Undesired Lust

by Eden Summers

  “True.” A grin crossed Ryan’s features and then quickly fell. “It hurts, Mace.” He broke eye contact again, glancing at the window, the medical machines, finally resting his gaze on Sidney. “She’ll tear you apart and won’t even leave a scar.”

  “Maybe.”

  Ryan’s pain was palpable. He’d always had a bigger heart than the other band members combined. While the rest of them had been womanizing and filling the touring days with sex and seduction, Ryan had been remaining true to his wife. He chose commitment over carnality, love over fun. Mason had seen him through many days of wedded bliss, and even though those moments seemed like a distant memory, Ryan needed to remember what he once had.

  “I love Sidney,” Mason declared through the lethargy. “I’m not going to let her walk out of my life. We’ve already taken on the world. Anything life throws at us will seem like a cake-walk in comparison. And maybe we’ll grow apart, and maybe we won’t, but giving up on the way I currently feel isn’t an option. I’m going to roll with the punches and see where it takes us. You might have to do the same. Who knows, things with you and Julie might turn around.”

  Another nod, another glance around the room. “I hope it works out for you.” He lazily walked forward and gently clapped Mason on the shoulder. “I’ll leave you to get some sleep. I’ll come back tomorrow with the rest of the guys.” He paused again, his face scrunching with emotion. “I love you, man.”

  Any other time Mason would’ve broken the bromance moment with something sarcastic, but the pain in Ryan’s voice made him pause. Mason was fucking thankful for this guy. The rest of the band, too. They’d made their way through some pretty heavy shit over the years. They’d become family. They always would be. “Love you too, buddy.”

  Sidney whimpered in her sleep, licking her dry lips as her eyelids fluttered open.

  “I’ll catch up with you later.” Ryan gave him a subdued smile and then walked from the room, leaving him to concentrate on the gorgeous woman wavering before his tired eyes.

  “Hey, kitten.”

  “Mason,” she straightened, squeezing his hand. “You’re awake.” Her sleepy features transformed into a dazzling smile which lit her entire face.

  “For the moment,” he murmured, trying not to succumb to the need to pass out. “I want a kiss before I fall asleep.” He released her hand, patting the available space on the mattress by his waist. “Come up here.”

  “I shouldn’t.” Her voice lowered to a conspiring whisper. “I told the nurses I’m your sister. Even your mom and Toni are in the waiting room, playing along with the deception so I can stay here with you. I can just imagine the tabloid fodder if one of them spills the dirt on you cozying up with your sibling.”

  He grinned, lifting his lids a crack to see the chagrin etched across her face.

  “I’m not joking.” Her cheeks darkened. “I would’ve gone insane sitting in the waiting room. I’m not even meant to be in here out of visiting hours, but Leah worked her magic and the hospital staff have left me alone.”

  “Hmm.” He raised a brow, sensing his feisty wildcat coming out to play. “I wonder if Leah’s magic will work on you too.”

  “Why?” She frowned, eyeing the small space beside his hip.

  “Because I don’t ever want you to leave my side. Not today, or tomorrow. Not ever, kitten.”

  Her gaze lifted, her dark lashes fluttering briefly as her dimples came out to play. “You’re high.”

  “I’m tired.”

  “Then go to sleep. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  “I will, as soon as you climb up here with me.” He patted the mattress again. “Come on. There’s enough room.”

  She eyed the bed, her teeth working into her lower lip. “What if I bump something I’m not meant to?”

  A grin pulled at his lips. Even dazed, confused, and drugged, his dick still had the ability to take control. “You can bump whatever you like, little wildcat.”

  She stood, raising a brow. “You’re incorrigible.”

  “I try my best.” He withheld a wince as she climbed onto the space beside him, snuggling into the crook of his arm. “That’s better. Now, I’m never going to let you leave.”

  Her warm breath heated his skin, filling his chest with hope. They’d suffered through lies and betrayal, and still found one another on the other side. That was fate. Who was he to fuck with it?

  “I don’t want to leave,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.

