One Look

by Harlow James

  “Yup, but that’s okay. It will be nice to spend some time alone with my favorite granddaughter,” he winks as he takes his seat in his chair and places his water on the table next to him.

  “I’m your only granddaughter, Gramps,” I reply, rolling my eyes at him for good measure.

  “Really? Well, I’ll be?” He teases me and then his face straightens and his tone grows serious. “Dani,” he starts, “I hope you know how proud I am of you.”

  I feel myself start to become emotional and he’s barely said anything.

  “I know, Gramps.”

  “You are such a strong young woman, so determined and dedicated to everything you do. You love with your whole heart, and the world is a better place because you are in it, my dear.”

  “Gramps…”

  “Let me finish,” he cuts me off, which is fine because I don’t feel like I could form words right now if I tried.

  “I know this whole relationship with Jake has thrown you for a loop…”

  I nod my head, realizing my fears and doubts may have been more transparent than I was leading on.

  “But that boy cares for you very much. Regardless of the obstacles ahead of you, I know you two are meant to be together.”

  I sigh. “Deep down, I feel that too, Gramps. It’s just all so overwhelming.”

  “I agree. But please remember, if there is anything I’ve taught you, pretty girl, it’s that you need to trust your path.”

  I close my eyes and let the first tear fall. Both Gramps and my father have always reminded me of those words for many years. I know that someday I’ll understand everything I’m going through right now. If there’s anything I have faith in, it’s that, considering the multitude of challenges I’ve already faced in my young twenty-three years. But I truly hope on the other side of this curve in the road, I’ll still have Jake on my side.

  “I will, Gramps. I just feel like I’m being tested right now, more than I have in a while. My life---our life---was so normal until he became a part of it. I just hope he’s worth it.”

  “I know he is. And even if there comes a time when you’re not in each other’s lives, I believe you’ll find your way back to each other.”

  I stand and walk over to him, leaning down to hug him tightly in his chair.

  “I love you, Gramps,” I whisper through my tears as he squeezes me back.

  “I love you too, Dani. Both you and your brother. You two are why I’ve been able to trust my path.”

  I stand and blow him a kiss, not trusting myself to speak. I watch him grab the newspaper beside him and whip the papers open, the sound cracking through the room.

  “Ok, Gramps. Well, I need a shower, and then we’ll head for the stadium, okay?”

  He nods. “Sounds good.”

  I saunter up the stairs, locking myself in the bathroom to clean off the grime of the day. I take a few extra minutes to compose myself in the shower before getting dressed, drying my hair, and making my way back down the stairs.

  “Okay, Gramps. I’m ready!” I yell, rounding the corner to the kitchen without even looking into the living room. I wait for a response, but silence fills the air.

  “Gramps?” I peek back around the corner, looking over to where he was sitting in his chair when I left him.

  He’s there, but he still doesn’t answer. Maybe he fell asleep.

  “Gramps?” I ask again, weary as I slowly tip-toe over to him and notice him sitting there with his eyes closed and his head tilted slightly. I watch for a moment and wait to see the rise and fall of his chest, but he remains still.

  “Gramps!” I shout this time, leaning down to shake him as he falls limply to the side and unconscious.

  “Oh, my God!” I run upstairs to fetch my phone, wasting no time to dial 9-1-1 as I race back down the stairs.

  “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” The operator comes through the speaker, her voice practiced and calm.

  “My grandpa. He’s…he’s not breathing. I left to shower and came back and he’s out. Please! Help me!”

  “We’re sending an ambulance your way now. Stay on the line with me, okay? What is your grandpa’s name? How old is he?”

  The operator continues to ask me questions as I jiggle him again, willing him to wake up like I wish I could from this bad dream. It feels like years pass as I wait for the paramedics to arrive---but in reality, it was only a matter of minutes. The minutes tick by like sand falling in an hour glass---slow and steady---yet also at a rapid speed as I watch the world around me start to spin off its axis.

  EMTs burst through the doors, directing me out of the way so they can tend to him, carefully lifting him from the chair and transporting him down to a stretcher. I stand there, frozen and utterly devastated, my body racking with my sobs as I watch them perform CPR, hook him up to IV fluids, and place oxygen over his mouth.

  “We need to take him in,” one of them looks up at me, a man who can’t be much older than me, relaying with his eyes what I already know in my heart.

  “Ok…” I whisper while I watch them load him on the gurney to wheel him out of the house, lacking any urgency whatsoever. “Can I ride along?”

  “Of course,” he replies, directing his colleagues to do their jobs while this sinking feeling forms in my gut.

  The ride to the hospital is a blur, my hand never leaving my grandpa’s, and as soon as we arrive, I’m directed to go one way while they wheel my grandpa in another. The white walls and off-white tile go on forever in each direction as I survey the bustle around me, feeling stuck in place as I watch the world turn while my world feels frozen in time. As I take a seat in the waiting room, the trembling of my body registers and then I realize this day could have just changed my life completely.

  I close my eyes and begin to pray, pressing my hands together tightly in my lap, asking my parents to pull some strings, to keep my grandpa here with me selfishly because I need him.

  Conner needs him.

  We need him.

