Accidental Thief: A LitRPG Accidental Traveler Adventure

by Jamie Davis

  "We're going to be staying in a brothel?" Hal said. His palms started to sweat, and his face felt hot. He knew he was blushing and was glad for the cover of darkness to hide it.

  "That's why I cautioned you about the cost of additional services. The ladies here are experts at separating men from their money so don't do so much as kiss one of them unless you are willing to pay the prices they charge."

  "I'm not kissing anyone. I'm trying to get away from here and back to my wife."

  "You keep mentioning your wife, Hal. She must keep you on a short leash," Kay said, laughing.

  "I said it because people don't sleep around on their spouses where I come from, at least not people like me."

  "No one's asking you to. Just keep it in your pants, and you'll be fine," Kay said.

  Hal nodded, wondering how the kid could be so nonchalant about being here. He guessed if you grew up a slave, like Kay did, a brothel might seem like a palace.

  They turned the corner of the alley to the rear of the buildings and saw Burt standing in the alley by a gate. He was holding up a lantern.

  "See, I told you he'd be here waiting for us," Kay said.

  "Be nice," Hal hissed as they approached the big guard.

  "Thank you, Burt," Kay said with an exaggerated bow.

  "Think nothing of it," Burt grumbled. He waited until Hal and Kay passed through the gate and then pulled it shut behind them, sliding the wooden bar back into place to secure it.

  Inside the gate, Hal saw an open courtyard. There was a carriage house and stable along the fence next to the alley and gate. Opposite the gate sat the main house. Kay led Hal over towards the stable and carriage house where a trough sat in front of the stable. There was a lever operated pump standing about four feet tall next to the trough.

  "You can clean up here. I'll be right back."

  Hal didn't have to be told twice. He couldn't wait to get the filth of the sewers off of him. He had to pump the handle up and down several times to bring the water up from the well, but it started flowing into the trough soon enough.

  He filled the trough about half full and stripped down, dropping his soiled clothes on the ground. Hal sat down in the trough and stuck his head under the pump's spout as he worked the handle again. The water was freezing cold, but he didn't care. His only thought was to be clean again.

  Kay returned with a bucket and Hal moved to one side of the long trough.

  "Climb in. There's plenty of room for both of us. I feel better already," Hal said.

  "Uh, no, thank you," Kay said without looking in Hal's direction. He pumped up enough water to fill the bucket he carried and headed back to the stable.

  "I'll make due in here," Kay said, hefting the bucket. "You enjoy your bath. I'll be right back."

  "Suit yourself," Hal shrugged. "Don't mind me if I soak here in some relatively clean water for a while."

  Hal leaned his head back, resting it on the side of the wooden trough as he stared upward at the stars. The sky above seemed unfamiliar. Hal didn't consider himself an expert by any means, but he’d always been able to pick out a few of the more prominent constellations. He saw nothing recognizable among the stars in view.

  Of course, it's just a random computer generated skybox or a figment of my unconscious imagination, Hal thought.

  "It depends on whether I'm stuck in the game or having a stroke."

  "What a curious thing to say," a woman's voice said from behind him.

  Sitting up quickly and dropping his hands to his crotch to try and cover up, Hal turned to see who it was.

  A pretty brunette woman in a short satin robe stood a few feet away with a bundle of clothing.

  "Don't be shy," she said with a snort of laughter. "It's not like it's nothing I've ever seen before."

  "I'm sorry, who are you?"

  "I'm Marta. Selena told me to find some men's clothes for you and Kay. Where's Kay anyway?"

  "He's in the stable," Hal said. He started to point but quickly remembered his nakedness and returned his hand to his lap.

  "You're funny,” Marta giggled. “And cute, too. What's your name?"

  "I'm Hal, Hal Dix."

  "Well, Hal Dix," Marta said setting some of the clothes and a towel down on the ground. "We should take some time to get to know each other sometime."

  Hal felt the blood rising in his face, among other things.

  "Uh, thanks but I'm a happily married man, Marta."

  Marta laughed again.

  "Oh, sweetie, most of the men I see are."

