The Crush Revisited

by Shawn Lane

  “Tim?”

  He leaned down to look in the window. “Yeah?”

  “It…it’s been fun.”

  Asshole. I’m an asshole.

  Tim gave him an odd smile. “Yeah. Fun. Goodbye, Brandon.”

  “Goodbye.”

  * * * *

  Tim still had a half hour or so before his flight to Los Angeles would begin boarding, so he’d been checking into his work e-mail from his smartphone. He hadn’t really been able to concentrate much on any of it, but he had seen an e-mail from one of the partners assigning him a major role on a new, important case. He’d be faced with a lot of work in the coming weeks and months.

  He couldn’t help thinking he should have pushed for a long-distance relationship a little harder with Brandon. He’d given in too soon. Sure, it was true, eventually one of them would have to move if they wanted anything real and permanent, but this could have been the start of something if Brandon hadn’t been so stubborn about it.

  Now he was left sitting in an airport wondering what might have been.

  Pathetic.

  His phone vibrated for an incoming call, and Micah’s picture popped up on the screen. He pressed Answer. “Hi.”

  “Hey you,” Micah said cheerfully. “You must be getting ready to leave there, right?”

  “Should be boarding soon.”

  “You sound tired. Or is it sad?”

  “Some of both, I think.”

  “Is it that guy?”

  “Brandon. Yes.” Tim looked at the other travelers nearby, but his gaze was unfocused. He closed his eyes. “I wanted…Well, it doesn’t matter what I wanted, I guess.”

  “What happened?” Micah asked.

  His phone chimed and vibrated, indicating he had a text message. He clicked over to the screen, saw it was from Brandon, and read it.

  All right, let’s do it.

  Tim’s heart thudded. “Micah, I have to go.”

  “You boarding?”

  “Yeah,” he lied. “See you soon. Bye.” He immediately called Brandon. He got up to pace the floor while he waited through what seemed like endless rings. “Come on. Pick up.”

  “Hello, Tim.” Brandon’s voice. Warm and rich. Had it really been so cold just an hour ago?

  “Hi. Do you mean what I think you mean?”

  A long pause. He would have thought he’d lost the connection, but he could hear Brandon breathe. His heart beat harder still.

  “Yeah. I think…I don’t know. It’s not going to be easy.”

  Tim nodded, though Brandon couldn’t see. “I know. But I want to try.”

  “Me, too. Call me when you get home. Okay?”

  “I will. Bye, Brandon.”

  “Bye.”

  And Tim could breathe again.

  Chapter 15

  Brandon checked his watch and then went through his notes for an upcoming resort event. He still had a few hours before Tim was supposed to arrive early that evening. This would be the first time since beginning their long-distance relationship that Tim would come back to Lincoln Hill. Brandon had been to LA twice.

  Originally, his last trip to LA was supposed to be Tim coming to see him, but Tim needed to stay close to home for some big lawsuit he was handling. Brandon hadn’t really minded…much.

  Still, he was looking forward to Tim coming to his house for two days. He’d arrive tonight, Friday, and not return until Sunday afternoon. Before Brandon went to pick up Tim at the airport, he would do some grocery shopping. He had a whole menu planned of grilled halibut, creamy parmesan risotto, sautéed mushrooms in wine, and green beans. He intended to pick out a nice bottle of wine, too.

  He would make everything perfect so he could keep Tim’s mind off his work. The two times he’d been in LA, Tim had seemed rather frazzled. He’d been very happy to see Brandon, but he’d spent much of their time sneaking peeks at e-mails, making phone calls, and even reading files after Brandon had gone to sleep. Or Tim thought Brandon had anyway.

  He’d just finished reading the last e-mail in his account and was preparing to leave his office for the day when his cell phone rang.

  Brandon smiled when he saw who it was. “Hi, Tim,” he said. “I’m just getting ready to leave the office. You must be about to head out to get to the airport. Be sure to leave early. LAX will be a bitch.”

  “Well, actually—”

  His stomach plummeted along with his mood. “Don’t tell me.”

  “Brandon, I’m sorry.”

