Back to Before

by Tracy Solheim

  Spinning on his heel, Gavin turned to find Ginger surrounded by the crowd who’d been gathered in his father’s office minutes before. Bernice was squeezing Ginger’s cheeks as tears ran down the office manager’s face.

  Cassidy piped up then. “She took Midas and a flashlight and they didn’t give up until they found Patricia.”

  “You are amazing,” Audra said to Ginger as she pulled her into a hug.

  “Of course she is,” Mrs. Elderhaus said. “We all knew she would be.”

  He couldn’t help but smile as he watched her get swallowed up by the people of Chances Inlet, the same ones she so desperately wanted to accept her. His feet moved toward her before his brain even asked them to. Her well-wishers parted to make a path allowing him to stop right in front of her.

  “Hey, there.” He reached for her hand, glad that she let him touch her with everyone around.

  “Hey,” she said, but the smile she gave him looked forced. She chewed on her bottom lip and he could sense her hesitation. The trauma of the evening had obviously taken a toll on her. Gavin pulled her into his body and wrapped his arms around her. He was relieved when she relaxed against him.

  “Thank you,” he whispered beside her ear, breathing in her familiar scent. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She stiffened in his arms at his words, and Gavin pulled back to get a glimpse of those unique eyes. What he saw reflected in them frightened him more than anything else had today.

  “Gavin!” Kate’s call startled him. “Lamar, we can go back and see her.”

  He hesitated—something in him telling him that he needed to resolve this first—until Ginger gently shoved him. “Go.”

  “I’ll be right back.” Reluctantly he dropped his arms and followed Lamar into the ER.

  * * *

  “I think we should have stayed,” Cassidy said an hour later as Diesel pulled the car into the inn’s parking lot.

  “The surgery is likely to take several hours, Cass,” he said. “You won’t accomplish anything camping out in the hospital.”

  “But Gavin may need us.” She turned to look at Ginger. “And he’ll definitely need you, Ginger.”

  It was hard not to cringe at Cassidy’s words, but Ginger pulled it off—at least externally. She really didn’t know what Gavin needed her for, besides sex, that was. As much as he needed a shoulder to lean on tonight, Ginger needed distance. Besides, she’d be doing him and his family a favor by returning to the inn and helping Lori with the guests.

  “Diesel’s right, Cassidy.” They trudged up the steps to the veranda where Midas greeted them with a bark. “We need to get some sleep so that we can take care of the family tomorrow. Why don’t you take Midas with you tonight? I’m sure Gavin would appreciate you looking after his dog.”

  Cassidy’s grumbling quickly turned to cooing as she led the dog into the inn and upstairs to her room. Diesel hesitated on the wooden steps, jingling the car keys in his hand. Ginger slipped into one of the gliders, glad to be able to rest her weary body.

  “I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime in just this one day,” she said.

  He leaned against the railing. “Tell me about it.” Diesel paused, seemingly to consider his words. “Did you know Gavin was planning to return to New York so soon?”

  Ginger felt the familiar squeezing in her chest cavity. “I didn’t know he was going back to New York at all.” The words were painful to push out of her throat.

  Diesel muttered something before speaking. “You have a return ticket. It’s open-ended.”

  Tears burned the backs of Ginger’s eyes but she refused to let them fall. She shook her head. “I think if I were part of his future, Gavin would have mentioned it to me. No, I’ll stay put here this summer. Audra still needs an instructor and Patricia will obviously need help with the inn. Besides, I can think of worse places to lick my wounds than an historic beach town.”

  “You can come with Yasmine and me. We’re going to Nashville. I have some friends who own a music studio there. We’re going to put together an album.”

  Ginger smiled broadly. “It’s about time.” She couldn’t have been happier for her friend. Now that he wasn’t trying to live up to his father’s ideals, he could finally become the creative superstar she’d always known him to be. “But I don’t think you need a third wheel.”

  He blew out a frustrated sigh. “It wouldn’t be like that. You could be our manager. I’ve said a hundred times, you have genius business skills.”

