“Sawyer...” Winding my arms around his neck, I thrust my hands in his hair and tangled my fingers into his locks, tugging him closer. I captured his bottom lip between my teeth, caressing his faded scar with my tongue, gently twisting the soft tissue until he cried my name.
“Fuck, that’s sexy.” He dug his fingers into my flesh, seizing away my dominance with his powerful kiss. “You’re so fucking sexy.”
We were caught in a passionate battle of who would bring the other person more pleasure. Not wanting to be outdone, I grinded against him as I worked his jeans over his hips, releasing him from the constraints of the tough fabric.
“I want you.” This time around, there wasn’t an ounce of doubt in my voice. Unable to wait any longer, I wrapped my hand around his strained erection, pressing myself against its hard length. “Now.”
“Shit,” he swore, grasping my waist to hinder my movement.
“What is it?”
“Condom,” he groaned. “I don’t have one.”
Don’t most guys carry an entire box in their wallet? I wanted to scream, but my head spun hazily. Had he not calculated on getting lucky this week?
Okay, I hadn’t either, but the last thing I wanted was to stop now. My body swelled with urgency as I tightened my grip around him and bit down on his shoulder. He groaned when I began to pump my hand, but still held my hips at a distance.
“Silver…” He nudged my head toward the cabinets across from us. “Up there.” The entire top shelf was filled with glass jars containing various medical equipment, including colorful, shiny packets.
Jackpot. Thank you, horny forest rangers.
Slipping off his lap, I ran over to the commode, suddenly filled with an even greater urgency than before. I propped my right knee on one of the bottom cabinets and stretched toward the top shelf.
Sawyer groaned again. “What in the world possessed you to wear that tiny skirt?” Right away, it dawned on me that he had a direct view up my skirt.
“What? You don’t like it?” I teased, purposefully arching my back to flash a little more skin.
“I fucking love it. Are you trying to drive me insane?”
“Kind of,” I admitted, shooting him a pleased grin over my shoulder.
“Well, it’s working.”
Sawyer was leaning against the couch, one arm sprawled against the backrest, all of his muscles on perfectly delicious display. Shirtless, with his lids half-open, his dark hair falling messily over his eyes, and his lips red and raw, he looked so edible.
His other hand gripped onto the hardness below his waist. Watching him touch himself as he devoured me with his gaze turned me on so much. Instinctively, I hiked my knee further, spreading my legs a little wider.
Sawyer’s eyes blazed as his head fell back against the cushion. “You’re going to kill me,” he moaned toward the ceiling. “At least you know how to resuscitate me if I have a heart attack, right?”
“I’ll work my magic,” I promised.
“You already are, baby.” With a carnal roar, he pushed off the couch and dove after me. His strong hands gripped my hips as his body slammed into mine. He clutched me from behind, grazing my ear with his teeth, dissolving into me.
“I love taking care of you, Silver,” he whispered heatedly. “You know that, right?”
I nodded. “Uh-huh.” It was hard to concentrate when he was this close.
Why did he have to smell so damn good?
“But I’m warning you…I won’t be gentle this time,” he said and I nearly unraveled right then and there. “I can’t hold back.” His voice sounded so lusciously sinful.
“Then don’t,” I urged as he slid his hand down my spine, gliding over the curve of my buttocks. “Please, don’t hold back.”
“Trust me, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” His hand dipped under my skirt, touching my bare skin. “And I don’t want to. Which brings us back to this...” My legs began to shake as Sawyer’s palm skated to the front of my soaked underwear, rubbing against the heat between my thighs.
He unzipped my skirt, slowly guiding it over my curves all the way to the floor. I stepped out of it, lowering my leg from the cabinet in the process. His hands soared over my exposed bottom, taking a moment to savor every inch of skin. Unable to see behind me, his electrifying touch came as a surprise, forcing me to gasp.
“You remembered the panties today,” he teased. I could feel his shoulders shake as he indulged in a silent chuckle. “I don’t know which I like better.”
