Beyond Reason

by Gwen Kirkwood

  When the service was over, Fingal did not seem in any hurry to lead them from the pew and Janet wished she could read the unspoken message in his dark-brown eyes.

  Then Josiah leaned forward and spoke quietly. ‘I would like a word with the Reverend Drummond and Mr Cole, Fingal. Perhaps you would see Janet to my coach and wait with her until I come, please?’

  ‘Yes, of course, sir.’

  Josiah nodded his head and smiled. ‘How many times must I tell you, Fingal, there is no call to address me with such deference. You are an educated young man with a good position in the town. We all look forward to your visits and I am happy to count you among my friends.’

  ‘I, yes, sir … I mean yes, Mr Saunders.’ Fingal murmured.

  ‘I look forward to you visiting your mother too, Fingal,’ Janet said softly.

  ‘Do you, Janet? I thought perhaps you had forgotten me when you never replied to my letters while you were at Braeheights.’

  ‘Letters?’ Her eyes clouded and she frowned. ‘I did not receive any letters. But I could not have replied. I tried to send a letter to the Reverend Drummond once, but Mr Foster snatched it and threw it in the fire. He took away the ink and my quill.’

  ‘He is a bully and a brute. I left the letters with Mrs Foster’s mother, who lives near the village. She promised to give them to her grandson to take to you. I expect Foster discovered them and destroyed them too.’

  ‘I sent a letter to Mama with Mr Cole but she has not replied. I so hoped to see her today at church.’

  ‘You thought she would be here, Janet?’ Fingal stared at her in dismay. ‘Did Mr Saunders, or my mother, not tell you how ill she is?’

  ‘I thought she would be getting better and she always liked going to church. Perhaps she could not leave Mrs Cole?’

  ‘Dear Janet,’ Fingal frowned and drew her hand from her muff so that he could hold it in both of his. ‘Your mother … she is more in need of nursing than Mrs Cole herself. Mr Cole can’t bear the thought of asking her to leave his house because she has nowhere to go, except the poorhouse.’

  Janet gasped.

  ‘He is a good man but he was at his wits’ end to know what to do the last time I saw him. He has great respect for your mother and your grandfather was his friend. He is hoping Mr Saunders might help him find a solution.’

  ‘Oh, Fingal! Can this be true?’ Janet stared up at him in horror, her blue eyes, so darkly fringed and so like his dearest friend, Andrew’s. He longed to take her in his arms and comfort her, but already people were watching them curiously.

  ‘If only I had enough money to rent a house of my own,’ he groaned. ‘If only I could offer you a place to bring your mother so that we might care for her together.’

  Janet looked into his face and saw the distress and sincerity there. ‘Dear Fingal, I know you would help if you could but you did so much for Andrew, I cannot ask for more. It is my place to care for my own mother.’ She put a hand over her eyes to brush away the tears, wondering what she could do. She shivered. Watching the shadows chase across her expressive face it took all Fingal’s control not to draw her close and comfort her, but he saw Mr Saunders striding towards them, a half-smile lifting the corners of his mouth as though his talk with the Reverend Drummond had given him satisfaction. Fingal sighed and drew away, straightening his shoulders, preparing to say goodbye. He needed to take charge of his horse, which Donald was holding ready for him while trying to soothe the coach horses.

  Josiah Saunders looked shrewdly at Janet. Her eyes, wide with anxiety, seemed to swamp her small face. He was sure she was paler than when they had set out for church earlier that morning.

  ‘Has attendance at church tired you out, Janet? Perhaps you are not yet so strong as we thought. After all, you were very ill, and so long without food.’

  ‘Please do not be concerned. I am well enough, thank you, sir. I-I do not wish to be more of a trouble than I have been already.’

  As they ate their luncheon together, he broached the subject again after watching Janet toying absently with her soup instead of enjoying it with her usual relish.

  ‘Is the soup not to your liking today, my dear?’

  ‘Oh yes, yes, thank you. It is delicious as it always is.’

  ‘Then may I ask what troubles you? Maybe I can help?’

