Sway

by Alana Albertson

  But now, everything was so confusing. He was my boss. Not that he took advantage of me, hell no. I wanted that kiss probably more than he had. But even so, it was wrong. It was distracting. I had to stop this now. Before it got out of hand.

  It was only nine o’clock, and I didn’t expect him home for a few hours. He was probably dancing the night away with beautiful Laurel. Maybe he was kissing her? He probably only kissed me because he was horny and thought I was easy. From all the men I had seen around my mother, I realized that men didn’t have many standards. They were happy with any warm body. Or even a cold one for that matter.

  To distract myself, I decided to make some flan. It was so easy to cook, and the girls loved it. It was also soft enough that Sky could try it. I started adding sugar and a tablespoon of water to a pan and placing it on the stove until it reached the desired dark color. Once it had, I removed the pan from the heat and scooped the hardened sugar into a pie pan. Then, I mixed eggs, La Lechera Condensed Milk, Media Crema, a can of evaporated milk, and some vanilla. Once blended, I poured this mixture into the mold, filled a baking pan with water, and baked it at three hundred fifty degrees for an hour.

  But Beck still wasn’t home yet.

  I was about to scour the kitchen counters as a way to deal with my anxiety. But the door opened, and Beck stood there with a sheepish grin.

  I opened my mouth to tell him all the ways that these kisses were wrong. To tell him all the reasons why this could never work. All the reasons why no matter how much I wanted him, nothing would come from these kisses but heartbreak. Especially mine.

  But no words came out of my mouth. Instead, my weak heart ran to him like a scene from a movie, and before I could come to my senses, his lips covered mine.

  But this time, we didn’t stop at a kiss. A hunger that I didn’t know existed in me exploded. Beck scooped me up into his arms and carried me to his bedroom, a room I had only briefly been in, as I had tried desperately to respect his privacy.

  He gently laid me down on his big king size bed. I was drunk on his scent.

  “Wait, Beck. Is the event over?”

  “No,” he said in between kisses. “I just couldn’t wait to be with you any longer. I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  I wanted to get lost in the moment, lost in him, and turn off my brain.

  But I had never been one to give in to temptation. I prided myself on being the sensible one, the responsible one.

  “But, we should stop. I’m your nanny.”

  He laughed. “No, you’re Sky’s nanny. You’re my woman.”

  Ay! Could this man be any more perfect? His words filled me with delight. I kissed him back and allowed myself to be present. I savored the taste of his mouth, the scent of his cologne, the strength of his touch. My hand glided down his body, and I rubbed over his length. It simultaneously excited me and petrified me. The last time I had seen a naked man was when one of my mother’s johns walked out of our one bathroom in the middle of the night. He stood there buck naked, and when his eyes met mine, I swore he was going to rape me.

  But for once my mom had saved me. She had lured him back to her room. The one thing I’d say for her is that she never allowed us to get abused.

  My hand reached for the shiny gold buckle on his belt. As I tried to undo it, he stopped me.

  “No, tonight is all about you. Let me worship you,” he said as he continued to kiss me.

  Worship me? I tensed up. The thought of having pleasurable sex was foreign to me. I’d had sex before, but honestly, I had never really enjoyed it. And I had never been in any sort of relationship with my partner.

  He finally pulled away from my lips. “Are you okay? Look, if you want me to stop, say the word, and I will never touch you again. But don’t back out because you’re scared. I give you my word that I won’t hurt you.”

  I wanted to believe every word he said. But how could what he just said be true? Of course, he would hurt me. He was leaving next month to go to Pensacola and fly around the country, and I would move to San Diego. His wife died just last year. Was I the first woman he had kissed since she passed? For some reason, I thought I was. I was clearly a rebound. An amazing man like him would never get serious with the nanny. This was a fairy tale. And no matter how much I had prayed that they were when I was Ana María’s age, I knew fairy tales weren’t real.

  But I didn’t want my dream to die. I wanted to drown in his kisses, live in his world, and believe for once in my own happy ending.

