Can't Let Go

by A. P. Jensen

  “I can’t do this.”

  Mitchell groaned and slumped beside her, hand wrapped around his cock. “You’re killing me.”

  “If there was an accident and I got pregnant, I can’t bear to hear you accuse me of-“

  He pinned her beneath him and looked down at her with intense, lusty eyes. “You listen to me, Grace. I can’t take back what I said but when I calmed down, I wanted the baby. You scared the hell out of me by taking off. It woke me up. Now all I see are babies everywhere and it reminds me of what we could have had. If you got pregnant, I’d be honored.”

  “But-”

  He cut off her protest by kissing her. “No buts. We’re past that.”

  He was so aroused she could feel him pulsing between her legs. He was utterly focused on her, willing her to hear and believe. The way he looked at her made her feel as if she were the most desirable woman on the planet. She saw the condom he sheathed himself with and hesitated, biting her lip. The sex between them had always been intense and she wanted him just one more time. After she went back to the city she would start a new life and she knew they would go their separate ways. She stared up at his gorgeous face and reached for him, her need for temporary comfort overcoming her memories.

  “I’ll never hurt you again,” he whispered fervently as he spread kisses over her face.

  She took his mouth, not wanting to hear promises he couldn’t keep. She needed him more than she ever had. The year of loneliness and anger burst through her bloodstream and she pushed her body against his arousal, felt him grow longer. She stared up at his face which was etched with pain and ecstasy. She reached between them and grasped his shaft. His eyes closed and he let out a hoarse shout and bucked against her. She squeezed her fist and his eyes flew open to pin her with a look that told her she would pay for that. She spread her thighs and fit him to her. Instead of the quick plunge she expected, their eyes held as he slowly pushed home. She gasped and clutched his shoulders.

  “Grace,” he groaned as he pulled out and slowly thrust again.

  “Make me forget,” she murmured.

  He grasped her hips and held her still as he pumped in and out of her. She moved with him, savored every moment. Her heart was bursting with emotion- love, hate, grief, ecstasy. There was no fear of the future, no grief. There was just Mitchell and Grace. There was no history, just pleasure and reassurance that they were alive.

  She twisted her hands in the expensive sheets and watched every expression on his face. This was her goodbye to the past. To those she loved and had to leave behind. His eyes burned as he made her gasp, moan and scream. When they climaxed, he watched her eyes dilate with pleasure. He slumped over her as he came and felt her arms close around him. He drew in the scent of her and pushed as deep as he could go.

  The room was filled with their breathing. He lay over her, not wanting to let go. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing, of seeing that mask cover her beautiful face. The only way he could communicate was without words so he showed her. He rolled off of her to take care of the condom and sheathed himself with another before she could move off the bed. He pinned her again and in the afternoon light saw her eyes were wary. He pushed into her again, saw her eyes flare.

  “We shouldn’t-” she began but he kissed her into silence.

  “Let me have tonight.” He wouldn’t waste a minute of it.

  Mitchell lost track of time as he worshipped the woman he’d scarred with cruel, careless words. Words bubbled in his chest but he didn’t utter them because every time the tide of lust receded, she looked at him with guarded jade eyes. He loved her into the night until she couldn’t move and fell into a dreamless sleep. He checked on Evie, fed her another bottle, played with her, changed her and set her down for the rest of the night before going back to Grace. He drew her petite frame against him and spread her red hair across the white sheets and watched her sleep. He woke her twice more before dawn because he couldn’t help himself. She didn’t say a word. She merged with him in a way that made him want to rage at what he knew waited for him in the morning- a life without her.

  Chapter Seven

  Grace stretched and a small smile curved her lips. Her body felt deliciously used. God, she’d missed him. Even as she started to get up Mitchell’s voice drifted from the next room accompanied by Evie’s happy jabbering. She fell back on soft pillows and crossed her hands over her stomach and noticed a bite on her breast. The way he was with her- he acted as if he was starved, as if he couldn’t get enough of her.

  She was such an idiot. An idiot that still loved him. At his core Mitchell was a good man- it was in the way he’d taken care of her when they were together and how he was with Evie. He treated her with such reverence. But she couldn’t stop wondering when the other Mitchell would show up, the one who raged at her and sliced her character to ribbons.

  Just be thankful for last night, she coached herself. Mitchell had done his job- kept all worries of the future from her thoughts. It was what she needed to give her mind and body a break. Even before she got the call from the hospital, she’d been stressed over the social events and dealing with Mitchell. Add Casey’s death and she was nearing overstressed exhaustion. Mitchell gave her one blissful night where she didn’t have to think. She pushed away regrets- they could wait for the moment when she touched down in New York and reality hit. Her phone rang and she reached for it. She frowned at the unfamiliar number and answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Your sister’s accident was convenient, was it not?”

  She sat straight up in bed. “How did you get this number?”

  “You’re on the front page of every newspaper in New York!” Ray hissed.

  Grace’s stomach dipped. “What does it say?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes. No.” She rubbed her forehead. “I guess not.”