  She patted the seat beside her. When Diesel sat down, she shifted sideways to face him, taking his hands in hers. “Diesel, you’re not responsible for me. I love you. And I will always love you. But I don’t need you to pick me up and dust me off anymore. I have to learn to do it myself. Starting now. I’ll survive a little heartache and another misdirection of my life. And, just maybe, there’ll be something better around the corner. Like front-row seats at the Grammys in a few years, perhaps.”

  Diesel bowed his head over their joined hands. “I wish I had half your Pollyanna resilience, Ginger. It won’t be the same without you around.” He kissed her hand. “I hope you’ll find that dream you’ve been chasing soon.”

  “Well, I am in the town of second chances,” she said through her tears. “So, who knows?”

  TWENTY-SIX

  The smell of coffee savagely yanked Gavin from his sleep. He peeled his cheek off the fake leather sofa in the hospital waiting room and sat up groggily just as his sister pulled off the lid of a cup from the Java Jolt.

  “You’re a lifesaver, Lois,” Kate said just before she took a sip.

  “There’s doughnuts and scones here, too.” Lois placed a large box on the table. “Nobody could sleep last night so we got the baking done early.” She kissed Kate on the cheek. “Y’all keep us posted, ya hear?” she said as she headed out the door.

  Gavin checked his phone: five a.m.

  “Have they finished the surgery yet?” he asked as he grabbed the cup with his name on it. He didn’t have to look to know that Lois had prepared his coffee just the way he liked it. She’d done so nearly every day for the past two years.

  “About an hour ago,” Miles said. “She’s got another half hour or so in recovery before they move her to a room.” His brother the triathlete usually avoided caffeine, but this morning he reverently cradled a cup of the Java Jolt’s finest between his hands. The rest of him was draped in an uncomfortable-looking chair, his long legs resting on a low table.

  “And no one bothered to wake me?” Gavin looked between his brother and sister.

  “You looked so cute all zonked out, Gavin. Too bad Cassidy wasn’t here to post a picture to your Twitter account.” Kate sobered up quickly. “Everything went as expected, so there was no reason to disturb your beauty sleep.”

  “Besides, Kate and I were doing some planning and we didn’t want you butting in,” Miles added.

  Gavin stiffened on the sofa. His brother raised his hand as Gavin opened his mouth to interject.

  “Before you get all pissy about not being included in the discussion, remember that you didn’t include us when you devised your wild-ass plan.”

  “That was different,” Gavin growled.

  Kate looked at him sheepishly. “It doesn’t matter. You’ve carried this family’s burdens long enough. We can handle it from here.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Gavin wasn’t sure whether the squeezing at the back of his neck was due to a night spent on the uncomfortable sofa or his annoying siblings.

  “It means that Mom is going to need help with the inn this summer. Remind me, by the way, to thank your brilliant, hunky friend Will for his generosity.” His sister practically swooned when she mentioned Will’s name, and Gavin rolled his eyes. “Elle won’t be home for months. The baseball season just started so Ryan is obviously not a candidate. And, according to Miles, you’re heading to New York on Monday, which is tomorrow.”

  “I don’t have to go.” The words nearly
strangled Gavin as they left his throat.

  His sister reached over and grabbed his hand. “Yes, Gavin, you do.” She squeezed his fingers. “You’ve silently sacrificed for two years now. My gosh, you did more than your fair share. It’s time you got back to what you had before Dad died. Miles and I can take care of things here.”

  Gavin glanced at his brother Miles questioningly. Miles sighed. “I already agreed with the governor to lighten my load so that I can campaign in earnest this summer. There’s no reason I can’t work from Chances Inlet and supervise the day-to-day operations of the inn at the same time. We’ll just need to hire a competent manager for the next several months.”

  “Mom already has a competent assistant in Lori,” Gavin reminded his brother.

  Miles bristled at the mention of Lori’s name. “No way. I told you I don’t trust that woman. No, I’ll call a temp agency first thing tomorrow.”