  Hal was left to sort that statement out as Marta took the rest of the clothes into the stable. He remembered too late to call out and warn Kay Marta was coming. He decided not to try. Let Kay be caught naked by the woman, too. It was only fair.

  Deciding he'd soaked enough, Hal reached out and pulled the towel closer as he stood up. Quickly wiping most of the water from himself, he checked the wound in his leg. It wasn't bleeding anymore, which was good. He pulled on the linen undershorts in the bundle and retrieved some more of the makeshift bandages from his backpack. Hal wrapped his injured leg then got dressed.

  He could tell the quality of the clothes were much better. These pants and shirt didn't itch at all. Hal pulled on his new leather boots and slid the dagger down into the boot top to hide it from view.

  Hal wished he had a mirror to see what he looked like. This new outfit of tight fitting black trousers, white cotton shirt, a leather vest and the boots he'd gotten off the body in the sewer must have made him look like a proper rogue. There was an extra pair of trousers in the pile, which Hal stuffed into his backpack in case he needed them later on.

  He spent a few minutes wondering what was taking Kay so long in the stable. Maybe Kay was involved in a little encounter with Marta. Hal decided to let the kid have some fun if that was what was happening. He could wait. Kay couldn't be more than sixteen. Hal remembered how fast things went when he was that age. It wouldn't be long.

  Sure enough, less than five minutes later, Kay and Marta came out of the stable together, chatting and laughing together. Hal couldn't resist a little quip at the pair.

  "I hope you two enjoyed your time together."

  "Don't worry, Hal," Marta said. "Kay's not my type. You are much more to my liking."

  Kay and Marta both broke into peals of laughter at that statement, especially when they saw the look on Hal’s face. Hal waited until the two of them stopped. He very much felt like he was the butt of some inside joke between his companion and Marta.

  "Come along, you two," Marta said, wiping tears from her eyes and still smiling broadly. "Cookie has a small table set up for you both in the kitchen with some of the left-over roast from tonight's dinner. Hurry, she doesn't like to be kept waiting."

  "Thanks, Marta," Hal said. "It's nice of you to take us in."

  "Nonsense. You're a friend of Kay's, and that makes you alright in our book here at the Gilded Cage. I'll check in on you later on. I have a regular caller waiting on me right now."

  Marta left them standing in the courtyard. Hal waited until she'd left to say anything to Kay.

  "I guess we'll get something to eat and then come out here and sleep in the stable?"

  "You can sleep in a stable if you want. I'm sleeping in a bed."

  "I just assumed all the beds would be occupied, or something," Hal said feeling a bit uncomfortable.

  "There are regular rooms here for the servants and such," Kay said. "Not everyone in the house is having sex all the time. Even an experienced courtesan needs a break now and then, Hal."

  Hal sensed a note of disapproval in Kay's tone and he spluttered an answer to try and recover.

  "I didn't think that, Kay. I only thought that Selena was doing a great deal to help us. I didn't think she'd give us a room, too."

  "Don't worry about that, Hal. You're with me. Selena is an old friend of my family. She owes my father an old debt, and she'll be happy to take us in until we can get on our feet again. Now come on. I'm
so hungry I could eat a whole hog. Cookie's roast is usually delicious, so we shouldn't keep the food waiting."

  Hal nodded. His own stomach grumbled at the idea of food. He didn't know how the game's mechanics worked, but in some games, food partially healed wounds, if it was of high enough quality. Kay seemed to think Cookie's food was pretty good so it was worth a try.

  When the pair reached the Gilded Cage’s kitchens, they met Cookie. She was a red-faced, rotund woman in a brown dress covered by a broad white apron. She was in the process of yelling at a pair of younger women in similar outfits when Hal and Kay entered the kitchen. Distracted by the new arrivals, the head cook at the Gilded Cage sent her charges off to their duties with a flick of her wrist and turned to Hal and Kay.

  "Kay, honey. I was so worried about you," she said, rushing forward and wrapping Hal's companion in a tight embrace. "When I heard the guardsmen had snapped you up in a sweep, I feared the worst."

  "I was headed for the block until my friend here helped me escape," Kay said gesturing to Hal.