  “You aren’t coming.” He knew he wasn’t keeping the deep disappointment he felt out of his voice. He didn’t really care either.

  “I want to.” Tim sighed. “We’ve just got all this discovery, and it’s really hitting us hard. I’ll never make the flight.”

  He closed his eyes. “I’ll come there.”

  “You-you will?”

  Again.

  “Yeah. I’ll see if I can get a flight. Might be late.”

  “That would be great. I’ll pay for it.”

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  “I know. It’s just, it’s my fault. I know I should be coming there.”

  “It’s all right. I’ll get the ticket. You’ll come here next weekend. Or the weekend after that.” Or that was what he wanted to believe. But deep down Brandon was getting the idea that this was going to be the way it was. Him always going to LA, where Tim’s busy law practice was. And eventually, Tim would expect Brandon to give up his life, his job…and move to LA.

  “Yes, exactly,” Tim said, sounding cheerful. “Thank you for this. I really want to see you. I miss you.”

  He swallowed heavily. “I miss you, too.”

  * * * *

  Brandon walked down the escalator out of the gate area, his gaze searching for Tim. Since it was only a weekend stay, he’d brought a small carry-on with him. He just hoped Tim would be there to get him. Last time when he’d had to come to LA instead of Tim coming to Lincoln Hill, Tim had sent a driver for him. He was going to be pissed if that was the case this time.

  He was already in a sour mood. It was ten minutes after nine, and he’d paid for a crummy sandwich on the plane. He hadn’t been able to get any earlier flights. It had also cost him far more than it should have for what amounted to an hour-long flight.

  Just as Brandon was starting to grow even more annoyed, Tim dashed inside through opening automatic doors. He rushed at Brandon and pulled him into a tight hug.

  “I’m so sorry. Traffic was shitty. I wanted to be standing here waiting.”

  He felt better instantly, his heart feeling lighter at seeing Tim. “At least you’re here now.”

  “I am.” Tim kissed him quickly. “Did you eat? Are you hungry?”

  “I had a sandwich on the plane. It wasn’t very satisfying though.”

  He followed Tim outside and they made their way through the crowds to the short-term parking.

  “Want to stop somewhere to grab some dinner?” Tim asked.

  Brandon shook his head. “Not really. I’m a little hungry, but honestly I’d just like to get to your place and spend some time with you.”

  “I love the sound of that.”

  It always felt good like this when they were first together. Both happy and eager to see each other. And the sex was great. Sometimes, Brandon thought, maybe. He could do this. It would work out. So what if he had to move here? He’d be with Tim.

  Tim lived in what was called the Wilshire District. His high-rise apartment was in a part of LA known for the sort of city and social life ambitious young professionals flocked to, and the pretentiousness of the area kind of made Brandon antsy.

  It was okay as far as city living was concerned. Only Brandon preferred the burbs.

  By the time they made it up to the fifteenth floor, where Tim’s apartment was, Brandon had to try not to show his queasiness. He didn’t like urban living. Could he really live like this?

  “You know, Tim. This apartment is great, but have you ever thought of getting a ho
use at some point?” Brandon asked as he set his bag down in the corner of Tim’s bedroom.

  “A house? Sure, maybe in a few years. Right now I like living here. If I wanted to, I could even walk to the firm.”

  “Do you ever?”

  Tim shook his head. “Well, no. I haven’t. But I could.”

  Brandon tried to force his lips to curve upward. He couldn’t manage it, so he turned away and pretended to be looking for something in his bag. When he straightened, Tim came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Brandon’s waist.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Tim said, nuzzling his neck.

  Brandon leaned back against him. “Me, too. It feels good to be here in your arms.”

  “I really am sorry about not coming to you. I know it’s not fair. I promise for sure I’ll come to Lincoln Hill next.”

  Brandon didn’t want him making any promises he couldn’t keep, so he turned in Tim’s arms to face him, and he kissed him before Tim could say anything else.

  “Brandon,” Tim said against his lips. “I want you.”

  “I want you, too.”

  Tim nipped his jaw. “I was going to fix you something to eat. Or call out for a pizza first.”

