Marrying Mr Write

by Cassandra P Lewis

  I try to tell him that I’m close but I can’t form the necessary words. He seems to understand though as both hands start to work faster and his thrusts into me become harder.

  I clench around him as the heat rises up my legs and I can’t stifle the screams as my intense orgasm washes over me. The pressure of his finger in the back of me is incredible and my mind is whirring with the possibilities of this new pleasure centre, I had no idea.

  “You ok?” Jackson looks concerned as he rinses the conditioner from my hair, “Yes, I’m good, very good!” I giggle; I’m a little embarrassed by my reaction to something that I thought would be horrible. Jackson just smiles and kisses me on the forehead.

  “Good. Come on you, bed!”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Since we’ve been back in London, our time in the Lakes seems a million years ago. We both had to get straight back to work and have been really tired, so quality time together has been hard. But going to bed every night next to Jackson and having him there when I wake up every morning is amazing.

  Pippa hasn’t been around much as she’s been in Buxton with Ben a lot of the time. It’s hard not having her around because now that we’re well into June I’m constantly aware that Sasha’s due date is close, she could really go into labour any day now and as much as I try not to, I can’t help but think about it.

  Thankfully, the weather has been amazing for the past couple of weeks. I’ve been spending my days writing in St James’s Park or on our little balcony and getting settled into the new apartment. It’s getting there, we’ve both been really busy so it’s not quite ‘home’ yet, but it’s lovely all the same.

  Jackson is getting quieter and quieter as each day passes. He doesn’t want to have a baby with Sasha, but if he’s got to, then he doesn’t want to be a part time Dad. He’s worried that Sasha will stop him from seeing the baby if he doesn’t do what she wants him to. I just can’t believe that this is our life. One minute we’re on top of the world, and then we’re in hell, then back again. It’s exhausting.

  Jackson is at the magazine today and I’m not ashamed to say that I am lying on my back on the grass of the park doing absolutely nothing. Rafe has come to meet me for lunch and the midday sun is just too irresistible to head back to the apartment.

  “I love British summer! When we have good weather Britain is unbeatable!” Rafe is lying next to me and seems blissfully happy in the sun. Sophie is looking after the café today and Matthew has meetings in Birmingham, so I have my brother to myself all afternoon.

  “Do you fancy a pint RoRo? This weather is calling me to a beer garden!”

  “Yeah we can do, just a couple though. I’m going out tonight, remember?”

  “Oh yeah, the ballet! Are you looking forward to it?”

  “Yeah I guess. Things have been a bit weird since we got back from the Lakes but I’m sure a date night will do us the world of good,” I’m not really that sure, “both of us are being consumed by the fact that the birth could be any day now, and it’s taking its toll.”

  “Rosie, are you sure you can do this? I mean long term. You’re marrying Jackson, but are you going to be able to watch as he brings this child up with Sasha? I know you agreed to stand by him, but when he’s posing with her for photos on birthdays, graduations, weddings, and you’re standing in the wings watching, are you going to be able to deal with that? I love Jackson but you need to make sure you’ve thought about this long term.”

  “Rafe I don’t know, I really don’t. My mind is just mush. I can’t think straight about any of it, all I know is that I need him and he needs me.”

  “And we need beer! Come on little sis.”

  After a couple of drinks with Rafe I head back to the apartment on foot. I’m enjoying being fully mobile again and soaking up what’s left of the late afternoon sun. Navigating my way through the tourists making their way back to trains or hotels and the London workers finishing their busy days. The city is always busy on Saturdays but when the weather is as nice as it has been, it’s jam packed, people just don’t want to be indoors.

  I notice the people all around me but I’m thinking about only one thing, can I really be a stepmother less than a year into my relationship?

  I need to try and put Sasha and the baby out of my mind. For one thing, I have to get home and ready to go to the ballet and for another, I need to focus on my relationship with Jackson, he and I need to be ok for everything else to work.

  “Wow! You look absolutely breath-taking!” Jackson is leaning against the doorframe in his dark blue fitted suit, watching as I put the finishing touches to my outfit for the ballet, “Thank you Mr James, you look pretty damn good yourself!” I smile as I lean forward to check that my new vintage emerald earrings are straight in my ears.

  I’m wearing a fitted knee length lace cocktail dress and killer heels. One of the perks of your fiancé being over six foot when you’re only four foot eleven is that your heels can be as high as you like. I notice in the mirror as Jackson’s eyes trail down my legs to my shoes, “You can leave those on later!” He smiles and walks out of the bedroom; I grab my clutch bag from the bed and bite my lip as I follow…promises, promises.

