One Look

by Harlow James

  Walking into the clubhouse again feels like coming home because, in my mind, it is. This was my first home in the MLB, and I don’t plan on going anywhere, anytime soon. The orange lockers and cubbies are the same, a few of the posters around the room have changed with new faces from alterations in the line-up, but the room still has the same spark it had before.

  “Calhoun!” Rocky shouts as he turns down the hallway and sees me making my way towards the field after I left the clubhouse.

  “Rocky! Man, it’s good to see you! How’s it going?” I feel like a kid on Christmas, meeting my friend in a manly hug. This guy is one of my best friends, even though distance kept us apart for the past few years.

  “Dude, I can’t complain. Life is good. I’m still so pumped that you’re back!” He not only looks happy to see me but looks like a fool in love.

  “You and me both, brother. Leaving here was tough, but coming home feels better than it did the first time I stepped foot in this stadium.”

  “Makes you think back to that first game, doesn’t it?”

  I vividly recall tossing my lunch before my first MLB game while Rocky listened in the bathroom to make sure I was okay.

  “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” I laugh, feeling more than pumped to be standing here, ribbing back and forth with Rocky again.

  “Never, rookie. But hey, I guess I can’t even call you that anymore. You’re an old pro now, huh?”

  I shrug, dropping my bag from my shoulder to stretch a bit. The plane ride still has me feeling stiff.

  “I guess you can say that. Are Salazar and Cash around today too?”

  Rocky nods and then motions for me to pick my bag back up. “Yeah, they’re on the field talking to Coach and meeting some of the new guys. Come on, let’s go down there. I’m sure you’re looking for Coach anyway.”

  “Sure am. I’ve gotta give him shit for trading me in the first place,” I joke, which makes Rocky laugh in agreement as we make our way down to the field.

  That feeling of stepping onto the turf again sends goosebumps up and down my arms. This is where I belong. This is the place that makes sense to me more than any other place in the world.

  I stand with my hands on my hips, surveying the stands, seeing that nothing much has changed, until my eyes veer over the dugout right next to third base and into the row of seats where my soul met its match and fate dealt me a hand that had me putting all of my chips on the table.

  Danielle’s seat is empty, of course, but I swear if I look hard enough, I can see her there, sitting hunched over her knees, watching me intently as I play the game. Her long blonde hair hangs over her shoulders, her OC Rays hat sits perfectly on her head, making her sexier than she already is without it.

  “Calhoun, it’s good to have you back, son,” Coach pulls me from my daydream, extending his hand out to mine. I reach for him instinctually, giving him a solid grip with a wide grin on my face.

  “Good to be back, Coach. Let’s keep it that way this time, shall we?” I tease, which makes the other guys standing around us laugh.

  “Calhoun, you son-of-a-bitch! Good to see you!” Brandon Cash comes up behind me, tackling my shoulders as he gives me a manly squeeze.

  “Don’t ever let my mom hear you calling me that, asshole,” I joke as I shove him off of me and shake his hand.

  “Number twenty-three returns gentlemen!” Eddie Salazar shouts as the guys get riled up in welcoming me home. Yup, I’m home.

  After everyone catches up and starts reeling about spring training and the upcoming season, Coach pulls me to the side.

  “Jake, we have a few things to go over really quick about the line-up and training schedule I want you to be aware of, so let’s head up to my office, shall we?”

  “Sounds good, Coach,” I reply as I follow him into the stands and through the doors that lead into the corporate offices in the middle level of the stadium. As we make our way through the glass doors, I notice in front of us is a blonde woman talking to a man that looks familiar. He must be some bigwig for the team, in charge of something important, I’m sure.

  But the woman he’s talking to looks strikingly familiar as well. My body kicks into overdrive the closer we get, realizing I know those tan and toned legs beneath that cream-colored pencil skirt. I know that perfect ass hugged by that stretchy fabric. And I know that long blonde hair hanging down her back and over that body-hugging black top, and what it feels like woven through my fingers.

  And just as she turns to look in our direction, the inkling I had before that she was all too familiar is completely confirmed, because I do know her, very well. I know that smile that blinded me from the stands, those soft and pink lips that kissed me so many times yet not enough, and those eyes that looked at me once and changed my life forever.

  “Coach, I’d like you to meet our new head of public relations and marketing,” the tall man addresses Coach as we stop right next to them.

  “Jake,” Danielle gasps as she takes me in, turning her head just far enough to realize I was standing right next to my coach.

  “This is…”

  “Danielle Peters,” I finish for the guy in charge, reaching out to shake her hand, trying to control the trembling from my nerves at seeing her again, but also the adrenaline pumping through my veins as I take in how much more beautiful she is than I remember. My body is reacting to her the same way it did before, my dick waking up from his deep slumber as he sniffs out the woman who made him jump higher than ever.

  Her hands are trembling as well, letting me know that she’s just as affected as I am to see her again after all this time. Her eyes dart back and forth between mine, silently asking me the same question that’s going through my mind right now: What are you doing here?

  Chapter 34

  Dani

  What is he doing here?

