Saving Our Hearts

by Velvet Reed

  Even though she won’t look at me, I can tell by the stiffness of her shoulders and the defensive way she holds her body, that I’ve hurt my mom’s feelings. She’s my mom. She wants to look after me and ensure I’m okay, just as she’s done my whole life and I just acted like an ass. Being tired isn’t an excuse to throw someone’s love, concern and offer to help back in their face. I have every intention of making it up to her later, but for now, I reach out and place my hand on her shoulder and softly whisper, “I love you, Mom.”

  A small sob escapes, and with her back still to me, she reaches up and pats my hand. The tension leaves her shoulders and she brokenly replies, “I love you too, Cole.”

  “Let’s go, son,” my dad says as he takes the overnight bag from my hand and gestures for the door. With one last glance at my own son and a silent I love you, I follow my father out of the NICU and decide that while I’m trying to take care of my little boy, I’ll let my parents take care of theirs.

  Chapter 3

  Ashley...

  This is a nightmare. I’m living a horrifying, unthinkable nightmare. Internally, I am any way. Externally, well... I’m putting on a brave face and trying to be strong for everyone else, especially Bryan and Charlie. I know what they went through when they lost Maggie, but then I was able to cry and show my devastation freely because I was only ten years old. Now, I can’t do that. I‘ve been helping take care of Ruby while Bryan watches over Gracie, and Charlie runs back and forth between the garage and the hospital. They’re both a mess, and the fear in their eyes that Gracie won’t make it, is overwhelming in its intensity.

  Me, the best friend, I’m helping any way I can. Leaving my florist shop in the capable hands of Mary and the girls, I’m stifling my own despair, anxiety and fear. The one person who means the most to me, the one person I love and need more than anything, is lying unconscious in a hospital bed. God, what am I going to do if Gracie doesn’t wake up?

  Gracie isn’t just my best friend; she’s my family. She’s my sister, my mother, my protector, my business partner, my voice of reason. She’s everything rolled into one and the thought of not having her in my life is unbearable.

  So, when I’m not looking after Ruby, I sit here at the hospital waiting for an opportunity to go in and sit with Gracie. Most of the time, I sit in there with Bryan; that’s usually when Cole’s upstairs with my beautiful little godson. We talk to Gracie and tell her how gorgeous her little guy is; how she needs to wake up because he needs his mommy, and when we’re overcome, we tell her how much we need our Gracie.

  The endless torrent of tears I let fall when no one else is around to see, start to appear yet again in this private waiting room I’ve found. There’s no one else in here, so I can reflect on everything and give myself time to let my bottled up emotions lose, if only for a few minutes.

  Feeling a sob begin to build, I reach into my bag for some tissues only to hear a throat clearing from the doorway of my private oasis. When I look up, it’s into anxious green eyes. The same green eyes that have haunted my dreams for months on end, no matter how hard I try to push them away.

  I stare blankly at Sam as he stays in place in the doorway. If he’s come here to be his usual smart-ass self, I’m really not sure what I’ll end up doing to him. I can’t take his usual snide remarks and attitude, not when my focus is on Gracie. Minutes tick by without a word from either of us, so I break the silence. “Is there any change?” I ask.

  Sam takes a few tentative steps into the room but doesn’t come too close. “No, they’re both still the same,” he softly replies. “The baby’s got a really long way to go but he’s getting the best care available in the NICU. I can tell he’s a fighter though. He’s been improving every day.”

  I nod my head, slowly taking in his words and finally look up and meet his eyes again. “What about Gracie?”

  He looks to the floor, his hesitation evident, and then back at me. “They’re still concerned by the swelling on her brain. The doctors have been in to check on her again, but they won’t know what’s going on until she’s awake. It’s the same story as yesterday.” The unspoken of if she wakes up hung like poison in the air.

  They don’t know. They don’t know if she’s going to be okay and they don’t know when or even if she’s going to wake up. The fear grips me again and my sob finally escapes as my tears rain down again.