  ‘No one can help and you have been kind and generous already.’ Her eyes filled with unexpected tears and she swiped them away impatiently. ‘I did not mean to take advantage of your kindness, but I don’t know where I shall find work and a place to live until the Hiring Fairs. I have a card for the savings bank but I earned so little money and I ran away without my wages. It is two months until the Hiring Fairs. I can’t wait so long.’

  ‘Are you so desperate to leave Crillion Keep, Janet? I thought you were beginning to enjoy living here amongst your friends and having books to read again and an opportunity to continue learning. There are many subjects I would like to share with you, things your grandfather would have taught you.’

  ‘I do love reading your books. I have been so happy here, but I do not want to be a burden or cause more trouble between you and your family or—’

  ‘Don’t you think you should let me deal with my family?’

  ‘Well yes, I suppose so but—’

  ‘Then let me assure you I have already made my plans for Eliza and her son, well almost. The Reverend Drummond will be calling tomorrow to sign some papers for me. They will make my wishes very clear to Eliza and Henry.’

  ‘I am glad if you have managed to make peace,’ Janet said quietly.

  ‘Ah, I did not say that exactly. Eliza does not understand the meaning of peace. Wherever she is there is strife, but forget about that. You have troubles of your own?’ he asked gently, thinking she might tell him she was with child.

  ‘Yes.’ Her voice was barely more than a whisper. Josiah waited patiently. ‘I hoped to see my mother today. Fingal knew. He – he told me the truth, that she is – is dying. I need to help her, to be with her. I want to care for her but I don’t see how I can manage.’ She pressed her fingers to her temples. ‘I can’t think what to do. Fingal said he would help me if he could, but he is working hard to become a lawyer. He says he sometimes thinks he should become a dominie instead, as Grandfather hoped he would.’

  ‘There is always a way, Janet. Do not despair, my dear. Fingal is a good man and sincere, but he is young, no more than twenty years, I believe.’

  ‘He and Andrew were the same age, four years older than I am.’

  ‘I had intended waiting for the Reverend Drummond’s arrival tomorrow. I thought he would offer you some reassurance but I think we must have a serious talk now. If you are finished eating, my dear, we shall adjourn to the library and talk without interruption. I have a suggestion to make, which I hope you will consider carefully. I had hoped to give you time to get used to me and to being in my home, but I fear the situation requires urgent action, for your mother’s sake and for Mr Cole’s.’ His face looked grave and strained and Janet’s heart raced with anxiety.

  She added more logs to the fire and swept the hearth, as she had done many times a day at Braeheights.

  ‘You’re a good girl, Janet, and very capable,’ he said, watching her with affection and respect. ‘Peggy Baird tells me you will soon be sixteen?’

  ‘Yes, a week on Wednesday.’

  ‘Your grandfather would have been proud of you. He would have welcomed your help as a pupil teacher with the younger girls. I want to teach you all the things your grandfather would have taught you, had he been spared, so that you may be able to teach some of the poorer children in the parish one day.’

  ‘I can’t see how that could ever be,’ she said wistfully, shaking her head.

  ‘Life is full of surprises. If I had thought it possible I would live as long as I have I might have become a dominie myself and taught some of the children in our cities. But enough of my own daydreams. Do you trust me, Janet?’

&nbs
p; ‘Of course I do. I think God guided my footsteps here when – when …’

  ‘When you ran away from Braeheights?’

  ‘Yes. I only wanted to escape from Mr Foster.’ She shuddered. ‘He frightened me.’

  ‘So if I tell you I would never – not ever – ask you to do any of the things Wull Foster wanted you to do, would you believe me? Whatever the circumstances?’

  Janet turned to look at him then, her eyes wide and puzzled. He was nothing like Mr Foster.

  ‘Of course I believe you. You saved my life, and cared for me, even though I can never repay you.’

  ‘You have repaid us all by recovering, Janet, but please believe me when I say I shall never ask you to do anything which would hurt you, or make you afraid. I want you to marry me and take my name.’ Janet opened her mouth in surprise but he waved her to listen. ‘I have several reasons for asking this but the most urgent one is not for my sake, or for yours. It is for the sake of your mother and to relieve Mr Cole of his burden. As my wife you could bring your mother here and nurse her yourself. Mr Cole will then have room again to hire a nurse for his wife so that he can continue to earn his living in his tailor’s shop. Do you understand?’