  “Later. Make love to me now.” Brandon stepped out of his arms, pulled off his T-shirt, and dropped it to the floor.

  “God, it seems like it’s been forever,” Tim whispered. He grabbed Brandon’s hand and drew him to the bed.

  He laughed. “It’s only been a week. Not even.”

  “Yes. Forever.”

  Brandon unzipped his jeans and then sat on the edge of the bed to remove them. He shucked his briefs while he was at it.

  Tim paused in removing his own clothes. “Hey, you know, I was thinking, tomorrow night. Do you want to have dinner with my friends Micah and Keith? They’d really like to meet you.”

  “Are you seriously bringing this up just about the time I am about to beg you to fuck me?”

  Tim’s pupils dilated. “You-you’re going to beg?”

  “Oh yeah.” Brandon scooted up the bed until he was just under the headboard. He grasped his hard cock, closing his fist around the tip and then slowly sliding it down the shaft. He kept his gaze on Tim’s face, completely aware Tim was captivated. “Mm. Want you.”

  “Fuck.” Tim removed the rest of his clothes and crawled on the bed toward Brandon. He smashed his lips into Brandon’s. “Damn, you’re hot.”

  “Yeah?” Brandon cupped Tim’s jaw and kissed him hard. “Prove it.”

  Tim laced his fingers through Brandon’s hair and gazed into his eyes. “You’re beautiful, you know?”

  He smiled. How many times had he dreamed of something like this when he was that kid with the crush? “That’s a good start. Bring me the lube.”

  He watched while Tim scrambled to the edge of the bed and reached into the nightstand. Tim returned with equal speed, holding the tube out.

  Brandon had decided to tease Tim just a bit. “You can watch, but no touching.”

  Tim frowned. “No touching you or no touching me?”

  “Hm. Actually no touching either of us. Hands at your side. Just watch.” He’d never really done this with anyone watching him, so he couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed, but hell, he’d committed now.

  After placing a pillow under his ass, Brandon spread his knees far apart. He kept his gaze on Tim, who watched him raptly. He squeezed some lube onto his fingers, then dipped them into his crease to find his hole.

  Brandon pushed a slicked finger inside, which earned him a moan from Tim. He fucked himself with his single digit for a few minutes, moving his other hand to his dick. He grabbed the base and slid his fist up the shaft.

  “Oh. My. God.” Tim moved his hand to rest on his upper thigh.

  “Hey, watch it,” Brandon warned. “No touching yourself.”

  “You’re evil.”

  He shrugged and added another finger inside his hole, pushing both in deep.

  “Brandon, please.” Tim moved closer, to within touching distance.

  “I thought I was the one who said I was going to beg.”

  Tim shook his head. “I’ll do it. Whatever it takes. Please. Now.”

  Brandon gave what he hoped was a seductive smile. “Should I add a third one?”

  “Only if it’s mine,” Tim said. He lay next to Brandon and covered his lips with his own. Brandon gave up his little tease and wrapped his arms around Tim’s neck, pulling Tim down on top of him.

  Brandon reached between them and jerked both their cocks until they were gasping and grinding against each other.

  “Fuck me, Tim.”

  Tim drew back enough to tear open a condom and roll it on his erection. Then he positioned himself between Brandon’s raised legs. He ran his hand along Brandon’s inner thigh, making him shiver. Making him want…need more.

  He opened his mouth to beg again when Tim rose above him and entered him, his long, thick cock pushing past the tight ring of muscle. Brandon nearly sighed with relief, but instead he lifted to meet Tim’s thrusts.

  It was rough and hard for a while, Tim pumping deeply and thoroughly. He’d be sore after, but he didn’t care. He wanted it. This. Loved feeling that he’d had Tim inside him each and every time it happened.

  Just when he thought he couldn’t take much more, Tim slowed down, becoming gentle and loving. Stealing kisses. Tim’s cock sliding across Brandon’s prostate, making him whimper.

  Brandon stroked himself, pulling hard on his shaft, feeling the build, the tightness in his balls. He was close to the edge.