  He moves so quickly I don’t even know what’s happening until I’m being lifted off my chair with strong arms bracing my back and curled under my knees. Sam takes the seat I was just in and tucks me up on his lap, surrounding me in a comforting embrace that I really don’t ever recall experiencing before. The unexpected show of affection takes me completely off guard and overwhelms me, setting off a fresh round of crying.

  “Shh...” His warm breath whispers against my ear. “I’ve got you, Ash. I’ve got you. Just let it out.”

  Oh, God! Where did this soft, affectionate side of him come from? A feeling of being safe and protected from any hurt and pain fills me. My emotions act of their own freewill as I let everything out through the sobbing tremors that quake my body. “W...What if she doesn’t wake up?” I stammer. “I can’t lose her, Sam. She’s my family. She has to wake up. She just has to.”

  With one hand running soothing strokes down my hair and another holding my back and rubbing slow circles, he replies, “Gracie’s a fighter, Ash. You know that. There’s no way she’s going to leave her baby or anyone she loves without fighting like hell to stay.” He shifts me so I’m now looking into his emotion-filled eyes. “We just have to wait and believe she’s strong enough to get through all this and come back to us.”

  I slowly nod my head in understanding while continuing to gaze into his haunting green irises, knowing he’s right. Sam’s right. Now that’s a concept I never thought would cross my mind, but then having him comfort me and be sweet and caring like this never crossed my mind either. How is it that someone who is so incredibly infuriating and gets on my nerves so much can provide me with a sense of comfort and security that no one has ever been able to before? I continue to stare at him in silent contemplation, trying to figure out the enigma that is Sam Evans. This man creates so many emotions in me that it makes my head spin, but right now, when I’m experiencing a side of him that I’ve never seen, I think I fall for him a little more.

  “Ashley?” he questions in a husky whisper.

  I wipe my hand across my nose in a very unladylike manner, and without further thought, I close the gap between us. Tear-stained face and all, I press my lips to his. Sam’s eyes go wide with shock, but as I softly caress his mouth and try to coax a response, he gives in and melds his mouth with mine. His hands come up to cup my face tenderly, as if I’m made of glass and will surely break from his touch alone. I shift slightly on his lap into a more comfortable position and wrap my arms around his neck, ready to lose myself in all that is Sam.

  We kiss for long uninterrupted minutes. It’s not a steamy, passionate embrace. It’s sweet and slow, allowing us each to give and receive the comfort and tenderness we need. As we slow it down, it turns into small soft pecks until we finally pull apart. A small smile starts to creep across Sam’s face and I can’t help but give one in return. He learns forward and my eyes flutter closed as he places more soft kisses on each of my eyelids, my forehead, the tip on my nose and finally again on my mouth. I shiver in response to his touch and the uncharacteristic attention he’s showing me.

  When I open my eyes again, I’m greeted with a look filled with affection and determination. Sam holds my gaze as he says, “We’ll get through this together, Ash. Everyone needs someone to lean on, and I’m telling you now, you’ve got me.”

  I’ve got him. I suck in a sharp breath. Taken back by his words, I can feel my eyes prickling yet again. I think I just lost my heart to Sam Evans. He doesn’t require a response; he just pulls me in close and wraps his arms around me. Taking a few deep breaths, I decide to give a single word reply; it’s all
I can manage right now. “Okay,” I say.

  “Okay,” he repeats and kisses the top of my head.

  Wrapped in his arms, I know that everything between Sam and me has irrevocably changed. Maybe it’s just the events taking place around us that have caused it, but for the moment, with all the walls between us down, I can’t help but hope and pray it’s a permanent change. Sam may not realize the enormity of our time together or the feelings he’s evoked in me, but I sure as hell am going to hold on tightly with both hands and ride this thing out... heartache be damned.

