just go to touch up my makeup. So, while I was in there, Crystal came in.” I arched an eyebrow at him. “Do you even remember her?”

  “Uh…” he furrowed his brow and snapped his finger, thinking hard. Then his face lit up. “Wait… Crystal?”

  The other eyebrow went up. “As far as I know, we only knew the one Crystal. And yeah, I do mean the one that you dated before you went out with me.”

  “Oh. Well, I’ve met a couple of other Crystals since then. It’s a more common name than you’d think.” The expression on his face was sour, and it made me frown. But then he shook the expression off and met my eyes. “So? Did she say something to you?”

  My eyes drifted up to the ceiling. I didn’t want to have to be looking at him for this part. I didn’t like remembering it, and I’d pretty much pushed it out of my mind after it happened. Because the last thing I’d wanted then was to break down in the middle of Prom. I could have played the bitch and made things difficult for Ryder, humiliated him in front of the school. But I was more worried about being humiliated myself. So I kept my act together, then he took me home. After that, I found reasons to not be around him anymore. Then came college, and him taking football as a career seriously, and I had my out, so I took it.