Without Consequence

by Victoria L. James

  I’d barely managed to scrape in a breath when I felt the nudge of him against my clit, my inhaled gasp accompanying the rock of his hips as he pushed into me.

  As much as I was ready for him, I don’t think I could have ever prepared myself for the emotional onslaught that followed as our bodies finally came together. He froze the moment he sunk as far into me as he could, and the fingers of my free hand clawed at the tile, my other arm wrapped around his shoulders as I held onto him for dear life.

  Every limb I possessed seemed to tremble with the raw power of him as he supported us both, his thighs and arms flexing beneath me. Drew's quiet grunt of appreciation had my body tighten around his as my stuttered breaths encouraged his hips to swing back, and I couldn’t help the moan tangled with a sigh as he slammed back into me with intent.

  He and I found our rhythm quickly, our bodies moving in perfect synchronization as the water beat down on us. My cries of pleasure bounced from the tiles surrounding us, and my fingers tangled in his hair, while my feet pushed against his ass. I needed him closer, deeper, and harder. I needed all of him, everywhere, always.

  My skin was so alive under his touches and kisses, and as our wants grew into needs, my body twisted and arched, accepting him so deep I felt like I would never forget the tangibility of it for the rest of my life. Even supporting my weight between his body and the wall, he'd managed to get his hand in my hair, fisting tightly to direct my face to his. The moment our eyes met, nothing else in the world existed but him. As cliché as it sounded, he was the only thing in my universe. He was all I could see, all I could feel. The scent of him surrounded me and held me close. Even the sound of my name on his lips held me enchanted.

  My climax was almost painful as it clawed from the tensed ball of pleasure in the pit of my stomach and turned into fire spreading through my veins, curving my back and pulling his name from my lips.

  He wasn’t far behind me. His hands were everywhere, the strength of his body with his final strokes encouraging my arms to fold around him and hold him close as the echoes of my orgasm mixed with his. When he came, our bodies seemed to melt together in the exquisite rapture of the moment, and for one blissful breath, I found my happiness in the midst of his chaos.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Drew

  No part of me wanted to move. No part of me wanted to lose the absolute fucking perfection of what I held in my hands in that moment.

  Even as the water trickled down my face, over my parted lips and continued to fall into my mouth, all I could do was stare into her eyes in wonder. My body was, for once, in total agreement with my mind as I held her in place and tried to catch my breath.

  Whatever had just happened between the two of us was the single most amazing experience of my life to date. Just when I thought there wasn’t anything to help me fight off the black ghosts that had been circling above my head, she walked into the room like some kind of angel and saved me from falling to pieces on the ground and becoming something I swore I would never be.

  A ghost myself.

  Ayda’s eyes were staring into mine, and I could almost feel the hammering of her heart despite the water that continued to rain down over us. Maybe I was imagining it, or maybe I was taking a well educated guess, based on the fact that I was pretty sure mine was about to break through my chest and leap right out to embrace her. Our bodies were inhaling and exhaling in time. Her muscles were tight and mine were even tighter, and even though I was still throbbing inside her, totally lost in the warmth and perfection of our fit together, I couldn’t seem to pull myself away or even speak.

  I’d heard people talk about those moments with women before – that connection when you’re inside a girl and they seem different to anyone you’ve ever been with previously, like they were made for you and you alone. The mental bond as your limbs, muscles and minds align and all you can think about is the absolute fucking rightness of it all as everything within you climbs and climbs and climbs to reach a new high that it’s never reached before. I’d heard about it all, but no matter how many girls I’d gone through, I suddenly felt like what I’d just experienced with her was my first time.

  Her ass shifted in my hands, circling slowly one last time as if she wanted to try and milk this for all it was worth and go again. But her face never moved and her eyes never dropped away from mine. The water kept on pouring down around us, the heat of it washing over my own ass cheeks like it was comforting me and telling me it was okay to let her go.

  Only I didn’t want to let her go. I couldn’t. I never wanted to be anywhere but inside her and her alone. My hips rocked slowly from side to side as I held her back against the wall and felt every ounce of blood I had in my body start to filter back down from my dick, into all the other places it needed to be. The orgasm had been intense, but what was new to me was this feeling afterwards – this need to hold her and keep her safe. A need to protect her and keep her away from the rest of the world because I was so much of a selfish bastard, only I was allowed to have her now. I never made a conscious decision to want Ayda as badly as I did, but as her tiny frame clung onto me and the blue of her eyes penetrated mine while she waited for me to say something, I knew that there was no going back for me from now on. I was done for. I was in her hands even though she was in mine.

  And she deserved someone so much better than me.

  As my breathing began to calm, I dropped my forehead to hers and just stayed there for as long as I could, trying to find the words to tell her what was going on in my head right in that very moment. How could I express emotions I had no experience of feeling? How could I thank her for being here, for allowing me this, even if she never wanted us to do it again? How could I beg her to stay without dropping to my knees and falling apart in front of her? How could I ask her to always stick around to save me and make it sound like what I was requesting wasn’t the single most selfish act a man could ever make?

  The simple answer was this: I couldn’t.

