Can't Let Go

by A. P. Jensen

  Grace didn’t understand Ray. He had no children of his own and he despised Grace but there was no doubt that he loved Mitchell, the son of his best friend and business partner. At times Grace saw pieces of Ray in Mitchell and it frightened her but at this moment it all seemed far away and unimportant. Her head was pounding and she didn’t care what their history was. She leaned into Mitchell and he put his arm on the back of the pew and she leaned into his warmth. Evie had her face pressed sideways against his chest, mouth hanging open as she napped in the afternoon heat. Neither of them said anything for a long time.

  “You don’t have to say goodbye yet,” Mitchell said.

  “Okay,” she whispered and forced herself to stand.

  Mitchell carried Evie in one arm and put the other around her as she donned oversized sunglasses. When they stepped outside Grace froze, stunned when she saw Mitchell’s bodyguards holding back at least twelve paparazzi. They shouted questions, rousing Evie who started to cry.

  “Are you back together?” someone shouted.

  “Is she your daughter?” another reporter demanded.

  Mitchell rapped out commands and his bodyguards made a path to his car. Mitchell handed Evie to Grace as soon as they got into the car. He pulled out his phone and started snapping commands at Max.

  “How did they know?” Grace asked quietly.

  Mitchell looked back at her, face tight with anger. “I’ll find out.”

  Grace rocked Evie as they made their way back into the city. When they arrived at the hotel Grace was alarmed to see no less than twenty reporters waiting on the steps. She put a blanket over Evie for privacy as they pushed their way through the ruckus to the lobby. Workers and other guests turn to watch and whisper as they made their way to the elevators. When they got back to the suite Grace took Evie into their suite to change and feed her. When she set Evie down for a nap and walked into the living room she found Mitchell waiting for her.

  “We’re on the news,” he informed her and she missed a step as she headed for the kitchen.

  She didn’t comment as she filled a mug with hot water. She knew Mitchell followed and was waiting for her to say something. It was a reality check she didn’t need right now. Here she was, trying to cope with Casey’s death and it was going to be splashed across the tabloids and gossiped about. She thought of the picture the paparazzi snapped: Mitchell holding Evie in one arm and her with the other. Everyone would assume they were back together. The picture spoke for itself. What would the headline be? Tycoon comforts ex lover amidst tragedy? She didn’t want to know. This was exactly what she didn’t want for Evie- to be in tabloids with trashy headlines.

  Something made her ask, “Does Ray know you’re here with me?”

  He frowned. “No. Why?”

  She thought of Ray’s reaction to seeing them on the news and rubbed her temples. Hadn’t she told him she wanted nothing to do with Mitchell and yet here she was. If he was angry before, he would be livid now. Knowing Ray, he probably thought she was callous enough to use her sister’s death and lean on Mitchell for sympathy.

  “This doesn’t concern Ray,” he said, gesturing between them.

  You have no idea, she thought wryly. She would let Mitchell deal with Ray. She wasn’t capable at the moment.

  “It’ll blow over,” she said quietly and dipped her tea bag in the hot water.

  “You’re not bothered by all the press?”

  Her eyes fixed on him and he saw the signs of strain on her face but he saw strength there too. She was prioritizing in that practical brain of hers. The moment in the church when she leaned into him was the first sure sign he was making progress and now it was front page news. He knew there was no better way to have her pulling away from him than paparazzi putting Evie in the media.

  “Of course I am but what’s done is done. We’ll go back to New York and go our separate ways and everyone will go onto the next sensation.”

  His hands fisted in his pockets. “I want to help with Evie.”

  She paused with the mug halfway to her lips. “How?”

  He gestured around the suite that had been their home for the past week. It had a lived in feel now with their jackets thrown over the couch and toys scattered here and there. Why had he felt so threatened by just the thought of living in a scene like this?

  “You need a break sometimes. I can help.”

  She laughed and it lit up her face for a moment. “Mitch, I can’t imagine calling you to babysit. That’s really sweet of you but I’ll figure it out. You have your empire to run. I know you’ve got millions of things to do. I just have to switch some things around in my schedule.”

  He hated the way she was pushing him away again. That moment of vulnerability, of need in the church was gone and she’d built up her walls again. He genuinely liked Evie. She was curious, unguarded and loving… and she was a mirror image of Grace. How could he not fall for her?

  “So you’re going to raise Evie in the city?”

  He tried to keep his voice even. He wanted to shake her but she didn’t need him pushing when her sister’s funeral was less than an hour ago.

  Grace grimaced. “I have to. That’s where the boutique is.” She sipped her tea and tapped her fingernails on the counter. “How am I going to do this? I work more than fifty hours a week and-”

  “Weren’t you telling me Amy could handle the boutique without you? You could delegate and check in once or twice a week.”

  “That’s true.”

  She moved to the living room and sat on the couch and tucked her legs beneath her. Mitchell followed her and sat, thumbing through emails and messages on his phone. He calmly put his business to the side and gave her his full attention. She took a deep breath.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to repay you for all this. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t barged into my condo,” she said wryly.