  ‘I-I, yes, I think so. I know it is my duty to care for Mama. I promised Andrew I would look after her. But …’

  ‘She will have a place here with you. You will be able to nurse her and stay with her. Peggy will help if you need her. You will be glad to spend the remaining time together?’

  ‘Oh yes, more than anything….’ Janet’s eyes shone with gratitude.

  ‘That is good, but we must also consider your own good name. Too many people are quick to gossip. My health may be as precarious as that of an old man but I am still young enough to arouse evil speculations when I share my home with a beautiful young woman – which is what you will become on your birthday. If you agree to marry me you will always have security and protection, and not only you, but the people we both regard as friends as well as employees.’

  ‘Oh. Y-you mean if….’

  ‘If you bear my name, that is all marriage need involve, but it must be legal. You and your mother will have the two adjoining rooms, which used to be occupied by the nursemaid when there were children here. Do you understand what I am saying, Janet? You will be my wife in name. I ask nothing more, except your companionship and to share in your eagerness to learn. Do you understand?’

  ‘Y-yes, I think so,’ Janet said, but her head was whirling. Why should Mr Saunders bother to give her his name in marriage if he didn’t expect the things Mr Foster demanded from his wife? She looked at him earnestly. Her heart told her she could trust him. But surely marriage was a serious thing, and for life? Her heart plummeted. What would Fingal think to such a proposition?

  ‘Couldn’t Mama and I just stay here until – until…?’

  ‘No. It is essential that I guard your reputation and my own, my dear, as your grandfather would have expected of me. Apart from your mother’s need of care, I have plans of my own. I shall enjoy helping you learn all the things you missed when you went to work at only twelve years old. I shall look forward to discussing books and poetry and learning of the latest inventions with you, just as I enjoy the company of Fingal McLauchlan and as I enjoyed your grandfather’s companionship. I think he would have approved of my proposal and it would have been a great relief to him to know his daughter and his granddaughter had food and shelter and were safe, as you will be as my wife, in my home.’

  Janet knew she should be grateful, and she was. So why did her thoughts go winging back to Fingal? He could not help them. Mr Saunders was being generous and kind, so why did her heart feel so heavy? She bit her lower lip then raised her gaze to his.

  ‘C-can I have time to-to think about it?’ She saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes before he lowered his lids.

  ‘You can, my dear, but I do not think Mr Cole can keep your mother much longer. His own wife needs constant care, and so does your mother.’

  ‘C-can I tell you in one week?’ What she wanted was to tell Fingal first and hear what he had to say.

  ‘Very well. You will give me your decision next Sunday afternoon?’ He thought perhaps she wanted to pray for guidance in church.

  ‘Yes,’ Janet whispered. Fingal had said he would see her again next weekend. What would he think if she became wife to Mr Saunders? Her heart ached. Could he find a better solution to her problems, and her mother’s? In her heart, she knew he couldn’t. It was true, she longed to explore the books in Mr Saunders library and to learn the things her grandfather had taught to Andrew and Fingal, but she longed to do such things with Fingal.

  The Reverend Drummond came the following morning and he and Mr Saunders were closeted in the small room next to the library, which Josiah called his office. He had a big desk in there with drawers which locked, as well as a tall cupboard with locked doors where he kept papers relating to the Home Farm and the two tenanted farms and various private papers. He had told Janet this when Maggie McLauchlan had asked her to dust in there.

  Just before lunch, Doctor Carr rode up on his chestnut mare.

  ‘Thank you for coming, Archie.’ Josiah greeted him with a smile, which wiped ten years from his lean face. ‘If you will witness my signature and add yours to the documents the Reverend Drummond and I have prepared we shall dine without delay.’