  She had to know what and who I was. Ayda had to know that this wasn’t the right life for her, even if she was the right woman for me. I never intended for it to happen, but the second my brows furrowed together and my mouth turned down in sadness, I felt the layer of water coat my eyes again as I looked down on her, knowing exactly what I was about to say.

  My nose moved to nudge hers in defeat as I brushed my lips across her swollen ones. When my mouth parted and more water slid down over the bridge of our union, the choked whisper fell from me without warning or expectation of anything other than her leaving me there and then.

  “I killed a man today.”

  Ayda didn’t do a thing other than breathe as her eyes searched mine. Her chest rose and fell with the action, but I couldn’t read what was flashing behind that special shade of blue of hers. When she finally did move, her fingers found my face, tracing the lines slowly. “I might be the biggest idiot on the face of this planet, but I’m not running. Please don’t try and make me.”

  “That’s not why I’m telling you,” I lied through a whisper. “I just… You should know that about me. I’m not a good man, Ayda.”

  “It’s exactly why you’re telling me, Drew.” Her hand pushed up into my hair and she studied my face. “You think I don’t know some of the shit you boys get yourself into? I know murd–death isn’t a regular occurrence, but I’m not under any misapprehension here.”

  I could already see her defiance staring back at me, and it scared me more than any other reaction she could have had. If she was in as deep as I was then there was no hope for either one of us.

  “I killed him. His blood is still on my skin. His body isn’t cold yet. He didn’t even deserve to die.” My voice was so low and so quiet, I wasn’t sure how much she was hearing under the heavy downpour of water from the shower. “None of them ever deserve to die.”

  She shifted in my arms, her eyes closing seconds before her hands tightened around my neck and pulled me close. I could feel her breath on
my ear, the shakiness of it betraying the strength she was clinging to. Her voice was barely a whisper when she responded. “I won’t leave you. I’m here, Drew. I’m here and I’m telling you I won’t be moved. The only way I would walk away from you is if you made me.”

  I swallowed loudly, closing my eyes so she couldn’t see me before finally forcing myself to pull out of her as slowly as I could. Gripping hold of her tighter, I clung to her thighs in desperation as I swung us both around so we were under the center of the showerhead. There wasn’t much more I could say to her that wouldn’t start a war. I wasn’t lying when I told her that I worried about us always being at either end of the scale when it came to talking, but right now, I needed to feel her more than anything. I also needed to wash away all my sins and watch them as they bled down the drain and distanced themselves from my skin. Curling her in my arms, I made sure she could feel every muscle in my body pressing against her when I whispered back in her ear, beneath the water. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

  She melted against me as though it was the most natural thing in the world to do. “Then don’t ask me to leave.”

  “I won’t. I can’t.”

  Those four words seemed to take the last of the tension from her body, and her warm breath brushed over my skin with a relieved sigh. Her legs tightened around my waist as her arms slid down my wet skin to my hand. With a gentleness I’d come to know her for, she pulled it up and under the stream of water, the diluted pink mixture of water and blood washing away the gruesome scene. “Do you have a first aid kit?”

  “Somewhere,” I whispered, my eyes flickering lazily from her face to her hold on my hand. A small smile started to tug on one side of my mouth, even though it felt wrong to show any kind of happiness while I was staring at death on my fingertips. “But all I really need is to wash this off. I don’t mind the pain, so long as I don’t have to look at the reminders of what I’ve done.”

  Her touch stayed gentle as she turned my hand in hers and exposed the palm. Her fingers brushed over the clear skin before her head ducked and her lips caressed it. The moment she was through, she pressed her cheek against it and closed her eyes again, her legs squeezing around me to keep her balance. “I may have to break my own rule and borrow some of your clothes to go and find one then. Mine are a little… damp.”

  “You want me to let you go now I’ve only just got you back?” Raising my brows, I reluctantly started to unwrap her from my waist, sliding her body down mine and trying really hard not to get turned on again, which was pretty fucking impossible when she was looking up at me the way she was. Once she was on her feet, my hands slid up her neck to fist her hair and tilt her face up to mine. “I’d rather suffer than see you get dressed again.”

  “Well, when you put it that way…” she whispered, her lips curling at the sides as her hands gripped the tops of my arms.

  Searching Ayda’s eyes for what felt like the millionth time that hour, I let the smile fall from my face and just watched her. Every nervous flicker of blue, every flutter of her lashes and every breath she took in all seemed to carry a new weight for me. She’d always been beautiful, but now, seeing her so close without anything in my system to taint that vision, she was something indescribable.

  “Even though it kills me,” I started, pausing to cast a glance down at her mouth before looking back up, “I’m gonna have to let you go so I can scrub my skin clean and take you to bed. You deserve more than what I can give you stood under all this water.”

  “Want me to get your back?” she whispered. “Or I can see if your bathroom has something for your hands?”