  She needed to get her mind off of Casey’s death, off of how her life was going to change. The future was just a big blank right now and she didn’t have to face that until she got on the jet tomorrow. Right now she could put it off and as a distraction there was nothing better than Mitchell. They were actually very similar- focused, business oriented and confident. It was what made their relationship last- that understanding that sometimes they had to come second because there was business to take care of. She felt secure in their relationship. Mitchell was direct and committed to her- so she’d thought. When he turned on her she hadn’t been prepared.

  He shrugged. “You made up your mind to come back into society. You never miss an opportunity to make contacts at a party. I knew something was wrong.”

  “I have no idea what I’m going to do,” she confided, running a hand through her hair. “I have a baby now.” Her eyes were huge with apprehension. “What if I can’t do this?”

  She couldn’t believe she was talking to Mitchell out of all people. A week ago, just the sight of him made her ill. Now, here she was confessing her worst fears. What changed? At some point between getting Evie from the hospital and the funeral she put their past to the side.

  “You can,” he said firmly. “You’ll work it out. You’ve never let anything stand in the way of what you want. The same energy you put into business, you can channel into Evie.”

  Grace moved to New York after high school and started off as a housekeeper at a prestigious hotel and befriended a woman who owned a boutique. She came to love the store and its owner who passed several years ago and left the store to Grace. She’d been struggling to keep the boutique alive when she attended a social event and attracted Mitchell Price’s attention. He offered to invest in the boutique to keep it going. With his influence, she gained an exclusive clientele and her profits exceeded any figures she could’ve imagined. That felt like a lifetime ago.

  Her mouth twisted. “I feel so lost right now but women do this every day.” Her eyes grew distant as she thought. “I never thought of having kids myself.”

  Grace
realized what she said too late. She saw that apologetic look on his face again and she shot up from the couch as she realized the easiness between them was gone.

  “I better get to bed. We’re heading back to New York tomorrow.”

  Mitchell got up and grabbed her arm, anchoring her. He tipped her chin up so she had no choice but to look into his eyes which she did defiantly.

  “What?”

  His hand spread over her cheek, mesmerized all over again by the texture of her. “I regret it every day. If I could do it over-”

  She pushed his hand away. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over, we’re over.”

  “But we’re not over. We’re here right now. It’ll always be between us. I want to talk about it.”

  “No,” she placed her hand on his chest, pushed with no results. “I have to focus on Evie, on myself. I don’t have time for this.”

  “Let me be here for you,” he murmured. “Let me help.”

  “You have helped,” she said to his chest.

  He wrapped her up against him before she could react. Her face rested against his broad chest. His warmth engulfed her and the temptation to lean against him for just a moment was overwhelming but she grit her teeth and remained stiff and unyielding, refusing his comfort.

  “Maybe we can be friends one day but the way you touch me isn’t right,” she mumbled into his chest.

  “You like the way I touch you,” he said, rocking her from side to side.

  “I hate the way you touch me. You act like I’m yours.”

  “You are mine.”

  “Used to be. Not anymore.”

  He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head and her eyes drifted shut despite her best efforts to rebuff him. His hands moved up and down her back, urging her closer. There was so much history between them, so much emotion that just for a second, she moved into him. They still fit. He shuddered against her. She could feel how much he wanted her. She was so damn tired of fighting him, seeing him, wanting him. Sex was sex wasn’t it? She could sleep with him and leave him.

  “I need you, Grace,” he said into her hair.

  “You don’t.”

  “I do. What I said that day doesn’t change what we had between us.”

  She tilted her head back so she could look into his face. “It changed everything.”

  “I won’t stop.”

  “Why?” she whispered. “You’re too late.”

  “Say you don’t want me. Tell me you feel nothing when I’m near.”

  She searched dark eyes filled with need and knew she couldn’t. His presence during this week had been invaluable and she couldn’t stop the yearning that filled her every time she looked at him. She wished the things he said canceled out her need for him but being in such close proximity to him made the yearning almost unbearable.

  “None of this is real. We’re both exhausted and going through a lot of… stuff,” she murmured.

  He brushed her hair back from her face. “I’m tired but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking straight.”

  She wanted to close her eyes, let him pet her but she didn’t. She pulled out of his arms and faced him with crossed arms. “As soon as you get back to New York Ray will come around and you’ll change your mind about me again.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You’ve been mentioning him a lot. Is there something you want to tell me?”

  “No.”

  She tried to walk away but he stepped in front of her. It was his turn to cross his arms across his chest.

  “What does Ray have to do with us?”

  “Ray doesn’t like me.” That might be the biggest understatement she’d ever made in her life. Ray hated every breath she took. He despised everything about her, especially the fact that his blood ran through her veins.

  “Ray’s overprotective,” Mitchell said dismissively.

  “Ray’s an ass,” she said succinctly.

  “He’s like a father to me.”

  “I wish I could say the same.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Why are we even talking about Ray?”

  She was bringing up Ray to remind herself why she should stay away from Mitchell. He trusted Ray over everyone, including herself. And why hadn’t Mitchell mentioned what Ray told him about her mother? She knew Ray was responsible for the things Mitchell said and she couldn’t forget that he and Ray were family in a way she would never be.