Cradling my ass with one hand, he used the other to hook a finger under the thin strap of my thong and pull up on the material. As he tightened his grip, the fabric strained against my warmth, rubbing the sensitive nerve endings, driving me wild.
“These are hot,” he whispered. “But you completely naked…even sexier.” The next tug had me whimpering as I dug my fingernails into the hard wood of the cabinet.
“I want that knee back up on that ledge,” he ordered. A small hiss of air escaped from the back of his throat when I obeyed the request. “Just like that.”
His hand slid between my legs, cupping me from behind. Ever so slowly, his middle finger threaded under the fabric of my underwear, teasing my wet folds before plunging deep into me.
At first, he moved in a torturously unhurried fashion, but then his thrusts picked up speed. I nearly lost it when his other hand slid to my front to massage the throbbing bundle of nerves within my core.
Arching my back, I pressed myself against him, moaning his name, yearning to annihilate every single particle of matter between us. My hands shot out behind me, tugging his unzipped jeans down, wanting to feel his skin against mine.
“I want you,” I breathed. My voice was unnaturally hoarse, my words explicitly demanding.
“I can tell.” He bit down on my neck, sucking the sensitive skin into his mouth as he continued to move in and out of my wetness. “You want me so much.”
“Please, Sawyer.” I was dripping with need. “I need you. Now.”
“I need you too, Silver. More than you can imagine.” Freeing his hand, he reached for the condoms above us. Withdrawing one, he tore open the package with his teeth. For a moment I felt a rush of cold air against my back as he disengaged himself to put on the protection.
The break didn’t last long. A thunderbolt of heat rocked my entire body as soon as he entered me from behind, plunging himself into me. He had warned me that he wasn’t going to hold back, but I hadn’t expected him to be so…bold with his need.
His brazen want for me was incredibly erotic, making me wild with frenzy. I forced my eyes to stay open and sank my teeth into my bottom lip—hard—as I tried to stay grounded in this reality with Sawyer. His name was a prayer on my lips and I repeated it over and over again as he moved against me.
“Shit, Silver,” he snarled, tightening his fingers around my waist as he plunged even deeper. “You’re…so…fucking…tight.” His jaw dug into my shoulder and his teeth ground against each other with each hard thrust as his ragged pants slashed through my body.
The position with my knee up on the ledge was almost too much to handle. It allowed Sawyer to sink so deep he hit a spot that made my legs tremble and my insides coil into tight balls of electricity.
Every single part of me was aching to explode. The palms of my hands slammed into the cabinet doors in a desperate attempt to steady myself as he continued to stretch me, filling me with his throbbing heat.
“I want to see you,” he demanded. He gathered the long, loose strands of my hair in his hand, gently compelling my face toward him. “I want to look into your eyes as you come.”
In one swift movement, he pulled me off the cabinet and spun me around so that I was facing him. The next motion had my back pressed against an adjacent wall. Lifting me up with ease, he pulled my legs around him and inserted himself back into me before my body had a chance to fully acknowledge his absence.
He held me up with one hand while the other worked o
n unclasping my bra. My breasts freed, he took my nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking the tender nerve endings. My body temperature soared to a feverish high, frying my insides, melting my organs, sending a gush of wetness between my thighs.
Moaning Sawyer’s name and digging my nails into his shoulders only caused him to increase the rhythm with which he drilled into me. So I screamed even louder and cut even deeper. Even though we were united in every possible way, I still couldn’t get enough.
“Look at me, Silver,” he ordered, pressing his forehead against mine so that our eyes could meet. “Are you enjoying this present?”
“Yes,” I moaned.
Hell yes! was more like it.
“Good.” His tongue flicked over my lips as he deepened his thrusts. “Because it’s going to get even better from here.”