  “Brandon,” Tim said almost reverently as his thrusts sped up once more, rough and hard. Tim came shouting Brandon’s name.

  And that was enough. Cum splattered his fingers, his stomach, and his chest.

  When their breathing had returned to normal and they’d disentangled their bodies, Brandon got up to wash a bit in the bathroom. As he was about to turn on the faucet, he heard Tim’s phone ring and Tim answer it. He went to the door and listened as Tim started talking about his law case again. Sighing, he turned away to wash.

  * * * *

  Tim dreaded the phone call he had to make to Brandon. He should be even now boarding a plane to Lincoln Hill. Instead, he was still in his office, about to read through legal briefs one of the paralegals had just dropped off.

  Brandon would be upset, and Tim so didn’t want to do this. Disappoint Brandon again. His stomach in knots, he hit the speed dial for Brandon’s cell phone.

  Three rings had him thinking he was going to get Brandon’s voice mail. But then on the fourth ring he answered.

  “Hi. I was just bringing in groceries. I’m making fish and risotto—”

  “Brandon,” he said softly.

  The silence was heavy.

  “Again?” Brandon’s voice was cool. No…cold.

  He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I really want to be there.”

  “Right.”

  “I do.” He swallowed painfully. “You could—”

  “No. I have to work tomorrow afternoon. Besides, I can’t keep going to LA every weekend. It’s costing me a fortune.”

  “I’d pay for it.”

  Brandon sighed. “I don’t want your money. The lawsuit again?”

  “Yeah. This case could really make a name for me here. Maybe even help make me a partner someday.”

  “Well, I guess that’s good for you. I’m glad.”

  “I don’t want it to interfere with us.”

  “Tim.”

  “Brandon, don’t—”

  “I can’t do this, Tim. This isn’t working. You say you don’t want this to interfere with us, but the truth is, it has. It is. You’ve got so much work you don’t have time for me. My boyfriend can’t even take a day or two to come up and see me for a weekend. Fuck, I can’t even really call you my boyfriend because we barely see each other enough for sex and it’s right back to being separated.”

  “I can try harder,”
he said desperately.

  “I think you’re a great guy, Tim. But I don’t think you’re the guy for me. I want somebody who considers me a priority. You can’t.”

  Tim felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t believe Brandon was breaking up with him. And over the phone. And who was to blame? Himself. He’d caused this.

  “I’m sorry. I really like you, Tim. But I can’t…I won’t keep going to LA. Not when I know the end result would be I’d have to move there and live in the city and always come second. That won’t work for me.”

  He knew he should say something. Come up with a reason Brandon should give him another chance. But he had nothing. His heart was breaking, and he had nothing to say. No fight left in him. Just too tired.

  “Okay.” He nodded. “I-I’m sorry. I really wanted this to work.”

  A long pause. “Me, too. Bye, Tim.”

  “Bye.”

  Chapter 16

  The legal brief he’d brought up from his e-mail blurred on the screen. Tim pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He’d given up reading his e-mails a while ago. He could not concentrate.

  After closing the document, he leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Tim was supposed to have dinner with Micah and Keith tonight, but he didn’t think he could stomach seeing the happy couple.

  Oh, he was thrilled for them. He’d long since gotten over any feelings he might have had for Keith. They seemed pretty silly now, in fact. Ridiculous in the face of his love for Brandon.

  And he had to admit that’s what it was. He was in love with Brandon. Before he’d gone to his reunion, he would have sworn on a stack of Bibles it was impossible for him to have such strong feelings. He knew better now.

  Not that it mattered. His heart was broken. Split in two the minute Brandon had said the dread words, “I can’t do this, Tim. This isn’t working.”

  He hadn’t seen Brandon in six weeks, but he’d thought of him every day and every night since Brandon had told Tim good-bye. It was like a haunting.

  Before, he had loved his life. Thought he could be happy living in LA forever, building an ambitious career until he made partner in the firm. What had he thought? That LA would cure his broken heart or something. But he wasn’t happy here, not any longer. All he saw was the smog and the traffic. At his office all he saw were the piles of lawsuits and endless work.