  He closed his eyes, drifting in and out of consciousness. “Good, because we’re going to get married.” He could see the image in his mind—a breathtaking white dress, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her smile wide and contagious.

  “We’ll move in together,” he started to slur, fighting to get the words out before sleep took control. “We’re going to practice making babies until you decide you want one. And I’m going to make you happy, kitten. Every damn day, for the rest of your life.”

  He was lulled to sleep by her soft chuckle. “Before you get carried away, let’s wait until the drugs wear off.”

  Medicinal or recreational, hallucinogens or not, his next goal in life was to walk this woman down the aisle. Hell, he’d drag her down by her hair if he had to. They were going to get married, and that was all there was to it.

  One Month Later

  MASON SCANNED THE open living area of his new Manhattan penthouse in search of Sean. The asshole was hiding, not wanting to be the third wheel in a room full of couples as they celebrated the newest step in Mason and Sidney’s lives. They’d moved in together, purchasing an apartment with better security and a birds-eye view of Central Park.

  Ryan hadn’t showed, and Leah wouldn’t turn up until later, so that left Mason and Sidney, Mitch with Alana, and Blake who was all over Gabi, cementing the necessity to Scotchgard the new sofa.

  He strode to Sidney standing at the dark mahogany dining table and wrapped his arm around her waist, nuzzling her ear. “Have you seen Sean?”

  “No.” She shook her head, turning to face him. “Is everything OK?” Her brow was furrowed, her tempting lips slightly parted.

  “Yeah, fine. I just need to talk to him about the upcoming video clip.”

  “Good luck.”

  He kissed her cheek and left to do another search of the halls. The cinema room. The bedrooms. Nothing. The only place left was the balcony. He stalked through the kitchen again, around his group of friends to the wall of glass hiding the Manhattan skyline with heavy curtains, and pulled them aside.

  Found you, asshole. Sean was outside, beer in hand, leaning against the solid brick railing with a raised brow. Mason turned to Blake and Mitch, jerking his chin in a gesture for them to follow.

  “Aren’t you a bit old to be playing hide-and-seek?” Mason held the screen door open for Mitch and Blake to walk outside, and then pulled the glass door shut to give them privacy.

  “All that PDA shit gives me hives.” Sean shuddered, taking another long chug of his beer.

  “Jealous, motherfucker?”

  Sean pinned him with a stare. “Give me props for tryin’. It isn’t easy.”

  Ouch. Mason hadn’t been talking about Sidney. He hadn’t known that wound was still gaping. Maybe now wasn’t the best time to talk.

  “You came out here wanting something,” Sean drawled, eying the three of them. “What is it?”

  “We’ve got a proposition for you.” Blake parked his ass on the bench seat, casual as fuck.

  Sean raised his hands. “Look, guys, I’m flattered, but I don’t swing that way.”

  “Get over yourself.” Mason leaned against the brick railing, staring back into the house at the three women laughing at the dinner table. “We wanted to discuss the next music video. You told me you hate the lack of recognition you get, so Leah and I got to talkin’.”

  “I’m listening.” Sean placed his beer bottle on the ledge and crossed his arms over his chest.

  �
�We thought you should be the sole focus of our next film clip.”

  “Just me…By myself?” Sean’s gaze scrutinized the three of them.

  “Yeah,” Mitch added. “We’ve all discussed it. Even Ry is cool with the idea.”

  Sean’s brows drew together. “What does Grander have in mind?”

  Blake chuckled.

  “Oh, great.” Sean rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t sound ominous.”

  Mason shot Blake a hard stare, then focused back on Sean. “The label envisaged a dance clip—you and some sexy piece of ass gettin’ your groove on to Fighting Against Attraction.”

  “The song you wrote for Sidney…”

  “Does it matter? Every song on the upcoming album was for her.”

  “Guess not.” Sean lowered his head and ran his fingers over the slight bump now permanently scarring his nose. “Who’s the sexy piece of ass?”

  “That’s what we’re working on. Toni went to school with someone who recently retired from professional dancing and opened up a studio. She’s enthusiastic about doing the choreography, and thinks she has someone to perform with you in front of the cameras.” Mason shrugged. “It may not work out. Grander might not like the look of it once you’re done, but we thought it would put your face out there, and Toni’s friend would appreciate the opportunity.”

