The Crush Revisited

by Shawn Lane

  Brandon blinked and then noticed a plastic mixing bowl on the counter next to Tim as well as a plate stacked several layers high. On the other side of the kitchen stood a box of pancake mix.

  “You’re making breakfast?” he asked dumbfounded.

  Tim jumped and turned around. “Jeez. Warn a guy before you sneak up on him.”

  “I called your name.”

  “I didn’t hear you,” Tim said. He walked over to where Brandon stood and kissed him. “I made coffee, so help yourself. And yes, I went through your cupboards. Found the mix.”

  “I thought you didn’t cook.” Brandon, still in a daze, took a coffee mug out of the cabinet and poured himself some of the steaming brew from the carafe. Then he added creamer.

  “Well, I don’t. But I did say I could make things out of a box. I can read directions.” Tim shrugged. “Whether they actually taste like they are supposed to is anyone’s guess.”

  Brandon noticed he had taken several other pans out of his cabinet, and they were splayed out all over the kitchen. “What’s with all the pans?”

  “Trying to find the right one. Oh, and I was going to make eggs, too, but, well, I sort of screwed those up.”

  Brandon peered over Tim’s shoulder to see one of his frying pans blackened and full of scorched fried eggs. “How many did you ruin?”

  Tim gave him a sheepish grin. “Like a half dozen. That’s when I decided to make the pancakes. It was either that or go out for doughnuts, and I don’t have a car here. Wasn’t sure where your car keys were either.”

  He tasted the coffee and grimaced. It wasn’t the worst, but it was definitely stronger than Brandon liked it.

  “How’s the coffee?” Tim asked over his shoulder.

  “Good,” he lied and added more creamer. “I would have made us breakfast, or we could have gone out.”

  “You were sleeping. Besides, I want to spend the day with just you. Not a restaurant full of people.”

  Brandon smiled. “It smells edible.”

  Tim laughed. “I suppose that’s as close to a compliment as I’ll get. Go sit down. I’m just about ready to bring over the pancakes.”

  So he went to the dining room table and sat and waited. Tim had already placed butter and syrup on the table. His smile widened. Nobody had made him breakfast since his mom died, and it was really kind of sweet.

  Tim arrived with two plates piled high with pancakes. Brandon doubted he could even eat it all. After slathering three of them with butter, he poured syrup on them and took a bite. Tim watched him carefully the whole time.

  He nodded. “Tastes good.” And they did. Just like pancakes made out of a mix.

  “Good. I didn’t want to muck that up along with the eggs.” Tim saw to getting his own pancakes.

  “Thanks for this. It was really nice.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  Tim’s sweet smile did something to his gut, so he looked down at his coffee.

  “What do you want to do today?” he asked after a couple of minutes of companionable silence. Brandon laughed when Tim raised his eyebrows. “Well, besides that. We’ll definitely do that.”

  “I’m pretty much at your disposal,” Tim said. “Whatever you want to do is fine with me. I just want to spend my last day here with you. Sex, hiking, swimming, sex, shopping, sex. Whatever.”

  “You said sex a lot.”

  Tim smiled. “That’s my favorite part.”

  “Yes, I got that. Actually there’s a park just a few blocks from here. Maybe we could walk there and have lunch by the duck pond.” He finished off his coffee. “You may even remember the park. Called Lemon Park because it’s on Lemon Street.”

  “I know of it. I don’t think I ever went there though. My aunt and uncle, well, and my sister and me, really none of us were big on parks when I lived here. To be honest, the Olfanders were never the outdoor type.”

  Brandon bit his lip. “If you’d rather do something else—”

  “Nope.” Tim reached for Brandon’s hand and held it. “I don’t want to do anything else. Let’s do it.”

  “Not even sex?”

  “That goes without saying. But we’ll do your park first.”

  * * * *

  Tim had to admit that sitting on a blanket on the grass wasn’t really his thing. More than a couple of times he found himself casting his gaze over the perimeter, checking for unwanted creatures that would invade their space. He’d learned as a child that ants were icky, and he hadn’t changed his mind since.

