Beyond What is Given

by Rebecca Yarros

  Battle lines drawn.

  In the contest of wills, this was a dead heat. He passed me on his way to the door but clamped down on my shoulder with a firm grasp. “I love you, Gray. Anything I’ve ever done has been because I love you.”

  “I know, Dad. I love you, too. Come to graduation. See me fly. I’ll change your mind.”

  His lips pressed together, biting back what he wanted to say. “I’ll see you soon, Gray.” He left, and I walked out onto the deck, breathing in the comforting smell of the ocean. It was nearly dark, but I still made out the crashing waves.

  This was home, and yet it wasn’t. Sam was right—I was one person at Rucker and one here. She waved to me as she walked up the wooden bridge to the beach that crossed the dunes. I may have been two different versions of myself, but they both belonged to her.

  “Everything okay?” she asked, leaning against the railing next to me.

  “It is now.” Having her near me settled my soul in a way I wouldn’t examine.

  “So, girlfriend?”

  “Girlfriend.”

  “So we’re labeling this.” She looked away, and I gently tilted her chin up until she met my eyes.

  “Did I manage to scare Samantha Fitzgerald?” Her hair was soft as I brushed it off her cheek. She turned into my palm and leaned. It was such a simple gesture, but her trust in me deepened my feelings for her. I wasn’t sure how much deeper I could go before using words I wasn’t sure I was capable of.

  “Labels…I just…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re graduating in five months, Grayson. If I use that label—if I start to depend on you and then you go—”

  “Sam.” She opened her eyes, and I nearly lost it at the fear I saw there. I wasn’t the only one risking something here. She trusted me. “We’ll figure it out. All of it.” I wasn’t letting her go, she just wasn’t ready to hear that yet.

  “It doesn’t scare you?”

  “Everything about you scares me, but calling you my girlfriend is the least of it. That doesn’t change what you are to me, or define us except for the convenience of other people.” My thumb ghosted across her lower lip. “You’re my Samantha. I’m your Grayson. That means a hell of a lot more to me than saying you’re my girlfriend like we’re back in high school.”

  “But I’m your girlfriend.”

  “Would you like my letterman’s jacket as proof?” I kept a straight face. “I can probably run back to my parents’ house and get it.”

  “You choose now to start cracking jokes?” Panic crept into her eyes.

  “You. Are. My. Girlfriend.” I punctuated each word with a kiss. “My. Samantha.”

  “And what about everything here? Everyone…here?” Her voice dropped on that last word. “Please don’t offer me something you can’t give. I can’t go through that again.”

  My hand flexed with the need to beat the shit out of the professor that had taken advantage of her, nearly broken her. “Since I left for college, I’ve always left one foot here, straddling both worlds. Tomorrow morning, we’re flying back to Alabama. Everything and everyone is staying here. For the first time, all of me is leaving and going home with you.”

  She surged up and brought her mouth to mine. I pulled her against me, savoring the complete perfection of Sam as the first fireworks shot off the pier, lighting the sky with a kaleidoscope of colors.

  Then I carried her upstairs so I could see the fireworks explode behind her eyes while I was deep inside her.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Sam

  “Banana, strawberry, protein powder, and kale.” I handed Grayson his protein-packed smoothie as he walked into the kitchen, sweaty from his morning run. I didn’t dwell on where that sweat was dripping, otherwise I’d follow him into the shower and be late for class…again.

  “Mmm,” he hummed against my neck as I tried to pour my coffee into a travel mug. “What if I’d rather have you for breakfast?”

  I doctored it with honey and creamer and sealed the cup before turning around. “Oh, no, you will not. You had me for dessert and midnight snack last night. I have my summer final in twenty minutes.” I set my hands to his chest, barely covered by his running tank, and suppressed a groan. I’d had so much sex the last month that I should be unable to walk.

  Instead, I was only hungrier for him.

  “Fine, go work on those chem skills.” He stripped off his shirt, and my mouth went dry.

  “You…” I pointed my finger at him. “You do not play fair, Grayson.”