  I wasn’t sure if all this was some kind of weird dream, but as I looked down at her, I prayed to whoever was listening that it wasn’t. I’d expected her to run, to look at me with disgust, to shake in my arms and beg me not to hurt her. Yet here she was, offering to help me get the blood from my skin like it didn’t mean anything to her at all. “Back is good,” I forced out in a breath. Then I turned around slowly, my eyes closing at the thought of having to look down at all the shit that was still splashed across my arms. When I’d opened up on the Emperor, the only thing I’d seen had been her face, and the only intention I’d had was stopping the guy in front of me from getting anywhere near her. It was irrational, it was unbalanced and worst of all, it was unnecessary. When Slater had finally pulled me off him, after spending ten minutes trying to tear me away, I looked down on his limp body and felt nothing but a new coldness run through me. I knew what I’d done and I knew what it meant, but I couldn’t find it in myself to regret it fully – not if it meant keeping Ayda safe.

  Raising my arms up in front of me, I stared down at my rough, cut up hands and waited for what had just happened to sink in.

  I’d killed a man, and when I’d stepped away and waited for my punishment, I’d somehow been rewarded. She’d come for me and saved me. She was still saving me now, and even though I knew it was wrong, I also knew I’d kill a thousand other men if she was the one that would be waiting for me at the end of it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  Ayda

  It’s funny how different life is compared to your imagination. Sex with Drew was like that. The reality of it wasn’t just different; it was better. So much better. I left him in the bed, already running ten minutes late because he wouldn’t let go of my hand, and if I was being honest, I didn’t put up much of a fight. It wasn’t like you would have imagined in the movies, either. This was Drew Tucker, so the subdued whispers and actions made it all the more profound.

  Then that fucking smirk was back.

  The thought of that thing almost made me spin in the oversized sweats and t-shirt of his I’d been forced into before leaving. This time he seemed to be marking his territory rather than allowing me to mark mine. Not that I needed to.

  I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost walked into Deeks as I left through the bedroom door and wandered down the residential corridors to the main room. He’d obviously planted himself on a chair parked between the hall and the office door, not willing to let me leave without his companionship. I was oddly unaffected by it after everything I’d seen over the previous twenty-four hours, and the eye roll and nod told me he was grateful to not have to run around after me.

  “Christ, it’s about fucking time, kid.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Deeks,” I said quietly, tucking my wavy hair behind my ears.

  “Sure you don’t. Come on, I’ll buy you a drive through coffee so you can get ready for work.”

  “You sure know how to woo a girl, Deeks.”

  “Better than hog tying your ass and driving you around. Doubt the boss would look too kindly on that.”

  “Oh, he knows me. I’m sure he’d understand I drove you to it.”

  Deeks laughed and pulled open the door of the hut, allowing the sun to bathe me in the first of its rays. I paused in its path and closed my eyes, my skin accepting the heat of it with open arms.

  “I do believe I like you in a good mood, Ayda.”

  I didn’t bother responding. I didn’t even open my eyes. I just stepped out and spread my arms, before dropping them to my side with a sigh of contentment. If it had been any other situation, with any other man, I would probably have started to blush and hidden myself away after the walk of shame from his room, but this was different. I went into the situation with a clear head, and open eyes. Trying to sneak out of there would have implied I’d done something wrong or regretted it in some way, and I didn’t. The boys in the hut were all par for the course. If I wanted Drew in my life, I just had to accept that. I think I already had in most ways.

  The drive to my house was spent with the windows down, the humid breeze already licking at my skin as the earthy smell of the fields being turned over filled my senses. I lived out on a county road. I had neighbors, but there weren’t many. The place had been my parents’ dream. Their retirement plan had been to build a barn and breed American Quarter horses
, give them some barrel racing training and sell them on. The barn had never been built, so as I neared our property, all I could see was our little house that sat at the front of our land, the sun still climbing in the sky behind it.

  It was the first time since my parents had died that I could actually see their dream in my own mind. I could see the horses in paddocks and the people we were able to hire to help train them. At that time of the morning, it would have been buzzing with life.

  I was so lost in my fantasy, I almost missed Tate sprinting along the side of the road, covered in sweat as he turned into our drive, while Kenny pulled up alongside Deeks on his bike behind me. Apparently, running wasn’t something he thought he should be doing at this time of the morning, and I could already see him grumbling to Deeks as they came to a stop.

  “What’s the matter, Kenny? Kid too quick for you?” I asked, pushing the door out of my way and hopping out with a little too much enthusiasm considering my legs were just remembering how to function properly.

  “Oh, she has jokes,” Kenny mocked, dropping his helmet on his seat and pulling off his gloves. “What the hell put you in such a–” The slap to Kenny’s chest from the back of Deeks’ hand was the thing to silence him, but Tate, who was pacing with his hands on his waist and panting for breath narrowed his eyes at me.

  “I know that look,” he said, rubbing his chin before dropping to plant his hands on his knees and smirk at me. “Someone finally got laid.”

  “Christ. Do I have a neon sign?”

  The three of them nodded, forcing me to roll my eyes as I headed to the house. “Fuck all of y’all. I’m gonna be late for work.”

  “Save me some hot water, sis.”

  It was an innocent comment, but the flashes in my mind made me stumble over my feet like a teenager caught in a love spell. I heard Deeks and Kenny chuckle and Tate’s whispered ‘what’, but they couldn’t have known, could they?