  Jake is standing here, right in front of me as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening, shaking my hand and acting cool as a cucumber while I’m feeling like I’m about to toss my lunch on the floor in front of us or my knees are going to give out on me.

  “Do you two know each other?” Tina’s cousin, Andrew, chimes in as he assesses the reaction we’re having towards one another.

  “Old friends,” Jake answers, turning to address Andrew with a polite smile while dropping my hand.

  Old friends, huh? More like old lovers who still have feelings for one another---at least on my end---feelings that I’ve been denying for years, but are now eager to remind me that they’re still there. I wonder if Jake is experiencing the same inner turmoil as I am from our reunion?

  “Well, good to know not every player is a stranger to you. You’ll be getting to know them individually soon enough, and as a team,” he delivers to us both, then turns his attention back to me. “Dani, we still have some paperwork to fill out, so let’s head to my office, and then I can show you to yours,” Andrew shifts the conversation, doing little to quiet the beating of my heart in my chest. I wonder if they can all hear how loud it is?

  “Sounds great!” I reply overenthusiastically, turning to follow him, but not before looking back over my shoulder to catch Jake still standing in the same spot, his hands now in his pockets, a sly grin on his face, watching me walk away from him.

  Holy shit! What is he doing here?

  As I follow Andrew through the halls, a million questions fire through my mind.

  Is he back on the team for good?

  Or is he just visiting?

  Is he seeing someone or is he single?

  The answer to that last question should be the furthest thing from my mind, given that this job has been my goal since I started college, and the last thing I should do is become romantically involved with a player, especially one I have a history with.

  I can’t do anything to jeopardize the opportunity I’ve been given. Just the fact that Tina let me go without a two weeks’ notice because Andrew needed me right away tells me how important this job is.
I can’t mess this up.

  Andrew and I arrive in his office a few minutes later as I sit down to fill out paperwork and sign my contract. I glance around the room, admiring the view of the field and the expensive décor, realizing that working for a sports team sure has it’s perks. The salary and benefits package alone is enough to remind me that my livelihood, and Conner’s well-being, is on the line here.

  I’m trying to focus intently on everything Andrew is telling me, but my memories of Jake are playing in my mind like a movie, flashing back to remind me of our time together before the shit hit the fan.

  Our first encounter during his debut game.

  Our text message conversations that I still re-read at night sometimes. Don’t judge me.

  Our first date and our first kiss on the beach.

  The first time we had sex at his condo, and the numerous physical encounters we had after that.

  My body is flustered and prickling with nerves while I sign on every dotted line and absorb all of the information Andrew is telling me.

  Once we’re done with the formalities of my job, Andrew leads me down the hall to an office that overlooks the field, complete with a mahogany desk and dark brown leather chair, mirroring his own. He leaves me to get settled as I glance down at the freshly cut field and diamond below through the large glass windowed walls.

  It’s simple and sleek, and way bigger than my office at the gym. A slow smile spreads across my face at the reality of where I’m standing. I’ve made it. This job is everything I’ve ever wanted.

  So why do I still feel like something is missing?

  My whole life I’ve always thought that there would be a point where I would check off the last box on my list of goals and finally feel complete, like I’ve accomplished everything I’ve set out to do. Go to college, get my degree, get my dream job.

  Life had a funny way of throwing a wrench into my plans along the way, but I still came out on the other end, checking off each item on my list.

  But there’s an emptiness I’m feeling deep in my gut, and I’m not quite sure how to fill it.

  “Knock, knock,” I hear the deep and smooth voice of my visitor disturb me from my thoughts, as I close my eyes and savor the sound of him again.

  “Jake,” I say as I turn to face him, taking a moment to truly soak him in. His dark blue jeans and orange OC Rays shirt fit him snuggly, highlighting every hard plane of muscle on his body that seems to be stronger and more masculine than I remember. He’s taken his hat off, which I always loved, his hair a mess from running his hands through it I’m sure. His dark blonde hair is still short, matching the scruff on his jaw. Overall, his appearance hasn’t changed much, but his eyes tell a different story---one that shows that the man has changed more so on the inside than out.

  “Dani, it’s been a while,” he says casually as he makes his way into my office, veering around to take in the space. He turns back to stare at me, a slight twinkle in his eye with a hint of mischief.

  “Yes, it has been. How are you? I’m guessing you’re back?” I wipe the sweat of my palms along my shirt, trying to hide the fact that my body is reacting sensually to the idea of being this close to Jake again. It’s times like these that I’m grateful women don’t have penises, so people can’t tell when we’re turned on. Mine would be standing at attention just having Jake in the same room as me.

  Watching him move is reminding me of what his body feels like, the ripples of his muscles beneath my fingers, the feel of his lips and tongue on mine. I’ve buried the idea and memories of Jake deep in the filing cabinet in my brain and locked him away for almost three years. Then I see him once and he steps into my 125-square-feet of space and suddenly my mind, and body, remember everything.

  “Yeah, I’m back. I got the call last week. Congrats on your new job, by the way. I know this was always your goal…”

  “Yeah,” I say sheepishly. “Andrew is Tina’s cousin and she put in a good word for me. Serendipitous timing and all that,” I add, continuing to stare down Jake.

