Future Queens of England

by Ryan Matthews

  Minutes later, Keenan returned to where they were previously standing and looked around for them.

  “Over here,” Hugh shouted. After failing to be heard over the music Hugh stood and waved to gain Keenan’s attention. Eventually, he was successful and Keenan nodded and brought the tray of drinks over to them. He handed out the drinks and sat down, they each took them and thanked him, but then sat in silence staring at Gareth’s phone.

  “What are you doing?” Keenan inquired. “Are we expecting a call?”

  “Gareth’s invited the fag hags to join us tonight,” Hugh explained. “We’re waiting for a call back.”

  “Hugh, do you have a fag hag yet?”

  He shook his head, “I don’t need one, I don’t see the use.” He took a swig of his wine and hoped they wouldn’t probe him further.

  “Suit yourself,” Gareth said, “but they ain’t half handy to have. I wouldn’t be without mine.”

  Suddenly, Gareth’s phone lit up like a Christmas tree and began to vibrate on the table.

  “Ohh,” Bruce cooed. “Who is it?”

  Gareth picked up the phone and read the text, “It’s Uwe’s.”

  Uwe looked smugly at them all. “Natürlich,” he said smacking his lips together.

  “She says she’s already in town and will be along in twenty minutes.”

  Seconds later, his phone went off again.

  “Who now? Who now?” Bruce squealed, “Oh it’s so exciting!”

  Coolly, Gareth read out the text message, “It’s mine. She’s on her way.”

  “It’s just like bingo, I can’t wait to see who texts next,” Bruce said, unable to contain his excitement.

  Gareth placed the phone back in the centre of the table and they all waited expectantly. Several minutes later they were all still staring at the phone, their excited smiles were fading, as was their enthusiasm. Then, just as they were about to give up hope the phone went off again. Gareth scooped it up and read the message. He left a dramatic pause for a moment, just to build the tension, before smiling and pointing at Bruce.

  “That’s a bingo!” Uwe said, slapping Bruce on the back. Bruce shone with pride and stuck out his tongue at Keenan.

  “Now, where’s my bleeding fag hag,” Keenan moaned. He reached into his pocket and took out his mobile. He punched in the numbers and put the phone to his ear. Keenan closed his eyes and strained to hear over the noise from the club. His call was answered immediately, but he could not make out the voice on the other end. Keenan stuck his finger in his ear and began to speak, “Listen, I can barely hear you, but I am at the gay club, do you fancy coming down? What? I can’t hear what you’re saying. Speak up.” He crouched down and got under the table, “Okay, say again,” he shouted into the phone. “You’re what? Oh, okay. That’s fantabulosa! I’m over at the table near the bar, you can’t miss me.” He came out from under the table and did his own smug face, “She’s already here.”

  “Oh, I hope she wasn’t here scouting for another fag,” Bruce said pulling a face of faux shock.

  Keenan stuck his middle finger up at Bruce, “It’s more likely that she was lurking here on the off chance that she might bump into me.”

  “Okay, guys, settle down,” Gareth said trying to keep the peace. “I’d better get some more wine and glasses, our fag hags will all be joining us shortly.”

  Elsewhere in the club, Tony had sidled up to a couple of attractive girls and was going through the motions.

  “So, you see, I keep having that same strange dream about women night, after night, after night,” he said, coyly staring into his wine glass. “What do you think they mean?” He let the words hang in the air waiting for one of them to take the bait.

  “Well,” the pretty brunette started, “I think it’s your heterosexual side trying to break free.”

  Tony raised his hand to his chest camply, “No it can’t be. I wouldn’t know where to start with a woman. I’ve never even kissed a girl.” He leant forward in his chair and waited.

  She nudged her friend, “Well, there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?” She took a large gulp of her drink for Dutch courage, then leant in and kissed Tony gently on the lips.

  Tony at first pretended to resist, then returned her kiss nervously, before finally pulling her close and kissing her passionately.

  After a moment or two, she pulled away. “You seemed to enjoy that.” She looked at her friend and fanned her face and whispered, “Oh, my god!”

  “We can’t leave it there. How sad would it be for me to have only ever kissed one girl? Can I kiss you too, you know, just to be sure?”

  The two girls giggled at each other, before the first girl nudged her friend, “Go on, kiss him. I did.”

  Her friend picked up her drink, knocked it back and then looked at Tony. “Come on then, let’s give it a go.” She leant over the table and their mouths met, they shared a steamy kiss together before sitting back in their chairs.

  “Wow! That was absolutely amazing,” Tony said, out of breath. “I can’t believe how that made me feel.” He finished the last of his wine and rested his arms on the table. “Listen, see these bruises on my face.” He pointed at them and the girls nodded in acknowledgement. “Guess how I got them?”

  The girls shrugged to show that they had no idea, but hung on his every word.

  He leant closer to them, taking them into his confidence. “I’ll tell you then,” he whispered. “Gay bashed!” He sat back and waited for their reaction.

  “No!” they said in unison. “I didn’t think stuff like that happened any more. Some people are animals.” They both leant forward and took Tony’s hands sympathetically, “Oh, Tony, you poor, poor man.”

