Behind the Stick

by K. Evan Coles

  “Yeah, I saw the tweets.” Kyle swallowed at the way Luka’s face fell.

  “Kyle, you shouldn’t look at those. That shit will just stress you out.”

  “Yeah, I get that.” Kyle barked out a tight laugh and wrapped his arms around himself. He gave Luka a sheepish grimace. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’m the one who screwed things up for you with your friends.” Luka shook off Kyle’s protest. He set his hands on Kyle’s shoulders and squeezed. “I know you were looking forward to hanging with them, so give me a half hour to get cleaned up and changed, and we can head back for last call.”

  Kyle shook his head. His frame of mind was all wrong for Under. Besides, Luka had already been on duty for over fifteen hours.

  “Forget it.” He smiled to soften his words. “I’m wiped and I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. If…if you want to be with me tonight, I’ll get us a Lyft back to my place. Or one for you if you’d rather go home and get some sleep. I totally get that, too.”

  “Going home to sleep sounds fantastic,” Luka said, “especially if you’re gonna be there. Luis said he’d run me home in his truck, so how about you come back to Sugar Hill with me?”

  “Sure.” Kyle blew out a long breath. His insides felt like a deflated balloon. “You want me to wait out here for you?”

  Luka frowned. “Absolutely not. Come on and I’ll introduce you to anyone you haven’t met already.”

  The next hour passed in a haze for Kyle. He met the other firefighters on duty, then sat with another cup of tea in the kitchen while Luka washed off the smoke and grime and changed into his civvies. Kyle dashed off a quick message to Jesse to let him know Luka was okay, but only after he and Luka had climbed into Luis’ Chevy Silverado did Kyle understand how much energy the evening had drained from him. Kyle hadn’t done a damned thing other than quietly lose his shit either—how Luka and Luis could function at all baffled him.

  Not that it mattered. Soon enough, he and Luka were climbing the stairs to Luka’s apartment. Luka dropped his bag on a bench and wrapped Kyle up in a tight hug as soon as the door closed behind them.

  Kyle buried his face in Luka’s neck and breathed in the scent of soap, skin, and the grooming cream Luka used on his hair. “What do you need?” Kyle asked him.

  “You. Sleep. A pizza twice the size of my head.” A chuckle rumbled through Luka’s chest.

  Kyle laughed softly. “In any particular order?”

  “Naw. You and sleep will do just fine for now.” Luka yawned, then pulled back enough to study Kyle’s face. His eyes were dull and rimmed in red. “We can order food if you’re hungry though. Are you okay?”

  “I’m good. Or… getting there,” he said after Luka frowned. “You sure your roommate won’t mind I’m here?”

  “Yep. This is my chance to show Matías you’re a real, live man and not a figment of my imagination.”

  “He thinks you made me up?”

  “He’s said as much.” Luka turned Kyle loose but kept an arm slung over his shoulders. “He’s just jealous ’cause I haven’t brought him by the speakeasy yet.”

  “That’s on you, darlin.’” Kyle tugged at Luka and got him moving. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

  Together, they ambled down the hall and past Matías’ closed door to the bathroom where they stripped down to their boxers. Kyle brushed his teeth with a toothbrush out of the box while Luka brought their things to his room and turned down the bed. He’d wrapped his hair in a cap and crawled onto the mattress by the time Kyle sat beside him. Luka’s eyes were sleepy, and his lips curved in a lazy smile when he spied a small brown glass bottle in Kyle’s hand. He rubbed a palm over Kyle’s thigh.

  “What’s that?”

  Kyle laid a hand on Luka’s belly. “It’s oil. Roll over onto your stomach for me.”

  Luka’s eyes opened a little wider. “O-o-kay? Is this where your secret kinky side comes out at last?” His brow furrowed in a way that tugged at Kyle’s heart.

  “Kinkier than a foursome? Not tonight. I want you wide awake for that.” He chuckled at the gleam in Luka’s gaze. “I thought I’d rub your back and legs and help you get to sleep.”

  “Mmm, I won’t need any help sleeping tonight.” Luka laughed. “No way in hell I’m turning down a back rub though.”

  He rolled onto his stomach and pillowed his forehead on his hands while Kyle slicked his palms with oil. Kyle set the bottle on the nightstand and rose up on to his knees.

