Advanced Physical Chemistry

by Susannah Nix

  Caleb shifted uncomfortably. “Is it?” George’s newspaper crinkled loudly as he unfolded it and turned the page.

  “Yes!” Penny said. “I know all about George’s family too.”

  “What?” George said, peering over the top of his newspaper. “I wasn’t listening.”

  “I was just telling Caleb how weird it is that he never talks about himself.”

  “Ah.” George disappeared behind his paper again.

  “What do you want to know?” Caleb asked, rubbing his hands on his thighs. He looked wary, but he hadn’t run away yet.

  “I don’t know. Anything.” Penny cracked her mental knuckles, considering her opening gambit. “Are you from Los Angeles originally?”

  He leaned back against the opposite counter, and Penny tried not stare at the way his jeans hugged his hips—and other parts of him. “I’m an army brat, so I’m from all over. But most recently Fort Irwin, out past Barstow.”

  Ah ha! A military upbringing could explain his reluctance to make friends. His detachment and unsociable behavior could be a defense mechanism from moving around so much during his formative years.

  “Is that where your parents are now?”

  He crossed his arms across his chest, which did amazing things for his already impressive biceps. “My dad’s a doctor at the hospital there.”

  “What about your mom?” Penny asked, trying not to stare at his arms.

  “She’s a professional officer’s wife.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He uncrossed his arms and rubbed his thumb over his palm. “It means she does a lot of volunteering and organizing social activities on post.” His voice sounded tight and his entire posture radiated unhappiness. This was clearly torture for him. But he hadn’t bailed yet.

  “Brothers and sisters?” Penny asked.

  “Two younger brothers. One in college and one in high school.” His jaw tightened. “Both headed into the army like our dad.”

  “But not you? You didn’t want to go into the army?”

  He made a face like he’d drunk sour milk. “No.”

  “You really hate talking about yourself, don’t you?”

  “I just don’t like talking about this.”

  “I’m sorry.” Penny made a mental note that said family issues and tucked it away in his file.

  He shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s just…my dad wasn’t too happy when I didn’t go into ROTC.”

  ROTC meant he’d gone to college, but before she could ask him where, a new customer came in and Caleb escaped the rest of her interrogation by going to take his order.

  That was all right. Penny’s file on him had already expanded by leaps and bounds. She was pleased with the progress.

  “Ask him about something besides his folks,” George said quietly from behind his newspaper.

  “Why?” Penny asked.

  “His father’s a real piece of work. It’s a sore subject.”

  Penny folded down the corner of George’s newspaper so she could look at him. “How do you know that?”

  George shrugged. “We talk sometimes.”

  Interesting.

  So she’d been right about the family issues. Good to know. Next time she’d steer clear of his home life, and maybe he’d loosen up a little more.

  She was looking forward to adding more pieces to the Caleb puzzle.

  * * *

  Saturday morning Penny went back to yoga class, because routine was good. Routine was better than a boyfriend because it never let you down.

  “Are you feeling better?” her friend Melody asked as they laid out their mats in their usual spots at the back of the room.

  They’d met last year through their Great Books group. They were the only two people in the group under the age of forty, and after they’d bonded over their shared love of Marvel movies and fan fiction, Melody had turned Penny on to this yoga studio.

  Penny bent to adjust her mat so it was more perfectly parallel to the floorboards. “Tons better.”

  “We missed you last week,” the instructor, Tessa, said, laying a hand on Penny’s back as she glided past. Tessa had long blonde hair and a gentle, calm demeanor that effortlessly commanded attention. Despite her youth, she reminded Penny a little of her mother, with her teacher’s knack for inspiring respect without ever raising her voice.

  Conversation quieted automatically as Tessa reached the front of the room. She greeted the class, started up a playlist of meditative music, and began leading them through the warm-up sequence.

  Penny had only moved up to the advanced class a few months ago. She’d been intimidated to the point of nausea when Tessa had first suggested it. All the advanced women were slender and athletic. They looked like they could have played the Amazon warriors in Wonder Woman, and for all Penny knew, some of them had.

  It had taken all the courage she could muster to show up for the advanced yoga class, but Tessa had been right: Penny was good enough, even if most people wouldn’t think so by looking at her.

  As they moved into Natarajasana, Melody wobbled and cursed under her breath. Penny tried not to take too much pleasure in the fact that she was actually stronger and more coordinated than thin, pretty Melody. Realizing she wasn’t the worst student in class had been a real boost to her confidence.

  She’d originally signed up for yoga because she figured she could use the enforced relaxation in addition to the exercise. Being still and contemplative weren’t exactly her strong suits. She preferred to keep busy, and her mind was perpetually racing ahead, making plans for the next activity. But for one hour every week, Penny pushed all those tendencies aside and focused on mindful breathing as Tessa’s soothing voice guided her through a series of increasingly challenging poses.

  Where it all tended to fall apart for Penny was during corpse pose at the end. It was just so boring, lying there on the floor with nothing to do. Today, as she struggled to soften her throat and relax her limbs, her mind fixated on Kenneth and the fact that she’d dated him for two whole months without ever seriously considering whether she actually liked him.