  The ballet is sensational, it absolutely takes my breath away and I find myself on the edge of my seat throughout. I love it; I turn to see if Jackson is enjoying it as much as I am.

  “You’re supposed to be watching the stage not me.” I whisper as I smile and return my gaze to the dancers. Jackson leans over and whispers in my ear, “You’re far more interesting, you’re beautiful.” He kisses me on the cheek and links his fingers with mine.

  “Thank you, that was amazing!” I am on top of the world as we leave the Royal Albert Hall, I feel like a five year old girl again as Jackson twirls me under his arm and into his embrace, both of us laughing.

  “You are amazing Rosie. You haven’t looked as alive as you do tonight in so long. You haven’t been so, present!” he’s holding my hands as I look up at him, so happy and so in love.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being so distant and distracted. It’s just been hard, but this is perfect, just me and you, I’m happy,”

  “Come on, let’s go and have a drink. Then I’m taking you home to bed.”

  As Jackson starts to lead me by the hand toward a waiting taxi his phone starts to ring and he looks at me, his face fully of worry.

  “Rosie…” He doesn’t need to say any more, I nod and he answers, “Hello, Yeah that’s me. Right, ok, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hangs up and I know what's happening. I feel sick as I look up and make eye contact with him. “It’s time!”

  “I can’t Jackson, just go its fine!”

  Jackson and I agreed to do this together but I can’t bear it. I don’t want to go to the hospital. I’ve never felt the loss of my own baby more than I do right now and I just don’t want to see another woman have Jackson’s child. It will kill me.

  “Rosie, we are a team, I need you there!” Jackson is pleading with me to get into the taxi with him.

  “No, I can’t. Just go Jackson; I’ll see you at home.”

  “Rosie, get in the fucking taxi! You’re not doing this, not now. We had a deal and I’m not going through this without you. GET IN!” He shocks me with his tone and I know that he’s starting to panic so I don’t argue. I don’t want to go through this but I have to, for him.

  “Get her out of here Jackson!” Within seconds of arriving Sasha lets me know that I’ve already outstayed my welcome and Jackson looks at me, unsure how to proceed, “It’s fine babe, I’ll be outside”

  I take a seat in the plastic chairs outside Sasha’s room and try to shut out the sound of her cries. What feels like hours pass by in a blur as midwives dip in and out of the room.

  I stand as I try to get my head straight. A young midwife is discussing something with the woman looking after Sasha, she’s holding the door open and I edge a little closer to look inside. I don’t know why, it feels like an eternity
has passed since I’ve seen Jackson and I just need to know that he’s ok.

  I look through the door as Sasha starts to call out loudly; she’s clearly in a lot of pain. I see her. She’s standing with her forehead on Jackson’s chest; he’s taken off his jacket and tie now. Her hands are on her hips and she’s swaying from side to side as he rubs her back with his left hand and strokes her hair with his right.

  The door closes and my knees give way. They are in this together now, I’m surplus to requirements. As I hear the primal screams of the woman behind the door I realise that I can’t stand in their way now.

  After a while, I hear the unmistakeable sound of a newborn cry and my hand drops to my stomach. I sit on the floor of the corridor and I cry. I’ve lost him.

  “What’s wrong?” Sasha is panicking as she notices the looks exchanged between the midwives following the birth of her son, I can’t speak. “Jackson, what is wrong? Tell me!”

  I take a breath as the midwives take the tiny boy away to be weighed, “Nothing Sash, he’s perfect. But he’s not mine!”

  “What? How can you say that Jackson? He’s less than a minute old!” She is anxious and sits up as the midwives head back toward us and hand the baby to his mother, “Yeah, but last time I looked in the mirror Sash, I was white!”

  I need to get away before I say something that I’ll regret, Sasha is staring open mouthed at her son and then at me as I pick up my jacket and thank the midwives. It’s not mine; we’ve gone through hell for a baby that isn’t mine.

  “Jackson, please don’t leave, I’m sorry”

  “Congratulations on the birth of your son Sasha, goodbye.” I push the door of the room open and relief washes over me.

  “Rosie…” Where is she? I reach for my phone and dial her number, her phone is off. I head to the reception desk, “excuse me, have you seen the girl, the redhead that was here before?”

  “Oh, yeah she left about five or ten minutes ago, she looked quite upset but she said she was fine.” Oh god, no Rosie, don’t do this to me.

  “Did you see which way she went?” I’m panicking as I run in the direction that the receptionist points in.

  As I make my way out of the doors I realise that I have no chance of finding her here. The hospital is enormous and I have no idea where she’s gone. I take out my phone and there’s a text, I didn’t realise my phone was still on silent.

