Back to Before

by Tracy Solheim

  “I’m going, Ginger,” he bit out. “I’m leaving Chances Inlet. With or without you.”

  Her heart felt heavy in her chest and her eyes hurt from holding the tears at bay, but she forced out another smile as she nodded. “I know. And I’m not asking you to make a choice. I want you to go to New York. Nobody deserves to have their life back more than you do, Gavin. I really hope it all works out.”

  Gavin stood up, his eyes focusing out the window behind her. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it does work out.” He sighed heavily. “For what it’s worth, you would have only ended up hating me anyway. I tend to get too into my work and there isn’t enough of me to go around.”

  Of course that wasn’t true, but Ginger didn’t bother arguing with him. Apparently he hadn’t learned anything about himself during these past two years of selfless giving. Instead, he was still judging himself through the eyes of his jilted fiancée.

  “Miles is going to look after the inn this summer. He could use the help if you’d like the work.”

  She nodded, unable to push any words out of her tight throat any longer. Gavin stepped away without touching her. Part of her cried in frustration as her rational self rejoiced to have been spared the pain of having his skin against hers one last time.

  He hesitated at the door, his eyes briefly raking her body from head to toe as if he were committing her to memory. “I hope you find what you’re looking for here, Ginger.” Then he was gone, Midas trotting after him.

  She waited a few moments, listening to them make their way down the stairs before she crawled into a ball on the window seat. It would be hard to find what she was looking for in Chances Inlet. Because everything she ever wanted had just walked out the door. Ginger didn’t bother holding back the tears any longer.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  The rain was cold and biting. Despite the weather, the sidewalks were still crowded with pedestrians and the streets clogged with traffic. Gavin jumped out of the cab, tossing the driver his fare as he sprinted into the restaurant. He was nearly drenched in the five strides it took him to get inside.

  His wet feet and clothes fit his mood. Gavin’s first week in New York had not gone as he’d expected. The job was challenging—reinventing loft space after the destruction of superstorm Sandy. Everything else, though, seemed a little lackluster. He told himself that was because he was worried about his mother’s health, but she was doing better than expected. Miles and Kate had everything under control in Chances Inlet. Bernice had called only once and that was to ask about a set of keys. He really wasn’t needed back there anymore, which was how he wanted it. Sort of.

  The hostess led him to one of the small alcoves in the back of the bar area. Gavin’s brother Ryan was already seated at the table chatting up a curvy cocktail waitress.

  “Hey, dude,” Ryan said as he stood and clapped Gavin on the shoulder in a brief semblance of a hug. “Whataya have, Gavin? Jessica here is bringing me a rainout beer.” He winked at the waitress, making Gavin wonder what else the woman might be bringing his brother.

  “I’ll take a beer,” Gavin said, taking the seat across from his brother. He draped his soggy jacket over the back of an empty chair.

  “We’re celebrating a rainout and my brother’s return to the Big Apple,” Ryan told the cocktail waitress. “You’d better bring us a plate of nachos, too.”

  Jessica made her way back to the bar, giving Ryan a perfect view of her round ass as she went. Never one to pass up a prime female body, his brother’s eyes trailed her all the way.

  Gavin shook his head. “Doesn’t it ever get old, Ry?”

  “What?”

  “Women throwing themselves at you?”

  “Nope. It’s one of the perks of being a professional athlete,” his brother quipped. “No one really cares if we have a thought in our heads as long as we look good and play even better.” It was a familiar refrain with Ryan. Something, or someone, had happened to his self-esteem years ago, making him believe he was nothing but a dumb jock. Gavin was tired of always trying to get to the bottom of his brother’s issues, so he changed the subject instead.

  “How’s Mom?”

  Ryan had stopped in Chances Inlet on the way home from his team’s road trip. He’d spent the day before visiting their mother.

  “She’s tough as nails,” Ryan said. “A broken hip and knee and they’ve already got her up moving around. It has to hurt like hell, but she didn’t complain once. All she wanted to do was get to her rehab so she can get back to the inn.”

  “We’re lucky she can stay close to home.”