  Now that she thought about it, she’d been more in love with the idea of Kenneth than the reality of him. He was fine. But he was always working such long hours—at least that’s what he’d claimed—they hadn’t seen all that much of each other. And she hadn’t actually minded. All those times he was supposedly working late or out of town, she hadn’t missed his company at all. Even now, when she thought about him with that other woman, she wasn’t jealous. She was mostly just mad.

  The truth was, she’d never been all that attracted to him. Once the initial excitement of being asked out had worn off, he hadn’t made her heart beat faster or her stomach flutter. The sex had been fine, but nothing special. And to be honest, she’d found him a little…boring. He’d talked about his work a lot, but hadn’t seemed interested in hearing about hers.

  Why had she been with him? His hair was receding, he was short and skinny, and he hadn’t shared any of her interests. He only liked dark, gritty movies and dumb reality television shows, and he wasn’t a reader—which should have been a deal breaker all by itself.

  Her previous boyfriend, Brendon, hadn’t been all that great either. She’d thought she loved him at the time, but looking back on it, she couldn’t remember why. He’d mocked her fandom friends and her fanfic habit. He’d never wanted to watch her favorite TV shows with her, but she’d spent hours watching football with him, even though it bored it her to tears. Worst of all, he hadn’t talked to her before deciding to move to California. He’d just announced he was moving and said she could come with him if she wanted.

  Penny had uprooted her entire life for someone who hadn’t even cared if she came with him or not. No wonder he’d started cheating on her as soon as he got out here.

  What was wrong with her? She shouldn’t be settling like that. Sure, she wanted to fall in love and have a family some day, but this wasn’t the way to do it. If she didn’t
love herself enough to expect more, how would she ever find a man who would love her as much as she deserved? She needed to start valuing herself and prioritizing her own needs. Which meant asking for things when she wanted them instead of rolling over at the first hint of resistance.

  No, not just asking—demanding.

  “All right, good work everyone,” Tessa said, shutting off the sleepy music.

  Thank God. If Penny practiced much more mindfulness, she was liable to sprain something.

  Chapter Five

  On Monday morning, Penny went into Antidote and ordered a different drink.

  It didn’t happen quite as decisively as that, of course. What actually happened was that Penny went to the counter the same as usual, and Caleb rang up her usual order. But when he held out his hand for her credit card, she hesitated.

  “Actually, can I…” She trailed off, biting her lip.

  She liked her nonfat lattes, but did she really want to settle for the same boring drink every day? Maybe she was missing out on something better. She could stand to be more adventurous. Mix it up a little. She could have a different drink every day of the week if she wanted.

  Caleb’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You want something different?” He was wearing a soft blue henley, and the way it clung to his chest, arms, and shoulders made it difficult to concentrate on coffee.

  Penny tore her eyes away from his torso and studied the chalkboard menu on the back wall. “Um. Maybe? I’m not sure.” It felt like a big step, even if it was just a coffee order.

  “An Americano?” he suggested.

  Penny shook her head. A drink comprised of espresso and water seemed even less adventurous than her usual latte.

  “Cortado?”

  “No…”

  She knew exactly what she wanted, but it wasn’t on the menu and she was afraid to ask for it. Which was her whole problem. She was so afraid of inconveniencing other people that she never came right out and asked for what she wanted. That was Old Penny thinking, and she needed to let it go.

  “What about one of those lavender lattes like you made before? I know they’re not on the menu…”

  Caleb’s eyes sparked as if he were pleased. “Coming right up.”

  While he made her drink, she went around collecting dirty cups and glasses from the tables and carried them to the dish cart beside the garbage can, because honestly, why couldn’t people clean up after themselves when the cart was right there?

  “You don’t have to do that,” Caleb shouted to her from the espresso machine. “It’s literally my job.”

  “I like to be helpful,” Penny shouted back.

  She contemplated the empty tables. Should she sit somewhere else today, just to shake things up even more? Maybe by the window, or on the big orange couch.

  She glanced back at her usual spot at the counter, which afforded an unobstructed view of the espresso machine where Caleb was making her latte.

  No need to go overboard, she decided, and claimed her old stool.

  “Thank you,” she said when Caleb brought her drink over a few minutes later. He’d sprinkled dried lavender on top of the foam this time. Penny picked it up and inhaled through her nose, letting the aroma fill her sinuses.

  When she glanced up, Caleb was watching her. She blew across the top and took a sip. “Mmmmm. Delicious.”

  His eyes sparked again, and the corner of his mouth dimpled.

  Forget ordering a different drink every day. If his eyes were going to twinkle like that every time, she’d happily order this for the rest of her life. One lavender latte with a side of gorgeous eye twinkle, please.

  “You should definitely get Reema to put this on the menu,” she said.

  He ducked his head almost shyly. “Maybe we should start up a secret menu that only the best customers know about.”

  A silent squeal lodged in her throat at the implication that she was one of his best customers. She’d made it, finally. She was on The List. “Like at In-N-Out.”

  “Exactly.”