  ‘I can’t do it Jackson. I love you far too much to stand in your way of being a full time father to that baby. You and me, it was just too hard. Some things just aren’t meant to be. I’ll always love you x’

  No. No Rosie, you’re not doing this. I try again to call her but her phone is off, so I call Pippa and then Rafe, neither of them have heard from her. I’m frantic, all I can do is hope that she is at home.

  As I approach the front door I already know she won’t be here. I turn the key in the lock and feel like my world is crashing down around me, she’s actually left me. I step inside and the apartment is dark, it feels empty and cold without her.

  The door knocks and I rush to answer it, full of hope that it’s Rosie. But it’s Rafe and Matthew, I let them in but I can’t cope with Rafe’s frantic questioning, “I don’t fucking know Rafe. She was gone when I came out of the delivery room. Asking me the same questions over again is not going to get you an answer!”

  “She’s my sister Jackson! I’m worried”

  “Do you think I’m not? She’s fucking left me Rafe, she’s gone!”

  I sit on the sofa with my head in my hands as Matthew goes to collect a bottle of whiskey and three glasses from the cupboard.

  “Jackson,”

  Matthew sounds worried and I look up. He picks up an envelope from the kitchen counter and I rush to take it. My name is written on the front in Rosie’s handwriting. I open the envelope and Rosie’s engagement ring drops at my feet, I’ve really lost her.

  “Good evening, do you have your documents?”

  “Yep, there you go,” I smile as best I can as I hand over my passport.

  “Thank you, any bags to check Miss Alvez?”

  “No, thank you. Just my hand luggage.”

  “Ok, we’ll be boarding shortly, have a lovely trip.”

  “I’ll try, thank you.”

  I pay the taxi and walk toward the door; I don’t know how I’m still standing. I’ve never felt so weak in my whole life. I feel like someone has reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. I reach my hand up to knock, I don’t even know what the time is, but it’s late, or early.

  I muster the strength to knock once, there’s no response for a while and I’m about to knock again when the door opens.

  “Rosetta! What are you doing here?”

  I collapse to the floor as my aunt wraps her arms around me, she says nothing. She just lets me cry.

  After a while, Mariana brought me inside the house and fixed me a drink, a stiff one. I told her all about the past few months and about the baby. I rushed home from the hospital to get my passport and then straight to the airport. I got on the next flight to Malaga and was in Marbella within a few hours of Jackson becoming a father.

  I just couldn’t do it anymore, seeing him with Sasha, supporting her, I just knew that he was where he needed to be. I can’t come between him and his child. I had to get out.

  I ask Mariana not to tell anyone where I am, including my parents. I just need some time to get my head around things.

  We converse in Spanish as she tries to convince me to at least call Rafe, but I can’t. I just need to be away from my normal life right now. I know that when I get back I’m going to have to face the music, Jackson and I live together so we’ll have a lot to sort out, but I’m not strong enough to think about any of that right now.

  “Do you have something that I can sleep in?” My voice is as weak as my body as I ask my aunt for some night clothes; I’m still dressed for the ballet.

  “Of course Rosetta, I’ll bring them to you.”

  As I lay down in the strange bed I try to block out the thoughts of home. I don’t know if Jackson will have even noticed that I’m gone. He has a child now; I can’t imagine he is thinking about anything else. I roll onto my side and feel the tears run down onto my pillow. It’s really over.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Jackson, my god I don’t think you could bang any harder with a battering ram, what are you doing here?” Bernie looks shocked and annoyed as she answers the door.

  “Please, let me see Rosie, I need to talk to her!”

  “What on earth do you mean? Why would Rosie be here?” Now she looks concerned and I realise I was wrong in presuming she’d come home.

  “She left me; her phone has been off for nearly two days. She hasn’t called Rafe or Pippa. I don’t know where she is.” As I speak I feel so weak. Rosie isn’t at her parents’ house and I feel the lump rise in my throat.

  Where is she?

  “Come in, come in. JOAQUIN!” She calls to her husband as we rush toward the kitchen. “Why would she leave Jackson? What happened?” As Joaquin enters the kitchen in a panic Bernie presses for information.

  “I don’t know, she just left. Her phone is off, she hasn’t been home. She left her ring!” I am lost.

  Joaquin picks up the phone as the kitchen falls silent. Within a moment he is speaking Spanish and I feel frustrated that he chooses right now to call home. We need to find Rosie! He straightens up and raises his voice before looking at the phone angrily. I presume that the other person has hung up.

  “GET OUT!” Joaquin turns to me and Bernie looks up in shock. “Get out of my house now! I trusted you with my daughter!”