Bad Girl

by Sarah Michelle Lynch

  I press the doorbell and it chimes loudly. It’s so cute, this place, little flowerpots in the front yard and hanging baskets, a pair of old wellies sprouting flowers everywhere.

  Theo opens the door wearing a tired smile and a cloth over his shoulder.

  “Hey, Chloe,” he says, “I hope you’re ready for this.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” I reach up to hug his statuesque form and he squeezes me in return.

  He gets me indoors and puts my bag out of the way, tucked in a nook of the corridor. The hallway tiles are gorgeous and as my eyes take it all in, the whole fucking place is stunning.

  “Wow,” I exclaim, “absolute wow.”

  “Do you like it?” he asks.

  “Wow. I mean, cosy, tiny, but wow.”

  “It’s a start for us. It is a bit small and we will need something bigger eventually, but Lily just loved this place and we needed somewhere.”

  “I really like it. It’s just so you and Lily. It has your personality all over it.”

  Theo shows me around the living room and I’m so envious of all the little touches, like the exposed brickwork and timber beams, big fireplaces and generous ceilings. It’s all been done with a clean, cool palette but it’s still so warm.

  Then he takes me through to the dining kitchen which is the real heart and hub of the home.

  She has herself a massive Welsh dresser and I know she always wanted one – a part of me wants to cry with happiness at the sight of it.

  “Lily just fed the baby and fell asleep so I think we should leave them to it. We could go in the garden? It’s gorgeous out there,” he tells me, brimming with pride.

  I take his hand and give him a sideways smile. “You’ve done alright, Theo. I’m glad she’s got you. You make her very happy.”

  He takes a deep breath. “I think so.”

  We leave the house and sit in the garden out back. There’s a high wall to ensure privacy against people passing by on the street, and on the other side, there is thick shrubbery climbing another brick wall. It feels like someone wanted to create a secret garden – an oasis – and there’s even a little fairy garden at the bottom, it seems.

  Theo brings out a tray of cold drinks and I’m grateful when I taste pink gin.

  “You looked like you needed it,” he laughs.

  “Yep. The journey was okay, it was parking up when I got here that sucked ass.”

  “Don’t even get Lily started on the parking situation here, it drives her mad. I’m only glad I don’t drive. I use the trains.”

  I shudder because memories are coming back to haunt me. “God, though. The trains.”

  “I know, but…”

  “Yeah.”

  We both know what it’s like without having to say much. Travelling in and around London can not only be expensive but dangerous, tricky and unreliable as a service. Not to mention everyone on trains hates everyone else on trains. It’s not like in Leeds where people on buses tell each other their whole life stories and never see one another ever again.

  “It’s really beautiful here, it seems like a nice place to live.”

  “Lily loves it,” he says proudly, “it’s quiet but she can walk everywhere. She loves to work on the garden.”

  “Yes, has she been busy or was it like this when you got here?”

  “We barely had to do anything to the house or garden which was a relief because when we moved in, she was due in six weeks so there wasn’t time for a major overhaul.”

  “You did well, then.”

  “We did.”

  He gazes around the garden and I spot something in his eyes.

  “You miss London, though?”

  “Weirdly, yeah,” he chuckles.

  “It took me a while as well, you know. You can just get everything in the city, do everything. Get the tube anywhere. It’s like a grit that gets under your skin and you hate it when you’re there, but miss it when it’s gone.”

  “Sounds awful to admit, but yeah.”

  “Lily knows you need to work; she’ll understand when you need to get it out of your system and go. She’s good like that. She can entertain herself, plus, she has her little boy now.”

  “It’ll fall into place,” he agrees, “at least that’s what everyone tells us.”

  “Ah, it will.”

  I sit back and enjoy my gin, watching as he swigs from a beer. He’s tired and not his usual erratic self. He seems brought down to earth, calmer, more peaceful. Is this what marriage does for people?

  “So, you’re the first to come down and see the baby,” he says, “which is rather shocking.”

