The Reluctant Cowgirl

by Christine Lynxwiler

  Crystal shook her head and stepped to the side of the door to switch the outside breaker on. They kept the electricity turned off when they weren’t using this barn. Which was most of the time now.

  She pulled on the rectangular wooden button, and the big door creaked open.

  “Is it an animal?” Beka’s voice was quiet. She slipped her hand into Jeremy’s.

  Crystal laughed. “No. No animals in this barn. Although my daddy used to say we sounded like laughing hyenas sometimes.”

  As they walked into the dusty barn, just like Crystal had the day of the private meeting, she imagined the McCord Players up on the stage acting their hearts out. They’d had so much fun here.

  “What is this place?” Beka whispered.

  “It’s a theater my daddy built for my sister and me when we were not much older than you.” Crystal pointed toward the stage. “We’d get up there and pretend to be anything you can think of.” She hurried over to a closet in the corner, next to the bathroom. When she opened the door, she spied the big trunk of costumes in the corner, but the smell of moth balls propelled her backward. She turned to Jeremy and Crystal. “We’ll let this air out a little while I show you the stage.” She left the door ajar and led the way up to the stage.

  “You’ll get dusty,” she warned.

  Jeremy ruffled Beka’s hair. “We’ll wash, won’t we, Little Bit?”

  Beka nodded and bounded up the steps and onto the stage. She pranced from one end to the other, giggling all the way. “Miss Crystal, watch this.” She jumped up in the air and spun around. “I’m a ballerina.”

  Crystal and Jeremy clapped.

  “You come play.” Beka motioned to them.

  Jeremy grinned at Crystal. “You should feel right at home up there, but I don’t remember the last time I was on stage.” He stepped back and let her go up the short stairs ahead of him. “Probably graduation.”

  She looked over her shoulder at him. “That doesn’t count. When’s the last time you were on a stage and pretended?”

  “Fifth grade. We put on Cinderella. Or our version of it, at least.”

  “And you were Prince Charming?”

  He laughed. “I was one of the footmen.”

  Beka, who had been listening intently to their banter, clapped her hands together. “You be a prince, Daddy.”

  He looked down at her. “If you’ll be my princess.”

  She shook her head. “I’m going to be the evil fairy, Malevolence.”

  “Ah...” Crystal said. “So we’re doing Sleeping Beauty?”

  “Yes.” Beka bobbed her head once. “And you”—she pointed at Crystal—“can be Princess Aurora.”

  “I think you have a director in the making,” Crystal said under her breath to Jeremy.

  Beka pulled Jeremy to one side of the stage. “You stand here. It’s not your turn yet.”

  Crystal watched with amazement as the little girl breezed through Aurora’s birth and the evil fairy’s curse. She jumped around acting out the parts and directing Crystal until she pricked her finger on an imaginary spinning wheel.

  Crystal fell onto the stage with a plunk. Through her eyelashes she saw Beka look at her in surprise then look at her daddy.

  “Now she’ll have to sleep for a hundred years.” Jeremy’s voice sounded amused.

  “Nuh-uh. You have to kiss her.”

  CHAPTER 25

  Crystal cringed inside. How had she not seen this coming? She considered her options. Jump up and greatly disappoint a six-year-old director. Lie really still and hope that Jeremy had a diplomatic solution. She decided on the latter. She held her breath as she waited to see what he’d say.

  But all she heard were heavy steps on the stage. Her heart pounded against her ribs. From under her eyelashes, she saw cowboy boots coming toward her. She felt him bend down over her.

  “You don’t have to—” she whispered, breaking off as his lips brushed hers gently.

  “Awake, fair princess.” His voice was very princelike.

  Startled, she jerked her eyes open and stared into his amused gaze. Who was the professional here anyway? She fluttered her eyelashes. “Thank you, my prince.”

  He stood and offered her his hand. When she took it, he pulled her to her feet.

  “The end,” Beka yelled and clapped loudly.

  “You’re a quick study,” Crystal said quietly through her smile.

  Jeremy nodded. “It was an easy role.”

  “Prince?”

  “Kissing you.”

  “Oh.”

  Before she could say any more, Beka almost knocked her down with a hug. “That was fun, wasn’t it, Miss Crystal?”

  Jeremy quickly turned away, but not before Crystal heard him snicker.

