Can't Let Go

by A. P. Jensen

  “There’s no prenup. I know what I said in the past gives you every reason not to trust me so to show how serious I am, we’re not signing a prenup.”

  She stared at him and went to the sink to wet a paper towel and wipe away his seed which trickled down her leg. He took the paper towel from her and cleaned her even when she tried to push his hand away. When he was finished he leaned down and kissed her again.

  “We’re getting married because I love that girl out there and I love you too. I never stopped even though you don’t believe me.”

  “Don’t-”

  He kissed her again, a deep, drugging kiss that made her go limp against him. “God, I missed this. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. We’re together again and Evie’s going to call me her dad. Can you accept that?”

  She nodded. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or frightened.

  “Let’s get back to them,” he said and led her out of the bathroom.

  She felt as if he’d branded her and it thrilled and panicked her. One little ‘yes’ and he was back in her life, corralling her in. He sensed her emotions because he looped an arm around her and kept her locked to his side.

  Maggie was waving frantically as they came towards her. “Oh my Gosh! The flight’s already boarding. What were you guys doing?”

  “Just settling a few things,” Mitchell said, as unruffled as ever.

  “Well, let’s go, let’s go,” Maggie said impatiently.

  Grace took Evie as they walked on the flight and were directed to their first class seats. She wasn’t surprised that Mitchell had somehow managed to procure a seat next to her. Maggie wasn’t the least miffed that she had to sit in another row because she got a window seat. Grace fussed with Evie in her lap, looking anywhere but the man sitting beside her.

  “Care for anything to drink?” a flight attendant asked them.

  “Waters for both of us. We’re parched,” Mitchell said and rested his large hand on Grace’s thigh.

  It was an intimate gesture, a familiar one from their time together that she’d forgotten. She looked up at him with confused eyes and he leaned forward and gave her a comforting kiss.

  “Everything’s going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”

  Mitchell fell asleep within the first hour of the flight. He could sleep anywhere. She always envied that about him. He was so out of her league. She knew that the minute she met him. She saw the way women looked at him. He could have anyone- and had before her. Why had he settled on her out of all people? Did he really love her? He’d never said it when they were together so why now?

  There were so many questions about Mitchell she didn’t have answers to. She entertained Evie who wasn’t bothered by the small confines of the plane or the hum of the engines as they flew. Mitchell’s hand stayed on her through the whole flight. Even in sleep he wouldn’t let her stray from him. The part of her that still loved him reveled in the possessive hold. The other part that was still in recovery wanted to shove his hand away and scoff at his words of love.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Grace wasn’t surprised when Mitchell directed them to his favorite hotel in Paris. She had more modest accommodations but Mitchell never settled for anything. He bullied Grace by seducing Maggie with the romantic history of the hotel. When Maggie sighed like a young girl Grace glared across the car at Mitchell who shrugged innocently. She traveled with him often in the past and knew he liked space and comfort. The presidential suite was decorated in gold and light blue tones with heavy, intricate drapes and sturdy, classic furniture.

  Grace hadn’t been able to sleep on the eight hour flight and she was exhausted. She handed Evie to Maggie so she could shower and sleep. She went to check on Evie before she went to bed and passed Mitchell who was on the phone with his laptop spread out before him in the office. It felt odd to see him there. His eyes fell on her and promised he wouldn’t be long. She shook her head and he ignored her denial as he typed on his keyboard.

  She fell onto the heavenly bed with a moan of appreciation and delight. She turned on her side and was asleep before she’d taken more than two breaths. She wasn’t sure how long she slept but opened her eyes and saw the windows were dark with night. She was flat on her back and wasn’t very surprised to find a large body half sprawled over her. Mitchell had his head tucked beneath her chin, one large thigh pinned both of her legs and his arm was banned around her, keeping her tucked against him. He had always been possessive. She should have realized that this whole marriage thing was going to rouse his natural instincts. When she tried to move away from him he tightened his hold and ran a hand over her to reassure himself it was her he kept captive. He grunted in satisfaction and fell deeper into sleep. She would have rolled her eyes if she wasn’t so tired. She closed her eyes, relaxed into his hold and drifted off again.

  She sat in the front row at the fashion show with Mitchell by her side. She ground her teeth as he put his hand on her thigh and squeezed even as she talked to an editor from a major fashion magazine. The woman’s eyes flicked down to the large hand on her thigh, then up to Mitchell and her lips curved.

  “So you two are reunited?” the editor asked.

  When Grace hesitated Mitchell’s hand rode several inches higher, close to what was throbbing for him. She dropped her hands over his and dug her nails into his skin. He retaliated by trying to move his hands even higher. She tried to get rid of his hands in her lap by purposely dropping her pen. When she leaned down he removed his hands but as soon as she sat his hands rested right on her crotch. Her thin dress made her feel as if she wasn’t wearing a thing and he knew it. He could feel her body heat through the dress.

  Grace tried to change the subject, “I saw an article on-”

  “Are the rumors true?” the editor interrupted, her fascinated gaze fixed on Mitchell.

  “What rumors?” Grace said through clenched teeth.

  “You’re taking care of your niece?”

  Grace nodded. “I am.”