  Sean raised his gaze, staring at Mason from the corner of his eye. “Kinda sounds like pity to me.”

  “Fuck off. I’ve got no time to pity your ass,” he lied. In truth, Mason wanted to give his friend a distraction from Sidney. “Take it or leave it. Doesn’t matter much to me.”

  “Let me think on it.” Sean grabbed his beer bottle and headed for the screen door. “I’ll let you know.”

  Blake stood too, and Mitch began following them inside.

  “Wait.” Mason had been ready to let them leave. He was still a fucking pussy, but what he had left to discuss was too important to let slide. “There’s something else I want to speak to you about.”

  Sean turned from the door, his eyes wary. The sound of heavy traffic filled the uncomfortable silence as Mason tried to figure out what to say. He’d held back over the last month, not wanting to share too much of his life with Sean because all of it revolved around Sidney, and all of it was fucking fantastic.

  Pull that motherfucker off like a Band-Aid. “I want to ask Sidney to marry me.”

  Mason should’ve expected the wince flashing across Sean’s face, one which was quickly smothered by an unconvincing smile. Blake and Mitch paused, their gazes sailing to Mason, then Sean, and back again.

  “That’s awesome news.” Sean strolled forward, holding out his hand to shake.

  Mason took the offering, staring his best friend in the eye, trying to read exactly how much the news hurt him. Blake and Mitch’s congratulatory slap on the shoulder and fist bump didn’t ease Mason’s tension. There was another Band-Aid to pull, and he wasn’t entirely sure how Sean would react.

  “Would it be inappropriate to ask you to be my best man?” Rip.

  Sean straightened, clearing his throat. “I…ah…”

  “Doesn’t she have to agree to marry your ass before you start picking out the bridal party?” Mitch drawled.

  “You think she’ll say no?” Mason’s voice was high. Shit. He hadn’t doubted her answer until now.

  Sean rolled his eyes. “Of course she won’t. When the hell did you become a pussy?”

  The moment Sidney gained control of my heart. He was still confident in his career, but when it came to his woman, he wasn’t as fearless.

  “My, how the tables have turned,” Blake drawled. “Not so long ago, you were riding me over how whipped I was. Now look at your pansy ass.”

  Mason ignored the sniggering, holding Sean’s gaze. “So? Will you be my best man?”

  “In a heartbeat, asshole.” Sean stepped forward, yanking him into a bear hug before pushing him away equally as fast. “Just don’t expect me to give one of those girlie speeches at your wedding. I’m more of a humiliation kinda guy.”

  “I can deal with that.”

  “Good. Let’s get another beer.”

  Mason couldn’t drink—he didn’t want to risk his shitty liver—so he let the guys walk inside without him. He leaned against the brick railing, lowering his head to let the cathartic laughter from inside seep into him like a drug.

  Lazily, he rubbed the scar tissue underneath his shirt, the puckered skin growing less sensitive every day. He’d had a million tests in the last month. He was sick of doctor’s appointments, and the maniacal concern from his mother, yet he’d never wish to take it back. Coming close to death was the best thing for him. He’d loved Sidney before the impact, now her love and their happiness meant more to him than life.

  “How’s Sean?”

  He raised his gaze to the beautiful woman in the doorway, enjoying the way she lazily slid open the screen and then sauntered toward him in her skin-tight black dress. He’d been crazy to let her go years ago. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. Even if he fucked up again, he’d take the risk of castration over being away from her.

  “He’ll be fine, kitten.” He grabbed her hand, pulling her into his arms to kiss her floral-scented hair. He held her close, not caring about the passing minutes, or their unentertained guests. This was the first time they’d had to stop and breathe since they moved in together, and he didn’t want to rush it.

  “I love this place.” She met his gaze, her eyes bright with bliss. “It already feels like home.”