  "Well, I thank you for helping Kay get away, Mr. uh..."

  "Please call me Hal, it's Hal Dix," he said, nodding his head in a brief bow.

  "Hal, it is," Cookie said. "Come sit down. I'm sure you're both starving. I cooked roast venison tonight, and there's a whole haunch left for you both to carve on. I have to get back to work, or those two girls will screw something else up. Sit here and enjoy. Once you've had your fill, you'll find Kay's usual room upstairs. Selena arranged for you to have the one next to it, Hal."

  "You said the two magic words, Cookie, food and sleep," Kay said. He sat down at a small table with two chairs in the corner and Hal joined him.

  "Yes," Hal said. "Thank you very much. I’m sure it will all be wonderful."

  "Just out of curiosity, Cookie, what's up with your assistants?" Kay asked. "You don't usually have problems with them."

  "Ilsa is upset about having her dowry taken by some slimy merchant who works with one of the wardens. He said her father owed him money and she was responsible for his debt. She's distracted and making all sorts of mistakes tonight because of it."

  "Is there anything Selena can do to help out?" Kay asked.

  "Selena is going to try, but I don't hold out much hope," Cookie said. "He's pretty connected to some of the Emperor's factors in town, and that means the Duke doesn't have many options to use against him. It'll be his word against hers."

  "That's not fair," Hal said. "Someone should do something."

  "Why, are you offering to go and get her money back?" Cookie asked.

  QUEST OFFERED - Get Ilsa's dowry back.

  HAL SAW the glowing words fade away and before he thought much about it, he heard himself saying, "Sure, we'll get her money back."

  QUEST ACCEPTED - Get Ilsa's dowry back.

  "OH, that's wonderful, Hal. Ilsa will be so grateful. I'm sure she'll want to thank you personally if you manage to do it." Cookie said with a wink.

  "A nice verbal thank you will be enough," Hal said. "I'm a married man."

  "Ooo, you're one of the good ones, Hal Dix," Cookie said. "Kay, what was a guy like this doing in the prison with you?"

  "Hal killed the Harbor Warden," Kay said, as if pinning a murder on Hal had no meaning at all.

  Hal tried to say something about his being framed for the murder, but the big woman drowned him out with her response.

  "In that case, I'll get you both some pie, too," Cookie said, a broad smile of admiration on her face. "You've done the city a service, Hal. That man was a beast."

  Cookie left, presumably to fetch their pie. Hal leaned forward so he could whisper to Kay.

  "Why would you say that? I was framed for that murder."

  "You don't have to pretend here, Hal. These people will be grateful for what you did. Just about everyone will be. Cookie was right. He was a horrible man."

  "Just because he was a horrible man doesn't mean he deserved to be knifed in the street like that," Hal said.

  "I suppose you could have done it in a less public way, but I won't question you on that," Kay said. "The way he died screaming in the street was a form of justice for all he's done to the people in his district. Cookie's brother used to work on the docks. Some of the warden's toughs didn't like it when he stood up for the children being pressed into dangerous work alongside him. They strung him up by his neck and left his body hanging by the docks for a week as an example."

  "So, I guess he had it coming. But Kay, it wasn't me. I swear," Hal protested.

  "Well, don't tell Cookie that. My father always said 'people need something bigger to believe in. If they think you are larger than life, let them.' In this case, if it were me, I'd ride the wave of popularity that will spring from this."

  "Won't it just get me arrested again?"

  "No one around here is going to turn you in. They'll hide you any way they can. The people of the city don't like the Emperor's wardens. Anyone who stands up to them is a hero to most the people in Tandon."

  Hal shook his head. It was all so much to take in. He decided to turn his attention to the roast on the table. There was a kitchen knife stuck in it and biscuits nearby in a basket. Hal carved off a slab of the juicy medium rare meat and used one of the biscuits to make a sandwich. He slapped some coarse mustard on the meat before he put the top half of the biscuit on and took a bite.

  As soon as he swallowed, a menu item popped up into his vision.