  ***

  Crystal was in the sewing room, unpacking her things from her trip, when her cell phone rang. Her heart jumped and she scolded herself. Jeremy had only been gone two hours. It wasn’t likely he was dying to talk to her. Sure enough, a glance at the caller ID showed it was Aaron.

  She flipped it open with a grin. “Hey, big brother, how’s it going in the Windy City?”

  “Great. We’re getting settled in. How’s Home on the Range treating you?”

  “Still good, actually.” Her voice softened. “I love it.”

  “I’m glad. That eases my guilt considerably.”

  “Guilt?”

  “About railroading you into doing it.”

  She laughed. “I knew you were giving me pointed looks that day in the barn. Was everyone in on it?” She balanced the phone on her shoulder while she slid her blouses from her duffel bag into a drawer.

  “No. Just me. And only because I thought it would be the best thing for you right now, too.”

  She bumped the drawer shut with her hip and reached in the bag again. Her hand closed around her Bible. She walked over and placed it on the nightstand. “You were probably right. Why don’t I just let you make all my important life decisions from now on?”

  He chuckled. “That would last about two seconds. Then you’d get tired of it.”

  “Good point.”

  “I was actually calling to get your help in a decision. About Dad and Mom’s welcome home party. Bree had an idea.”

  “Let’s hear it.”

  “Considering their thirtieth anniversary was last week, what would you think if we made this a combination anniversary/welcome home barbecue and invited their friends and neighbors?”

  “That sounds fun.” And she was glad she was going to be here for it. She’d missed so much.

  “Good. You know how iffy the weather can be the first week in May, though. What if it rains or turns off cool?”

  She glanced out in the hallway of the simple two-story frame house. “I don’t think the house could hold everyone.”

  Aaron sighed. “I hate to move it into town, but I don’t guess the horses or Luke would take kindly to being run out of the barn so we could have it in there.”

  “No, but you know what? We could have it in the pole barn. We could put tables and chairs up on the stage even and have Mama and Daddy and their closest friends and family up there, then set everyone else up with tables and chairs on the floor.”

  “Cool,” Aaron agreed. “I didn’t pay much attention when we had our meeting out there, but it seems like it was pretty dirty.”

  Crystal looked down at her jeans, still streaked with dust. “Yes, I was out there tonight, and trust me, it’s filthy. We’d have to have a workday.”

  “You were out at the pole barn tonight?” Aaron’s voice was puzzled. “Why?”

  Crystal hesitated. In their frequent e-mails, she’d purposely not mentioned her growing relationship with Jeremy. But she’d always been honest with her brother. “Jeremy and Beka came over and we went out to show Beka the stage. She’s into pretend right now.”

  “Imagine a six-year-old girl into pretend. Hard to believe,” he said teasingly.

  She laughed. “Well, she’s reall
y into it. She was even our waitress all during supper.”

  “Ah, I see.” His voice suggested he saw entirely too much. “So you and Jeremy are spending quite a bit of time together.”

  Why had she thought for a second that a secret could be kept in her family? Not that it was a secret, but she should have known Luke or Elyse would tell Aaron. “Quite a bit.”

  “I guess that first week didn’t turn out to be such a hardship after all, huh?”

  “Not so much.”

  He laughed. “Okay, I can tell when you don’t want to talk about something. So how about Saturday for a workday?”

  “Do you mean for those of us who are here? Or are you and Bree going to be able to come in?” She pulled her jewelry box from the bag and set it on the dresser.

  “I think we could drive down Friday and spend the night. I think Bree would really like that.”

  Uh-oh. Crystal had sensed the last couple of times she’d talked to her sister-in-law that being a houseparent wasn’t all sweetness and light, but she hated to pry. “Can y’all leave the boys?”

  “We have a couple who will fill in for us any weekend. All we need to do is ask. So I’ll take care of that tomorrow.”

  “Oh, Aaron, that would be awesome! I’ll let Luke and Elyse know and call Kaleigh and Chance and see if they can get away.” She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the dresser mirror, her smile huge, her eyes sparkling. How ironic that it hadn’t been that long ago that she almost dreaded spending much time with her brothers and sisters. Now she couldn’t wait.

  “Great. I’ll call Matthew. But make sure they know that if they have to choose, we’d rather them be at the party in two weeks than at the cleanup day.”