  “I’ve been trying to get in touch with him for a week. He left in the middle of an important negotiation and he won’t answer me except through email. Now I see that he’s spent the whole week with you. I thought you said you didn’t want anything to do with him.”

  The condemnation and suppressed rage in his voice made her want to cower but she hadn’t come all this way to be cowed by a man who had no honor or morals.

  “I didn’t,” she stopped and then corrected herself, “I mean, I don’t.”

  “You’re probably trying to get pregnant since that didn’t work the first time around!” Ray said nastily.

  She flushed and looked down at the rumpled sheets. The night of bliss now felt tacky and shameful. How did Ray always make her feel this way?

  “Unlike you, neither of us is married. We can do whatever we want,” Grace snapped in defense and nearly slapped herself. She’d just as much admitted that they’d slept together and Ray wasn’t an idiot.

  He let out a disgusted sound. “You’re just like Vicky. You know you’re the last person he’d want having his children. He only wants you for sex. Don’t you have any pride?”

  God, that hurt. It literally felt as if Ray stabbed her in the heart. Even as she tried to draw the phone from her ear he continued.

  “Since you left he’s been seeing other women. Ask him about them. All you’ll ever be to him is a good lay. You and Vicky aren’t the marrying type-”

  She cut off his venomous words and let the phone fall into the tangled sheets. She got up and ran into the bathroom, locked the door and turned the shower on hot and at full blast. She got in and turned her face up to the spray. She wasn’t sure if the tears that fell were for Casey, for herself or for being so susceptible to a man who she wasn’t sure if she could trust.

  Grace slumped against the wall of the elevator as soon as the doors closed. Her nineteen year old sister was pregnant. It wasn’t the end of the world but Casey now had a lifelong responsibility to be a mother before she could ever develop into anything else. Grace was twenty five and couldn’t imagine being a mother. Of course, she’d been with Mitchell for
two years and thought about it from time to time but with no real conviction. She would never chance going off the pill unless they were married and both agreed they wanted a child.

  She thought of the bruise across Casey’s cheekbone, courtesy of Vicky. Why hadn’t Casey told her that Vicky was getting worse? Guilt settled in her gut. She’d been so caught up in the boutique and her relationship with Mitchell that she hadn’t been paying attention to her sister who lived with their abusive, alcoholic mother. She should have realized sooner or later that Casey would start looking for a sympathetic ear.

  Grace hung her head as anger and regret pulsed through her. Casey called two days ago, asking if she could come over to her place that she shared with Mitchell. The only reason she agreed was because Mitchell was out of town. She was ashamed to admit she’d been a bit irritated by the interruption. When Casey arrived Grace saw the bruises on her face first and then the paper bag containing the pregnancy test. She’d been speechless with shock. Seeing the test was positive changed everything. In a single instant her priorities changed. She failed to protect Casey in the past year but she would do everything she could so that Casey could be a mother and her niece wouldn’t grow up the way they had.

  To test the loyalty of Casey’s new boyfriend Grace suggested telling him that Casey wouldn’t be receiving an allowance anymore. Casey was crushed when her boyfriend said he didn’t want anything to do with the baby and left without a backward glance. Grace needed to get Casey out of New York, away from their mother and from the friends who leeched off of her.

  The doors of the elevator opened on the floor of the penthouse she shared with Mitchell. She rushed forward when she saw Max standing guard.

  “You’re back early!” she said, mood lightening.

  Mitchell would know what to do about Casey. He always had answers. Max nodded and opened the door for her. She rushed in and stopped when she saw a broken vase on the ground. She frowned.

  “Mitchell?” she called.

  No answer. She walked into their bedroom and stopped. Mitchell stood in the middle of their bedroom with Casey’s positive pregnancy test in his hand. Grace sighed and opened her mouth to tell him tell him the news when he sensed her presence and whirled. The control he was known for was gone and the temper he’d been notorious for in his youth transformed his face. Grace froze. She’d never seen him so furious.

  “What is this?” his voice was brutally soft.

  Chills rushed up her arms. “It’s a pregnancy test.”

  “And it’s positive.”

  “Yes. It’s-”

  He threw the test and stalked forward. Growing up in an abusive home made Grace take several instinctive steps back. He was too livid to notice the fear creeping into her eyes. She bumped into the wall and he slammed his hands on either side of her face. She suppressed a scream.

  “You told me you were on the pill,” he hissed.

  “I am.”

  “You liar!” he shouted and wrenched himself away from her as if afraid he would hit her. “How could you do this to me? What I’ve done for the boutique isn’t enough? You need more money, more insurance that I’ll stick around?”

  Grace was rigid with shock and horror. She opened her mouth to tell him the test wasn’t hers but he didn’t give her a chance. He walked to her vanity and threw a necklace he’d bought for her across the room. The priceless jewels crashed into the wall and came apart.

  “I’ve never committed to any woman as I have to you and this is how you repay me? By getting pregnant and forcing my hand? If you’re expecting marriage, you won’t get a ring from me. You wanted this baby so badly you can pay the consequences.”

  Consequences? She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The man she loved and lived with for two years thought she would get pregnant for financial gain? When she didn’t reply but stared at him in shock he nodded.