  About twenty minutes later, a doctor in blue scrubs emerges from the doors where my grandpa was ushered through earlier, asking for the family of William Peters.

  “Me! That’s me!” I shout as I jump up from my seat, wiping tears and mascara from my cheeks, anxiously waiting for him to speak. But as the look on his face registers in my brain, it’s not one I wanted to see.

  “Let’s take a seat,” he says, urging me to sit back down as he settles in next to me.

  “I’m so sorry to tell you this….” He starts and I instantly burst into tears.

  “No…” I croak out, the moisture leaking from my eyes makes the world around me start to distort again, much like my mind feels right now.

  “Your grandfather is gone. He passed away very quickly from what we can tell. Our initial tests are confirming it was the rupture of an aortic aneurysm.”

  “What?” I’m still trying to process the fact that he’s gone and now this doctor is using all kinds of medical mumbo jumbo.

  He goes on to explain that according to his medical records, the aneurysm was found recently, which means Gramps knew about it and didn’t tell us. Anger floods my veins, and then just as quickly, devastation replaces it. I know why he said nothing, convincing myself that I understand. But all I can think about at this moment is how much I wish he was still here.

  “I’m very sorry for your loss. A nurse will be out shortly to discuss arrangements to be made. But rest easy knowing that it was quick and he lived a long life.” He rests his palm on my shoulder in a meager attempt to console me, but nothing is going to make this pain go away… at least not right now.

  I sit there, staring off into space, feeling the tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks as I try to process everything. In an instant, my entire life has changed. Gramps is dead. He’s no longer here.

  And then the questions start to hit me.

  Where are we going to live?

  How am I going to afford to take care of Conner and me all alone?r />
  How am I going to tell Conner?

  “Oh, God,” I mutter just as the sound of my phone ringing breaks me out of my trance.

  I look down and see Lochlin is calling me, which makes my chest tight and each breath harder to take, as I realize I now have to actually tell someone that Gramps is gone. I have to say the words out loud.

  “Where are you?” She shouts in the phone, the sound of commotion registers behind her.

  I clear my throat so I can speak. “I’m at the hospital.”

  “What? Why? Oh my God, Dani… is everything okay?”

  I shake my head and then finally manage to croak out, “No.”

  “Shit, I’m on my way.”

  “Why did you ask where I was?” I need the distraction while I wait for her to get here. Then I can tell her in person or maybe she’ll figure it out when she sees me and I won’t have to say the words yet.

  “Because the game was on in the restaurant I was at,” she says while I hear her close her car door and start the engine. “And Jake was looking for you in the stands like he always does and you weren’t there. You should have seen the look on his face when it registered for him. He was panicked, Dani.”

  Shit.

  Jake.

  The game.

  Not once in the time from when I found Gramps until now did I think about the fact that Jake would be looking for me in the stands, waiting to see my smile and wave before he started to play, our own little ritual that pays homage to how our relationship started.

  “I’m not going to make it to the game,” I state firmly, realizing I can’t think about Jake right now. My entire world just flipped upside down and I need to make sense of it. It hasn’t hit me yet and I need to brace myself for the impact.

  “I’m on my way. Hang tight,” Lochlin declares before hanging up and arriving ten minutes later.

  Blonde hair wafting away from her face, she rushes through the sliding glass doors, the determination in her walk makes people move out of her way. And then she stops.

  The moment she sees me, she knows.

  “Gramps?” she asks as she sits down next to me. “Is he…”

  I just nod as she pulls me into her arms.

  “I’m so sorry, Dani. I’m so, so, sorry,” she whispers over and over, as I come to terms with my new reality.

  Chapter 28

  Jake

  “Ready to kill it tonight, boys?”

  Brandon is shouting through the clubhouse as we finish our last-minute touches and superstitions before we take the field. I double-check my back pocket for the ticket with Dani’s number on it that’s never left that spot since I inherited it from the batboy.

  The hoots and hollers of my teammates fill the space, the adrenaline coursing through our veins easy to detect to anyone with ears.

  “Ready, rookie?” Rocky turns to me, confirming that my head is on straight.

  “Damn right,” I reply and then follow my team into the tunnel.

  I feel more at peace going into tonight’s game than I have in a while. The past few weeks with Danielle have been a roller coaster of emotions, going from highs to lows, and everything in between. However, over the past few days, I feel like we’re back on solid ground, more at ease and eager to face our reality as a couple.

  I love her. I know I do. And tonight, after the game, I plan on telling her. I wanted to so badly on her birthday, but this underlying tension was still there. And then the past few nights presented a shift, the time we spent alone and wrapped up in each other only confirmed what I know in my heart.

  I know it’s fast. I know it’s crazy, given how we met and what my life is like. I’ve told my family about her and plan to take her up north to meet them as soon as I can. But my doubts are no longer at the forefront. I love her, and I want her to know that. And my gut tells me she loves me too.

  As the team is introduced, we make our way onto the field. I jog over to third base, the feeling of running to my little home-away-from-home gets me every time. And when I turn to search for my other little piece of home, I immediately start to panic as I look for Danielle’s sparkling eyes and mega-watt smile in her usual seat… and she’s nowhere to be found.