  Not that LA didn’t have parks, but he didn’t really find himself at any of them.

  “Are you completely miserable?” Brandon asked, his tone more than a little amused.

  If he hadn’t been smiling, Tim probably would have completely lied to spare his feelings. But since Brandon’s face was so open and accepting, he decided to admit the truth.

  “Not completely, no.”

  “But this is definitely not your thing.”

  “No. But I like being with you.” Tim glanced over at the duck pond, where boy and girl mallards wiggled their feathery asses at each other. “The ducks are kind of cool.”

  Brandon sighed. “You’re kind of hopeless. I used to come here often as a kid. To feed the ducks and escape sometimes.”

  “You were pretty lonely, huh?” Tim scooted closer to him so that he could rest his hand on Brandon’s leg. He’d like to throw Brandon down and cover him with kisses, but he pretty much figured Brandon wouldn’t have that.

  “Yeah. “ Brandon shrugged. “I didn’t have a lot of friends then.”

  As Tim reached for a banana out of the cooler full of snacks Brandon had brought with them, he decided this was the perfect opportunity to broach the subject of leaving Lincoln Hill again with Brandon.

  “I know you said before how much you like it here. But seriously, Brandon, have you thought about moving to somewhere else? Getting a new start. Someplace like…Los Angeles?”

  “LA? I don’t think so.” Brandon shook his head. “I’m not cut out for big-city life like that.”

  He tried to hide his disappointment by turning his attention to peeling the banana. “What about men? Do you get a lot of opportunities here in Lincoln Hill?”

  “Sure.” Brandon smiled. “I just met someone a week ago who is pretty hot.”

  Tim forced a grin. Okay, he wanted to pursue this conversation more, but he was willing to drop it for now. But before he left tomorrow, he was going to talk to Brandon about continuing some kind of relationship. He’d prefer not to deal with long distance, but if that’s how it had to be, he could work with it.

  “You want to feed the ducks or something? Or maybe walk around the park?” he asked, squeezing Brandon’s thigh.

  “Yeah, let’s walk around a bit and then head back to the house.”

  They packed up the remnants of their snacks into the cooler and then folded the blanket and tied it to the top. They walked over to the pond.

  “So what made you leave Lincoln Hill right after high school?” Brandon asked after they watched the ducks for a moment. “Was it really that bad?”

  Tim shook his head. “No. It was a good place to grow up. I felt safe here as a kid, and honestly, being out as gay since I hit puberty really, I never felt that I wasn’t accepted for that. So I do have some really good memories of living here.”

  “But?”

  “I wanted something beyond what this place could offer. I’d always been ambitious. I wanted to be a lawyer since I caught old Perry Mason and L.A. Law reruns on television. Lincoln Hill has law firms, but not the kind where you could get a lot of big, interesting cases, make a name for yourself. That’s what I was looking for at the time, and a place like LA fit the bill.”

  Brandon smiled. “And you like it there, huh? Do you have lots of friends there?”

  “I like it. But it’s a significant amount of work and I put in a ton of billable hours. It’s definitely not the glamorous job I pictured as a kid. I’m damn e
xhausted most of the time. But my best friend, Micah, is there. You’d really like him.”

  “I bet I would. I’m surprised you don’t have a boyfriend there. Though I guess you aren’t really the settling-down kind.”

  Tim definitely did not like the way this conversation had turned.

  He’d intended to talk Brandon into continuing to see him, but the way things were going, Brandon seemed to be talking them out of even trying before Tim could bring it up.

  Not good.

  He put his arm around Brandon’s waist and drew him close. He knew there were others in the park, but he paid little attention to them. He only had eyes for Brandon.

  “I’ve had boyfriends in the past. I can get serious and settle down.”

  “Who was the boyfriend you were with the longest?”

  The truth was he really hadn’t had many for very long, and he’d never lived with a guy. It never got to that point. But confessing that to Brandon? He didn’t want to admit that maybe he wasn’t someone to take a chance with.

