Never a Perfect Moment

by Cathy Cole

  “Anyway,” Ollie went on, “when you didn’t answer your phone I guessed you might be on the beach. So I came to find you. And here I am.”

  “How did you guess I’d be on the beach?”

  “I know you, Polly,” he said simply.

  Polly desperately wanted to pour her heart out to him. All her awful anxieties, and the way she wasn’t sleeping well, and her fears for her friends. The way the memory of Ryan haunted her. But she’d never talked to Ollie about stuff like that before. Normally they flirted, and teased, and wound each other up. She’d mock him for some stupid remark he’d made; he’d poke fun at the latest vintage outfit that she’d customized. Proper feelings and raw emotions? They were a different territory altogether. They were terrifying. And she wasn’t sure he’d like the real her.

  He brushed her cheek. “OK?”

  Polly couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She hugged him instead, and enjoyed the strength of his chest and arms as he hugged her right back. Maybe there was more to Ollie than just a pretty face and fit body. Would she allow herself to find out?

  “Thanks for coming to find me,” she said, looking up at him shyly. “I was feeling very alone.”

  “You’re not alone any more,” he said.

  They walked off the beach hand in hand, heading for school. Ollie’s palm was warm and comforting, his fingers curled protectively around her own. The melting feeling in her stomach was threatening to take over. She wished he would kiss her. She desperately hoped he wouldn’t. She was such a mess.

  “Still on for our date tomorrow?” he said, glancing at her.

  Polly’s stomach flip-flopped. She had put the locket on again this morning. She could feel it nestling against her skin, beneath her shirt. “Can’t wait,” she said honestly.

  “I have a few surprises up my sleeve,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

  Polly felt nervous. “What kind of surprises?”

  “Oh, you’ll love them. There’s skydiving, and the swimming with crocodiles… ”

  There was a teasing glint in Ollie’s blue eyes that made Polly’s cheek’s flush.

  “… and the little toy at the bottom of the Happy Meal… ” she teased back.

  “I would never take my girlfriend to McDonald’s,” Ollie said, mock offended.

  Girlfriend. The word made Polly squirm with pleasure. Was she Ollie’s girlfriend? In what universe was this magic allowed to happen?

  “KFC, on the other hand?” he went on. “Now we’re talking.”

  Polly giggled. She felt so … free. It felt right. She felt happy.

  As if someone had flipped a switch, they stopped laughing the moment they arrived at school. The school flag was hanging at half-mast, flapping sadly in the wind. People were mounting the steps, arms wrapped around school bags and heads down. No one was talking, let alone laughing.

  Ollie’s hand suddenly felt strange in Polly’s, like it wasn’t supposed to be there. It was as if the school had the power to drain all her happiness away. She tried to pull her hand away, feeling crushed with guilt all of a sudden. Ollie held on firmly.

  “Don’t,” he said, looking into her eyes. “Please.”

  Polly reluctantly left her hand where it was. “It feels wrong,” she said, biting her lip.

  “Wrong to be doing something Ryan will never do again?” said Ollie.

  Polly flinched. That was it exactly. “Yes,” she whispered.

  Ollie held her hand even more tightly. “We can’t stop living because Ryan is dead, Polly. If anything, we should live more. We should live every single second of our lives to the full, because you never know what might happen next.”

  It was strange, hearing Ollie talk so seriously.

  “So you’re a philosopher now?” Polly said. It was the only response she could think of.

  Ollie slid his arms slowly around her waist. “I’m deadly serious. We have to live for the moment, Polly. It’s what it’s all about.”

  He was pulling her closer. Polly felt scared and excited. Were they about to kiss?

  “Hey, lovebirds,” said Max, breezily barging between them. “Have you heard about Eve?”

  Polly felt angry and annoyed as Max winked at her and punched Ollie on the arm. How dare he barge in like that? Couldn’t he see that she and Ollie were about to — ? He was so not the right person for lovely, gentle, sensitive Rhi.

  “Max, mate, you pick your moments,” said Ollie, rubbing his arm.

