Future Queens of England

by Ryan Matthews

  The two girls nodded and moved closer to each other. Goggled-eyed Tony stared on, caught in their tractor beam. They pushed their pert breasts together, maintaining full eye contact with Tony at all times and began to kiss.

  “Come on, blow your whistle,” Lex ordered the umpires, but they too were transfixed by the show before them. “Fuck!” Lex cursed, “I hadn’t considered this.” She waved her hand in front of the umpires faces and clicked her fingers. “Oi! Snap out of it!”

  “Sshhh,” one of them said and batted her hand out of the way.

  Lex shook her head, she knew her window of opportunity was decreasing by the second. She scratched her head and thought hard, then suddenly it came to her. “Hey,” she said to the two umpires, “if you concentrate on the game now, then how about I invite you back to our clubhouse and I can arrange for you to get to know these girls a little better.”

  Instantly she gained their attention, “Really?”

  “Really!” she said firmly. “Now, blow that fucking whistle!”

  Both of the umpires hastily fumbled for their whistles and within a split second the air was filled with the shrill sound to signify that play had started again.

  Lex gritted her teeth and cracked the ball forward, again Tony remained completely motionless, hypnotised by the spectacle in front of him. He whimpered slightly as she surged past him.

  Team Queens was still in a state of chaos, without their Captain they could not function as a coherent unit. They battled in vain as Lex and the girls ploughed through their defences to land another goal.

  Uwe raised his hand to his face, “Five-four to them.” His head sank.

  Bruce ran over to him, “What are we going to do?”

  “How should I know?”

  “You’re the vice-captain. Think of something!”

  Uwe looked to the sky for inspiration, but none came. “We need something to wake him up. He needs something to shock him.” He paced up and down and tried to block out the noise from the away team celebrating. He stopped suddenly, “Aha, I’ve got it! Quick get me some water.”

  Bruce scampered to the side of the pitch and grabbed a bottle of water, he ran back and handed it to Uwe. “Here! Will this do?” he said as he thrusted it into Uwe’s hand.

  “Ja, prima.” Uwe ran up to pitch to Tony. “Maybe this will wake you up,” he squeezed the bottle and sprayed a jet of water straight into Tony’s face.

  Tony blinked a couple of times, but continued to watch the two girls in front of him.

  “Scheisse! That didn’t work.”

  Bruce ran up to Uwe, “We need something more drastic to break this spell. Shit, shit, shit. What else is there?”

  Uwe’s eyes glinted, “I have the answer.” His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. He stepped closer to Tony and quick as a flash gripped both sides of Tony’s face and kissed him full on the mouth.

  “Arrgghhh,” Tony shrieked as he felt Uwe’s tongue slide into his mouth. With every ounce of strength, he threw his arms forward, sending Uwe sprawling to the ground. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!” Tony roared. He furiously wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and spat onto the floor. “Urrghh, I can’t believe that just happened.” He scraped his teeth over his tongue and spat onto the grass beneath him.

  Uwe clambered to his feet, “You left me no choice. Truly desperate times, call for truly desperate measures. The score is five-four to them. We’re losing!”

  “What? How can that be?” Tony said, disbelieving the words he was hearing.

  “They found your weakness and exploited it. Whilst you were watching that sickening display, they’ve romped into the lead,” he said with a shake of his head.

  “Coo-wee, Tony,” the two girls called flirtatiously from across the line. “Forget this game, let’s go somewhere a bit more private and get to know each other better.”

  Tony could still taste Uwe and he spat on the ground. “You know what, girls? Suddenly I’m not in the mood. You go on without me.”

  Lex shot them a look, “Don’t fail me now!”

  They girls nodded and scurried over to Tony. They rubbed their hands over each others’ bodies and moaned and sighed, “Oh, Tony, we want you! Do with us as you will.” They waggled their tongues and pushed their breasts together.

  Tony shook his head and consciously fought off their advances, “Though dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the finals of this competition and nothing must stop me from winning this.”

  “But Tony,” they pleaded, “we’ll do anything you want. Do with us what you will. We can make your wildest fantasises become a reality.”