  “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

  “Well, once upon a time, it’d be your social calendar that was packed out.”

  I laugh loudly and quickly mute myself, worried I might wake Lily and the baby.

  “That’s very true,” I agree.

  “Saskia is away on another of her work trips, we hear.”

  “Yes.” I shrug my shoulders. “She’s… not happy with me.”

  “Oh?”

  “I think she always expected me to move back to London.”

  “People move on; people change.”

  “True again.”

  “So, what changed?” he asks, sounding genuinely intrigued. “What happened to our bad girl?”

  I chuckle and find myself quite enjoying this new Theo. He’s good to talk to, a little cheeky and brings liquor to the table. He’s alright by me.

  “I don’t know.” I snicker to myself, shaking my head. I press my knuckles to my mouth and try to pinpoint it. “I was like, proposed to, you know?”

  “Lily never mentioned that.”

  “Well, that’s because she had baby brain when I was telling her, or most probably, she’s not a gossip like some people.”

  Theo laughs lightly. “I see.”

  “Cole proposed and he was so sincere when he did it, told me everything was going to change, we’d settle down, we’d put down roots, all this stuff… and there was just something insubstantial about it all. I can’t put my finger on it, but it was like… substanceless, if that’s even a word.”

  “I’m sure it should be.” He gives me a wry smile.

  The weather is still lovely and warm for September; the garden full of birds, insects, swaying trees, a light breeze. It’s almost perfect.

  “I looked at him and saw my past, and as horrible as that sounds – especially as the man had just proposed – I knew I was ready to move on. Whatever it was I’d needed to get out of my system over there, it was done. And look at me now. Full-time employment and a lease I took on all on my own. I’m even spending weekends at my friend’s house just so I can see her new baby. When Marie had her first one, I think I celebrated with a line of coke and sent an internet delivery of nappies over.”

  He laughs hard and tells me, “Whatever, I mean, it takes all sorts.”

  The conversation dries up because we’re still waiting for the main act to emerge from upstairs. Also, there’s a certain item that’s hovering in the air between us – a topic we know can’t go undiscussed but which is a hard thing for me to talk about. So instead of waiting for him to get all awkward about it, I decide to rip it off, like a bandage.

  “How’s Adam? Have you seen him?”

  “I last saw him at our wedding, but we’ve spoken,” he confirms.

  I watch him then trying to figure out what to go with next.

  “He and Susan are divorcing. The paperwork is in, it’s going ahead.”

  I put my hands in my hair and lean my elbows on the metal patio table. “How did he not see her for what she is?”

  He shakes his head several times before coming out with something unexpected. “He was naïve.”

  “Pure and simple?”

  “I think it’s tricky when it’s a woman and she seems so caring, attentive and intuitive in the way Susan was. You doubt yourself because she seems so perfect.”

  I feel my face burning. “I fucking
hate that bitch.”

  “God, every time Lily gets onto the subject she can rant for England. Eventually I was telling her not to talk about it in case it got her blood up while carrying the baby.”

  “Well, yeah,” I agree, “but it’s the vicious deception of it all. Even Lily was duped.”

  “I think maybe you and I were the only ones who weren’t. Controversial, I know.”

  “You weren’t?” I’m surprised.

  “I mean, I liked her, at certain points, I did like her. But I don’t know, there was something…”

  “…you couldn’t quite put your finger on,” I finish for him.

  “Hmm.”

  “Or… it’s that our mothers were bitches to us growing up… maybe we spotted the signs.” His expression darkens and I’m hastily adding, “Sorry, Theo. I didn’t mean that. It’s too soon.”

  “No, you’re right,” he agrees. “I think maybe there’s very little in it when it comes to the prerequisites for the different careers we’ve chosen. We both see through all the bullshit because we were exposed to it so young… we recognise it right away. We survive our jobs because we’re a little… above the rest? In terms of recognising people, I mean. Portraying or dealing with them, either way, we’ve seen it all before.”