  “Does it matter?” he asked. “Maybe I haven’t really settled down before, but I probably just hadn’t found the right guy for me.”

  Brandon looked skeptical. “Guys like you always say that when confronted with the ‘no settling down’ thing.”

  “Hmm. Well, what about you then, Brandon? How many guys have you settled down with?” Tim really didn’t want to hear about anybody else Brandon had ever been with. He didn’t know when the idea of Brandon touching someone else had begun to bother him, but he couldn’t deny it now. Not to himself. He fucking hated the idea of Brandon having sex with anyone that wasn’t him.

  “I had a boyfriend a few years ago,” Brandon said. “But we weren’t together for long. He didn’t want to stay in Lincoln Hill.”

  Fuck.

  * * * *

  They had spent the evening together on the couch, watching a couple of movies and eating tacos from the local fast food restaurant. Like a couple would do, which was exactly what Tim was going for. He wanted to show Brandon they could do ordinary couple things. They could spend time together that wasn’t about just sex.

  Of course he wanted the sex. This was their last night together, probably for a while. Maybe forever if Brandon said no to seeing him again. Thinking about that, sitting watching the movie, his heart had constricted and it hurt to breathe. This couldn’t be all they would have. He didn’t want to accept that.

  Later in bed, Brandon naked and needy beneath him, Tim closed his fist over Brandon’s cock. He fused their lips together, rather amused at himself that kissing Brandon had become so important, so needed.

  Brandon clung to him, whimpering into his mouth with each stroke of Tim’s hand over his shaft. Tim wanted to be inside him, wanted to find the sweet relief of thrusting into Brandon’s ass, but first he wanted Brandon to come apart in his arms.

  “Tim, Tim, please.” Brandon gasped against his lips. His arms were wrapped tight around Tim now, his body rising and writhing underneath him.

  Tim released Bandon and gently disentangled their bodies.

  “What? Tim?”

  “Shh.” He inched down Brandon’s torso, placing kisses all over his quivering, bare skin as he made his way to the straining, hard cock begging for relief. He sucked the tip of Brandon’s dick.

  Brandon gave a keening cry as he rose, pushing himself deeper into Tim’s mouth. He dug his fingers into Tim’s scalp, holding him there as he thrust. Cum spurted out and filled Tim’s mouth while Brandon shook and pulsed all over. Tim swallowed as much as he could, then released Brandon and placed a kiss on his thigh.

  “Good?”

  Brandon panted. He slung an arm over his eyes and nodded. “I think I died and went to heaven.”

  “Don’t die on me yet.” Tim lifted Brandon’s legs, spread them. He slipped lubed fingers in Brandon’s entrance, loosening up the passage. He’d already rolled on a condom when they’d first gotten into bed, so he was ready. More than ready. After withdrawing his fingers, he fed his cock into Brandon’s tight ass.

  Tim pushed in balls-deep, then pulled out almost to the tip. Again and again he repeated the moves, watching his lover’s face, his gaze locked with Brandon’s. He doubted he’d ever get tired of that face, those eyes. Those luscious, curved lips.

  He rode Brandon hard, fast, every squeeze of tight muscle sending electric jolts spiraling through him. This was what sex was supposed to be. This connection. If he could, he would have done this all night, but all too soon his body gave in to the insistent, impending orgasm, and with a shout, Tim filled the condom.

  Collapsing on Brandon, Tim let himself be held, their heavy breathing the only sound in the otherwise quiet house. No traffic sounds at all like his place in Los Angeles. Just him and Brandon breathing in unison.

  He opened his mouth, thinking now was the time to bring up a relationship. A real one to continue long after the end of their so-called no-strings-attached, weeklong affair. The idea had been crazy. How could he simply walk away from this?

  But the words froze in his throat. If Brandon told him to get lost, he’d have to leave now. He’d have to spend the remainder of his last night in Lincoln Hill alone in a hotel room. The idea of sleeping without Brandon’s arms around him was not appealing. In the morning he would talk to Brandon. That would be soon enough to change his life for better or worse.