  “You can’t just throw her out on the street!” Gavin didn’t know Lori’s full story, but he did know she’d found a sanctuary under his mother’s roof and he wasn’t going to desert her now.

  “Boys!” Kate interjected before their argument grew more heated. “We don’t have to decide anything right this minute.” She eyed Miles sternly. “And Mom will have input into who’s working at her inn.” She took another sip of her coffee. “Don’t forget I’ll be here to help out, also. Alden is opening up a drugstore clinic here in town this summer, so we won’t be running back and forth to Raleigh each week.”

  Miles mumbled something beneath his breath as Gavin slumped back against the sofa.

  “So, you see, Gavin, you can go, guilt free,” Kate continued. “We’ve got things covered here.”

  Gavin rubbed the back of his neck. No matter what his sister said, guilt still tugged at him. His mother had just undergone surgery for a broken hip and knee. He wasn’t sure he could leave Chances Inlet now.

  “She’ll be in the hospital for another week at least, and then three to four weeks in a rehab facility,” his sister said as if she’d read his mind. “Fortunately for us, Chances Inlet boasts one of the best sports rehab facilities in the area. I spoke with their director last night and he said they’d be happy to have Mom as a patient. It will be wonderful for her, too. She can stay connected with all of her friends and family.”

  “Mom would want you to go, Gavin.” Miles’ face was inscrutable. “If you stay, it will only add to the guilt she’s already carrying around.” He put up a hand again when Gavin tried to speak. “I know her guilt is unreasonable, but that doesn’t change that it’s there.”

  “He’s right, Gavin.” Kate’s eyes were sad as she nodded at him.

  Gavin wasn’t sure what would absolve him of the guilt he was feeling, but at the same time he was grateful for his siblings’ consideration. Providing his mother was improving, he’d head to New York tomorrow, as planned. The thrill of finally achieving his goal had faded a bit with his mother’s accident, but he was still eager to resume his life.

  “Kate.” Alden poked his head into the waiting room. “She’s awake. You guys can see her now.”

  * * *

  The sun was bright in the Dresden House music room. Ginger trailed her finger along the polished wood of the window seat. She inspected the molding to see that the refinishers had filled in most of the places where Gavin had scratched the names of his conquests in the wood. The marks were visible to the eye only if one knew where to look. She couldn’t help but feel sad that his presence in this gorgeous house had been eradicated so efficiently. Gavin was as much a part of Dresden House’s long history as the woman the mansion was built for.

  The sound of an engine refocused her attention outside of the wide windows. The two production trailers were being hooked to the cab of a tractor trailer waiting to be hauled away to their next construction site. Most of the crew had flown home last night, but the roadies had remained to pack up the equipment. Diesel had handed out final checks this morning. He’d kindly paid her bill at the inn through the end of the month, giving Ginger ten days to make other arrangements.

  Lori shared with her and Cassidy that Patricia had pulled through the surgery with flying colors. She would be in the hospital for several more days before she was transferred to rehab. All three women had hugged and cried when they’d heard the news. But their happiness was tempered by the fact that none of them knew what their future at the inn would be with Patricia gone for such a long period of time.

  As soon as she’d helped Lori clean up from breakfast, Ginger had escaped to the mansion, Midas on her heels. She needed to think. To regroup. Yesterday had been like an unending roller-coaster ride, and now that the ride had stopped, she needed to plot out her future. With the exception of a few hours yesterday afternoon, her plans had never included Gavin McAlister. So she was surprised at the deep ache she still felt after learning he wouldn’t be remaining in Chances Inlet.

  Midas suddenly jumped up from where he’d been sleeping on the sunlit floor, startling Ginger. The dog let out a happy bark as it danced around Gavin’s legs. She swallowed painfully, watching their reunion. Dressed in cargo shorts and a T-shirt, Gavin looked ragged as he wrestled with the dog. His hair was damp as though he’d just showered, but he hadn’t bothered with a razor.

  “Hey, buddy.” His voice sounded raspy and tired. “I hear you were a rescue dog last night.” Midas panted wildly.

