Life, Love, and Other Inequalities

by Argentina Ryder

  He turned the laptop away from her. “Nothing.”

  She laughed, turning it back toward her and looking at the words typed into the search box. Valentine presents for men. “Aww.”

  “Stop.”

  She kissed the top of his head. “This is delightful, Matt. Don’t be upset.” She perched next to him, scooting her chair closer. “So, what are you two doing for Valentine’s day?”

  “I don’t know.” When she stared incredulously at him, Matt continued. “We’ve been dating for a couple weeks.”

  “It’s been almost a month,” Sabrina answered, “and it will be another couple of weeks by Valentine’s Day. You need to get him a present.” She nudged him in the belly. “A good one, too, for putting up with you.”

  “Go away.”

  Sabrina ignored this. “What did you get him for Christmas?” Matt shook his head. “Just as I thought. But he brought you something, correct?”

  Matt smiled to himself. “Cupcake pans. It was a… private joke.”

  “No, it wasn’t a joke. It was a thoughtful gift, cute and intimate. Now you must do the same.”

  Matt stared at her. “Must I?”

  “Yes. What are you considering?”

  That was the problem. “I’ve got no idea,” Matt admitted. “I thought maybe I should go the funny route, get him something silly, like a gag gift.”

  Sabrina’s face wrinkled in disgust. “Absolutely not.”

  Matt sighed. “A wallet maybe?” Her face showed what she thought about that. “Yeah, it’s pretty lame. Okay, what else? Maybe something for his kitchen?”

  She nodded. “That could be cool. Appropriate. Does he need anything?”

  “That’s a good question. I don’t know.”

  “Then you need to find out,” Sabrina told him. “Maybe something related to cooking from Texas. He probably doesn’t have equipment like that. Barbecue things or something for Mexican cuisine.”

  Matt bit his bottom lip, looking over at her. “Do you think that getting someone who cooks things connected to cooking is the best decision? It seems the obvious choice.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “I’m trying to help.” She was silent a moment, then blinked. “I got it. Take him on a trip. A weekend somewhere, just the two of you. You come here a lot to help us and deserve a little holiday break too.”

  She wasn’t wrong. “What are you thinking?”

  “New Orleans,” she said without skipping a beat. “It’s fun and sexy and I’ll bet he’s never been.”

  Matt snorted. “I’ve never been there.”

  “Even better.” Sabrina patted him on the shoulder. “Get a nice hotel room in the French Quarter and just sit back for a couple of days, eating and drinking. You should go get your tarot cards read. And take one of those riverboat rides.” She sighed again. “And eat beignets. Also, you should bring me along because this sounds like fun.”

  It was a perfect idea, aside from taking his sister on a romantic weekend with his lover. “I’ll consider it.”

  Sabrina grinned. “I got your back, Brother, you know that. I don’t know why you don’t ask me for help more often.”

  February

  “Mr. Evans!” Matt heard the kids calling out, a couple of them dropping their streamers and heading over to the cafeteria doors. Turning, he spotted Sawyer walking in, holding a plastic bag. He finished inflating a pink balloon and tied it off before walking over toward Sawyer, now surrounded by kids, eager to catch up and see what was in the bag.

  “Hey there.” Sawyer made his way through the small crowd of students who circled him, wanting to talk to him. “How are you all doing?”

  “You guys, all of you get back to work.” Matt called them all back to their jobs. “Doors open in an hour.”

  Sawyer offered a few one-armed hugs to some students and then looked up at Matt, a silly grin on his face. “Tell me again how you got roped into chaperone duty?” Sawyer looked at the balloon in Matt’s hand and dropped his voice. “You know you secretly love this shit.”

  “Ah yeah, except when I don’t.” Matt laughed, tossing the balloon at Sawyer. “You left, so now everyone decided I have to step in and do it. Volunteer for everything.” He looked at the bag, his eyebrow arched. “What’s in there?” he asked, reaching out for it only to watch Sawyer pull it back, just out of his reach. “It’s for me, right?”