  A little while later, Josiah put the papers in two envelopes and sealed them with wax before locking them in the drawer of his desk. Afterwards, the three men had lunch in the small dining room and Josiah insisted Janet should join them. She felt shy in their presence, especially knowing what she ought to do for the sake of her Mama, as well for the Bairds and everyone here who treated her with such kindness. But in her heart it was not Josiah Saunders she longed for to share her future.

  She had confided in Maggie McLauchlan about Mr Saunders’s proposal of marriage. Maggie’s first reaction had been one of shocked surprise.

  ‘How can that be? He has always said his health was too uncertain to take a wife and have children,’ she declared. ‘He said he would never risk leaving a child of his without a father, as he had been without a mother.’ Then Maggie frowned and looked shrewdly at Janet. Did he think the lassie was carrying Foster’s bastard? Was he trying to protect her and to give her child a name? She seemed well and content but there had been no sign of her monthly bleeding.

  ‘He-he said people would gossip if I stay here and look after Mama when I am an unmarried girl and he is not an old man, even though his health is poor. He said if I marry him, I shall have the protection of his name and a home, and people who are my friends here will have security. I think he means everyone at Crillion Keep.’

  ‘Ah, now I see!’ Maggie McLauchlan exclaimed as understanding dawned. She put her hands on her hips and smiled as she did when one of her pies had turned out extra well. ‘He is a wise man! And a clever one. Do you see, Janet? When Mr Saunders dies, Mrs Ross and that miserable son of hers expect to inherit everything here. That’s why she keeps coming, trying to tell him what he must do. If it was left to her, none of us would be safe. She would probably put us out on the road and hire new workers and pay them less. God only knows what her son would do. Already he gambles, I hear. If Mr Saunders makes you his wife, Janet, they cannot control everything. Mr Saunders will see to that and I think wives have some rights to inherit. He knows you would be honest and kind and fair, as your grandfather was. He trusts you, ma bairn. Now I understand. You will be safe if you marry Mr Josiah Saunders, and so shall we. He is considering the future for all of us.’

  Still Janet waited for the weekend and Fingal’s visit. She needed to know if he too thought she should marry Josiah Saunders.

  As soon as Fingal arrived at his mother’s cottage late on Saturday evening, Maggie told him of Josiah’s proposal. She knew Fingal would be upset. She was convinced Mr Saunders was doing his best to protect them all from his sister’s greedy scheming but she wanted to p
repare Fingal.

  ‘Surely Janet has not agreed to marry him? She would never marry for money.’

  ‘She would marry to give her mother a place to stay,’ Maggie said. ‘She tells me she made a promise to Andrew to care for their mother.’

  ‘But she may only live a few weeks, or months at most. Marriage … it is for life.’

  ‘If Mary Scott is dying it is all the more reason why Janet would want to bring her here. She would never forgive herself if her mother dies in the poorhouse when she could have prevented it. Can you offer Janet a better solution, son?’

  ‘I can offer her love.’

  ‘Aye,’ Maggie sighed, ‘but love doesna provide a place to bide or food in our bellies. Think about it, Fingal. Mr Saunders told her she would have security as his wife, and so would the folks she counts as friends. I’m sure she has waited to tell you herself. Don’t upset the lassie, Fingal. Let her do her duty, for all our sakes, but especially for her mother.’

  ‘Her mother didn’t consider Janet when she sent her to Braeheights when she was only twelve years old. She wanted money for Andrew’s education, but she didn’t consider the danger Janet might encounter from a brute like Foster. Maybe you never heard the rumours that he got his own daughter with child? Molly drowned herself to hide her shame.’

  ‘I heard stories,’ Maggie said quietly. ‘It was no excuse for his evil doings but Molly was not Foster’s own bairn. I expect he resented her. Her real father was a young soldier with the local volunteers when Napoleon and his French army were threatening to invade our shores. He was killed soon after he joined. The Fortescues were a respectable family and the rumour was Hannah married Foster to avoid facing the elders in the kirk and bringing shame to her parents. For all I know, Janet could be in the same condition as Molly. Even if you could offer her and her mother a home, could you take the bairn of such a man, give it your name and love it?’

  ‘You think Janet is…?’

  ‘I don’t know. She doesn’t show the usual signs but it’s hard to tell.’