Can't Let Go

by A. P. Jensen

  “But you said-”

  “Now’s not the time to get into that. I don’t hate kids and I can watch her. The sooner you get into the shower, the sooner you can go to sleep.”

  “I’ll hurry. She just had a bottle and I changed her diaper. She should be fine but just call out if you need me.”

  Grace took several steps away and paused. Evie didn’t notice Grace’s silent retreat. She was too distracted by the male looking down at her with wary, dark eyes. Grace took a shower in record time and pulled on a pajama set with shorts and a top. She glanced at her appearance in the mirror and shrugged. Who knew when she packed her suitcase she would end up in a hotel room with Mitchell? Not her. When she rushed back into the living area she stopped in the doorway, dumbstruck by the bizarre scene.

  Mitchell had gone from sitting on the couch to the floor. Evie chattered up at him as she tugged on his tie with one hand and played with his expensive cell phone in the other. Mitchell should have looked out of place and uncomfortable but his usually hard mouth was curved. He wasn’t irritated in the least by Evie wrinkling his clothes or the slobber on his phone. He looked enchanted by her. Grace knew the feeling. It was how she felt the first time Casey handed Evie over in her hospital room after giving birth. Seeing him this way tugged at her heart. If he didn’t mind kids why had he-? She didn’t finish the thought. That was in the past.

  Mitchell looked up, saw her watching them and cleared his throat uncomfortably before disentangling himself from Evie who clawed up his muscular legs. She leaned against him, waving his phone as she shouted gibberish up at him. Mitchell focused on Grace and his gaze zeroed in on her arm. Before she could move Mitchell had Evie on his hip and was right in front of her. He reached out and grasped her elbow, gently turning her arm so he could see the fading bruises on her upper arm.

  “What the hell happened?” he demanded.

  She yanked away and tried to tug her short sleeve down. “Nothing.” What would he say if she told him his godfather had done it? Call her a liar, most likely. It was what he said before…

  “Nothing?” he said, voice rising. “I can tell enough from the bruising that someone wrapped their hand around your arm. Was it Landon?”

  She gaped at him. “Landon?”

  “Did he try to-”

  “Landon thought you did this to me and he was just as pissed as you are now,” Grace informed him crisply.

  Mitchell’s face paled in disgust. “I wouldn’t hurt you!”

  “Neither would he,” she said firmly, crossing her arms.

  “Then who-”

  “I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m a klutz,” she said without putting any conviction behind the statement. She was so damn tired and she felt herself swaying on the spot from exhaustion. She reached out for Evie.

  “Tell me who did it.”

  She looked up at him, eyes filled with tears as reaction set in. Casey was dead and she was sharing a hotel room with a man who’d diced her into tiny pieces. Evie fussed in Mitchell’s arms, distracting them both.

  “Just give her to me,” she whispered.

  For a moment she thought he was going to object but when Evie let out a cry he handed her over hastily.

  “Our suites connect. If you need anything, call out,” he said.

  She handed back his phone slobbery phone and walked into the connecting suite. Grace settled Evie in the crib beside the bed and leaned over to watch her niece investigate her new environment. She slapped her hands on the wooden bars and then collapsed on a stuffed teddy bear someone thoughtfully added. Evie rubbed her eyes, yawned and fell asleep with her butt in the air. Tears blurred Grace’s eyes as she watched her niece breathe in and out.

  Tears trickled down her cheeks. Casey was gone and she now had custody of her seven month old niece. What did she have to do to fit Evie into her life? How would Casey feel about Grace raising Evie in New York? They both agreed raising her outside of the city would be best and now… Her head throbbed.

  Mitchell checked in on Grace before he headed to bed and found Evie standing up in the crib, watching him. He stopped in the doorway and tried to figure out what to do. Evie’s face began to change and she let out a strangled cry. He leapt into action and scooped her up from the crib while Grace murmured in her sleep but didn’t wake. Evie smiled at him, all angst gone now that she was being held. He went into the living room and set her on the floor. She was off like a shot, heading for anything she could brace herself against to stand. Keeping her distracted when he had to pry her away from something was a challenge, especially when her new toys were statues, paperweights and candy wrapped in bright paper.