  PARTIAL HEALING - ROAST VENISON: Health +2

  HAL SMILED and enjoyed the delicious sandwich while he thought about his apparent notoriety for a crime he didn't commit and his impulsive decision to rob a merchant for a serving girl's stolen dowry. He supposed he had to follow through now that he'd agreed.

  Kay seemed no problem with it at all. The boy dug into a biscuit and venison sandwich of his own, too. The two of them ate in silence, a testament to how hungry they were. The blueberry pie Cookie brought was of good quality, too and Hal noted two more health points added to his stats because of it.

  His stomach full and feeling the weight of his fatigue suddenly dragging on him, Hal followed Kay up a back set of stairs to the third floor where a pair of rooms had been prepared for them.

  "Thanks again for vouching for me and getting us a place to stay, Kay."

  "No problem, Hal. Like I said, you will be a bit of a celebrity for what you did. Selena will thank us in the end. You'll see."

  "I hope you're right, Kay."

  "I am. Now get some sleep," Kay said. "We're going to need to be rested if we plan to help get Ilsa’s dowry back tomorrow."

  Kay shut his door, leaving Hal standing in the hallway of the brothel all alone wondering if he'd ever find a way out of this game.

  11

  ONCE HE MANAGED to get into his bed, Hal fell asleep immediately. The next thing he knew; daylight was streaming in past the slats of the shuttered window.

  FULL NIGHT'S REST: Health +2

  HAL PULLED up his stats and saw he was fully healed from the wounds inflicted by the spider.

  NAME: Hal Dix

  Class: Rogue

  Level: 3

  ATTRIBUTES:

  Brawn: 8

  Wisdom: 8

  Luck: 18 -- +5

  Speed: 10 -- +1

  Looks: 8

  Health: 24/24

  SKILLS: Taunt, Dark vision, Acrobatic dodge-2

  Experience: 600/1,200

  HE ROLLED over when there was a tap at the door.

  "Yes, who is it."

  "It's me, Kay. I'm heading down to the kitchen for some breakfast. You coming?"

  "I'll meet you down there. I won't be long," Hal said. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his eyes. Unwrapping the bandage on his thigh, he saw a puckered scar covered with a rough scab. It was a little sore but wouldn't keep him from doing anything he wanted to do.

  Getting up, he splashed some water on his face from the pitcher and basin on a stand in the corner and got dresse
d. Running his hands through his hair and wishing again for a mirror, Hal left to head downstairs for breakfast.

  Cookie was bustling around the kitchen when he stepped off the stairs at the bottom. She smiled at Hal when she saw him.

  "I hope eggs and ham are suitable, young man."

  "That sounds great," Hal replied.

  "Kay's in the dining room chatting with Selena. They're waiting for you." Cookie pointed towards a door on the far side of the kitchen.

  Hal went over and pushed the door open to see Selena and Kay seated in an opulent dining room. The walls were covered in what looked like a velvet fabric of bright red interspersed with some sort of gold patterned paper. The table had three gold candelabras arranged along its twelve-foot length, and a buffet on the far wall had serving dishes arranged with fresh rolls and pastries.

  "So, the celebrity is awake," Selena said when she spotted him in the doorway. "I had no idea you were the one who killed the Harbor Warden."

  Hal started to protest but stopped himself. It was no use arguing with them. He might as well go along with it all and try to make something positive out of it.

  "I'm afraid it's not the sort of thing I want to brag about," Hal said.

  "I also understand you are going to take up Ilsa's cause," Selena continued. "I can't begin to tell you how much all of us here at the Gilded Cage appreciate that. Do you know when you'll be going after her dowry?"

  "I think Kay and I discussed planning to do it soon, maybe tonight. A lot depends on what we can find out about this merchant who took the money."

  "I can tell you anything you'd like," Selena said. "He's a regular customer here."

  "Why would you let someone like that into your establishment?" Hal asked.

  "I have to be open to all clientele with the wherewithal to pay the price. If I turned away the Emperor's lackeys, they'd just shut me down and look elsewhere for their entertainments."

  Hal nodded. It made sense. It was the classic protection game that powerful people used against small businesses all over his own world.