  “Boy, you sure are bossy. What do you think you are, the oldest or something?”

  He laughed. “You said I could make all your decisions from now on.”

  “I take it back.” She paused. “But seriously, I do need to ask a favor.”

  “Anything for you.”

  She walked over and ran her hand over the leather cover of her Bible. “Could you pray for me?”

  “I’ve never missed a day of doing that since you left home, Crys. But it’s good to hear you ask.” He cleared his throat. “How are things going between you and God?”

  She smiled at his directness, even as a lump came in her throat. “Well, I found my Bible. And I’ve been reading it again.” She ran her hand over her eyes. “I know what I should do. I’m just having a hard time believing that He really wants me back after the life I’ve lived for the past seven years.”

  “I can relate to that. By the time Mama and Daddy adopted me, I’d lived a rougher life than most grown men ever do.”

  She sank down on the bed, grateful that he was trying to make her feel better but unwilling to let him make it seem like she was no worse than he had been. “Yeah, but Aaron, you were a kid who was in a terrible situation you didn’t create. That’s different.”

  “Just listen. Here’s what I remember. One night, after I’d been in the family about a year, I wanted to get baptized but I was afraid to. I didn’t want to let God down, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop using the language I was used to. After all, I’d tried for a year and still slipped up occasionally.”

  She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. She could remember her tender-hearted big brother and that night he was struggling as clearly as if it was yesterday.

  “A wise little girl told me something that night that I’ve never forgotten.”

  “Me?” That part she didn’t remember.

  “Yes, you. You told me that Christians aren’t perfect, but they are forgiven.” She could hear emotion in his voice. “Hearing that changed my life.”

  She stared at the ceiling as tears leaked down the sides of her face onto the quilt. “Thanks, Aaron.”

  “Hang in there, sis. Better days are coming.”

  She swiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”

  “You, too. And I’m praying for you.”

  When the connection was broken, she tossed the phone beside her on the bed and pushed to her feet. She needed air. And space. She needed to see the stars and think. She hurried down the stairs, grabbed a jacket from the hook by the door, and ran outside into the darkness.

  She stepped off the porch and started walking down the lane. She looked up at the stars. They crowded together in the sky, like a huge audience gathered together to watch her. To cheer her on? Or to wait for her to mess up again?

  Crystal had no idea where she was going until she glanced across the split-rail fence and saw the huge oak tree stump, illuminated by the moonlight. How many nights had she sat on that stump watching the stars? And praying?

  She climbed over the fence and walked slowly over to the stump to sit down. She pulled her knees to her chest and thought of what Jeremy said about Lindsey after her funeral. That once she’d left God and everything she believed was right, she couldn’t seem to find her way back. Those words had haunted Crystal ever since she’d first heard them.

  Here I am, Lord.

  A mess.

  You know, I’m no different than Lindsey. Her sins were easier to see. But mine are just as black.

  “I was just so mad.” Her voice sounded loud in the empty night. “I didn’t want to live without Cami. I thought You must hate me to do that to me.” Hot tears fell on cold cheeks. She waved her hand at the sky and swiped at the tears. “Oh, I knew You didn’t do it. You didn’t make those kids drink and drive. But for as long as I can remember, I was taught that You are in control of everything. That made it hard to understand.”

  Aaron had talked to her about this every time he got a chance, but by the time she was past the initial anger enough to grasp the concept of a world where sin caused bad things to happen to good people and God made beauty from ashes, the chasm between her and God was so wide...

  “That there was no crossing it,” she whispered to the stars.

  The tightness in her chest threatened to choke off her breath. “I wanted to come back.” She lifted her face to the sky and let the tears cascade down her cheeks unchecked. “But then I’d ask myself, ‘Why would You want me?’”

  She sat without moving, looking up. So many dancing lights that they were uncountable. Suddenly she remembered a Bible verse her daddy had helped her learn when he was teaching her about the stars. “He counts the number of the stars; he calls them all by name.”

  Uncountable for her. But not only could God count them, He even knew their names.

  She drew in a shuddering breath. Maybe there was hope for her after all.

  ***

  Jeremy handed Beka her pink book bag and followed her into the classroom.

  Kids darted here and there, making the most of their last few minutes of freedom before the bell rang. A freckle-faced boy chased a little girl with long black hair. “Give me that back!”