  His eyes are locked with mine as we silently wage a war to see who’s going to look away first. Heat travels up and down my body, lighting a fire in my core, the intense throbbing almost too much to bear. The last man I was with was Jake, so my body knows it’s been way too long and there’s a man right in front of it that knows how to make me sing.

  “Yeah, timing is everything, isn’t it?” He tilts his head to the side, still assessing me before I wave my white flag and surrender, turning my attention back to my desk, shuffling papers around to make it look like I have things to do.

  “Well, it was really great to see you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing a lot of you soon,” I smile over at him.

  “This doesn’t have to be weird, Dani. We can be friends, right?” He questions, closing the distance between us. My spine straightens as he gets closer, providing a false sense of control when all I really want to do is fall to my knees and beg him to forgive me.

  How was I so stupid? How did I let this man get away, or more importantly, how did I let myself push him away?

  “Friends. Right,” I sigh, my eyes moving back and forth between his deep blue orbs, his face so near I can feel his breath on mine, minty and hot.

  “You look more beautiful than ever, Danielle,” he whispers, reaching up to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, slowly dragging his fingers down my cheek as goosebumps appear up and down my arms.

  “I’m not sure friends should say things like that, Jake.”

  “But it’s the truth.” His confidence is unwavering as he remains close to me.

  “Well, in that case… you look pretty good yourself,” I tease, looking up at him beneath my eyelashes, wanting desperately to kiss him.

  And then I remember my job, Conner, and all the reasons why I can’t go there.

  “I’m sorry, Jake. I shouldn’t have said that,” I panic, backing away from him quickly and searching for something to distract me and disrupt the awkwardness.

  “Dani,” he starts, but I interrupt him.

  “No. That was unprofessional of me. I work with you now and I have to be smart, Jake. You should go. I’ll see you around.”

  I’m silently begging him to leave so I can freak out in privacy.

  He lets out a long sigh. “Fine, I’ll go. But I’m not sure you really mean what you say. Your body said differently, Dani. And so does mine. That switch can’t just be turned off, and I don’t want it to.”

  I don’t turn around to see him and don’t respond, waiting for him to leave.

  “I’ll see you soon, Dani,” he says sternly before finally leaving and closing my door behind him.

  “Oh, my God,” I exhale, slumping down into my chair and holding my head in my hands. I take a few deep breaths, trying to get my heart rate down, just as my phone rings.

  “I’m not sure I can call you my best friend anymore,” I chastise Lochlin as I answer the call before she can say anything.

  “Well, that’s not a very nice way to greet me,” she fires back.

  “Did you know Jake was back on the Rays?”

  Now that Lochlin and Rocky are together, I’m sure Rocky would have said something to her if he knew.

  “Maybe…” She trails off, lacking her usual sass in her answer.

  “Oh, my God, Lochlin! You let me take this job knowing that I would run into him again? One reason I agreed to it was because I knew he wouldn’t be here!”

  “First, stop yelling. It’s bad for your blood pressure. Second, why does it matter if he’s there or not? This job is what you’ve always wanted, Dani. Don’t let your ex-boyfriend derail you from accomplishing your dreams.”

  I huff in despair. “I know, you’re right. But my God, Loch. He looks so good! And I swear, it’s like my body was telling me to jump him as soon as I saw him. My vibrator just isn’t cutting it anymore.”

  She laughs. “I know girl, you need to get some. Believe me, regular sex is the best thing to ever happen to me. E
specially when Rocky does this thing with his….”

  I hold up my free hand in the air. “I don’t want to know, Loch! I know far too many details about your sex life.”

  Honestly, I’m elated for my friend. She’s fought love for the longest time. It gives me hope to see her so happy.

  “So you’ve seen him then?”

  “Yes. I ran into him in the hall of the offices at the stadium. He was with the head coach and then came by my office after his meeting. I swear he was going to kiss me, Loch, if I hadn’t backed away.”

  “Seriously?” She shrieks with excitement. “You guys see each other after almost three years and he already was about to pounce? This has to mean something, Dani.”

  “Yeah, it means I need to stay far away from Jake so I don’t lose my brand new job. Fraternizing with the players can’t be allowed, and besides, I don’t need the distraction. I have a job to do, and Conner to worry about.”

  “Dani, you can’t put your life on hold for everything and everyone else. And this is Jake we’re talking about, not some random new guy, but a man who loved you and didn’t want to let you go in the first place. He probably still loves you, you know?”

  I think back to that night when I discarded him and he almost uttered the words, but I cut him off before he could. I didn’t want him to say them in that moment when I knew I was going to break both of our hearts. I knew I loved him, and I’m sure he loved me, but could he still possibly feel that way?

  Do I still feel that way?

  “Dani? Don’t freak out yet, okay? Just see how things go. But him coming back at the same time you get this job has to be a sign, girl,” Lochlin declares while I chew on the inside of my cheek.

  Trust my path.

  “You’re right. I can do this. It’s just Jake. We can be friends and colleagues and be fine. Right?”

  Lochlin chuckles on the other side of the phone. “Boy, this is going to be fun.”

  Yeah, fun wouldn’t be the word I would use to describe it. Torture is more like it.