  “Come on,” he says, starting to stand and placing me back on my feet. “Let’s go freshen up that gorgeous face of yours and check on Gracie.” He reaches up and glides his thumbs under my eyes and across my cheeks, wiping away my leaked mascara or tear tracks. Then with a wink, he entwines his fingers through mine and leads us out the door. His soft touch somehow provides me with a sense of strength and security that has me holding on tight and never wanting to let go.

  Chapter 4

  Sam...

  I work in a hospital where injuries, sickness and death are a normal part of the day. Trying to keep detached is the only way you can survive as a doctor. Every patient is just that... a patient: a case, a birth, an illness. If you form an emotional connection, lines are blurred, feelings and emotions become involved and you’re in over your head. It should be easy, right? Wrong! Unless you’re a robot and not human.

  Never in my career have I had a patient who I was emotionally attached to. I took the chance when I made Gracie my patient, and while I know I couldn’t prevent the circumstances surrounding the baby’s birth, it still weighs heavily on me. I did everything I could. Medically, we got the baby out in time and he’s going through the first stages of life like any other premature baby, but I’m scared.

  I haven’t experienced loss since my parents died and the easiest way to deal with that was to shut away my feelings. It’s why I have such a hard time expressing myself now and dealing with my emotions. It’s why I’ve been such an ass to Ashley all these months. She’s dug herself so far under my skin, that I truly can’t see any way of getting her out. Seeing her alone, broken and distressed like she was in that little room, well, it brought out every protective instinct I have. The need to take her in my arms and erase all her sadness and pain was intense, so I scooped her into my arms and held her like I’d never let her go.

  That kiss... that kiss tore down walls I’ve had in place for longer than I can remember. I want her. I want to be there for her. I want her to lean on me when she needs to, but by God, the wanting terrifies me.

  I glance sideways at her as we head for Gracie’s room. Her beauty astounds me. Even with all her tears, she still looks amazing. I squeeze her hand in a silent gesture of support and I’m gifted with a timid smile in response. As we turn the corner, I immediately slow our pace at the sight of two men talking to Cole and Gracie’s dad, Bryan. One is dressed in a suit and the other a police officer. Cole’s annoyance and agitation is clear; he’s been holding it together better than any of us expected. I lead Ashley closer and we stand to the side, so as not to interrupt.

  “There’s no way she would have caused the accident on purpose. She was thirty-weeks pregnant and on her way here for an ultrasound. She wouldn’t have put herself, our child or anyone else for that matter, in harm’s way,” he tells them.

  “Look, Doctor Tierney, I understand what you’re saying; however, eye-witness accounts all say the same thing. Ms. Rivers never applied the brakes. She didn’t even slow down as she approached the intersection. There are no skid marks on the road, and by the damage done to the jeep, it appears she was traveling quite fast. Since she’s still unconscious, we’re asking you if there was any indication that something was wrong, if something may have upset her?” the one in the suit asks.

  “She was fine!” Cole yells. “We spoke on the phone earlier that morning. She couldn’t wait to get here. She was happy and excited to see our baby again.” Cole turns to Bryan. “You saw her last. Did anything seem off to you?”

  Bryan shakes his head and looks at the men. “I know my daughter and there’s no way this was a deliberate act. When she picked up the car from the garage, she was joking around with her brother and myself and talking about us coming over for dinner that night.”

  “The garage?” the uniformed cop asks.

  “Yeah, Gracie picked up the Jeep from my garage and was coming straight here after that,” Bryan confirms.

  “You mean you’re a mechanic and the Jeep had been in for a service or repairs?” the suited one questions, his eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion.

  “Yes,” Bryan states flatly. “The Jeep had a normal service the day before and Gracie picked it up that morning.”

  Taking out a notepad from his pocket, the one I’m assuming is a detective asks Bryan, “What’s the name of your garage, sir?”

  Taken aback, Bryan turns to Cole and back to the detective. “Rivers Auto Repairs.”

  “And did you work on the car yourself or another member of staff.”