His biceps flexed as his muscles tensed against me, and he was back to drilling his gaze into mine with so much strength and conviction that my insides threatened to shatter into a million pieces. Except now, we were not just eye-fucking. I had all of him. I was so full of him that there was nowhere else to go but up. Up, up, up into the clandestine, pleasurable space he was quickly leading me to.
Closing my eyes, I arched my back and threw my head against the wall, losing myself in that ascent. Heaven. That’s where I was going. Sawyer-created, sex-induced heaven. Titling my hips, I met his movements, flexing myself around him.
Sawyer was my perfect match—the ideal blend of affectionate and commanding, benevolent and demanding. I wanted to please him as much as I needed him to please me. Every nerve in my body stood to attention for him; each of my senses eagerly volunteered for his full domination. And, in this moment, the idea of fate and destiny suddenly no longer seemed so impossible.
“Open your eyes, baby,” he said as he rocked his body into mine, trapping my chin between his fingers so that he could pull my face to his. “Don’t leave.” Something dark flashed in his light green gaze, and the impact of his words penetrated all the way into my core. “I want you right here with me, Silver.”
In that instant, I knew with certainty that the meaning behind his demand ran deeper than just this present time. Yes, he wanted to witness the pleasure rolling through my body, but he also wanted me. Period.
“I…want…all…of…you.” He thrust harder, faster, deeper, and suddenly we were coming together in a synchronized rapture full of happy curses and gratified moans. His fingers dug into the backs of my thighs as he rocked into me for the final time, worshiping my name with a maddening roar.
My toes curled and my entire body shook as tremors continued to rock my insides, swirling ribbons of euphoria through me. The entire time, I didn’t dare look away from his eyes. It was such an intimate, sexy experience; we were not only sharing our bodies, but also merging our minds.
This present with Sawyer was chaotic and messy and painfully perfect.
So perfect it nearly broke my heart.
I collapsed into his arms, panting as I tried to catch my breath. His chest heaved against mine, uniting his warmth with my flushed skin. Though he was spent, he didn’t stop kissing my face.
“You’re amazing,” he murmured into my neck. “In every way.”
“So are you,” I told him honestly.
Until now, I had never given much thought to what kind of lover I wanted. Or, for that matter, what kind of lover I wanted to be. My sexual experience was limited to Ryder and Preston. And neither had left me even remotely satisfied, albeit for different reasons.
Sawyer just had to look at me or whisper my name, and I was already tumbling into a rapturous abyss. With a simple touch, he had the ability to provoke a response from me that I was certain no other man could ever achieve.
“That was…” I trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe the inexplicable emotions that had rocked through me.
Impossible came to mind. Because that had never happened before. I felt that orgasm in every single particle of my body. And then some.
Sawyer rested his forehead against mine and inhaled deeply. “That was me finally forgiving myself for losing the Past Silver,” he said. “That was also me enjoying the incredibly sexy Present Silver.” His words were followed by a peck on my cheek
He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me into a long, deep kiss. “And that was me hoping to have a chance with the Future Silver.”
Sawyer and I spent the rest of the day inside the cottage, indulging in slow, sensual explorations of each other’s bodies, only coming up for air to answer calls from Maddie and the roadside assistance service. Finally, as darkness slowly smothered every last bit of daylight, we decided it was time to return to the resort.
During our walk back to his car, Sawyer paused every few feet to kiss away the fluffy snowflakes from my cheeks, nose, lips, and eyes. The blizzard was unstoppable. The snow kept coming, gifting us with more excuses to kiss.
I really was in Winter Wonderland.
The illusion lasted all the way back to the complex, filling me with false happiness as we parted ways to get ready for a double date with Maddie and Connor.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Sawyer sat on the edge of his bed with his head between his hands, refusing to look at me. We’d made plans to go to a restaurant in the village, but his mind clearly wasn’t on our date.
He was still wearing the same clothes he’d had on this morning in the woods. His hair was unruly, the dark locks going in a multitude of different directions. It was clear that he had been running his fingers through them—a habit he engaged in when he was upset about something.