  “Might be,” Sawyer said. “What’s the magic word?”

  Matt leaned in, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Yes.” He grinned as Sawyer laughed and handed the bag to him. He pulled out a small plastic bowl and opened the lid, spotting the familiar stew, pork and hominy in a red chile broth. Could it be? “Is this posole?”

  “Yeah.” Sawyer got out a pouch from his satchel and also handed it over to Matt along with a spoon. “Elena gave me her recipe, walked me through it earlier today. Couldn’t let you stuff on pizza and soda tonight.” Matt sat down at one of the cafeteria tables, setting the baggie and spoon down next to him. “Spend the morning roasting the ancho chiles and then let it cook all afternoon.” He reached into the satchel once more and handed Matt a can of flavored carbonated water. “The Airstream smells so good, you can’t imagine.”

  But Matt could. He recalled many chilly evenings coming home late from basketball practice to find favorite stew simmering in his grandmother’s old cast-iron pot. “What’s in the baggie?”

  “Garnishes,” Sawyer answered. “Cilantro, avocado, and a little lime wedge.”

  Unbelievable. “You’re spoiling me.” Matt picked up the spoon and tasting it. It was incredible. “This is perfect.” At least until he spotted Laverne heading their way out of the corner of his eye. “Get away from me.”

  To no avail. “I hope you made enough for me too,” she laughed, giving Sawyer a hug. “We miss you around here.”

  Sawyer flushed, grinning as they sat on the opposite side of the table from Matt. “I was over at the elementary school on Monday and Tuesday. Fourth grade,” he added. All three of them made a face at that. “But I’ll be back next week. I picked up a couple days for Dorothy, so I’ll get to see the kids again.”

  “Oh good. It’s been too long.” Laverne stood, hugging Sawyer once more, and then waving at Matt, who had been steadily eating during this conversation. “You should stay for a couple hours if you can. The kids’ll be thrilled to see you.”

  Sawyer cocked an eyebrow at Matt. “You mind if I hang out a bit?”

  Matt chuckled, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Go for it. You can blow up those balloons while I eat.” Sawyer stood and gave him a brief salute, then headed toward the helium tank with Laverne. Matt finished the stew and put the container back into the plastic bag, tucking it inside Sawyer’s satchel and setting it behind the concession table next to his own backpack.

  By the time the dance started, the cafeteria had transformed into a pink and red wonderland. Matt had assumed that the students would have destroyed the balloons and all his hard work, but half an hour into the festivities most of them remained intact and unpopped. Matt watched over the concessions with the student council kids, monitoring the money box and making sure no one stole any candy from the table. Every time he looked up, he spotted Sawyer walking around with Dan and Bridget, scanning the crowd and picking up trash. At the one-hour mark two more parents arrived and took over concession table duty, so Matt waved goodbye to the students and headed out to see what was happening on the dance floor.

  Quite a lot, it seemed. The DJ had a dance contest going, most of the students forming a ring around a couple of kids who were freestyling in the center. Matt felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Sawyer step up behind him, his satchel slung around his arm. “Feeling like busting a move, Ruiz?”

  “Definitely not.” Matt answered with mock solemnity, but the music was loud, much too loud for any kind of discussion. Nodding his head to the side of the cafeteria, they headed down the corridor, the din of the sound system still ringing in his ears.
r />   Or maybe the music was just that loud. “You heading out?” he asked as they walked toward the entrance to the school.

  “Yeah.” Sawyer shifted his satchel from one arm to the other. “I got the truck parked out front.”

  They exited the building, and Matt could still hear the music playing from the cafeteria. Looking up, he saw a clear sky full of stars. “Thanks for coming. And bringing me dinner. Oh and helping chaperone. Thanks for everything.”

  Sawyer looked at him with the softest expression on his face. “Anytime, Ruiz.”