  “Women have begged to be the one to provide me with a child. You’re the last person I’d consider having my child. I’ll fight for full custody. If you contest custody I’ll take away the boutique.”

  His utter ruthlessness took her breath away. The lover she’d known was gone. In his place was a stranger who treated her like the enemy.

  “Nothing to say? Did I ruin your plans by finding the test?”

  His scorn tore her heart into tiny pieces. She felt as if he stabbed her in a thousand places and she was dying a slow death.

  “Ray warned me about this,” he hissed and swept everything off the vanity. Everything crashed to the floor and she jumped. “How could you do this to me?” He slay her with a look of betrayal and disgust. “You’re just like your mother.”

  That shook her out of her stupor. “What do you know about Vicky?”

  His mouth turned into a sneer. “I know that she deliberately gets pregnant to blackmail men. She’s an alcoholic whore.”

  Grace was pale as wax. “And how do you know this?”

  “Do you really think I’d let you anywhere near me without knowing about your background first?”

  She felt as if he were repeatedly stabbing her with invisible daggers. “How do you know my mother blackmails men?”

  “Ray investigated for me.” A pause. “Are you going to say that the investigator was wrong?”

  A soft, “No.”

  “Is your mom blackmailing your father?”

  Her eyes flashed. “That’s none of your business!”

  He moved so fast she didn’t have time to back away. He grabbed her arms and leaned close. “If you plan on stringing me along, think again. I’d rather see you in court than let my child have you as a mother.”

  “If you believe I’d do that, why did you stay with me for two years?” Her voice was a thread of sound.

  He thrust her away from him as if he couldn’t bear to touch her. “Because I thought you were different from your mom. I guess I was wrong.”

  Mitchell walked out of the room. A moment later she heard the front door slam. She couldn’t even cry. She stood stock still for several minutes before she followed Mitchell to the front door. Her hand fumbled on the knob as she pulled it open.

  “Grace?” Max said and reached out to touch her arm.

  She stared at him with glassy eyes. “I have to go.”

  The look in his eyes told her that he had heard everything. She felt a spark of mortification but she buried it and kept her chin high.

  “He’s angry but he’ll get past that,” Max said coaxingly.

  She didn’t care if he hated her for all eternity. She never wanted to see him again. All her success in the city turned sour in one instant. She would grab Casey and get out of New York. She would help Casey with the baby. They both needed a fresh start. She would never let Mitchell Price near her ever again.

  Chapter Eight

  By the time she stepped out of the shower she buried all emotion under a layer of ice. The woman who looked back at her in the mirror was pale but determined. She would prove Ray wrong. She was not like Vicky and she didn’t want or need Mitchell. He devastated her once and she wasn’t an idiot. She had to face reality which meant going back to her boutique, facing a world without her sister and taking full responsibility for Evie. She had enough on her plate without Mitchell. She needed to focus and she couldn’t do that with him around.

  She wrapped herself in a robe and opened the bathroom door and paused. Mitchell sat on the bed waiting for her. He was wearing jeans and a shirt and at the moment he looked like an ordinary guy but she knew he wasn’t. He had money, power and he was in a class of his own. They didn’t belong together and she should thank Ray for reminding her of that.

  “Evie’s drinking a bottle in the playpen,” Mitchell informed her quietly.

  She nodded and tried to walk past him but he rose from the bed and grasped her arm, pulling her to a halt.

  “So we’re back to this?”

  His voice was rough with anger. She tugged out of his hold because it was easier to answer when he wasn’t to
uching her, making her forget the reason she stayed away from him for a year.

  “I told you just one night.”

  “It doesn’t have to be like this, Grace.” His voice softened and his fingers played with the ends of her wet hair. “I meant what I said last night. I want you and I want to help you with Evie.”

  “I don’t need your help,” Grace said harshly.

  His face turned stony. “You need help but you’re too stubborn to take it.”

  “I can handle this. I’ve been handling myself for the past year and I don’t need you to come in and take over.”

  He paced away from her and ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t do this, Grace.”

  His voice had a pleading note in it that made her heart skip but she bit her lip and walked away. It was the only choice she had. She couldn’t go through a replay of their relationship. It hurt too much. She blinked away tears as she walked into her suite and locked the door behind her. She went over to the playpen and looked down at Evie who gurgled.

  “You’re all I need, right, baby?” Grace whispered and wiped the tears away as she got dressed.

  It took longer than she expected to get her and Evie’s things together. There wasn’t a sound from Mitchell’s suite and for the first time he closed the door, allowing her to pack without running into him.

  Max knocked on the door several hours before the flight. Mitchell didn’t appear as Grace took Evie with her to spread Casey’s ashes. Max drove them outside the city limits and she rocked Evie in her lap shedding tears along the way. Contrarily, she wished Mitchell was here with her. Better get used to it, she reminded herself. She wasn’t ready to let go of Casey but she didn’t want to hold on either. She spread Casey over a remote field of violets as the sun warmed the world and she was soothed by the subtle scent of flowers. Grace held Evie on her hip as she whispered her goodbyes and promises. Max waited in the car.