  Tony scowled at them, “Give it up, girls, you have no power over me!” He looked at the umpires, “now will one of you blow that frigging whistle!”

  “Hold it there,” Lex shouted. “I need to make two more substitutions.” She glared at Vikki and Lynne, “You’ve failed me today, get out of my sight.” Lex looked over to where her substitutes were waiting, but she couldn’t see them. “Where have they all gone?” she screamed.

  One of their supporters nervously spoke, “Err, a few girls came over and chatted them up and they went off somewhere with them.”

  “What? Mid-game?” Lezzy Lex howled, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

  Tony looked over at Ben on the side of the pitch and nodded at him. Ben immediately gave him the thumbs up.

  The whistle sounded and the game commenced. Tony pushed the ball back to Uwe, but instantly hit it back to Tony. He surged forward and knocked Lex to the ground as she tried to tackle him. Vikki and Lynne fumbled with their hockey sticks and made an amateurish attempt to stop Tony. He laughed as he weaved past them.

  “You might want to practise hitting a ball with those sticks instead of using them as cock substitutes.”

  Carol came in to tackle him but he masterfully passed the ball to Uwe, who did what he was born to do and slammed the ball against the back board. The clang rang out for all to hear.

  “The score is five-all now, how are we going to win this now, Lex?” Carol said angrily. “Now we’re stuck with Vikki and Lynne on the pitch for the remainder. They’ve never even played a game in their lives. What use are they? If this goes to penalties we’ve had it”

  “It’s simple, we need to take Tony out. Without him they’re nothing.”

  “How are we going to do that?

  “Sweep the leg,” Lex ordered.

  “Oh, that’s a dirty move. Come on there has to be a better way.”

  “Just do it,” she growled ferociously.

  Lex then whispered something into the ears of Vikki and Lynne as both teams took their positions again.

  The whistle blew and Lex remained stationary with control of the ball. Vikki and Lynne ran over to the two umpires, “Hey guys, I hear you’re coming back to the club house to get to know us better.”

  With the two umpires distracted, Carol ran around and approached Tony from the rear as he and Lex battled for control of the ball. She raised her stick, closed her eyes and swung it between Tony’s legs. Tony shrieked and instantly crumpled to the floor. Immediately the cheers of encouragement stopped and were replaced with boos from the crowd.

  The umpires looked over and saw Tony lying on the floor clutching himself. Lex took the ball and charged towards the goal, she sailed past Team Queens as they made their way over to check on Tony and she flicked the ball past Hugh’s head into the top corner of the net. She turned and raised her hockey stick in celebration.

  The umpire in the home side blew his whistle, “Disallowed!” he called above the booing. He looked over at the umpire in the away side and shouted, “I smell a rat.”

  “Disallowed? Disallowed? Are you crazy?” Lezzy Lex screamed at him waving her hockey stick at him wildly.

  Silently he took out his notepad and wrote down her number then raised his hand and issued her a yellow card. Team Queens’ supporters let out a cheer. The umpires looked over at Car
ol who stood there with a guilty expression and conferred for a moment before walking over to her and presenting her with a yellow card.

  “You cannot be serious!” Lex cried in anguish. “I can’t believe this.”

  Carol glared at Lex, “This is your fault! We’ll be having words later.” She stormed off to the sidelines and threw down her hockey stick.

  Meanwhile, Ben ran over to Tony with his medical kit. “Let me through, let me through,” he said, pushing past the players who were crowded around Tony. He crouched down next to him, “Right, back up and give me some room.” The players duly stepped back as requested. Tony writhed in pain and rocked back and forth in the foetal position. Ben put his hand onto Tony’s shoulder and tried to steady him, “Where does it hurt?”

  Tony grunted and pointed down. Ben nodded, he took some oil from his medical bag and rubbed it into his hands. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them to warm the oil up.

  “Hold him down,” he ordered.

  Tony’s team mates bent down and gripped Tony firmly, they pulled him out of the foetal position and stretched his legs out.