  When Gavin finally looked up at Ginger, her stomach seized into a tight ball. She ached for him, for everything he’d been through these past few hours, months, years. But it was taking everything she had to hold on to her own aching heart, so she dug her fingernails into the wooden window seat and remained where she was.

  “I hear your mother is doing well this morning.”

  “Thanks to you.” He leaned against the doorjamb, his hand still rubbing Midas’ head.

  “I’m just glad she’s going to be all right.” The banality of their conversation made her stomach roll.

  Gavin sighed. “Are we all right, Ginger? Because I’m picking up some weird vibe here. And at the hospital last night. Hopefully it’s just because I’m exhausted.”

  A sliver of guilt trickled trough Ginger, but she needed to do this. “Rumor has it you’re moving back to New York.”

  He looked genuinely perplexed by her statement. “Yeah. That’s always been the plan.”

  The rolling in her stomach became a tidal wave. “Except that you never mentioned it.”

  “I never mentioned it to anyone!” He came more fully into the room and Midas whined when Gavin stopped rubbing his head. “In case you hadn’t noticed, my whole life has been like a game of Jenga these past two years. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that things would work out. Hell, up until a few hours ago, it might not have.”

  Ginger desperately wanted that explanation to be enough. Except it wasn’t. He’d told her about his plans—all except the part about returning to New York. That piece stung, especially since he’d known that was where she’d been headed. If he’d intended on their relationship being more than just here and now, he would have said something. It wasn’t his fault, either. Ginger was the one who’d lost her stupid heart. She wouldn’t make him feel guilty.

  She pasted her finest fake soap opera smile on her face. “I’m so glad it worked out for you.”

  One of those devastatingly hot grins spread over his face and Ginger’s resolve nearly vaporized into a puff of smoke. “Actually, it worked out for both of us.” He stalked toward her.

  “Not exactly.” She spoke quickly, hoping to stop his progression across the room before he reached her and she did something stupid like jump his bones.

  He hesitated, eyeing her warily. “I’m not following you.”

  “Diesel and I aren’t doing the show anymore,” she explained. “It was only a matter of time before Marvin Goldman found his son at fault, anyway. Better now than when we’d gotten settled in New York.” She shrugged, trying to make it look nonchalant.
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  “But you’re still going back to New York?”

  The words weren’t easy to say. “No. Diesel is going to Nashville with Yasmine. And”—she watched as his eyes narrowed as if he knew what she was about to say—“I’m staying here.”

  Gavin slowly spun around the room. When he finally turned back to her, his face was a mixture of confusion and anger. “Why?”

  It took everything she had to appear calm as she sat on the window seat, her legs crossed neatly beneath her. “There’s nothing for me in New York.”

  He recoiled as if she’d punched him. “Jesus, am I destined to hear that from every woman no matter what town I live in?”

  “That’s not fair,” she fired back. “You can’t compare me to Amanda because you’d both made a commitment to each other. We haven’t.”

  “Is that was this is about? You want a commitment?”

  Yes!

  “No.” She would never force his hand. Ginger didn’t want him that way. “This is about you following your dream, taking your second chance and going back to who you were.” It hurt to swallow as she gulped down a sob she didn’t want him to witness.

  Gavin covered the remaining five feet between them, planting his hands on the wood so his arms bracketed her on the window seat. The same window seat where they’d first made love. She could smell his clean, woodsy scent, and if she turned her head slightly, her lips would brush his day-old beard. “Come with me.” His breath blew against her skin as he made the demand.

  Tell me you love me, she silently begged him. She could feel the heat of his warm skin so close to hers. If he touched her now, she’d likely follow him anywhere, her self-esteem be damned. But she loved him and she knew she would never be satisfied without that love being returned. She had to push him away. “Your plan, your dream, never included me.”

  He pulled back and she watched as his eyes clouded with emotions she couldn’t identify. But in the end, he didn’t deny that she hadn’t been part of the plan. The truth was just as painful a second time.