  “So have you?” Max asked, unfazed. “Heard about Eve?”

  “Of course we have,” Polly snapped, reeling from a combination of shock and disappointment. “The whole world probably knows by now. Ryan’s mother blames Eve’s dad, irresponsible parenting, rich kids gone wild, the Heartside Herald, blah blah blah. As I recall, you enjoyed that party just as much as the rest of us! Can’t we put all the bad feeling about Ryan’s death behind us yet?”

  “Not that,” said Max. His eyes gleamed. “Did you hear Eve is gay?”

  SIX

  “No way,” said Ollie in surprise.

  “That’s what I said,” Max replied, nodding vigorously. “But everyone’s talking about it. Do you think it’s true?”

  Polly wanted to slap Max’s stupid grinning face. Eve was gay. So what? Polly’s mother was gay too. Big sparkly deal.

  “I mean,” Max continued as they went up the steps into school together, “she can’t be gay. I dated her.”

  Like dating you would make it impossible for a girl to like another girl? Polly thought with disgust. Max knew nothing about the human heart, that much was clear.

  Max poked Ollie in the ribs. “You dated her too.”

  “I never dated Eve,” protested Ollie. “It would have been like dating a snake. I wouldn’t have known when she was going to bite me.”

  “Dated, kissed, whatever. You have had lip knowledge of Eve Somerstown, Ollie. Don’t deny it.”

  Ollie flushed. “Leave it, will you Max?”

  Polly was feeling increasingly weird about this conversation. She was pretty sure Ollie had never kissed Eve, but what did she know? Eve had liked Ollie for ages before he started dating Lila. The thought of Ollie and Eve together made her feel a little sick.

  “Maybe she kissed you and then went off the idea of guys all together,” Max laughed. “Your technique must really suck, Ollie. Imagine! Eve! A lesbian!”

  Polly had heard enough. “If it’s such a crazy idea,” she blurted out, “how come we’re still talking about it?”

  “Because it’s juicy gossip,” said Max, rubbing his hands. “And everyone loves gossip, don’t they?”

  “Where did you hear this rumour anyway?” Ollie demanded.

  Max pointed at Polly. “She’s not denying it, I see,” he grinned.

  “It’s nothing to do with me,” Polly muttered. She didn’t want to be the one to “out” Eve at school.

  Max’s eyes shone with interest. “Has Eve tried it on with you, then?”

  “You’re so predictable, Max,” Polly said, moved to anger. How did anyone in this school find Max cool and interesting? He was clever, sure. But there was a slickness about him that made Polly think of oil spreading over clear blue water. “Eve’s sexuality is her own business, OK?”

  “Your silence says it all!” Max crowed. “It must be true!”

  “Seriously, Max,” Ollie pressed, “where did you hear this?”

  Max winked. “Around. See you.”

  He loped off with his hands in his pockets.

  Ollie whistled. “That’s some rumour. Has Eve talked to you about this, Polly? I can’t believe she might be gay.”

  “Does it really matter if she is?” said Polly angrily. “Seriously? This is the twenty-first century, Ollie.”

  She dropped his hand. “I’ve got to get to class.”

 
Polly stormed away down the corridor. Her whole body was shaking. Boys could be so vile. Why was she even thinking about dating one? Ollie and Max were probably as bad as each other. No understanding or compassion between them. Just sneers and leers. And Ollie had apparently kissed Eve. Beautiful, stylish, tall Eve. Thinking of herself taking Eve’s place was a joke.

  Polly sensed a new atmosphere in the sober school corridors. People were gathered in groups, whispering together. There were smiles, and snatched glances, and low laughter. The whole school was buzzing with the news that Eve was a lesbian.

  Eve will need our help to get through this, she thought. She pushed aside her worry over Ollie and started looking for her friends.

  Polly bumped into Lila and Rhi by the lockers. She took them both by the arm and dragged them to a rarely used stairwell near the maths block where they could talk in peace.