  He shrugged with a smile, and that dimple came out. “Guess I’ll go shower.”

  I reached up on tiptoes, my flip-flops not exactly helping in the height department, and kissed him quickly. “How did I live so long without seeing that smile?”

  He flashed it again, and my insides turned to a puddle of goo. God, I loved him so much. Now if I could only work up the courage to tell him. But what were we supposed to do with love? He was still leaving in four months. After the last two rejection letters I’d received, both from North Carolina schools, I wasn’t any closer to getting into another college. Hit a professor, and you’ll never be accepted to another university again.

  Grayson’s lips grazed my hairline. “The same way I don’t know how I survived before I met you.” He kissed my forehead and walked off, calling back, “Have a good day at school, dear.”

  “You, too,” I replied, trying to keep my voice level. When he said things like that to me, it almost made me believe.

  “Where’s my smoothie?” Josh asked as I passed him on my way to the door.

  “Very funny,” I tossed back, sticking out my tongue. “When do I finally get to see my best friend again?”

  He grinned. “This weekend. I swear, I knew it was going to suck going a month without seeing each other during that anthropology thing she went on, but it’s too long.” He grabbed his flight suit top off the back of the couch and put it on.

  “Sometimes I forget,” I said quietly.

  “Forget the anthropology dig?” he asked.

  I motioned to his uniform. “That this isn’t normal army. That one day you guys are going to have a hell of a lot more than a month to get through.” Mom had only been home a little over a month, but we already knew she’d be headed back over next year.

  “You, too, from what I see with Masters.”

  My hand paused mid-reach to my messenger bag. “I’m not sure what the long-term plans are…or if he even…” I shook my head. “You know, I should probably be talking to him about this, right?”

  He put his hand on my shoulder. Funny, a couple of years ago that would have probably sent me into a tizzy, having high-school hockey hottie Josh Walker touch me. But now he was just my best friend’s guy, and, well, he might still be hot, but Grayson blew him out of the park.

  “Sam, you’ve made that guy human, which wasn’t exactly an easy task. He’s wild about you, so I don’t think you have much to worry about.”

  “You guys are graduating in four months.” My stomach sank like it did every time I thought it.

  “Pretty sure peace between warring nations has been negotiated in less time than that. You and Grayson can figure it out.”

  “And you and Ember?”

  He flinched. “Yeah, well she wants to stay in Nashville and go to Grad school, and I—”

  “Want to go to Fort Bliss so you’re closer to home, she told me.”

  “You think it’s a bad idea?”

  “I’m dating Grayson, who’s killing himself to be top of the OML so he can get his first duty station selection and be closer to his comatose girlfriend. I’m really not sure I’m the one to pass judgment. But you guys will figure it out.”

  My cell phone alarm blared. “Shit, I’m going to be late!” I ran out the door and called back, “There are smoothies for you and Jagger on the counter!”

  “Thanks, Mom!” Josh yelled back as the door shut.

  I tossed my bag into the backseat and was almost
into the driver’s seat when Grayson ran out in flight-suit bottoms and a tan T-shirt that stretched beautifully across his chest. Was my heart ever not going to pound when he was around?

  “Babe?” I asked.

  He lifted my chem notebook and jogged over. “You left it on the nightstand.”

  “That would have sucked,” I said, taking it from him. “Thank you.”

  “I actually like seeing your stuff all over my room, but I figured you’d need it for class.”

  “Hey, I confine it to my side of the bed.”

  “Uh huh.” He gave me an ultra-intense look and then kissed me, pulling me into his body like he had all the time in the world. His skin was still damp from his shower.

  Once he released me, I wavered. “What was that for?”

  “I’ve never been this happy, and I think I like it.” He kissed me again, and I melted into it, uncaring that my book dropped to the ground. “Get to class,” he whispered against my mouth, and then left me standing there, all sorts of turned on. Damn that man.

  I smiled. He was happy because of me. “I love you,” I whispered to his back as he closed the door to the house.

  I was late to class, but I smiled as I took my seat.