  “Where’d you find massage oil?” The tail end of Luka’s question dissolved into a low groan as Kyle grasped his trapezius and kneaded the tight muscles that connected Luka’s shoulders to his neck. “Uhh, my God.”

  “I found it in the bathroom.” Kyle replied. “I don’t think it’s massage oil. But the label says it’s good for skin and it smells nice, like almonds and citrus.”

  “Damn. That’s Matías’. Dunno what it’s for…probably cost me an assload of money to replace it.”

  Kyle snickered. “You want me to stop?”

  “Fuck, no. I’ll love you forever if you keep going.”

  Luka’s joking words—and Kyle had no doubt that was what they were—stripped Kyle bare and filled him up, all at the same time. He leaned over and dropped a kiss on Luka’s shoulder, working the muscles in his upper back the whole time.

  “Feel okay?” he asked.

  “Very okay,” Luka replied, his words slurred and sleepy.

  “Good.”

  Kyle shifted backward and moved his hands along Luka’s spine. He rubbed slow circles into the skin, soothing knots of tension, the motions turning Luka into a languid heap. Luka uttered a soft moan when Kyle dug in to the muscles at the base of his spine. Kyle increased the pressure, pushing slow, deep strokes from Luka’s glutes up and over the small of his back while Luka hissed and swore.

  “All right, Luka?”

  “Yeah. Aches like a bitch. Feels good, too.”

  “Okay.” Kyle shifted again so he could turn his attention to Luka’s sore leg. “You tell me if I hurt you,” he said, his voice low.

  Luka turned his cheek to lie on the pillow and tucked his hands under it, too. “You won’t,” he murmured, so quietly Kyle nearly missed it.

  Kyle massaged the hamstring with gentle motions, taking his time before he moved on to Luka’s long calf muscle. Luka didn’t make another peep, not even when Kyle switched to the other leg. His breaths were slow and even by the time Kyle stopped and sat back on his heels.

  The last traces of Kyle’s worry drained away as he watched Luka slumber, replaced by a deep warmth that worked its way around Kyle’s heart and into his bones. Kyle blew out a long breath. He felt this way around Luka all the time now, both grounded and turned inside out in the very best way.

  Kyle had tried minimizing his feelings and even ignoring them, but it was no use. They were…consuming. They smoothed over his rough edges and lifted him high and they buoyed him whenever he felt down. Kyle had experienced similar kinds of emotions in the past with Carter and Jesse, but they had been whispers compared to the storm inside him now.

  Compared to the way he loved Luka.

  Kyle loved Luka with an intensity that humbled and frightened him. Nothing about his feelings could be controlled or even managed, and he had no idea what to do except hang on for dear life. Kyle was done trying to deny the words, too, though he didn’t dare say them out loud, even to himself. Not yet.

  * * * *

  Sunlight brightened the shades on Luka’s windows when Kyle woke later that morning. Luka was still out, lying on his side and facing Kyle, his features relaxed and one heavy, muscled arm slung over Kyle’s waist. Kyle drifted for a while, too comfortable to remove himself from the snug warmth of Luka’s bed, until the pressure in his bladder won out.

  Kyle rose, moving carefully to avoid waking Luka, and picked his clothes up from the chair where Luka had laid them. He made his way to the bathroom where he relieved himself and did a quick job
of dressing and cleaning up, then went in search of the kitchen, taking in his surroundings for the first time.

  The apartment was neat and serviceable, with white walls and trim. It had a comfortable bachelor-domain kind of vibe, with low-key stylish IKEA furniture and lots of neutral grays and blues. A few framed movie posters hung on the walls, along with candid photographs of Luka’s family and other faces Kyle didn’t recognize. They gave the place a welcoming feel, though the squat wire cage against one wall seemed somewhat out of place. And was that a teeny hammock hanging from the top most bars?

  A sudden motion close to the floor caught Kyle’s attention. He wheeled around, his eyes going wide as a furry little something scurried across the floor in his direction. It looked like a tube with a head and feet, for crying out loud.

  “Ay no, bicho,” a low voice said, and just as suddenly, a man stood in front of Kyle, dressed in a plain white T-shirt and black joggers. He bent and scooped up what Kyle now recognized as a ferret with a glossy dark brown coat and white markings on its face. The man held the animal close to his chest.