  “How long has she been up?” Grace asked in the doorway, yawning.

  Mitchell limped in relief. “An hour.”

  “Let me make her a bottle,” Grace said and came out a minute later shaking a bottle. Evie crawled to her and Grace put her back in the crib where Evie held her bottle as she drank.

  “I think I’m just going to do something small for Casey. I don’t want to drag this out,” Grace murmured as she watched Evie’s eyes flicker shut.

  He nodded. “Sounds best.”

  “When are you going home?” she asked, without looking at him.

  “When you’re ready.”

  “Mitch, you’ve done a lot. You don’t have to stay.”

  “You need help,” he insisted, eyes on Evie.

  “I can handle this,” Grace said defensively because she was thinking the same thing.

  “You’re exhausted, I’m exhausted. We’ll talk in the morning,” he said and walked into his suite.

  Grace leaned down to stroke Evie’s petal soft cheek.

  “Do you miss your mommy?” she whispered. “I do.”

  She checked her cell to see if her mom returned her call. There were a lot of messages but none from her mother. The nurse mentioned that hospital tried to contact her as well. Where was she?

  Chapter Five

  The next days were a blur of errands and coping with Evie. There were phone calls to make, emails to answer and Grace struggled to watch, feed, change and entertain Evie while taking care of business. She had never been more tired in her life. At times Evie would hurt herself or cry and Grace almost called out for Casey before she remembered her sister was gone and she was alone.

  Mitchell also had business to take care of. She heard the rumble of his voice drifting out of the connecting suite. He didn’t close the doors and despite Grace’s best efforts, Evie seemed drawn to Mitchell’s New York accent. Evie was fascinated by the first male in her life and Mitchell never turned her away even when he was on the phone. Grace saw the same uncertainty on Mitchell’s face that she felt but he never pulled away from Evie even when he didn’t know what he was doing. Despite never being around children he handled Evie with extreme care and he was a quick learner in figuring out how to keep her distracted. Grace took these moments to take care of her own business and grab a bite to eat before she went into his suite to grab Evie. Grace always felt his eyes on her but she never looked at him. She didn’t want to see the expression on his face. The enforced intimacy of being together after avoiding him for a year set her teeth on edge but she had no choice. He refused to leave and she needed the help.

  Evie’s toys and clothes appeared in the suite along with baby food, diapers and anything else a seven month old needed. Some of the things she knew came from Casey’s house but she didn’t ask how he accomplished the feat. She wasn’t capable of going there and dealing with Casey’s things. Grace didn’t know what to say to Mitchell so she said nothing. Grace was playing on the floor with Evie when she smiled, a smile so reminiscent of Casey that Grace’s eyes filled with tears.

  “Mum mum,” Evie said.

  Grace felt as if her heart was ripping. How could Evie grow up never knowing Casey? Casey was generous, gentle and didn’t have a mean bone in her body. Despite being nineteen, Casey took on the responsibility of being a mother as if she’d been
doing it all her life. Casey was so in tune with her daughter she knew intuitively just by the tone of her cry what Evie needed. Grace was a poor substitute for Casey. If only she could talk to Casey one more time…

  Grace didn’t realize she was sobbing until Mitchell crouched in front of her. He reached out and rubbed a hand down her back.

  “Grace?” he murmured and pulled back when Evie crawled over to him.

  Grace tried to get a hold on herself but it was like trying to stop rain falling from the sky. Grief consumed her. The depth of her pain was so deep she was swept into a sea of emotions she couldn’t control. She wiped her eyes and tried to stop the tears but they wouldn’t be held back a moment longer. She didn’t care that Mitchell was sitting there, watching her. She couldn’t even stop for Evie’s benefit who was staring at her with scared eyes. She wasn’t sure how long the crying session lasted. All she knew was that when the wrenching crying slowed she had a blinding headache and she felt nauseated.