  Turns out I’d never been that happy, either.

  “Are you still studying?” I asked Grayson three weeks later as I leaned into his doorframe. His note cards were spread out on the bed, and he sat in the center, selecting random questions to answer. His light blue tee draped over him in a way I couldn’t wait to, and his dark blue board shorts left his legs bare.

  “Yep.”

  Ooh, work-mode Grayson was in effect. “You’ve been at it since I left this morning, and it’s after eight.”

  “Yep.” He flipped another card.

  “Have you even eaten?”

  “Yep.”

  “So all day you’ve only studied, eaten, and worked out?” I’d seen him a few hours earlier at the gym. Well, more like salivated over him lifting while I pretended to work.

  “Yep.”

  “Can you give me more than a one-word answer?”

  “Yep.”

  I snorted, which earned me a smile.

  “I’m fine, babe, just need to get this down. We have a test on Tuesday.”

  “It’s Thursday, and a four-day weekend. You’re going to seriously burn out if you go at it like this all weekend.”

  He sent me a look so hot my thighs clenched. “Don’t worry, I’ll still have time to study you, too. I’m almost done, I promise.”

  “Okay.” I walked back into my room and shut the door, stripping off my work clothes. A shower later, I felt ready to tackle the challenge of Grayson in study mode. It wasn’t that I wanted to distract him, but damn, the man’s brain was going to explode. He seriously had five modes—work mode, study mode, workout mode, sex mode, and sleep mode.

  I could at least get him through the last two.

  Ten minutes later, I was ready. Thank God we had central air, because there was no way I could have pulled this off in late August without it.

  “You about ready?” I asked, peeking my head around his doorframe.

  He barely looked up from the cards. “Yeah. Just a couple more minutes. We’ve been in the bag all week, and that stress isn’t doing me any favors.”

  I sat on the edge of his giant bed, careful not to disturb the cards. “You doing okay?” Flying was his strong suit. If there was an issue there, his rank would slip, and Jagger was hot on his heels.

  He looked up, his beautiful gray eyes a little dim with exhaustion. “Yeah. It’s tough, flying with the cockpit blacked out, but I’m adjusting to the scope. It gives me a pretty bad headache, though, which is killing my study time. Plus we lost Pritchards this week. They pulled him out this morning.”

  “I’m sorry. I know you did all you could to help him. Will they transition him to another aircraft?” This was the second pilot his class had lost, and as class leader he took it personally, like he’d failed them.

  He raked his fingers over his hair. “I don’t know. I really thought giving him the extra hours would help him.”

  “This isn’t your fault, Grayson.” He looked back at the cards. “How about I help you study?”

  “Want to quiz me?” His eyebrows shot up like he’d asked if he could have ice cream.

  A slow smile spread across my face. “That’s exactly what I had in mind.” I scooped up the cards and then stood at the foot of the bed. “Lean back against the headboard.”

  “What?” His forehead puckered. “And why are you in a sweat suit? It’s like ninety-seven degrees out there.”

  “You heard me. Lean back against the headboard. I will be happy to quiz you, but you are not allowed to so much as breathe in my direction until you’ve earned it.” I used my most authoritative voice.

  “Okay.” He sat back with a playful smirk on his face. Despite what he said, I knew with Grayson I was only in control when he allowed it.

  “Good boy.” I grinned and then went for the first card. “Dual engine failure/Low Airspeed and Cruise.”

  He lost the smirk, all business. “Autorotate. Chop button—reset only if an engine chop warning message is present. Reset may be accomplished by either crew member. Wing stores jettison—as appropriate.”

  “One point for Grayson.” His lips parted as I unzipped my University of Colorado hoodie and tossed it to the ground, leaving me in a tank top and bra underneath.

  Understanding lit his eyes, and he leaned forward. “Are you—”

  I waggled my finger at him. “Sit back. I’m asking the questions here.”

  He did, but every line in his body tensed. I knew that look all too well. He was ready to pounce.

  “Autorotation. Both Engines Fail.”