  “We are,” Mitchell corrected, spreading his hand against her lower abdomen, making her breath hitch. “We’re engaged.”

  The editor was stunned speechless. Before she could say another word the lights dimmed and music filled the room. Grace shot Mitchell a fuming look. He responded by kissing her neck outrageously rubbing her tummy before his hand resumed its position on her upper thigh, finger dipping down occasionally, making her squirm backwards in her chair. He was staking his claim in front of everyone- and forcing her to accept it. She wasn’t handling it well- especially when he got the better of her this morning when he seduced her while she was sleeping. By the time she woke she was so needy she’d done what he demanded- begged him to take her.

  When she dressed to leave the hotel and escape him she was outraged when he insisted he accompany her. She was on her way to the elevator when he caught up to her, pinned her against the wall and kissed the life out of her. Her body was so hungry for him that when he drew away she was shaking. The heat she suppressed for over a year was back full force and he used it ruthlessly against her. There was nothing she could do to fend him off because he was her fiancé and no matter how much she wanted to put their relationship on a business level, they had too much history to go platonic now.

  Right now she was torn between jumping on him and taking care of the lust racing through her or slapping him across the face and calling off the wedding. She knew she couldn’t do either of those things which made her frustration reach boiling point. All she could do was ignore the feelings he evoked and take notes of the designs that came down the runway. When she stopped trying to push his hand away, he relaxed his grip and traced distracting patterns through her dress on her thigh.

  After the show she talked with the crème de la crème in the fashion industry with Mitchell by her side. The magazine editor hadn’t wasted any time telling everyone the latest gossip. Mitchell was a legend everywhere, not just in the States and when the news was combined with a former
lover who had left him, it was all anyone could talk about.

  Grace was congratulated throughout the day. She was ready to strangle Mitchell and even shrugged off his hand twice which made him brush his hand oh so accidentally against her breasts, wringing a tortured grasp from her. Everyone seemed to think his overly possessive, lover like behavior was amusing and titillating. The more irritated she became, the more she began to show it and the more delighted everyone became. In the fashion industry it was all about expressing oneself and witnessing the sparks between Mitchell and Grace became the focal point for that day.

  By the time they left, she was ready to explode. She walked out of the building with Mitchell two paces behind her. When she tried to avoid him, he gasped her arm and led her into the city where quaint shops enticed them. She was so pissed, she didn’t realize where he was headed until he shoved her into a jewelry shop.

  “We need to get you an engagement ring,” he said calmly.

  She glared up at him. “You branded me enough today. There’s no need for a ring.”

  Only he could make her feel this way- pissed, frustrated and horny. He grinned, knowing exactly what effect he had on her. Arrogant bastard.

  “There’s going to be a ring for them to admire tomorrow and your mom will hear about the engagement before we even get back to the States.”

  That stopped her from snapping back at him. What good was the marriage if they were only engaged? A sudden thought occurred to her.

  “When are we getting married?”

  “Three weeks,” he said as he leaned over a glass case of rings.

  She gaped as an eager woman came forward and spoke to him in French. Mitchell looked back at Grace with a wry expression on his face as he described Grace’s personality. He shook his head when she offered a tray of traditional diamond rings.

  “What other types of rings do you have? You have other gemstones mixed with diamonds?”

  Mitchell knew from past experience Grace didn’t care about the value of jewelry. She only treasured what she found beautiful and that didn’t always mean the most expensive. He knew even if he purchased the most expensive ring in the shop she wouldn’t wear it. He had to find a ring she honestly liked and would treasure because he had every intention of making her wear it.

  The sales clerk held up a finger and fetched another tray of rings. The rings on this tray sparkled with exotic colors and despite her aversion to an engagement ring Grace drew up beside Mitchell to get a closer look.

  “What do you think?” Mitchell asked.

  “Nothing.”

  Knowing he wasn’t going to get any encouragement from her he pulled out the most brilliant colored stone.

  The sales clerk nodded approvingly. “That’s tanzanite.”

  When Grace stiffened Mitchell knew he was on the right track. He grabbed her left hand and slid the tanzanite ring on her finger. It fit perfectly and it was stunning against Grace’s pale skin. The princess cut tanzanite gem was a brilliant violet set on two platinum bands lined with sparkling diamonds. Mitchell felt a surge of satisfaction when Grace’s hand trembled.

  “We found a winner, yes?” the sales clerk said with a broad smile.

  “You like it?” he murmured into Grace’s hair.

  She was quiet for so long he tipped her chin up to see her face. He saw pleasure mixed with confusion on her face.

  “We’ll get it,” Mitchell told the clerk without looking away from Grace. When the sales clerk walked away he leaned down and kissed her. “I love you.”

  Grace broke the kiss and tried to take the ring off her finger. Her movements were jerky and uncoordinated. He stilled her movements by lacing their hands together. He pushed her too far today, he realized. He passed over his credit card and got them back to the hotel quickly so she could rest. When they walked into their suite Maggie smiled.

  “How was the fashion show?”

  “It was fine.”