  Matt’s hand fell to the side of his body, his fingers drifting over toward Sawyer’s hand, fingertips touching, pinkies linking. Christ, this was dumb. But the sweetest dumb Matt had had in a long fucking time. “I guess the dance was a success. The kids were happy to see you.”

  “Well, I was glad to help.” A soft smile broke across his face. “It was fun, watching you too. And I wanted to make sure you ate at a decent hour.”

  “You mean nine-thirty isn’t a decent hour?” Matt asked, and Sawyer groaned at that, slipping his hand slipped around Matt’s waist and resting his forehead against Matt’s temple. The DJ had put on a slow song and Matt knew he should get back inside and watch for kids making out, but Sawyer swayed with the music and before Matt knew it they were dancing.

  “Come by tonight?” Sawyer whispered into Matt’s ear.

  “Yeah.” Matt looked up at Sawyer. “You know, I planned on driving to the ranch this weekend since I haven’t been there in a couple weeks. Lemme run home and grab my laptop, and I’ll just leave from your place in the morning.” He smiled, feeling Sawyer kissing his cheek. “Why don’t you come-”

  He heard something, voices, laughter. Turning his head, Matt looked up in the sound's direction. “What was that?” Taking two steps toward the school, he sighted two students with their phones out, recording them. They rushed back into the building, rounding the corner down the hallway and back towards the cafeteria. “Shit.”

  Sawyer’s brows furrowed. “Maybe they didn’t-”

  But Matt would not let Sawyer get any further. “Yes, they did. Shit.” Matt pushed him away. “This is what I didn’t want. This is what I didn’t fucking want.” Growling, he kicked the curb to the parking lot. “I gotta go fix this.”

  “Matt-” Sawyer took a step forward.

  “Don’t ‘Matt’ me.” Matt pulled away, pacing. “I told you, I can’t do this here. This is my job, my fucking job, do you understand that?”

  “Loud and clear. I’m sorry.”

  “Are you? Sorry about what, ruining my life? You get to leave here, drive off in your trailer, and I’m the one who’s stuck here dealing with the consequences.” Sawyer’s face froze as if someone had slapped him, but Matt didn’t care. “We can’t do this.”

  Sawyer nodded. “You mean tonight, this weekend or…” When Matt didn’t respond, he continued. “Or you mean you and me, we can’t do this.”

  Matt looked back up at the sky. So many stars. “This is my job, Sawyer.”

  “Yeah, I got that when you shouted it at me a couple times.” Sawyer took a deep breath and folded his hands together. He glanced down, his laugh low and bitter. “I don’t know why I’m so fucking surprised. I predicted this. I told you this would happen, remember?” They stood glaring at each other for a long minute until Sawyer looked away, almost in disgust. “Good bye, Matt.”

  Matt turned and headed back inside the dark hallway and into the cafeteria. No one said anything to him about being gone. “Everything alright?” Laverne asked, two empty soda cans in her hands. “You look upset, hon.”

  He shook his head and spent the rest of the evening by himself. His expression kept everyone away.

  He heard his phone go off a few times that night, but he ignored them all.

  Early the next morning, Matt tossed some clothes into a bag, packed up his laptop and headed out toward the ranch. He spotted Sabrina in the barn as he pulled up next to her car. She waved at him, then pointed at their ancient John Deere tractor and shook her head. He waved back and nodded, then walked inside.

  His grandmother wasn’t in the kitchen. “Hello,” he called out, not spotting her.

  “Over here,” she answered, and following the sound of her voice, Matt found her in her bedroom, sitting in her closet. Boxes and piles of clothes covered her bed. “Hi Mijo. I’m so glad to see you.” Before Matt could respond, she added, “Can you hand me that?” Elena stood and pointed at a shelf high above her head. He pulled down a cardboard box and set it on the ground. “Thank you, Mateo.” She kissed his cheek. “Hungry?”