  “The cyclic should be adjusted as necessary to attain and maintain the desired airspeed of 77 to 107 KTAS. In autorotation, as airspeed increases above 70-80 KTAS, the rate of descent and glide distance increase significantly. Below 70 KTAS the rate of descent will also increase but glide distance decreases.”

  Damn, he really was that good. “Another point for Grayson.” I kicked off my shoes.

  “Seriously? Shoes? How is that fair? That answer was worth way more than the shoes.”

  My head tilted to the side. “Oh, but I thought you needed more study time?”

  His eyes narrowed. “In this case, less is more.”

  I quirked an eyebrow but removed my socks, throwing them near my discarded hoodie. “That’s all you get, flyboy.”

  “Give me another question.”

  Holy shit, the way he looked at me was hot enough to melt my panties. “Ng Limits.”

  “105.1 Maximum, Greater than 105.1 Red. 102.3 to 105.1 Transient 12 second limit, Yellow. 63.1 to 102.2 Normal Operation, Green. 63 Minimum engine out warning annunciated—less than 63.0 red with box.”

  I slid my fleece pants down my legs and kicked them away.

  “That’s cheating!” he shouted, pointing at my bike shorts.

  I shrugged. “My game, my rules.”

  “Damn it. Give me another one.” He shifted on the bed but didn’t attack.

  “Airspeed.”

  “Maximum airspeed with symmetrically loaded external fuel tanks (2 or 4) installed is 130 KTAS to prevent structural damage to the airframe.”

  I made damn sure he was watching as I wiggled my hips, tugging the spandex shorts off my legs. That hiss of indrawn breath coming from the bed said he’d definitely noticed. “Next,” he barked.

  “APU Operations Limitations Caution.”

  “Avoid prolonged operation at 94 to 96% Nr with the APU running. The APU clutch will oscillate from engaged to disengaged. This creates high loads on the clutch and shall be avoided.”

  I crossed my arms and pulled my tank top up over my head.

  “Damn, honey.” His gazed raked me from head to toe, taking in my matching silver lingerie I’d bought because it reminded me of his eyes. I licked my lips as he re
arranged himself in his shorts.

  I may have started this to distract him, but my engine was now roaring at two hundred miles per hour. Two more questions. “Autorotation Airspeeds.”

  His eyes hadn’t stopped traveling the path from my toes to my hair and back down.

  “Grayson.”

  His attention snapped back. “What?”

  “Autorotation Airspeeds.”

  “How is this fair? You strip down and all I can think about is untying those little bows on your hips and licking you until you scream my name.”

  The mouth on that man was unbelievable, and hot as hell. As if his tongue had actually touched me, my nerves jumped to life, and the ache was instantly excruciating. I managed to pick up my tank top. “Autorotation Airspeeds.” That even sounded breathless to my ears. When he still didn’t respond, I moved to put it back on.

  “Max 145 KTAS. Min rate of descent 77 KTAS. Max glide distance 107 KTAS.”

  The tank hit the ground again, and then I unsnapped my shiny bra. We locked eyes as I took it off, and then dropped it on the floor. Between the air and his feral appraisal, my nipples hardened.

  I selected one last card, and then crawled across the bed until I straddled him. “The way your brain works is unbelievably sexy.”

  His hands grasped my hips, pulling me forward until I rubbed against his erection. “Coming from the smartest woman I know, that’s a fantastic compliment.” His fingers tangled in the straps of my panties. “Give me the last question, Samantha.”

  I glanced down at the card. “Maneuver Limits.”

  He sat up, bringing his chest flush against my breasts, and the contact sent a jolt of need spiraling through me. His lips grazed my neck, and chills raced down my arms. “Maximum reward/sideward flight speed,” he said against my neck. “Is 45 KTAS”—he continued at my jawline—“for all gross weights.”

  He didn’t wait for me to tell him he was right. He took my mouth, undoing the ties at my hips with deft fingers and then winding his fingers through my hair as he consumed me like he needed to claim me, mark me.