  “I’ve never been better. And no, I don’t want you to stop. I want to kiss you forever.”

  Joy flooded my body. I wanted him. I needed him.

  But any delusion I had that I was in control quickly vanished when he scooped me up and threw me down on the bed. He ripped off his shirt, and I gasped—mesmerized by his body. His shoulders were broad and perfectly sculpted. The scruff of his beard prickled my skin as he savagely kissed me, pressing his incredible body into mine. I could feel him press against my thighs. I was desperate to feel him inside of me.

  “You are so beautiful, Lo,” he said between kisses. His mouth made its way down to my neck, and I arched my back. He pulled the strap of my tank top down and blew kisses on my chest. His tongue darted over my nipples, and I moaned. I was already so turned on and we weren’t even naked yet.

  For a second, I thought he was going to take it slow, but my sweet, patient man had vanished. He was replaced by an animal. A man that I never even imagined in my deepest fantasies. He removed my top, and his lips made a tight seal around my nipple, and his tongue flicked it. I never knew I could feel so good, so desired, so hot, so sexy. I writhed under him, desperate for more of him, more of his mouth, more of his soul. My arms wrapped around his back, pulling him into me, begging for relief.

  His mouth gave my other nipple attention as his hand reached between my legs. He pulled down my pants, exposing my panties, and then kissed down my thighs. Suddenly, my body tensed up, and nerves took over my mind. What if my mom was right and men just wanted one thing? What if he fucked me today and then fired me tomorrow? I believed that he was a great guy and not possible of such betrayal and dishonesty, but my fear consumed me.

  He was so in tune with me that he stopped and kissed my lips again and looked me in the eyes. “Relax, baby. I’m crazy about you. You’re beautiful. I’m not going anywhere.”

  His words soothed my anxiety. I refused to question him. Not today. Not now.

  He stared at my body. I had always been self-conscious of being leered at by men, but I loved the way Beck looked at me. I felt that he saw my inner beauty, not just my looks.

  “Perfect. Seriously, Loma, you are so sexy.”

  He made his way back down to my panties and blew over the fabric before he pulled them down. His lips pressed against me and he licked down my center.

  Ay! My hand grasped the top his head. His warm tongue felt delicious against my folds. I was so wet, and he ate me like I was his favorite dessert.

  The pressure built between my legs as he licked me and I didn’t know if I could hold on. This felt so much better than I could’ve ever imagined. My belly coiled, and my breath hitched.

  “Oh, Beck!”

  Before I could hold myself back, pleasure rippled through every inch of my body, and I exploded into ecstasy. I felt like I was going to black out, but instead, I giggled uncontrollably like a school girl.

  Beck gave me a final kiss and then looked up at me and grinned.

  I sat up and reached for his pants again, wanting to return the favor, but he stopped me.

  “Hey, not tonight babe. We have the rest of our lives to be together.”

  And with those words, a lump grew in my throat. This was truly happening. Beck had feelings for me. He saw a future.

  Then why was I waiting for this to blow up in my face?

  “Oh no! I forgot I had flan in the oven!”

  I threw o
n my clothes and raced out of the bedroom, just in time to save my dessert. Beck joined me a few minutes later, and we indulged in the creamy treat. And my life was as sweet as my flan.

  18

  Bacon and Eggs

  Paloma snuck out of my bedroom at dawn, wanting to ensure that her sisters didn’t wake up and see her in my room. I had insisted that I would wake up with Sky, so that Paloma could get a good night’s sleep.

  She would need it. I planned to wear her out tonight.

  When she and the girls woke the next morning, I had a surprise for them.

  First things first—I was going to cook breakfast. Definitely wouldn’t be as delicious as Paloma’s food, but it would be filling. Perfect for a road trip.

  I threw the bacon into the pan and started the coffee pot. My heart brimmed with excitement. No more telling Paloma how I felt. Today, I was going to show her that I was serious about having a future with her.

  I walked over to the kitchen table to clear it and noticed that there was one of Mónica's papers from school crumbled up. I opened it up, and my heart wrenched.