  “Definitely. Dr. Lansing and his team are the best at rehabbing sports injuries. If I ever get injured”—he knocked on wood—“that’s where I’d want to be.”

  Jessica brought them two draft beers. “Bite your tongue, Ryan. The team can’t afford to have you hurt.”

  Ryan flirted with her. “But if that ever happens, you promise you’ll nurse me back to health?”

  “You have my number, Ryan. All you need to do is call.” She sashayed over to another table.

  “Do you want me to leave you two alone?” Gavin asked before he took a sip of his beer.

  His brother laughed. “What’s the matter? The pretty girls aren’t beating down your door? I told you girls in our demo don’t watch Historical Restorations. That show’s for the over-forty set. You need to get yourself in Cosmo again. That should do the trick.”

  “What trick would that be?”

  “Getting you laid.”

  Gavin choked on a mouthful of beer. He didn’t want sex. Well, he did, actually, but unfortunately the only woman he wanted sex with had chosen Chances Inlet over him. And that still stung.

  “Destiny seems to have made herself indispensible at the inn,” Ryan was saying.

  “Don’t call her Destiny,” Gavin said. “You make her sound like an exotic dancer or something. Her name is Ginger.”

  Ryan’s eyebrows shot up. “Ginger, then, because that name sounds nothing like an exotic dancer.” His brother laughed when Gavin flipped him off. “Anyway, Miles has got her doing all sorts of things at the inn. They’ve become quite the pair.”

  Gavin wrapped his hands around the beer glass tightly, trying to ignore the ugly feeling unfurling in his belly. “Ginger is supposed to be teaching dance at Audra’s.”

  “She’s doing that, too. That girl reminds me a lot of Mom. She’s got a great can-do attitude. It’s no wonder Miles depends on her so much.”

  Changing the subject to Chances Inlet had been a bad idea. Gavin’s thoughts already strayed to his hometown—and Ginger—more than he’d like. He’d reach for his phone countless times each day, pulling up her contact info, but never pulling the trigger and hitting the connect button. There was really nothing to be said between them. She wanted more, and he sucked at more. His chest squeezed painfully at the thought of Miles possibly giving her more, though. He needed to think about something else.

  “I may need to stay at your place a little longer than I expected,” Gavin said as he reached for a nacho from the plate Jessica set down on their table.

  “Stay as long as you want. I’m on the road half the summer so it won’t bother me.”

  “It’s just hard finding a place for Midas. He’s used to being outside most of the day.”

  Ryan paused with chip halfway to his mouth. “Dude, you can’t bring that dog into the city. That would be cruel. Besides, he seems pretty happy hanging out with Ginger.”

  “She’s not getting my dog, too!” Gavin instantly regretted his outburst.

  “Huh.” Ryan leaned back in his chair and studied him. “‘Too’ would imply that she took something else from you.”

  Gavin raked his fingers through his damp hair. “You know what I mean.”

  “No, actually, I don’t. Mom seemed to think you two were involved and that maybe you broke her heart when you skipped town so quickly.”

  His throat went dry at Ryan’s words. He’d
never meant to break her heart. “She was supposed to be coming here, too. She had a job lined up. When it fell through, she chose to stay in Chances Inlet.” He blew out a breath. “She has nothing tying her down, nothing keeping her there, and she stayed anyway.”

  “You mean she didn’t choose you.” His brother’s words were so painful they made Gavin flinch. “Did you give her reason to?”

  “Why? So she could flounce off somewhere else whenever life gets tough?” His jaw was clenched so tight, it was difficult to get the words out. The silence stretched and Gavin stared into the depths of his beer mug to avoid the look of pity in his younger brother’s eyes.

  “It’s not always easy to step back into that batter’s box after you’ve been hit by a wild pitch, but you have to if you want to score,” Ryan said.

  “Seriously, man?” Gavin looked at his brother incredulously.

  Ryan laughed before shrugging his shoulders. “Hey, I’m the dumb one in the family who skipped college to play baseball. It’s the best analogy I can come up with.” He sobered up and leaned forward in his chair, his eyes boring a hole through Gavin. “I only met Ginger for all of four hours, but I can tell you this: She’s not Amanda. If you go around measuring every woman you meet against your former fiancée, you’re going to be one lonely guy.”