  Uncaring of her expensive clothes, Grace lay on the floor to play with Evie. Maggie saw the ring on Grace’s finger and squealed. Grace shot him a ‘you’re dead’ look as Maggie gushed. Mitchell hid his satisfaction and went into the office to take care of some business that couldn’t be put off. After playing with Evie, Grace did the same, getting in touch with the contacts that had access to the clothes she wanted. She called Amy to go over the pieces they were going to get and who the designers were.

  “Mitchell’s with you?” Amy interrupted.

  Grace paused. “Yes. How did you know?”

  “I got several calls from gossip magazines asking for a comment from me. How did that happen?”

  “It’s a long story,” she said, rubbing her forehead with one hand. A sparkle of light caught her attention and she found herself enchanted by the engagement ring all over again. She had to tell Amy. If she found out from someone else her best friend would kill her. “I’m engaged.”

  “What?!” Amy shrieked. “To Mitchell?”

  Grace winced. “Yeah. But it’s not what you think.”

  “Is he blackmailing you or something?” Amy demanded, knowing how hard Grace fought to regain herself after breaking up with him.

  Grace let out a humorless laugh. “No. I’m not being forced. I actually asked him. Kind of.” She paused and heard only dead silence on the other end. “I’ll send you a picture of my ring.”

  “Oh. My. God. I think hell just froze over. Is this real or a front for something else?”

  She blew out a breath. Before Mitchell came to the airport yesterday she would have said it was more of a business deal but they’d sealed their marriage deal in the airport bathroom… and several times before the sun rose this morning. Occasionally when Evie’s eyes fell on Mitchell she would chirp “dada” stirring up all kinds of feelings in Grace’s chest. Mitchell said “I love you,” several times since she accepted his proposal and he didn’t back down even when he knew she didn’t believe him.

  Mitchell slept draped over her as he had during their relationship and she was wearing his ring. She couldn’t describe how she felt. Shell shocked, scared, protected. Did that make any sense? It scared her how easily they fell back into their relationship as if they hadn’t been separated over a year. She could feel him constantly pushing at her as if he knew she was trying to keep him at arm’s length. He was doing everything in his power to convince her this was real. The way he was constantly touching her, making love to her with his emotional barriers down… God, she couldn’t meet his eyes when he did that.

  “Grace?” Amy said into when she didn’t answer. “If he breaks your heart again, I’ll kill him.”

  Grace walked into the bedroom and wasn’t really surprised to find Mitchell in her bed with his laptop. When she paused in the doorway he looked up. His gaze dropped to her ring and his mouth curved. She put her hands on her hips.

  “I don’t think we should keep sleeping together,” she said.

  “I think that’s exactly what we should keep doing.”

  He continued to type on his laptop. She closed the door behind her and stood beside the bed, just out of his reach.

  “I want to talk to you about the wedding.”

  “What about it?”

  He still didn’t look up.

  “I just want something small. Quiet.”

  At that, he did look up. “Why?”

  Because this isn’t real, she wanted to shout. “I don’t want to make a fuss. All we need is a marriage certificate.”

  He set aside his computer and faced her. “You don’t want to make a fuss or you don’t want anyone to know we’re getting married?”

  “I hate how everyone’s watching us,” she muttered. “And you’re ruining your hard ass reputation by fondling me in public.”

  Lust filled his eyes. “You like it. God, I could feel how close you were to jumping me.”

  Her nipples hardened and she scowled at him. He could make her want him with just his voice. She’d missed this, missed how in tune they were. This
shouldn’t be happening though. She had to keep her guard up. This wasn’t something they would do if it wasn’t for Evie. She needed to remember that.

  “Come.”

  She forced her body under control and ignored his outstretched hand. “No.”

  He stood and stripped off his shirt until he wore only tiny black boxers. Her mouth watered. He sat facing her on the bed and leaned back on his elbows, showing off his muscled abdomen.

  “You don’t believe me when I say I love you, do you?”

  She took a step back. “No.”

  “You can try to convince yourself that every word that comes out of my mouth is a line, that every time I touch you I’m doing it out of duty. You can even let yourself think I’m saying I love you because I feel guilty but you know deep down, I would never let myself be manipulated by anybody, even you.”

  She whipped her head around to stare at him. She knew she should cover her ears and walk out of the room but she found herself spellbound by his silver tongue. It was how he sealed his business deals in that reasonable, gentle voice.

  “I think our problem before was we’re too alike. We both had our guards up but that’s all gone now. I know about your mom. I can understand how it was the biggest insult to compare you to your mother who you’re nothing like. Ray kept telling me how you would betray me and when I found that pregnancy test all I could hear was his voice in my head.” He sat up and met her guarded eyes. “I was an idiot. I wanted to bind you to me on my own terms and I wasn’t ready for a baby. That’s the honest truth. Not until you left me did I realize what I lost. I not only lost the one woman who made me human, I forfeit the right to ever ask you to have a baby with me.”

  There was a vise around her chest. She could barely breathe. His guards were completely down. Ever since his appearance at the airport she’d sensed his total acceptance of the marriage. He was happier than she’d ever seen him but she couldn’t allow herself to think she had anything to do with her. She couldn’t afford to think that way. And now she wasn’t capable of walking away. She felt compelled to listen.