  “And all those years, I thought you were a total cock.”

  “Yeah, I was,” he agrees, shaking his head.

  “But actually, we have much more in common than we realised.”

  “We really do,” he agrees.

  “So… how’s he holding up?”

  “Well, she emptied all the bank accounts but left him the house. He’s using the attic as solely a gaming room now and has gone full-on gamer mode.”

  “What? Is he earning?”

  “Apparently, yeah. He started YouTubing and he’s earning a mint. He’s fucking addicted again, of course. But he’s doing what he loves, I suppose.”

  “Poor Ads. Where’s the bitch now?”

  “Dunno,” he says, his lip upturned. “It was the day after our wedding, he got home and she’d taken all her stuff. Adam noticed a load of money had gone out of the account.”

  “Whoa, that’s dark, man.”

  “She’s listed her dad’s place as her address for the paperwork but Adam went there a couple of times and she was nowhere to be seen.”

  “He went there? For what?”

  “To get back together, maybe?”

  “NO!”

  “He’s just… vulnerable… dependent. I don’t know. Maybe he just wanted to have a go about the money.”

  I can’t help but feel sad and impotent about the whole thing. “Will he ever trust anyone ever again? This was his first real relationship and all.”

  “Maybe with the right person,” he says. “Look at Lily. Sometimes if you’ve been burned, the next time it’s just gotta be the right person. That’s all I can say. Maybe next time he’ll know better.”

  “Let’s hope so.” I chew my nail and wonder… does Theo realise I have feelings for Adam?

  Or have the girls kept it as quiet as I asked them to?

  Let’s hope so.

  Chapter Five

  Theo and I shoot the breeze for a while, talking about the demands of my job – surviving on five hours a night, being put upon by everyone else who thinks the junior is a doormat… not to mention shit-for-brains clients who need our help. All a delight. Theo tells me he’s torn between going into TV and film or staying in theatre. There’s a little more money in the former, obviously but he loves the theatre and doesn’t want fame; he’s an artist and that’s never what he’s been in this for. I tell him it couldn’t hurt to try a little TV and see how it goes. Or even a feature film. Just one. Try it on for size.

  By the time we’ve exhausted talking about our jobs it’s getting overcast and the weather looks ominous, potentially a shower on the way. We head inside just as Lily is coming down the stairs on her tiptoes.

  “Oh my god, you’re here,” she whispers, “and I only just managed to escape him. Oh my god, I’m talking so quietly because I don’t want the booby-sucking demon to wake up!”

  She drowns me in her arms, pot belly and huge mammary glands.

  “You look lovely,” I tell her as we pull back.

  “Well, you look hot. Doesn’t she look hot, T? She looks hot. What have you done? Fake tan? New colour? What? What’s she done? I can’t figure it out.”

  I press my lips together to stop myself laughing. “I’m as hopeless on the beauty front as always. Just a bit of lip gloss and occasional illuminator, nothing to write home about.” When I was in Australia, I would go for months without make-up and it was the best time of my entire life.

  Lily’s shaking her head. “Well, you look gorgeous, doesn’t she, T?”

  I look over my shoulder to Theo, who’s already boiling the kettle, ready to make her a cuppa.

  “You do look good, Chloe,” he tells me in that embarrassed way of his, when forced to comment on another woman in front of his beautiful wife, who is literally the only woman in the world for him – it’s clear for all to see.

  “Not a new man in your life?” she asks, as she links her arm through mine and leads me into the living room. I notice she’s clutching the baby monitor under her arm like it’s the actual baby, as if to reassure herself she’s not abandoned him. She’s merely allowing herself an actual conversation with another adult woman.

  We sit on her cute dove-grey couch, the material that rough stuff, the cushions like rocks that will last a lifetime. She draws her bare feet underneath herself and smiles as I tuck one foot under the pit of my other knee.

  “No man, not right now,” I admit. “I’ve been too busy working, actually.”