  “And what’s worse, I was bashed by actual gays. So it was an actual gay bashing!”

  “Bashed by your own kind,” the brunette said. “I can’t believe it.”

  “I know it’s totally shocking,” her friend added. “Come here,” she moved around so she was next to Tony. She put her arm around him and gave him a hug. “You stick with us and you’ll be alright,” she said, rocking him back and forth gently.

  “When I think about what they did it makes me scared to be out in public. Could we go back to your place, do you think? I’d feel safer than in this club, I might get gay bashed again. There are an awful lot of them in here.”

  The two girls looked at each other and nodded.

  “Sure,” the brunette said. “We’re actually housemates, so, let’s go to the off-license and grab some drinks and then head back to ours.”

  Tony grinned, “Yes, that sounds like a good plan. Maybe we could watch Sex in the City or some shit like that, or maybe play some Abba songs and have a boogie.”

  The three of them got up from their seats and made their way towards the exit to collect their coats.

  “Two seconds girls, I’ll be back in a flash,” Tony said, excusing himself. He pushed his way through the revellers looking for his room-mates. After a few minutes searching he found them seated at their table with their fag hags. “Hi,” he said, waving to the girls. “I didn’t know you were joining us tonight?”

  “Come and have a drink with us,” one of them said.

  “I can’t girls, I’ve got to go home early.” He leant over to Keenan and whispered excitedly into his ear, “I’m leaving now with a couple of girls, I’m going to try for that fabled threesome tonight.” He looked at his hand, “I’m shaking like a leaf. Oh, I can’t believe that this is going to happen.”

  The living room was dimly lit and Zero 7 played gently in the background. Tony leant over and kissed the brunette’s neck. She threw her head back submissively to allow Tony access. He brushed her hair from his face and nuzzled her gently. He felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him back and he turned to see her friend. Her pupils dilated as he moved closer to her and kissed her.

  She pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. “We’re going to give you an experience that you’ll never for
get.” The girl moved over to her friend and kissed her softly.

  “Oh, my god!” Tony squealed. “Never in my wildest dreams …” he stopped himself and remembered that he had to stay in character. “Take your tops off, I’ve always wondered what boobs feel like.”

  The girls smiled at him and removed their tops, Tony had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He watched goggle-eyed as they removed their bras and threw them at him. He sat up and reached out and caressed their breasts, the brunette with his left hand and her friend with his right.

  “I can’t believe this is happening. This is the happiest moment of my life.” He was so grateful he was close to tears.

  “Ssshhh,” the brunette said softly. “Why don’t you take your clothes off, whilst we slip into something more fitting?”

  Tony nodded eagerly and began to remove his clothes frantically. The two girls left the room as Tony began to tear off his clothes. He kicked to remove his jeans and pants as they got caught around his ankles. Sitting down on the sofa, he peeled them off and threw them across the room. He removed his shirt and chucked it on top of his jeans, then removed his socks too. My whole life has been building up to this one moment, he said to himself. I’ve got to make this last. He took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself down. Premature ejaculation, you are not welcome here, he repeated in his head over and over again.

  “Oh, lover boy,” the brunette called seductively from another room in the house. “Why don’t you come and join us?”

  Tony stood up and part of him pointed the way to go. “Thank you,” he said to the universe, “thank you, so much.” He made his way to where the voices were calling him.

  “Come on up. We’re waiting for you,” her friend called.

  Tony bounded up the stairs, his penis slapped against his muscular stomach with every lustful leap. As he got to the bedroom door he waited and took another deep breath. “Here we go!” He pushed open the door and strode into the bedroom. He looked at the brunette and stopped in his tracks. She stood there naked except for a strap on dildo.

  “What the fuck’s that?” Tony cried, his erection wilting slightly.

  The brunette laughed and rubbed her hands up and down it, “It’s a Strap-on- Sally.”

  “What are you planning to do with it?” he cried, unable to take his eyes of the beast.

  “What do you think she’s going to do with it?” her friend said. “Come over here, she’s going to give it to you.”

  “Oh, don’t play so hard to get, you must have done this with your boyfriends a thousand times. What’s the problem?” the brunette said looking confused. She approached Tony, “Bend over, Tony and let me give it to you, you dirty boy.”

  Her friend ran over to Tony and grabbed him, “Come on, let’s experiment.”

  Panic had set in, here he had the opportunity of the threesome he’d fantasised about for all these years, but at what price? He looked at these two gorgeous girls, he thought about the possibilities, but, then he looked at the ridiculous dildo. Oh shit, why had he told them he was gay? he thought to himself. If I’d been more honest, maybe I’d still have made it here, but without the presumption that it’d be fine to shove that bloody great thing up my arse. Pearls of sweat appeared on his forehead as he grappled with the situation that was unravelling before his eyes.

  The brunette kissed him and ran her hand over his chest. She trailed them down his torso, drawing a line from his chest to his stomach. Then her friend reached over too and the pair of them gently caressed Tony’s cock. He felt the familiar electric tingling sensation and closed his eyes.