  “Relax Tony,” Ben said softly, “this might feel a bit strange.” Ben reached down and squeezed Tony’s thigh firmly with both hands. He squealed in pain and his body tensed. His team-mates fought to keep him stretched out in order to let Ben work his magic. He gently felt around for the centre of the pain, he judged this from Tony’s reactions.

  Finally, he spoke, “I’ve got it. Luckily she missed his family jewels but it looks like she hit him pretty hard.”

  The home umpire stepped forward, “Can you continue with play?”

  “Just give me a few moments and I’ll try and relieve the pain.” He began to massage Tony’s thigh and Tony quickly began to relax, eased slightly. Ben pushed his thumbs into the pressure points and the pain subsided dramatically. “You’re going to be pretty swollen and badly bruised, but you should be okay to play.”

  Tony winced as he sat himself up, “Thanks. Let me get my breath and we can play on.”

  “There’s one more thing that might help,” Ben said as he slid his thumbs underneath the hem of Tony red shorts as he probed for another pressure point.

  Tony quickly raised his knees, “That’s far enough, I’ll be alright.” He allowed Uwe and Keenan to pull him to his feet. “Okay, let’s finish this!”

  Ben retreated to the side lines again, and the team took their positions once more.

  Tony hobbled to the centre and faced her again. “You’ve done everything you can to stop me, but I’m like the terminator, I’ll just keep on coming and coming. Now let’s finish this once and for all.”

  Lezzy Lex snarled at Tony, but before she had time to speak the whistle sounded. Lex knew that she was three players down and had to give it everything she’d got. After the push back, she hit the ball hard past Tony and then sprinted after it, Tony limped to intercept it, but his injury slowed him down.

  Uwe dashed forward and chased after her and she dribbled towards the goal. The away team’s attackers flooded into Team Queen’s half and were instantly marked by the home side. Uwe caught up with Lex and engaged her in battle. Her face contorted, as she fought valiantly to keep control of the ball, and to get past Uwe as he bore down hard on her. Then the opportunity came and Uwe scooped the ball from out of her grasp with his stick and made his dash.

  Lex cursed and hooked his leg from under him in a last desperate attempt to stop him. Uwe crashed to the floor but the ball rolled on.

  “Foul,” came the cry.

  But Lex protested, “I was going for the ball and he ran into my stick.”

  “Play on!” called the umpire.

  “No way!” cried Keenan in dismay at the umpire’s decision.

  Every player in Team Queens ran over to the umpire and began to protest. The lesbian team joined them to provide a counter argument.

  As the teams argued Hugh watched on from his goal mouth and saw the ball roll freely and then come to a stop just ten metres in front of him. He looked left and right to see who would take the ball, but no one made a move. He took a deep breath and lifted up his helmet onto the top of his head. He waddled toward the ball in all his goalie padding and hit it another ten metres towards his opponents’ half. Again, he trudged forward and repeated this pattern, unable to dribble effectively he moved the ball the only way he knew how.

  “Shit!” Lex cried pointing at Hugh. “Get into position.”

  The teams stopped arguing and returned into their formation.

  Hugh hit the ball again, sweating profusely under the weight of his protective clothing and found himself in the away team’s half. His mouth was completely dry and it hurt to swallow. He looked around frantically for someone to pass the ball to but there was no one in range. He heard the thunder of her feet and turned to face Lezzy Lex. She hurtled towards him preparing to make a challenge for the ball, but Hugh threw himself at her feet to protect the ball. Unable to stop herself she tripped and toppled over him and came crashing down awkwardly onto the ground. Hugh dragged himself to his feet and looked down at Lex who was clutching her knee and writhing in agony.

  “Can he do that?” Keenan shouted over to Uwe.

  Uwe shrugged, “Well, the umpire isn’t blowing the whistle so it must be legal.”

  “Go Hugh!” Tony shouted. “You can do it. We believe in you.”

  Aware of how little time and energy he had left, but spurred on by Tony’s words, he soldiered on.

  The crowd cheered, whipped up into an uncontrollable frenzy and Hugh felt them wiling him on. Bruce, Uwe, Keenan, Paul and the others fought hard to keep the away team at bay and to give Hugh the space to approach the goal. Tony limped into the lesbian team’s half and did his best to remain parallel with Hugh.