  “My career is here,” Gavin ground out. “Ginger wants to live in a small town like Chances Inlet.”

  “First of all, your career is wherever you want it to be, so stop hiding behind that excuse. Didn’t you say your draftsmen were staying in Wilmington because it was cheaper to live there and fly up here twice a month? Who says you couldn’t do the same thing?” Ryan slumped back in his chair. “But I guess we’ll never know because you’re too chickenshit to get back in the batter’s box.”

  Gavin clenched his fingers into fists to keep from wiping the smug look off of his smart-ass brother’s ugly face. Jumping to his feet, he grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair.

  “Are we leaving already?” Ryan asked, his eyes still laughing. “I haven’t finished my beer.”

  “So finish it. I’m going for a walk.”

  “In the rain?”

  Gavin didn’t care if the sky was spewing locusts. He just wanted to get away from his nosy brother and thoughts of Ginger Walsh and Chances Inlet. Reaching into his pocket, he tossed some money onto the table before shoving his arms into his still-wet jacket.

  “Ahh, come on, Gavin.”

  Ignoring Ryan, he made his way out into the dreary summer evening.

  The rain eased up a bit, but his shoes squished with each step by the time he reached his destination: a high-rise condominium on the Upper West Side. The doorman, Eddie, recognized him immediately. Gavin wasn’t surprised; he’d practically lived there during the time that he was engaged to Amanda.

  It had been her plan that they’d continue residing in the condo owned and paid for by her father even after they were married, but Gavin had been secretly looking at an old brownstone in Brooklyn to restore. The centuries-old four-story house sat on a treelined street near a park with a yard for kids and a dog. His dream had been that they’d live there and do most of the work themselves. It would be theirs and not something paid for by her father, Gavin’s boss. Hell, he’d been thinking about living someplace more like Chances Inlet even back then. How had he forgotten that?

  The thought almost made him laugh today. Amanda never wanted to step foot in his loft in Chances Inlet when he’d been renovating it. She always complained that the dust and debris bothered her sensitive sinuses. An image of Ginger sweeping up construction dust and laughing beside Morgan floated before Gavin’s eyes.

  “Mr. McAlister! Long time, no see.” The doorman’s booming voice brought him back to the present. He extended his hand and Gavin shook it warmly.

  “How you’ve been, Eddie?”

  “Good, good.” The doorman looked a little sheepish now. “What brings you around on this soggy night?”

  It was a good question. One Gavin didn’t know the answer to. He knew Amanda—and his former best friend, Tom—still lived in the building. But he wasn’t sure what he intended to accomplish by hiking over here. Will Connelly had been right; New York wasn’t the same any longer. Maybe Amanda wasn’t the same anymore, either. As loath as he was to admit it, his idiot brother Ryan might be right, too. Maybe it was time to let go of the past.

  Eddie cleared his throat. “Mr. and Mrs. Gross have already left for the Hamptons.”

  Gavin bit back a laugh. Knowing Amanda, she hated her unfortunate married name. He only hoped she loved her husband more.

  “Shall I tell them you stopped by?” Eddie sounded as if he wasn’t sure Amanda and Tom would appreciate it.

  “Nah,” Gavin said. “Maybe some other time. You take care, Eddie.”

  “Hey, let me flag down a cab for you. It’s pretty nasty out there.”

  Gavin waved him off. “It’s okay, Eddie. The cabs are pretty scarce tonight. Besides, I’m already wet.”

  He wandered back out onto the street in the direction of Ryan’s apartment. A few blocks into his journey, he decided to make a pit stop for some coffee to warm himself up. Even at eight o’clock on a Friday night, there was a line ten people deep at Starbucks. Gavin found himself longing for Lois’s ready-made brew that was served up with a peck on the cheek. Had he really wanted anonymity?

  Two little girls jostled him as they raced for the sugar packets on the counter. “’Scuse me,” one of them called out. His heart did a somersault when he caught sight of their ballet clothes. The younger of the two twirled around between the customers standing in line, her eyes bright and her smile impish. Just like another ballerina he knew. He slammed his eyes shut but the image wouldn’t go away. Neither would the pain in his chest.