  This must be the roommate, Kyle thought. Or roommates, to be more accurate.

  “We’ve talked about this,” the man said in a gently scolding tone. “No scaring overnight guests until I’ve had a chance to scare them myself.” The ferret made a chirping sound.

  “Matías, right?” Kyle asked.

  “That’s right,” Matías replied with a smile. He stood a bit shorter than Kyle, his skin at least as fair and his hair almost as dark. His sweetly handsome face was bare of makeup, but the mischief in his hazel-green eyes made Kyle chuckle. “You must be the bartender. You’re just as yummy as Luka described.”

  “I’m Kyle, yes. And this is Robbie?” He nodded at the ferret and it chirped again.

  “The one and only.”

  “Okay to pet?”

  “Hell, yes—he’s a total whore.”

  Kyle rubbed Robbie’s head and was rewarded with a satisfied cluck.

  Matías tilted his head in the direction of the kitchen. “Want some coffee?”

  “I’d love it.”

  Matías turned around and Kyle fell into step beside him. “Luka’s still sleeping?” he asked. “That’s weird. It’s past nine and he doesn’t usually crash this late.”

  “They got a call around seven-thirty last night and it went later than expected. The truck didn’t make it back to the station until after midnight.”

  “Ugh, that boy. I told him he needs to stop covering for everyone in the house, but he never listens to me.” Matías made a tsking sound that Robbie almost echoed. “There’re mugs over the sink and K-cups under the brewer if you don’t mind helping yourself. I was about to feed this beast when he heard you moving around and went to investigate.”

  “Sure. You want a cup, too?”

  “Yes, please.” Matías went to the counter where a carton of eggs sat beside a small ceramic bowl. The ferret’s chirps increased. “I put dry pellets in Robbie’s cage, but I feed him raw several times a week, too. What brings you to this neck of the woods?”

  “Luka was supposed to meet me at the bar.” Kyle set a mug under the coffeemaker’s spout and programmed it to brew. “By the time he and his squad were done, it was too late to head back downtown, so we just came here.”

  Matías broke an egg one-handed into the bowl and set the shell in it, too. He aimed a look at Kyle. “You freaked, huh?” His tone was all statement—he’d guessed at Kyle’s unspoken words.

  “A little.” Kyle fixed his stare on the coffeemaker, then grunted. “Okay, a lot.”

  “I get it.”

  Matías’ knowing tone caught Kyle’s attention. “I wait up when Luka’s late getting back from a shift,” he said. He set the bowl and Robbie down on the floor, and they watched the ferret go to town on his breakfast. “When I’m here anyway, and he hasn’t told me he’s got plans to go downtown for a booty call.”

  Kyle snorted with laughter. “Got it.” The more he considered Matías’ words, the less he wanted to laugh though. Matías and Luka had been roommates for a while now, and if Matías still worried about Luka’s wellbeing…well. The coffeemaker sputtered. “It doesn’t get any easier?”

  “Nope. It gets…not easier, but more like a new kind of normal, I guess.” Matías went to the refrigerator for creamer. “I stopped checking social media sites because that just made it worse.”

  Kyle set the cup of coffee on the counter. “I looked around Twitter last night. Luka says I’ll just drive myself up a wall doing that.”

  “He’s not wrong. Twitter is both the best and worst thing. You get info fast but it’s super raw and there’s no context. My advice—if you want it—is not to look beyond the stuff the FDNY puts out,” Matías said. He doctored his coffee with the creamer and sugar from a small canister while Kyle set up another mug. “They’ll give you enough info to know what’s going on and it’s always rational.”

  Kyle wrinkled his nose. “I don’t know about rational. FDNY alert tweets go out in all caps. It’s like reading someone shouting at the top of their lungs.”

  Matías snickered and lifted his mug. “Okay, I’ll give you that. I guess it’s a lot more intense, you being his boyfriend and not just a roommate.”

  “Probably.” Kyle leaned a hip against the counter. “Maybe I could talk to Ruby.”

  “She’ll give you shit for debauching her baby brother first.” Matías laughed at the way Kyle covered his face with one hand. “You know she’s all play though. And for what it’s worth, that’s a solid idea. Ask Ruby about coping mechanisms because I’m guessing she developed a lot of them.”