  He couldn’t get enough of seeing her this way. Her happiness meant more to him than any industry award or royalty check. Her smile gave him a sense of achievement, and her growing confidence made him proud. It wasn’t easy for her to let go. The more her life improved, the more she thought she had to lose. And she still had nightmares about Justin. Every day was a battle to placate her anxiety, only now her strength made it quicker to overcome her doubts.

  “I love you,” she murmured, pressing her lips against his.

  Her mouth was soft, the lingering taste of wine sweet on his tongue. She was his inspiration, his conscience, his happiness, his muse. There would never be another woman for him. Ever.

  “I love you too, kitten.”

  Her smile widened, her eyes gleaming. Heavenly beauty at its finest.

  “In fact, I think we deserve a trip away,” he continued, setting the wheels in motion. “Pick the destination. I’ll make the arrangements.”

  She pushed back from his chest, narrowing her gaze. “We just moved in. Don’t you want to wait until we’re settled first?”

  “No.” He shook his head. There would be time to settle after they were engaged. He wanted his currently-non-existent ring to be on her finger as soon as possible. All he had to do was get it made. “I want to create a perfect moment for us. Something we can look back on and smile, instead of all the bad memories.”

  “Mason.” She shook her head playfully. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”

  Don’t tempt me. He was itching to lower to one knee, more inclined to listen to fate than his determination to make the perfect proposal. “Come on, kitten. You can pick anywhere in the world.”

  She raised a hand to his cheek, skimming her fingers along his jawline. “Mason, I’ve achieved a lot of things in my life. I’ve been to hundreds of different places, and seen a million different things. But I’ve never been happier than I am right now. In this moment.” Her dimples peeked out through a glamorous smile. “You, your friends, and the hope I have for our future, are all I need. Right now is a perfect moment for me. I’m happy to cling to this one for a while.”

  She leaned in, brushing his lips again, determining their fate. Her words taunted the ever-loving crap out of him. Now was perfection. This moment was the one. Fuck. He wasn’t ready. Fuck. He didn’t have a ring.

  “Are you feeling all right?” Her brow furrowed. “You look pale.”
<
br />   “Yeah. Sure.” I’m just shitting my pants. “Let’s go inside.”

  She eyed him skeptically. He couldn’t stand the scrutiny. If there was a look that said holy-shit, he was sure it was plastered all over his face. Any second now, she would figure it out. He needed to chill. And not fuck this perfect moment.

  “Come on.” He led her inside, the sudden spike of adrenaline robbing him of coherent thought. He tugged her around the dining table, over to his friends, then stopped, noticing the quietness sinking into the room, and the inquisitive stares of everyone in it.

  His palms began to sweat. His heart-rate doubled. Soon he’d be seeing black spots and resembling the anxious mess that Mitch was on his wedding day.

  “Mason?”

  He was numb, the blood rushing through his ears so fast he could barely hear her words. This was it. A flawless moment more fucking frightening than being held at gunpoint. He met Sidney’s concerned gaze, grinned, and then pulled his shit together.

  Perfection in three…two…one.

  He lowered to his knee, hearing the synchronized gasp of every female in the room, and probably Mitch too. Then silence reigned, thick and heavy. Sidney’s mouth gaped, moisture welling around her hazel irises as she gripped tight to his fingers.

  “Kitten.”

  She shook her head and held up her free hand. “Give me a minute,” her voice cracked, her breathing becoming labored with emotion.

  This was wrong, their one precious moment blowing like Hiroshima.

  “I need…” Sidney closed her eyes, a lone tear falling down her cheek. She sucked in a deep breath, slapped a hand over her mouth and let it out in a shuddering whimper.

  Fuck. Mason braced to stand and give an apology for the poor timing, execution, and stupidity. She wasn’t ready. He was losing her. He’d pushed too hard, too fast.

  “Wait,” Sean murmured, standing. He came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’s OK to be happy, sweetheart. You deserve this.”

  Her face crumpled, the tears falling harder as she began to sob. She opened her eyes, piercing him with a mix of emotions he knew too well—regret, euphoria, thankfulness, hope, peace. There were too many to name. He needed to go to her, to hold more than her hand.