  A Father/Daughter Dance.

  Paloma had told me that none of the girls knew their fathers and that she didn’t even have a clue who her dad was. I couldn’t even imagine that. My father was the best man I knew. Without his guidance, I was sure I’d be a womanizer like Sawyer.

  When I had been with Paloma last night, it had been only about her. I wanted to be with her, hold her kiss her, make love to her, make her feel good. But now I realized that being with Paloma meant so much more.

  It wasn’t just about her. I needed to do right by her sisters.

  The bacon sizzled, and I flipped the slices over.

  Paloma emerged from the room wearing a tank top with no bra and low-slung pajama bottoms—definitely less conservative than the fully dressed woman I was used to seeing in the mornings.

  “Morning, sunshine.”

  I walked over and kissed her. A confused look graced her face.

  “Are you cooking? Do you know what you are doing?”

  Smart ass. “I can feed myself, Loma. I did eat before you came into my life.” But honestly, the only thing I wanted to eat was her again. I wanted to devour her nightly. Last night, my balls were in a world of hurt. But I was a patient man, and I wanted to wait until she felt more comfortable about dating me. To ensure her that I wasn’t using her.

  Her eyes glanced over at my packed suitcase. “Are you going somewhere?”

  I removed the bacon from the pan and patted it dry with some paper towels. Then I cracked some eggs to fry in grease.

  “We are going somewhere.”

  Her brow furrowed. “We? What are you talking about?”

  “Babe, I’m taking you to San Diego. The girls too.”

  She bit her lower lip. “Today?”

  “Yes, today. Tomorrow I have to fly over Coronado for a Navy SEAL graduation. We can stay at my buddy Grant’s place.”

  “How are we getting there? We can’t all fit in your plane.”

  “Right. The narrator on the squad is going to fly my plane to San Diego. It’s good practice for him. He will be taking over my slot next year. I’ll drive.”

  Tears began to well in her eyes. “San Diego! Are you serious? Can we go to the beach?”

  “Woman, we are staying on the beach. The base is on the beach.”

  “Oh my god!” She ran over to me and threw her hands around my neck and kissed my lips. I pulled her to me and kissed her back, savoring her taste as I pressed her against the sink.

  “Well well well, guys. Good morning to you,” Mónica said.

  Paloma pushed me off of her, but I pulled her back to me.

  “Morning, Mónica.”

  Paloma's cheeks reddened, and she whispered in my ear. “I didn’t want her to know until we became serious.”

  “Well, now she knows, and we are serious. We have nothing to hide.”

  Paloma exhaled and buried her head in my chest.

  I turned to Mónica. “Mónica. Do you want to go to San Diego today?”

  “You serious?”

  “Yup. We are leaving in an hour.”

  Mónica ran over to me and hugged me. “I can't believe it. Lo, can we drive around and see where we are going to live?”

  Paloma and I made eye contact, and her face seemed to fall at the same time that my heart dropped.

  San Diego.

  Where they had planned to move after I left El Centro. It was only a month away, but it seemed like an eternity.

  It was too soon to ask her to move with me to Florida, but I couldn’t imagine my life without Paloma. Without her sisters. And it wasn’t even about me and how I felt about her. What about Sky? Paloma spent more time with her than I did, though that wasn’t by choice. We were deep into our training schedule now, and I couldn’t imagine having anyone else take care of Sky. I no longer worried about Sky when I was out flying. I completely focused on my men and my formations knowing that Sky was being loved and attended to. I would either have to hire another nanny back in Florida or ask my in-laws to watch her. For the next nine months, I would be traveling every week around the country to different air shows. And then she needed someone to love her when I would deploy next year. Sky needed stability. And I needed someone to miss me while I was gone.

  But I had a month. One month to ease into this conversation. One month to make decisions.

  “I’m sure Beck will show us around. I’m going to wake up Sky.” Paloma left the kitchen.