  Kyle nodded and turned his attention on his coffee. He needed to talk about this with someone who understood how he was feeling—he knew that now. Simply admitting he’d been stressed to Matías felt good. Kyle would find a way to pull Ruby aside the next time he and Luka met up with her and see what she had to add. Maybe she wouldn’t think Kyle a neurotic mess for asking.

  “Do you ever put any gloss on those lips of yours or are you too butch for that?”

  Kyle blinked. It took a second to shift gears and consider Matías’ question. “I’m more of a Chapstick kind of guy,” he said.

  Matías grunted. “Oh, God. You buy everything over the counter, don’t you?”

  “Mostly.” Kyle smiled. “Has nothing to do with being butch or femme though. I’m kind of picky when it comes to spending money on non-essentials.”

  “Honey, good skincare is totally essential,” Matías said. He set his mug down and stepped closer. Taking hold of Kyle’s chin with one hand, Matías tilted Kyle’s face back and forth, the movements gentle despite his frown. “For someone like you especially, what with all of this whiteness happening. Please tell me you use moisturizer and sunscreen at least?”

  “I use a two-in-one kind of thing,” Kyle replied.

  “Did you buy it in a drugstore?”

  “Well, yes—”

  Matías made a raucous noise like a game buzzer. “Not good enough, Kyle!” He sniffed, his disgust plain, and dropped his hand from Kyle’s chin. “You need to keep the sun and smog off your face, even if you’re not the makeup type.”

  “I like some eyeliner occasionally,” Kyle said. He swallowed down a laugh at the spark in Matías’ eyes. “But that’s it. I work with my hands all night, man. I can’t be worried about whether or not my face is still matte or dewy or whatever the fuck.”

  Matías laughed and the merry sound made Kyle join right in.

  “You’re cute,” Matías said. “And I’ll change your mind about skin care by the time you leave this apartment. Mark my words.” He hazarded a glance at Robbie, who’d finished a good portion of the egg and had turned his attention on the eggshell. “Luka says you know your way around a kitchen, so how about you help me throw some breakfast together while the beast is still distracted?”

  In short order, Kyle and Matías put together a big spread of pancakes and a toma
to-egg scramble, and they were nearly finished when Luka walked in wearing a faded T-shirt with his boxers. He was still limping but appeared much better rested and bright-eyed. He took in Kyle and Matías working together with a big grin, and just looking at him made Kyle’s heart jump around.

  Luka inhaled deeply. “Smells fantastic in here.”

  “Figures you’d show up just when all the hard work is done.” Matías aimed a glare at him. “Glad you took a second to style your hair at least. Are you okay? Kyle said you hurt yourself being a big he-man last night.”

  “I told him you pulled a muscle,” Kyle said, his tone as mild as he could manage. He turned back to the griddle he’d been working with and used the spatula to move pancakes onto a serving dish.

  “I’m fine, as you can see.” Luka stepped up to the stove and slipped an arm around Kyle. “My leg’s sore but it’s nothing ibuprofen and a couple of days off won’t fix. Need any help?” he asked.

  “Nope. The cooking is finished.” Kyle turned the burner off. He glanced up at Luka and frowned at the concern in his expression. “What?”

  “Things got kind of heavy last night. Then I fell asleep on you, and when I woke up you weren’t there. I thought at first maybe you’d left.” Luka licked his lips. “I saw your phone on the dresser and your shoes and figured you’d just wandered off.”

  Kyle swallowed over the ache in his throat. “Sorry. I woke up and heeded the call of coffee. I’m still getting okay with last night,” he said more softly. “I talked with Matías. I might talk to Ruby, too.”

  “Okay.” Luka rubbed Kyle’s shoulder. “You can talk to me if you want, you know.”

  “I’m not sure I should,” Kyle murmured. “But thank you for saying that.”

  Luka sighed, but his smile made the corners of his eyes crinkle. He kissed Kyle, sweet and chaste, and Kyle’s knees went all mushy.

  “Dudes, stop slobbering over each other and get your asses over here.” Matías carried the platter of eggs and sausage links to the table. “I’m about to starve to death and I don’t want Robbie eating my corpse face.”