  She was on the carpet by herself. Mitchell came out of his suite and she realized he had taken Evie into another room. More tears surfaced as Mitchell picked her up and took her to the bedroom. He put her beneath the covers and brought her peppermint tea, Tylenol and a box of Kleenex. When she tried to get out of bed to see Evie he held her down.

  “I can handle Evie. You’re upsetting her,” he said.

  Guilt, grief and exhaustion washed over her and she sagged into the pillows as she sipped the tea and downed the Tylenol.

  “I just want to see her,” Grace said.

  Mitchell let out an impatient sound and left the room. He came back a minute later with Evie who waved a rattle in his face. Mitchell put Evie on the bed and she crawled to Grace’s feet which created bumps under the duvet. Evie was fascinated and started teething on Grace’s feet through the sheets.

  “I’m not mommy material,” Grace sighed.

  Mitchell let out a snort. “Where’d you get that stupid idea?”

  “From my parents.” She clutched the bed sheets in shaking hands. “I don’t want to be like either of them.”

  “Then you won’t be,” Mitchell said practically.

  Evie fussed and Mitchell tried to change her focus to some of the toys scattered around the room. Evie launched herself away from him, face creasing as she began to wail. He held her in his arms and tossed her in the air and caught her which distracted her but not for long. Evie was restless, edgy and irritated.

  “I need to get her out of this room,” Mitchell said.

  “I’m coming too.”

  She was at her wit’s end and the hotel room, no matter how spacious was giving her cabin fever. She threw back the covers and followed Mitchell out of their suite to the elevator. He hit the button for the floor with the pool. Not understanding his reasoning but too weary to care she followed Mitchell and Evie into the pool room. Evie was immediately distracted by the reflection of water and the sound of people swimming.

  Mitchell settled at the edge of a lounge, balancing Evie between his thighs. Grace sat on the chair beside them and watched Evie jump excitedly, clapping her hands as someone did laps in the pool. Mitchell smiled down at Evie and smoothed her curls with a large hand.

  Grace didn’t know what to think about Mitchell. He wasn’t known for being kind or considerate of others. He was known for his ruthless and manipulating nature yet here he was taking time away from business to help his ex-lover take care of her orphaned niece. Why? She knew he wanted her back but she never thought he would go this far to get back in her good graces. The worst thing was that she didn’t think he was faking this. He genuinely liked Evie and despite never meeting Casey, he knew how much Grace loved her sister and wanted to help in any way he could. It made her feel… strange. All the anger, hurt and bitterness she harbored for a year was easing away as she watched him with Evie. She couldn’t deny that his help was valuable. Before she could think of something Evie needed, he was having it delivered.

  Ever since she received that call from the hospital she felt as if she were in an alternate universe. She kept expecting Casey to come around the corner or to wake up and realize that this was all a bad dream. Not so. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that she would never see Casey again. If she’d come to Texas early… she closed off that thought. Feeling guilty wouldn’t bring Casey back.

  After a half hour Evie yawned and Mitchell stood. Grace shook away her grim thoughts and walked beside Mitchell to the door of the pool room. A woman held the door open and smiled at them.

  “Your daughter’s gorgeous,” the woman said.

  Mitchell missed a step and Grace’s heart skipped. A part of her wanted to snatch Evie out of Mitchell’s arms and explain to the lady that Mitchell was just helping her through a difficult time but the newly grateful part of her stopped the defensive words. No matter how she felt about Mitchell she wasn’t in any state to push him away and handle all of this on her own.

  “Thanks,” Grace said and urged Mitchell on.

  The silence in the elevator was uncomfortable and she winced when Mitchell passed Evie over. He unlocked the suite and Grace set Evie down in her crib for a nap before she went out to the living room where Mitchell paced.

  “It was an honest mistake,” Grace said in a placating tone as she settled on the couch.