Walking over to stand in front of him, I placed a hand on his shoulder and tried again. “What’s wrong, Sawyer?”
He finally looked up, meeting my eyes. The green of his irises looked faded, as if the color had been scrubbed away. “I just got a call about one of the qualifying events for the Olympics. They had to switch around the date for the tour.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, confused.
“It means that I have to drive back to the States tonight if I plan on making it to one of the most important rides of my life.” He exhaled and rubbed his face with his hands. “I’m fucked if I don’t go. But if I do, then you and I—”
“Of course you have to go!” I blurted out. I couldn’t bear to hear the rest of that sentence.
His shoulders sank and his jaw tensed.
Had he been expecting me to say something else?
“I don’t want to leave you, Silver.” He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him so that his head was buried against my stomach. “This week has been incredible.”
“The best,” I whispered, tangling my fingers though his hair.
“You know, back when I was still living with Asshole and my life was so shit, I used to think that my heart was made out of ice,” he said.
Lifting his head, he looked up at me with so much pain in his eyes. His heartbreak pierced my chest and took my breath away. “The only thing that kept it beating was being around you. You were always able to thaw every one of my problems just by being there. Being you. Even before I ever kissed you, I knew that you were the one girl in the entire world meant for me. You’re my fire, Silver. You’re more important to me than any medal in the world.”
Oh, God. He was killing me with his words. Tears crept up behind my lids. With a deep, shaky breath, I tried to will them away.
In how many ways could a guy break a girl’s heart? Countless, probably, but I was pretty sure this had to be one of the worst ways to go.
“So maybe the two of us—”
“This is your chance, Sawyer!” I cut him off, trying my best to focus on him and his dreams. The more he talked about us, the harder it would be to let him go. “You need to embrace it.”
The upcoming Winter Olympics would mark the first time in history that riders could compete in slopestyle snowboarding, allowing Sawyer to qualify for the
U.S. team. But it was a lengthy and difficult process that involved various competitions all the way up to two weeks before the games.
I couldn’t be the reason he missed out on any opportunities to show that he deserved a spot on that team. Not just because the entire snowboarding nation had been watching him closely, but because he truly loved the sport.
“Snowboarding is your destiny,” I told him. I had known it six years ago and I knew it now.
“What if you’re wrong? What if I have a different destiny?” His words felt hot against the thin fabric of my cotton dress. “What if she’s an even better destiny? What if, after six years apart, she’s finally back and I’m meant to never let her go again?” As he spoke, the tension in his arm muscles grew to an almost painful high.
I could barely breathe from the pressure. But I didn’t care.
“You’re meant to snowboard,” I repeated. My voice sounded so calm and collected, but my mind, body, and heart were trying to survive a terrible storm on the inside. “Everything else will fall into place, but you can’t miss out on a chance of a lifetime because of a ‘what if.’”
It pained me to say those words. Sawyer and I were definitely not a what if. This past week had proved that we were so much more. But, right now, both of us were traveling on completely different paths in life.
I had been subconsciously conditioned to live my parents’ dreams, but I had willfully chosen to love Sawyer. And now I was choosing to let him go. Deep within my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do.
But if love was supposed to be selfless, then why was this so freaking painful?
My mind flashed back to the day of Sawyer’s graduation. He wasn’t leaving for France this time around, but he may as well have been going to another planet. That’s how much I hurt.
“It’s just one day,” I reminded us both. “I go back home on Friday, anyway.”
“Do you want to come to California with me?” he asked, a slight trace of hope lifting his voice.
I couldn’t leave Maddie, though I had a feeling she would understand. My fear was that even if I went with Sawyer, it was inevitable that I would eventually have to return to my carefully orchestrated life. That’s what always happened, after all. The moment I tried to exert some kind of freedom, I was pulled back by my parents, guilt-tripped into submitting to their wants in one way or another.
Silver Heart Page 20