  I glance at Ashley whose eyes are wide, then back to the group before us. Bryan’s face turns a bright shade of red and his fists clench. “What exactly are you implying here?”

  “Look, Mr. Rivers, if what you’re saying about your daughter is true, then there are other elements in play. We need to look at every aspect here. While Ms. Rivers was the worst injured in the accident, others were as well. I know this has been a lot to deal with, but someone needs to be held accountable. We’re just trying to gain as much information as possible to sort this out. We’ll need to visit your garage and talk to whomever worked on the Jeep.”

  “My son,” Bryan states.

  “What about your son, Mr. Rivers?” the detective questions.

  “My son, Charlie, he was the one who worked on the Jeep and it was perfectly fine. He finished it the day before and since Gracie wasn’t picking it up until the following morning, it was locked in the garage overnight. It was a standard service.”

  The detective nods his head thoughtfully. “Did your son and daughter have a good relationship, Mr. Rivers?”

  “Are you kidding me?” Ashley screeches as she lets go of my hand and stomps over to stand by Bryan.

  “I’m sorry, miss, but this is police business. I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse us.”

  “No! I’m not going anywhere. Charlie would never let anything happen to Gracie. Everyone who knows Gracie loves her. No one would ever do anything to hurt her because she is the most caring and beautiful person you will ever meet,” she tells the detective while advancing on him.

  “Ma’am, you need to calm down,” the uniformed officer rebukes.

  I know she’s worked up, but I won’t allow Ashley to cause any problems for herself or place any more stress on the others. With quick steps, I’m at her side, pulling her away and into me. “Ash, come on. They’re just doing their jobs. We all know Charlie had nothing to do with the accident, just like we know Gracie wouldn’t have caused it either. They need to look at everything, so we get some answers.”

  “Fine!” she snaps and turns her death glare on the detective. “But if they try to accuse anyone in this family, there’ll be hell to pay.”

  The main officer, who after looking at his badge I see is Detective Grady Walker, raises his eyebrows and a small smirk curves his mouth at Ashley’s threat. He turns back to Cole and Bryan “Look, the vehicle is being thoroughly checked by the traffic company. It’s the unit of our PD who investigates serious injuries and deaths related to traffic incidents. We’ll find out soon if there were any defects with the car at the time of the accident; however, we will be talking to your son.”

  Bryan shakes his head in resignation. “Fine. Fine, do what you have to.”

  “The hospital will inform us when Ms. Rivers wakes up and we’ll be coming back to speak with her then. Hopefully, she can shed some light on what happened leading up to the collision. Thank you f
or your time, and again, we know how difficult this is. I’d love nothing more than for your daughter to make a full recovery,” Detective Walker says. Turning to the other officer, they leave us all standing in the corridor in silence.

  “I just don’t understand it,” Bryan mutters. “Gracie’s an excellent driver. Charlie said the car was in perfect condition. Unless something happened like her blacking out or something, maybe Detective Walker’s right. Maybe there was something wrong with the car.”

  “Charlie worked on the Jeep, Bryan. Aside from you, he’s the best mechanic around. There’s no way he would have missed anything,” Ashley interjects.

  Looking over at Cole, he’s taken a seat and is leaning over with his elbows on his knees, the strain of the previous days and the worry over Gracie and the baby clearly taking their toll on his ragged features.

  “I suppose I had better warn Charlie that the cops will be paying him a visit.” Bryan sighs heavily. “We really don’t need this worry right now. Not with the garage so busy and being two men down. He has enough on his plate trying to be here and keeping the place going. I know I should be there helping him, but I can’t leave my baby girl. I just can’t.”

  “Why are you down another mechanic?” Ashley asks. “Is one of the guys on vacation?”

  “Hmmm,” Bryan murmurs, lost in thought and then replies “No, no. Well, not really. Troy had some family situation come up and said he wouldn’t be in for a while. Funny, because he’s never even mentioned having any family before. Anyway, he’s taken at least this week off and it couldn’t come at a worse time, could it?”