  “We need to talk,” said Polly. “How—”

  “How does everyone know about Eve?” Rhi finished Polly’s question out of nowhere. “We were wondering the same thing.”

  “Rumours are like fungus,” said Lila. “They grow out of nothing. I sent Eve a text this morning to warn her the news was out.”

  How would Eve feel about being the centre of gossip like this? Polly wondered anxiously. Eve was always so aware of what people thought of her.

  “She’s not coming to school today,” Lila, went on, shaking her head. “This and that stuff in the paper have pretty much ruined her life. Dad was in such a temper this morning, I thought the roof was going to blow off. The wind outside didn’t help.”

  Lila looked almost grey with tiredness. Polly closed her eyes. She’d almost forgotten about the newspaper article in this latest drama. “I wouldn’t want to be Eve right now,” she said with feeling. She knew just what it felt like to be the centre of nasty gossip.

  “But how does everyone know?” Rhi repeated.

  “Eve hasn’t told anyone but the three of us,” said Polly, looking at Rhi and Lila. Neither of them would have said anything, would they? “I didn’t breathe a word. Did you?”

  Rhi shook her head. “I may be mad at Eve right now, but I’d never gossip about her. No one deserves this.”

  “Eve confided in Ms Andrews,” Lila said. “Do you think Ms Andrews told your mum, Polly?”

  “You think my mum and Ms Andrews would have spread this?” Polly asked, feeling offended.

  “I’m just eliminating possibilities, OK?”

  “The newspapers have been snooping around the Somerstowns,” said Rhi. “Your dad has too, Lila.”

  Lila looked angry. “This is all on my dad now, is it?”

  Polly stepped in, trying to keep the peace. “Eve has been hanging out with Caitlin and her girlfriend Jessica recently. Maybe a journalist saw them together.”

  “Look,” said Lila, “it doesn’t matter how the rumour started. We all know it’s true. It was bound to come out eventually.”

  “But it should have come from Eve,” Polly pointed out unhappily.

  That much was true. But there was nothing they could do about it now.

  Polly felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Her heart swooped at the thought that it might be Ollie, but then she immediately chastised herself as she saw the name on the screen. How could she be so self-centred when her friends were in trouble? “It’s Eve,” she said, looking up at the others.

  “Put her on speakerphone,” Lila suggested.

  Polly tapped the button and held the phone so everyone could hear the conversation.

  Eve sounded like she’d been crying. “Hi, Polly. Have you heard the news?”

  “We all have, Eve,” said Polly, as gently as she could. “Lila and Rhi are here. You’re on speaker. How are you feeling? What do you want us to do?”

  “Nothing,” Eve sniffed. “It will all blow over, I guess. I’ll just stay out of the way for a couple of days.”

  “Don’t run away from this, Eve,” Lila said, leaning into Polly’s phone.

  “Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of,” Rhi added over Lila’s shoulder.

  “Come back,” said Lila. “We’ll look after you.”

  Polly looked at her friends, their two dark heads bent over her phone and the exact same look of concern on their faces. It looked as if they had both forgiven Eve for the many horrible things she’d done to them. Crises like these had a way of pulling friends together again.

  “We could come over to yours after school if you like,” Rhi suggested.

  “Don’t,” said Eve at once. “Things are a bit … weird right now.”

  Polly guessed she was referring to the newspaper article. She shuddered to think of the atmosphere at the Somerstowns’ house right now.

  “But you’re right, I can’t run away from this,” Eve said with a sigh. “I promise I’ll see you all at school tomorrow.”

  “We can meet at mine and walk in together,” Polly said. “If you want.”

  There was a moment of silence on the other end.

  “Thanks,” said Eve at last. “That’s really kind of you, Polly. It would be nice to have some support. It’s not going to be easy.”

  “We’ll be here,” said Lila.

  “Thanks.” Eve sounded unusually grateful. “I mean it. Thank you for being such good friends.”