  Utterly exhausted, Hugh went deeper and deeper into his opponent’s half until all that lay in front of him was the goalie and the goal. He was soaking wet from sweat and barely had the energy to take another step.

  Kath, realising that Lex wasn’t getting back up, made the decision to attack.

  “Quick, Hugh,” Bruce called they’re coming for you.

  Tony signalled to Ben and called out, “Release the fag hags!”

  Ben nodded and from out of nowhere Belinda, Yasmin, Stacy and the gaggle of fag hags streamed down the side lines of either side of the pitch towards the lesbian team’s goal.

  The goalie stared on in confusion as the fag hags came to a halt. They stopped as if waiting for a signal.

  “Prepare yourself, Hugh!” Tony called with authority. “Fag hags, reveal yourselves!”

  With that the girls began to shout over in unison to the goalie. “Hey, which pair do you like best?” Then, with complete synchronicity, they took hold of the bottom of their jumpers and hoisted them right up to their necks to reveal their beautiful breasts.

  “Phwoar!” Yvonne, the goalie declared, her head whizzing from left to right as she checked them all out as the girls bounced up and down on the spot.

  Kath’s pace slowed as she too became distracted by the fag hags display.

  Lezzy Lex clambered back to her feet, wincing in pain and limped towards Hugh. Hugh gritted his teeth and began his swing.

  The fag hags jiggled from the side lines and gave the goalie a once in a life time spectacle.

  Realising that she could not get to Hugh in time to stop him, Lex threw her hockey stick with all her might at him. As fast as a bullet it whistled as it spun through the air at her target, but before it was due to make contact Tony leapt into the air and took the full force of it in the centre of his chest. He fell to the ground winded, but still grinning defiantly at Lex.

  The umpire raised his whistle to his lips to stop play, but lowered it when he saw that Lex’s last ditch attempt to disrupt the game had failed.

  Hugh’s hockey stick made contact with the ball and he sent it spinning clumsily forward at an angle. The distracted goalie made no effort to save it and Tony and the team h
eld their breath as they prayed for it to find its target.

  A clang rang out as the ball hit the side of the goal post, they waited with baited breath as it ricocheted along the goal line, before finally coming to a standstill behind the line.

  For a moment there was silence as both teams, umpires and supporters squinted to see which side of the line the ball was, even the fag hags stopped jiggling and covered themselves up.

  The goalie shouted “Clit teasers,” in anger that the show was over so quickly and then looked down to see what everyone was staring at. She saw the ball and kicked it furiously out of the goal. “Hey, that’s not fair. I wasn’t ready.”

  The away team umpire blew his whistle to signify the end of the game and shouted, “Six-five to Team Queens!”

  The noise was deafening as the home crowd erupted into applause and cheers. They ran onto the pitch and lifted the players aloft and danced around the pitch with them on their shoulders in victory.

  “We did it!” Tony called over to Uwe, who was being bounced around a little too much for his liking. “We won!”

  Uwe cupped his hands over his mouth like a megaphone, “Did you ever doubt it for a second?”

  “Well, I didn’t think it’d be me scoring the winning goal,” Hugh shouted over the noise with a massive smile. “Well, with a little help from the fag hags.”

  “You’re right, Hugh. Come on, guys, show the fag hags some appreciation,” Tony called down to the crowd.

  Giles acknowledged this and lead a group of supporters to pick up the fag hags and parade them too.

  Louise pushed her way through the crowd to get to Tony, “Hey!” she shouted to get his attention.

  Tony looked down and smiled at her.

  “You were amazing today,” she called up to him.

  “What?” Tony said, pretending that he couldn’t hear her.

  “I said, that you were amazing today.”

  Tony smirked, “Yes, I thought that’s what you said. Come and find me in the bar later and tell me again,” he called as they carried him away.

  The defeated lesbians slid open the door and clambered into their blue VW camper van to the sound of backbiting and squabbling. They started the engine and pulled up alongside the revellers.