  My head spins as I twist and turn frantically, contemplating where she could be. Maybe she went to get snacks? Maybe she’s running late?

  She is never late for a game.

  Something is wrong.

  I feel it in my gut, the churning of worry unsettling, but there is nothing I can do about it right now.

  I glance over to see Rocky watching me, his eyebrows shooting up as he questions what I have already been asking myself for the past few minutes.

  I shake my head back at him and shrug nervously.

  The game seems like the longest three hours of my life. Every time we enter and exit the dugout, I check back in the stands, searching for my girl, hoping she’ll show up and the relief will flood my subconscious like a wave. But the tide never lets up, and the longer I realize she’s not here, the more impatient I grow to get to her.

  When the game finally ends, I race out of the locker room, not even bothering to shower. I jump in my truck and speed to her house, running up the driveway and pounding on the door. It’s late, but her car is here, so I hope she is too.

  “Jake,” Lochlin answers, her eyes are swollen and her face is red and spotted. I take it she’s been crying.

  “Is she okay?” I burst through the door, turning my head frantically in search of her while still trying to catch my breath.

  “Jake, she’s fine. Well, she’s not… but she will be.” Lochlin comes up behind me just as I hear movement on the stairs. I turn to see Danielle slowly glide down each step, her face completely void of emotion, her hands hanging limply at her sides.

  “Baby, are you okay? You had me worried sick,” I say as she rests at the bottom of the staircase, her eyes meeting mine, her lips trembling when she looks up at me. And then her body collapses as I reach out in time to grab her before she falls.

  “Gramps…” She speaks through her sobs as I hold her up and tighten my arms around her through her shaking.

  “Fuck,” I say, closing my eyes, knowing exactly what she’s trying to tell me. I turn to Lochlin, looking for confirmation, and she nods.

  “He’s gone,” she mouths over at me, and the momentary peace I felt just hours before is quickly shattered. Not only do I sense the pain my woman is going through, but I realize I feel the loss too. William was a good man who knew how I felt about Danielle. I loved getting to know him, admired his tough as nails attitude and the relationship he has with his grandkids, and I know I’ll miss him as well.

  “What happened?” I question once Danielle has gained some small ounce of composure. I lead her over to the couch while still supporting her, where Lochlin joins us on the loveseat.

  Danielle glances over at the recliner and bursts into tears again, her sorrow bleeding out into the air around us. I can feel the weight of her sadness as I hold her and I lose track of time. After a while, she gets quiet, so I wonder if she cried herself to sleep. Lochlin and I remain silent, knowing there are no words that can fill the void created when William died.

  “I found him,” she quietly mumbles, alerting me to the fact she’s still awake. She sounds like a robot now, like she cried all of her emotion out and is left as a hollow shell. She takes a deep breath and then fills Lochlin and me in on the story of what happened this afternoon.

  “Shit, babe. I’m so sorry,” I whisper as I stroke her hair on top of her head. She’s resting her cheek on my chest as she lies across the couch. “Does Conner know?”

  She nods. “Yeah. After Lochlin and I left the hospital, she drove me over to his friend’s house where he was supposed to be staying tonight. As soon as he came to the door and he saw me, he started asking questions. I pulled him into me and told him, and he lost it. He’s in his room now. I had just come down from checking on him when you got here. He’s devastated, as to be expected
.”

  I look over at Lochlin who’s watching her best friend with tears strolling down her face. Then the reality hits me as I realize that her friend knows exactly what I do.

  Danielle and Conner have just lost the only family member they had left.

  “You’re going to be okay, babe,” I console her, wishing there was a way to take away her pain right now. I’m at a loss for words. I honestly have no idea what else to say.

  “I know. But right now, everything sucks and hurts… and I really just want to be left alone.” She pushes herself up from my lap and glances at me, and then at Lochlin.

  The last thing I want to do right now is leave her, but if that’s what she needs, I have to comply. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now and I don’t want to push her to let me stay.

  “Okay, but I’ll be back in the morning to check on you.”

  “So will I,” Lochlin adds, wiping the moisture from her face and standing firmly, solidifying that she will be back.

  “Okay,” Danielle mumbles before standing and walking back up the stairs, her body moving so slowly from the weight of her grief resting on her shoulders.

  “Fuck,” I mutter again, running my hands through my hair. I’m still in my uniform and cleats, soaked in sweat and covered in dirt.

  “I know. I don’t even know what to say right now,” Lochlin adds as I stand and she grabs her purse. We lock the door behind us as we leave, agreeing to not let Danielle and Conner be alone for too long. I offer to bring breakfast in the morning, and Lochlin agrees to stop by the grocery store to pick up some necessities since they probably won’t want to leave the house for a while.

  “She’s going to be okay, Jake. She’s one of the strongest people I know,” Lochlin says before we split up.

  “I know she is. And I will be here every step of the way.”

  She nods and pulls me in for a hug before we part ways, jumping in our vehicles and heading home. The emotions from today catch up to me as I pull into my parking spot. I lean back in my seat in my truck, placing my head against the headrest and close my eyes, realizing that my day is ending a lot differently than I thought it would.