  * * * *

  Morning and Wednesday came way too soon for Tim. The day he’d come to dread was here, and he had to return home. Whoever had been the first person to say time flew didn’t know the half of it.

  Brandon had once more gone to get chocolate croissants from the bakery down the street, and they were drinking their coffee and eating the yummy baked goods while waiting for it to be time for Brandon to take Tim back to the resort. A town car would collect him for the airport.

  His stomach had been twisted in knots since he’d risen. No, that wasn’t it. His whole body seemed twisted. His chest ached and his throat was raw and painful. Brandon had been pretty quiet, too.

  If he was going to do this, Tim knew now was the time. He didn’t have any more days, any more hours, even.

  He finished his croissant and got up from the dining room table to put his napkin in the trash under the sink. Then he turned and leaned against the counter, watching Brandon.

  “Hey,” he said after a moment. Brandon’s eyes had been downcast, his gaze on the table instead of Tim. That didn’t change when Tim spoke. “I was thinking.”

  “Yeah?”

  “What…what if we don’t stop? What if it doesn’t end?”

  Brandon did look up then, and when he looked at Tim his eyes were emotionless, unreadable. “What are you talking about?”

  He swallowed heavily. “I don’t want it to end, Brandon.”

  “What to end?”

  “Us.”

  “You’re going back today.”

  “I know. But I was thinking we could continue to see each other.”

  Brandon shook his head. “I don’t see how.”

  “You…you could come to Los Angeles. I could come here. We could talk on the phone, online.” It sounded kind of stupid even to him. Desperate, grasping. Was he really this much of a fool?

  “A long-distance relationship?”

  “Yeah.”

  Brandon stood and carried his own trash into the kitchen. “That’s not going to work for me, Tim. For you either.”

  “But—”

  “What would be the eventual outcome? Would we see each other every few weeks for years? What if one of us met someone we wanted to also date? Would it be an open kind of thing?”

  Tim shook his head to that immediately.

  “If not that, then what? One of us would have to move at some point if we really wanted it to work.” Brandon’s jaw tightened. “I don’t see you ever wanting to come back here.”

  “You could come to LA.” Even as Tim said it, he felt as if a dark cloud had passed over him. Brandon woul
d refuse.

  “No,” Brandon said, confirming his worst suspicions. “We live in different places, have different lives, Tim. I love my life.”

  And it was almost as though Brandon was trying to convince himself of that more than Tim. It sounded that way or maybe felt that way. It also felt as though, no matter what he tried to say to change Brandon’s mind, the man would just shoot him down.

  “It was you, Tim, who wanted just a no-strings-attached affair,” Brandon said. “You just wanted great sex and nothing more. That’s what we’ve had. But now it’s done.”

  That was the crux of it, Tim guessed. He had started to feel something for Brandon, but apparently Brandon felt nothing for him. His chest ached so hard he almost wondered if he were having a heart attack.

  He nodded. “All right. I guess maybe you’re right then.”

  Brandon put his coffee cup in the sink and turned his back to Tim. “Are you ready to go to the resort?”

  “Sure.”

  * * * *

  Brandon hoped he was doing the right thing. He had to be right. Telling Tim no, they couldn’t continue to see each other, had been smart. Long-distance relationships didn’t last. And Brandon wasn’t important enough for Tim to give up LA and move back to Lincoln Hill.

  So then why did it hurt so much to breathe knowing that Tim was about to get out of his car and out of his life forever? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was just a fantasy come to life for a week. He didn’t want to feel something for Tim Olfander now.

  He stopped his car at the end of the driveway leading up to the courtyard of the resort. Now that he was faced with Tim getting out and leaving for good, Brandon didn’t know what to say. He only knew that he felt like total shit. Yeah, so much for being able to just have a fun, casual affair.

  He forced away the lump in his throat. “So, um, I guess this is it.” Lord, he sounded like a callous idiot. What the fuck was wrong with him?

  But Tim nodded and reached for the handle of the passenger door. “Yeah, it is. Take care of yourself, Brandon.”

  “You, too.”

  Tim opened the door and got out.