  Polly clicked the off button on her phone and slid it slowly into her pocket. Life had changed so much since Lila had moved to Heartside Bay. The days when Eve and Lila had fought like cats, and Rhi had screamed at Eve for taking Max, and Polly and Eve had fallen out – it all seemed a million years ago. They were friends now. Proper friends this time.

  SEVEN

  “Ready?” asked Polly.

  Eve looked like she had been carved from a piece of stone. Her breathing was shallow and nervous. Polly had never seen her so scared.

  “How do I look?” she said, licking her lips.

  Eve’s make-up was as perfect as ever, and her glossy auburn hair hung on her shoulders like red-gold satin. Compared to Eve, Polly felt like a scruffy little urchin, even though they were wearing the same school uniform. More acutely than ever, she felt the difference between herself and Eve.

  “Gorgeous,” said Lila. “I would fancy you if I was gay.”

  Eve gave a terrified smile. “I wish I could say the same of you, Lila.”

  “If you can make jokes,” said Rhi, pressing Eve’s arm in encouragement, “then you’re as ready as you’ll ever be.”

  “You do look amazing,” Polly said honestly.

  Eve pulled her lipgloss from her bag and swiped it across her lips. She straightened her shoulders and fussed with the lapels on her blazer. Then she nodded.

  “Let’s do this,” she said.

  They walked around the corner, towards the white steps that led to the reception area of Heartside High. Four of them in a row, arm in arm. Eve’s head was held so high it was a wonder she could climb the steps without stumbling over her feet.

  “Nice weather we’re having,” Lila commented.

  “This isn’t the time to talk about the weather,” said Rhi through compressed lips.

  “Just trying to make small talk.”

  Polly could see that Lila was almost as nervous as Eve.

  “Only very boring people talk about the weather,” said Eve through tight lips. “I am not a boring person. I give the best parties in Heartside Bay, whatever journalists might say.”

  “Hear, hear,” said Rhi.

  The steps seemed to go on for ever. People were starting to look, and whisper.

  Eve detached herself from Polly and Rhi and pushed open the double doors.

  “Good morning,” she said, to the startled lady on reception.

  “What are you doing, Eve? No one ever says hello to reception!” Lila hissed as Eve marched towards the corridor.
r />   “I am not no one,” said Eve with a glacial stare.

  The corridor from the reception to their lockers had never felt so long. People were looking now – really looking. Stopping dead and pointing. Polly had to admire Eve’s bravery as she strode on, hair bouncing glossily on her shoulders.

  When they turned the corner, Polly felt Eve grip tightly at her hand. A group of year eight boys were hanging by the sports trophy cabinet, watching their approach. The boys sniggered.

  “Lezzers,” came the inevitable whisper as they walked past.

  “Cockroaches,” Eve responded smoothly, striding on.

  How did she do it? Polly wondered in awe. How did Eve make the hardest thing in the world look completely effortless?

  The only sign that Eve was struggling was the marble-white colour of her cheeks and the sensation of her long, beautifully manicured fingernails digging into Polly’s skin. They were digging deep, and it hurt. Polly bit her lip and took the pain.

  “Are you OK?” she whispered. “Do you want to leave?”

  Eve shook her head wordlessly.

  “Nearly there,” said Lila.

  “Keep going, Eve, you’re doing brilliantly,” Rhi said.

  They reached the year ten lockers. The chattering crowd around the locker doors fell silent. Polly couldn’t bring herself to look for Ollie, or Max, or any of their other friends among the watchful faces. Beside her, she felt Eve falter.

  Eve’s locker door had been covered in pictures of beautiful girls in swimsuits, draped over car bonnets and posing provocatively with glossy pouting lips. The word LESBIAN had been written in marker pen down the centre of her locker.

  Lila and Rhi stood nervously by as Eve regarded her locker door. The world felt to Polly as if it was standing still.

  Rhi reached for one of the pictures, her fingers curled and ready to tear it down.

  “Don’t,” said Eve. A little colour had returned to her smooth cheeks. She seemed to be standing straighter, looking more like the Eve of old. “I quite like it.”