  “I don’t know,” she lied and tried to go around him.

  “Don’t be mad at Ray for telling me about your mother.”

  Her temper flared. “We’re not going to talk about Vicky.”

  “I think we are. It’s long overdue.” He met her sparking eyes. “I was obsessed with you the moment I saw you. It scared Ray and he told me to be cautious. I didn’t listen to him until I realized you never talked about your family and whenever I tried to ask you questions, you changed the subject.”

  She glared at him. “I didn’t talk about my family because I knew you wouldn’t understand. I didn’t grow up with wealthy parents. I wasn’t even sure if my mom knew who my father was. I grew up in thirteen states and barely finished high school.”

  “You never thought I might admire that you came from that type of background and succeeded in life?”

  She was stunned speechless for a moment. “No. That never crossed my mind.”

  She saw the effort it took for him to rein in his temper.

  “What did you think I’d do if you told me about your background? You didn’t even give me a chance to understand,” he snapped. “You decided for yourself to keep your secrets about your mom and Casey. What was I supposed to think?”

  “Exactly what you did in the end. You used what you knew about my mother against me.”

  He turned his back to her for several long seconds. “I was in shock. God, all I could think was what Ray told me about your mother-”

  She walked to the kitchen. Hurt was rushing back. What was the use in talking about this? She poured herself another cup of tea with shaking hands, knew he was watching her from the doorway.

  “I want you back.”

  She kept her eyes on her steaming mug. “It can never be what it was before.”

  “Why?”

  “You can’t go back after what happened between us and I have Evie. I’m going to give her everything I’ve got. I don’t want to end up like Vicky.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “My mom was the mistress of a rich guy. He was already married but Vicky was convinced he would leave his wife if she tied him to her so she did the oldest trick in the book. She got pregnant.” She paused to take a sip of tea and found it bitter. “He refused to leave his wife and offered her the money for an abortion. Vicky had me out of spite so he would pay for the rest of his life. Vicky’s a bitter alcoholic who cares about nothing but making him suffer by constantly reminding him of his darkest sin.”

  “Have you met your father?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  She knew what he was asking. She turned to him. “You were lucky enough to have two fathers who love you. Mine hates me.”

  Mitchell’s expression darkened. “You said he’s wealthy?”

  Her heart pounded. “Yes.”

  “Do I know him?”

  She stared at him over the rim of the cup and didn’t answer.

  He turned away from her, cursing a blue streak. “I know him, don’t I?’

  He was getting too close to the truth- a truth she knew could break him. Although Mitchell broke her heart Ray was his father in all but blood. There were two other reasons she didn’t tell Mitchell about her father. One was her mother. If Mitchell confronted Ray, her mother would end up penniless but the biggest reason was fear that Mitchell wouldn’t believe her anyway.

  She tried to go around Mitchell but he took the cup from her nerveless fingers and set it on the counter before he backed her into the wall. He was intimidating, sexy and so potent her mouth watered. Ne
ed filled her. She was so alone, so afraid of the future and she wanted someone she couldn’t have. Her life was taking a turn she hadn’t anticipated and she desperately needed something to hold onto.

  “Tell me who he is,” Mitchell commanded.

  “I can handle him,” she said.

  He cupped the back of her neck with one hand and grasped her hip with the other. He pulled her close and they both groaned.

  “You make me crazy,” he whispered.

  “This won’t work,” she said desperately.

  “Because you won’t forgive me for what I said. What will it take?” When she shuddered against him he ground out, “We both need it,” and licked her collarbone.

  She shook with desire. “Just tonight.” The words slipped out before she realized what she was saying.

  “I’ll take anything,” he said quickly and scooped her up and took her into the connecting suite.

  Before she could rethink her decision he settled her on the bed and stretched himself above her. One hand cupped her face as he set his lips to hers and all thoughts drifted away. He’s so damn good, she thought drowsily, relaxing completely under his hands. It had been so long and she was so ready for him. His hands smoothed over her chest, flipped aside her skirt and when he felt her damp heat he groaned into her mouth. He rose to his knees, unbuttoned his pants and thrust into her. She wasn’t prepared and she gasped and clutched his shoulders. He shuddered and looked down at her, pleasure and agony on his face.

  “Okay?” he rumbled.

  She shifted her body to take more of him and he groaned and hung his head. She smiled, took more of him and then she went rigid.

  “Condom?” she whispered.

  His face went blank with shock and then he cursed. “Are you on the pill?”

  “Yes but-”

  He abruptly pulled out of her and she pushed her skirt down. He rolled off the bed and reached for his suitcase. Grace stared up at the ceiling, memories washing over her and cutting effectively through the sexual haze. He was the same man she swore to never let in her heart and here she was- in his bed, replaying their history. She started to roll off the bed but a big hand stopped her and pulled her to the center. Mitchell’s clothes were gone and he was smoothing a condom over himself. He was shaking as he positioned himself between her legs. She was trembling with need but she placed a hand on his chest and felt herself shriveling inside.