  The music that had been playing in the background stopped, and it suddenly felt eerily quiet. She hadn’t even noticed the music until it stopped, but now its absence was glaring. Caleb threw a glance at Malik, who tossed down the rag he was holding. “On it,” Malik said as he disappeared down the hall that led to the office in back.

  Caleb turned back to Penny, evidently in no hurry to move along. “It’s your turn in the hot seat today.”

  “For what?”

  “I answered all your questions Friday. Now I get to interrogate you.”

  Penny only barely managed to restrain herself from bouncing on her stool like a manic Bounce Around Tigger. “I’m an open book. Go for it.”

  “Hmm.” His mouth twisted sexily to one side. Having actual conversations with him was amazing, because it gave her an excuse to stare at him unashamed. What a gift. “You work from home, right? That’s why you’re always in here in the middle of the day.”

  “Correct.”

  “And you do something with…chemistry?”

  “I’m a patent examiner.”

  His eyebrows drew together. “What’s that involve?”

  “Whenever a person or company thinks they’ve invented something new, they apply for patent protection. I’m one of the people who reviews new applications to determine if their claim makes scientific sense and is legally new and distinct from what's already known.”

  “Sounds cool.”

  “It can be, but it can also be dull. Today, for instance, I spent the whole morning reading up on polymers used to make contact lenses.”

  “Was today one of the cool days or one of the dull ones?” His eyes were finely lashed and shockingly expressive for someone so stolid. The gold depths seemed to flicker as he gazed at her.

  Was it warm in here today? Penny squirmed on her stool and looked down at her latte. “Depends how you feel about silicone-based hydrophilic copolymers.”

  The music started up again, louder than before, and she jumped a little. It was some sort of bass-heavy electronica and hip-hop fusion that sounded out of place for a quiet morning at a low-key coffee shop.

  Caleb rolled his eyes at Malik when he emerged from the back. “Come on, man.”

  “This is good shit. Don’t hate.” Malik grabbed the tray of dirty dishes Penny had bused and marched them over to the sink.

  Caleb shook his head and turned his attention back to Penny. “So how long have you lived in Los Angeles?”

  “I moved here from Washington, DC, last year.” Her eyes slithered over the curve of his shoulder and down to his biceps. He had his sleeves pushed up, exposing his thick forearms. They were all veiny, with a fine coat of light-colored hair, and his skin was smooth and golden and—

  “Is that where you’re from originally?”

  She cleared her throat and reached for her latte. “Close. I’m from Richmond, Virginia.”

  Having actual conversations with him was torture, because it gave her an excuse to stare at him unashamed. What a nightmare.

  “Family?”

  “Mom, Dad, two older sisters—Cassandra and Dana—and my younger brother, Jason. He’s a junior at UVA.”

  Caleb’s eyebrows quirked in amusement. “Your siblings are Jason, Cassandra, and Dana? And you’re…Penelope?”

  Her heart thudded at the sound of her full name on his lips. “My mother’s a high school English teacher. Big fan of the classics.”

  “Clearly.” He pinched his lips together, like he was trying not to smile.

  Penny wondered what it would take to get him to actually smile. He must be capable of it. His mouth seemed otherwise proficient—supple, dexterous. Perfect, basically. Surely it was able to form a smile. Why was he so reluctant to show it off? Maybe it was so beautiful it turned people to stone. Or made them fall in love with him. That didn’t seem too far outside the realm of possibility. Even thinking about Caleb smiling made her feel a little faint.

  His eyes fell o
n her mouth, almost like he could read her mind. Oh, God, wouldn’t that be mortifying?

  Penny licked her lips and looked down at her coffee.

  The way he was hanging around and looking at her—if she didn’t know better, she might almost think he was flirting with her.

  Which was undoubtedly why he didn’t usually do it. When a man this gorgeous showed an interest in you, it was easy to get swept away and convince yourself he was being more than just polite. No wonder he avoided chatting with customers other than George.

  Penny silently pledged not to give Caleb any reason to think she was misconstruing his attention. He was simply being nice. Just because her libido was raging out of control didn’t mean she should repay his niceness by creeping him out.

  The bell rang as a group of new customers came in, and Caleb rapped his knuckles on the counter as he went to serve them.

  She blew out a breath as soon as his back was turned, and pressed her fingers to her cheeks. They were burning up. She must be bright red. How embarrassing.

  If she and Caleb were going to be friends, she’d need to learn how to talk to him like a normal person, without noticing how gorgeous he was.

  Easier said than done.

  * * *

  Knitting was back in its regular Monday night slot that week. When Penny arrived—ten minutes late because she’d had to pack up the peanut butter bars she’d made for the group—she cast a nervous glance at the counter.

  Malik was still working, but there was no sign of Caleb. Relief warred with disappointment. As much as she liked seeing him, it would be easier to relax and enjoy knitting without him around, distracting her with his good looks and sudden friendliness.

  Penny carried her peanut butter bars over to the couch where her friends were waiting for her. While they set upon the baked treats like a flock of ravenous seagulls, she took the smaller container she’d packed and got in line at the counter.