  There was a strange look on his face she couldn’t define. Was it panic? When they were together she had gone out of her way not to crowd him. Mitchell had a strong personality and he was used to doing what he wanted, when he wanted. It took her by surprise when he ordered her to move in with him. Although Mitchell rarely committed to a woman, when he did he expected the woman to be by his side. He was always so sure of himself that seeing him out of his comfort zone reassured her he was human. Mitchell paused and turned to her.

  “She thought I was her father.”

  His voice was confused and dazed. Grace’s lips twitched. She had never heard him dumbfounded before.

  “You’re a natural.”

  Maybe she was more tired than she realized if she was teasing Mitchell about babies. Mitchell didn’t even hear her. He continued to pace.

  “I can’t believe how much she looks like you. She even has your temperament.”

  Grace scowled. “Excuse me?”

  “She’s always pushing to see how far she can go, she’s restless and stubborn and makes everyone smile.”

  Grace blinked at the unexpected flattery. She hadn’t slept more than ten hours in four days, her eyes were puffy from constant tears and she hadn’t brushed her hair today. Mitchell continued to pace, a pensive expression on his face.

  “Are you leaving?” Grace asked.

  He stopped. “Why would I?”

  “You freaked that a stranger thought you were Evie’s dad.”

  He settled on the couch across from her. He blew out a breath. “I never thought I’d be a dad, much less be mistaken for one. I was just… startled.”

  “You’re good at distracting her,” she offered.

  “I was always cooped up in a hotel while my parents worked. The pool room was my refuge.” He eyed her carefully. “You look better.”

  “I think getting out of here for a while was a good idea.” A comfortable silence fell and she clasped her hands in her lap and swallowed. “Thank you for coming with me.”

  He nodded and didn’t say anything. She felt like a heel. After everything she’d done to discourage him he was here when she needed him most. No one else would have stuck this out. On top of the baby, Mitchell also had to deal with Grace’s unexpected bouts of tears.

  “No. I mean it. You’ve taken care of whatever Evie needs and I really appreciate everything you’ve done.”

  “I told you whatever you need, I’ll give it,” he said quietly.

  He held her gaze and her heart fluttered.

  “For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be a great dad,” she said quietly before she got up and left the room.

  Chapter Six />
  The day of Casey’s funeral was a bright Texas day without a cloud in sight. Grace couldn’t focus and her hands shook as she dressed Evie who sensed her precarious mood. Evie wouldn’t take her bottle or the baby food Grace tried to feed her. She fussed and only calmed when Mitchell carried her. As Grace requested, Casey’s funeral was small. Ten people showed up to pay their respects. The service was short and sweet and Grace could feel herself falling apart as she stared at the picture of her sister and Evie that stood at the front of the church. Tears rolled down her face as she held Evie who stared up at her with big eyes and started gabbing unintelligibly as if asking what was wrong. It made Grace cry harder. Mitchell took Evie as Grace broke down completely. She covered her face with her hands and hunched over in the pew and sobbed. Mitchell’s big hand rubbed over her back. There were murmurs and concerned words and then silence.

  “Grace?” Mitchell said gently.

  “How can I say goodbye? I’m not ready,” Grace whispered.

  “We’re never ready for death,” he said in such a way that she raised her head and looked at him.

  They were alone in the church. The pews were empty and the stained glass windows cast colored light over the stage. The picture of Casey and Evie was surrounded by large lilies. How had Mitchell known they were Casey’s favorite?

  “Who did you lose?”

  “I lost both of my parents when I was eighteen,” he said, bouncing Evie on his lap.

  She blew her nose and watched Evie smile up at him. Seeing Evie’s delight dimmed the storm of grief within her. Before she met Mitchell she heard how he took over his father’s business at eighteen but she had never asked what happened to his parents. A thought occurred to her.

  “And Ray was there to help you?”

  He nodded. “Ray taught me hands on what it took to be successful. I owe him for everything I have today. I was angry for a long time after my parent’s died. He helped me push through it.”