  The brunette slid herself gently behind him and whispered in his ear, “Bend over.” He felt the cold plastic against his arse. She grabbed the back of his arms and pushed her hips firmly against him.

  Tony’s back arched and the fear set in. “Fuck off!” Tony shrieked.

  The two girls flinched as he pushed them off of him and he scampered out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

  “Hey universe,” he shouted as he frantically gathered his clothes together in the lounge. “Why did you have to kick a man when he’s down? Why did you show me heaven and then pull the rug from under my feet. Fuck you, universe, fuck you!”

  Chapter Twenty Four

  The main hall was filled with row after row of symmetrically arranged desks. The students’ faces contorted in concentration as they studied their exam papers intensely. The only noise that could be heard in the hall was the sound of pens scratching away at the paper, and the footsteps of the invigilators as they paced back and forth amongst the aisles. Tony’s tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth, clamped in place by his teeth. He feverishly wrote down the answers to question after question. Gareth looked up from his paper and scratched his head, as he racked his brain for the answer. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Tony scrawling out lines of text onto the paper. He noticed Uwe gritting his teeth and staring at Tony too.

  “He’s a man possessed,” he whispered across to Uwe.

  “Shhh,” Uwe replied and raised his index finger to his lips.

  On hearing the disturbance, the footsteps quickened and grew louder as they came closer to the source of the noise. Uwe and Gareth quickly put their heads down and tried to look inconspicuous.

  Tony reached the bottom of the final page and with a flourish filled in the last answer. He threw his pen down onto his desk and raised his hand.

  One of the invigilators marched over to him quickly and whispered, “Yes?”

  “I’ve finished. Can I go now?”

  The invigilator looked at her watch and then back at Tony. “Really? Already?”

  The heads of the other examinees began to pop up like prairie dogs, craning to see who had finished the exam.

  The invigilator picked up Tony’s paper and ran her finger down it, it was complete. “Are you sure you don’t want to check your answers? You’ve got plenty of time.”

  Tony smiled, “No need, it was a breeze.”

  The invigilator shrugged, “Okay then. You can leave, but do it quietly.” She picked up Tony’s paper and took it back to the front of the hall and placed it in the tray for completed papers.

  Tony stood up and nonchalantly made his way to the main doors. He pushed them open, but before he left he couldn’t resist a sneaky look back. As he turned he saw the head of nearly every student peering back at him. As quickly as their reflexes would react, they all turned back to the papers and tried to continue with their exams. Tony grinned to himself as he meandered back up to the Larry Grayson Boudoir.

  The school was eerily silent, since every student was still in the exam. Tony wandered into the foyer and made his way to the main staircase. He ran his hand absentmindedly along the smooth wooden banister as he ascended the stairs. Suddenly, he heard the familiar click-clack of heels. He stopped and tried to gauge which direction they were coming from, but they seemed to echo off of every surface. He panicked and took a few steps back down the stairs, but the noise appeared to grow louder. Tony’s head turned wildly and he tried to make a decision, finally he decided that they were behind him and swiftly made his escape up the stairs.

  “Oh, hi Tony,” came the unmistakable voice, as Louise appeared at the top of the stairs in front of him. “In a hurry?”

  Tony looked up at her and tried to compose himself. “Hi, I didn’t see you there.” He smiled weakly.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be in an exam?”

  “I’ve finished it. It was easy.”

  Louise smiled, “I’m impressed. You must have studied really hard.”

  “What else could I do?” he said flatly. “I threw myself into reading to try and forget you. Every bloody song reminded me of you and every TV show or film seemed to be about lost love. So, I turned to books. Each and every book on the syllabus here is about gays, it was the only place I could go to escape you … to escape us. The constant input served as a distraction and stopped my brain dwelling on what
you threw away.”

  Louise’s face changed, “But what else could I do? I’d lose my job. They could have kicked you out too if they wanted to, and that means they’d send you off to prison for not completing the course. It would be in breach of your terms, don’t think I didn’t check the conditions thoroughly.” She placed her hand on Tony’s shoulder and looked around her to make sure no one else was around. “You know I still have feelings for you, but I did it to protect both of us.”

  Tony looked her in the eyes, as he looked at her he was overcome with a feeling of hopelessness. He didn’t speak, but stared intently at her face, trying to memorise every single detail.

  “Tony?” Louise said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay?”

  He watched her lips move, it was all too much to resist. He gave into himself and leant forward to kiss her.

  “Stop!” she said and tilted her head back.

  “How can I stop?”

  “Look, I have to go,” she let go of his arm and moved past him. “I shouldn’t have stopped to talk to you. I’ll try and avoid you in future. I’ll keep out of your way.”

  “That won’t mean that I won’t love you anymore,” Tony blurted.

  She stopped and looked up at him. “What did you say?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Are you saying that you’re actually in love with me?” she whispered slowly and breathlessly.

  Tony shuffled uncomfortably.

  “Well?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  Her face brightened and her eyes glistened. “Oh, well then, perhaps we need to talk …” She stopped abruptly as she heard footsteps approaching them. “I have to go!”