  I turned my attention back to the eggs and plated the food. Ana María walked out in her favorite Dora the Explorer nightgown.

  Mónica ran over to her. “Ana María! We’re going to San Diego.”

  “Today?”

  “Yes. Today!”

  Ana María clasped her hands together and turned to me. “Can we see the baby tigers?”

  The tigers. They had been all over the news. A baby tiger had been caught at the border, and the Zoo Safari Park had rescued it.

  “Sure. We will go to the Zoo Safari Park and the beach.”

  Mónica ran down the hallway almost plowing over Paloma and Sky.

  "Mónica, Beck said we can go to the beach and the Wild Animal Park. Can you believe it?”

  Paloma looked up at me, and her confused expression from earlier turned into a hopeful smile. “Yes. I can.”

  And this time, Paloma kissed me. In front of Mónica. In front of Ana María. In front of Sky. I kissed her back.

  We had nothing to hide.

  19

  Fish Tacos

  We packed our bags, loaded up Beck’s car, and headed off for our trip to San Diego. Nerves and excitement mingled inside my belly. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Beck and I had hooked up again, and now I was on my way to see the ocean for the first time in my life.

  He reached across and put his hand on my thigh, and I melted. I loved being in the car with him. I felt so safe. Maybe it was because he was a pilot, but I loved the way he was completely in control. I couldn’t wait to see him fly tomorrow.

  After two hours on the road, we finally arrived in San Diego.

  Our first stop was the Zoo Safari Park to see the tigers. It was inland, so I had still yet to see the ocean, but I was thrilled nonetheless. Beck bought us all tickets. He held my hand as we walked into the park. I had never seen anything like it this place.

  First, we stepped into the butterfly garden. They flew by our heads as we marveled at their vibrant colors. Their jeweled colors mixed together like an abstract painting by nature.

  “Paloma! Look!” Mónica yelled.

  A gorgeous Monarch had landed on Ana María’s nose.

  Ana María giggled, and I had never seen her so happy, so full of joy. I held Sky and pointed out the different butterflies to her, naming the colors in Spanish. She clapped her little hands, and Beck put his arm around me.

  Mónica’s face beamed. “This place is awesome.” Even she was
having fun.

  We walked over to the Lorikeet Landing and bought some nectar.

  A gorgeous bird with a lapis colored head and orange, yellow and green feathers landed on Mónica’s hand and lapped up the nectar out of her little cup.

  Joy filled my body, and for once my outlook for the future was as bright as the San Diego sun. The girls and I had never ever been to a zoo. I had learned about animals from books, not from nature. We had so much to experience.

  Our final stop at the Zoo Safari Park was to see the tigers. Two baby tigers frolicked together like kittens, fighting over a ball of yarn. I couldn’t believe I was seeing these wild animals up close.

  I pressed my hand to Beck’s chest, and we kissed under a bamboo canopy. “Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.”

  “You’re welcome, babe. I just want to make you and the girls happy.”

  Swoon. I didn’t want this day to end.

  After we left the zoo, we stopped for dinner at this incredible taco place, ¡Salud!, in Barrio Logan. I was impressed that Beck knew about this restaurant, with its authentic Mexican food, handmade tortillas, and churro ice cream. The Mexican murals on the wall made me feel like I was home.

  I took a bite of the fish taco. It was beer battered on a warm tortilla and adorned with cabbage, cotija cheese, pico de gallo, and dressed with a creamy sauce. “This is so good! How did you find this place?”

  He paused for a moment and took a sip of his blood orange beer. “My wife and I used to come here. She loved Mexican food.”

  I smiled, and it wasn’t even forced. I loved that Beck could be open with me about Catherine, especially now that he and I were romantically involved. I didn’t ever want him to feel that he couldn’t talk about her, especially in front of Sky. If it worked out between us, the ghost of Catherine would always be present in our home. But I wasn’t jealous of her. If it weren’t for her, I would’ve never met Beck. I hoped that she would want Beck to find happiness and for Sky to have a mother. And I prayed even harder that I would be the woman for that job.