  Gavin didn’t bother waiting for his coffee. He was in too much of a hurry to get home.

  * * *

  “You look stunning, Cassidy,” Patricia said from her wheelchair. It was early Saturday evening and the teenager was all decked out for the prom. Cassidy insisted on visiting the innkeeper in her room at the hospital so Patricia could see the prom dress Julianne Connelly had designed for her. The floor-length, A-line chiffon dress was simple in its elegance. Its bronze color complemented Cassidy’s amber eyes and dark hair. Best of all, Julianne had added beadwork to the gown’s sides, shoulders and back, the result making the dress very slimming. Cassidy was proud to show off her toned arms after weeks of working out with Ginger.

  “My mother said I look like a princess.” Cassidy rolled her eyes.

  The sheriff had graciously brought Mona to Chances Inlet for an afternoon visit. Despite the tension between mother and daughter, the pre-prom primping and photo session had gone well. Obviously it was going to take more than one afternoon for Cassidy to trust her mother again, but Ginger was glad that at least she’d made the effort.

  She flounced the hem of her prom dress mischievously. “Little does she know; I’m going to be prom queen.” She winked at Ginger.

  Patricia exchanged a glance with Ginger. The sheriff had threatened to pull the plug on the prank, but both women had begged him not to. The practical joke of being crowned “swine queen” had been the catalyst to Cassidy’s transformation, not to mention providing a much-needed diversion while her mother was in rehab. Besides, knowing Cassidy, she’d wear it as a badge of honor.

  “You look lovely also, Ginger.” Patricia smiled wistfully. “That dress is a work of art on you.”

  Ginger fingered the plum dress she’d worn to the cocktail party the week before. Has it only been a week? It felt like a month had passed instead of only seven days. Of course, she’d been busy with helping at the inn and preparing for the prom, but the nights without Gavin in her bed made the time seem to drag. She had to avoid Patricia’s eyes when Ginger thought about last Friday night. Gavin’s mother wouldn’t think it was so lovely if she knew how quickly her son had divested her of this “work of art” and covered h
er body with his.

  Patricia mistook her blush for some other emotion, taking her hand and squeezing it. The two women hadn’t spoken about Gavin at all, but Ginger got the sense Patricia was disappointed in her son’s choices. Ginger had no intention of coming between mother and son, so she steered Patricia away from the subject whenever she could.

  “I’m just excited that Julianne asked me to chaperone.” Ginger felt a little silly admitting such a thing to both of them, but it was the truth. “I’ve always wanted to go to a prom.”

  “It’s so cool that Julianne invited the school to move it from the dumpy gym to Dresden House,” Cassidy added. “After all the work Gavin and everyone put into restoring the mansion, it’ll be fun to see it all decked out. But I’ll deck anyone who messes with the place.”

  Patricia laughed before pain shadowed her features. “That would be very unbecoming of the queen. Now, you’d best be going. I heard Lori’s been cooking all day and she’s probably prepared a nice dinner for you and your date.”

  Cassidy heaved a sigh. “I don’t know why Kyle insists on going with me. I’m perfectly fine going alone.”

  “You’re missing the point, young lady,” Patricia said. “You don’t have to do everything alone anymore.”

  Cassidy picked at an imaginary thread on her skirt. “Well, he is kinda cute,” she said, a smug smile tugging on her mouth.

  Ginger laughed. “There is that.”

  “Come on, Gidget. We’ve got a prom to crash.” Cassidy kissed Patricia on the cheek. “I’ll come by tomorrow to tell you all about.”

  “Ginger!” Patricia called her back after Cassidy slipped out into the hallway. “I hope the prom is everything you thought it would be.” She gave Ginger a sly smile.

  “I somehow doubt I’ll get the same experience being a chaperone as I would if I was a high school student,” Ginger said. “But it’ll be fun imagining what it would have been like. Providing I don’t spend the whole night chasing couples out of corners. Get some rest. I’ll stop by tomorrow with pictures.” She left Patricia with a wave.