  She flicks an eyebrow up and I see her reading all sorts from my reply. The woman is a born empath. I pity her. She wants to help people because she understands them; she just doesn’t see how unworthy most are, especially the likes of people like Paul.

  Theo brings us two cups of tea and we curl up on the sofa with our hot drinks, the temperature in the house really dropping now the clouds are rolling in. Lily pings on a tall lamp next to her and Theo murmurs, “I’ll go keep an eye on the prince.”

  He drops a kiss on her forehead and leaves quietly, giving his wife some time with her friend.

  “I’m glad you could come down,” she says, “it’s been a bit mental. My family were all hanging around looking awkward. Eventually they gave up trying to look natural in someone else’s house and went to their hotel.” She laughs lightly, but I know it hurts.

  “They’re all dickheads, love,” I reassure her.

  “Just wish they didn’t have that bloody sense of duty thing going on, you know? I think my mother was disgusted when I started breastfeeding in front of Dad. My sister was kind of a bitch about how I was changing his nappy and Dad, well, he doesn’t do babies. At all. None of them actually wanted to be here. It was so obvious.”

  “Yeah but you’ve got Theo and he’s worth ten of all of them.”

  “He is,” she says with a smile. “I got really lucky.”

  “And this house… beautiful, Lil. Really beautiful.”

  “I do love it,” she says, smiling as she admires her little piece of heaven. “I don’t feel like we’ll be here for long though. I reckon we’ll be renting it out before you know it.”

  “Oh, why’s that?” I notice she’s looking behind me into the hallway, as if to check Theo’s not listening in.

  “He gets withdrawals for the city and the job offers are really pouring in. He’ll have to take something different eventually, it’s unavoidable once word gets about and people are out looking for that new big thing, you know. If he does take TV or film, we might travel… maybe even abroad, who knows? I just have this feeling, you know?”

  “But you love this house, though?”

  “I do, I really do,” she admits, “I do love it. I wonder if we bought it in haste, but I do love it and it’s a great investme
nt. All the places in this area get snapped up and we could always rent it out, it’s just…”

  “He has cabin fever,” I deduce.

  “He’s just never lived anywhere but the city.”

  I reach out and squeeze her knee. “He’s happy, he’s just a new dad finding his feet. He recently did two full theatre runs within the space of a year, he’s just coming down off a hectic mindset and it just requires some readjusting, I wouldn’t worry at all. Theo is always going to put you first, I can tell.”

  She nods fast. “Maybe it’s a bit that I’m feeling queer, too.”

  “It’s all new, Lily. It’s bound to take a while.”

  “Anyway,” she says, her tone changing, “let’s talk about you. You can take my mind elsewhere. Come on, let’s talk about you. Tell me everything.”

  I scratch my head wondering what there is to tell her about I didn’t already tell Theo earlier.

  “I like my new job though it’s a culture shock after being in Oz for two years. I actually have to brush my hair nowadays.” She giggles, covering her mouth. “I’m renting a house, in Bentley. Just a two-bed. It’s nice, you know. The spare room is my home office and it’s a perpetual tip but it works. My kitchen gets used once a week for the batch cook and after that it’s closed, mostly. I leave at seven every day and don’t get home sometimes until like twelve hours later or more.”

  Her eyes peel back with surprise. “You are busy.”

  “Yep. It’s a bit crazy. I may even have to do some work while I’m here. I brought a couple of files with me!”

  We both chuckle and she smiles sadly. “You heard about Adam, then?”

  “Theo mentioned.”

  She stares into her cup for a moment, trying to decide what to say. “Do you think you would go there again? Or is it totally…? I mean, you know.”

  I take a deep breath. “I’m not thinking about romance at all. I mean, if I couldn’t make it with Cole, I probably couldn’t make it with anyone.”

  “But you said… I thought…?”

  I put my cup on the coffee table and turn on the sofa, more to face her. “The thing is, I don’t know… Cole kind of got me. There wasn’t any sort of, I don’t know, pretence or show or anything. But at the same time, I really wanted something… more.”