  “Not really,” Matt told her, but he followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table, accepting a cup of coffee and some coffee cake. “Sit down with me. What are you doing in your closet?”

  Elena cut a piece of coffee cake for herself and joined him. “Just a little spring cleaning,” she answered. “I told your grandpa that we needed to start getting rid of all our junk. You and Sabrina shouldn’t be going through all our things once we’re gone.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” Matt took a sip from his cup. “You’re not going anywhere.”

  She laughed. “Do you want to go through those boxes of Beanie Babies after I’m dead?” Elena reached out and took his hands in hers. “We’re not getting younger, Mijo. But if it makes you feel better, just imagine that I’m doing the Marie Kondo on my bedroom.”

  He snorted, but felt her eyes on him, looking at him. Really looking. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “You look like you aren’t sleeping.”

  It had taken a while to fall asleep the night before, but Matt didn’t realize he looked tired. “Nothing. Just… I’ve been busy. Lots going on at work and school.”

  She smiled at him, reaching out and messing with his hair. “I’m glad you’re here then. You can rest and sleep in late tomorrow. Maybe later you can set up your computer over here on the kitchen table and I will help you with your homework like I used to when you were little.”

  Matt laughed at that. “Sounds good.” He finished his snack in two more bites. “What’s going on in the barn?”

  Elena shook her head, her face darkening as she stood, taking the plates over to the sink. “That damn tractor. It hasn’t run in years and all of a sudden he wants to get it started. I wish he’d just get rid of it.” She brought the coffee pot over and refilled her cup. “Maybe he’ll listen to you.”

  Later that afternoon, Matt took a deep breath and began going through the messages on his phone.

  From Cora: What happened?

  From Laverne: It’s not that bad. It’s really not that bad.

  From Alicia: Call me if you need to talk. Don’t get all upset over this.

  From Cora: Hey I don’t know if you saw this. Call me.

  His heart raced as he realized that someone had uploaded a video on YouTube, and with a shaking hand he clicked on the link. They titled the video ‘My Gay Teachers.’ It looked like a cell phone camera zooming in on him and Sawyer talking in the parking lot. All the air whooshed out of Matt’s lungs as he saw their hands tangle, Sawyer leaning in and kissing him, and the two of them dancing. Fuck, what had he been expecting, they were fucking dancing in the parking lot of his middle school. They added a cheesy love song that played during this video.

  And there were comments, of course there were comments.

  LOL05: I didn’t know they were dating!

  monfreya: Boyfriends!

  iamasquid: Gross.

  k1tty12: Ah I love them! They’re so cute together!

  _off_jacked: Fags.

  HiBiKaBa: I ship them hard.

  Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Matt tossed the phone back on his bed and held his head in his hands. This is exactly what he’d worked so hard to avoid, being that teacher. The gay teacher. The fag teacher.

  And Sawyer, dammit, of course he didn’t understand. Another couple of months and he’d have moved on from this town. This wasn’t going to Sawyer haunt him for years to
come. But for Matt, the video would blow up every fall when school began and again every February when the dance rolled around and someone shared it with all his new students. It could be life altering for him, potentially career ending, and Matt couldn’t comprehend why everybody was telling him it wasn’t a big deal.

  Dinner that night was quiet. “How’s your friend?” Sabrina asked, teasing as she speared her asparagus. “I hoped you might bring him here this weekend.” She grinned at her grandmother. “I told Grandma to make up the guest room.”

  “Sabrina, don’t tease your brother.” Elena added more roast chicken onto her plate. “How did the posole turn out?” When Matt didn’t answer, Elena put her fork down. “Mateo, what’s wrong?”

  Matt took a deep breath. “Nothing. It’s just… we’re not… I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of each other anymore.”

  Silence filled the room. “Did you have a fight?” Sabrina asked. “What did you do?”

  Matt’s face darkened. “Sabrina, don’t.” Hector gave her a sharp look, then turned to Matt. “Mateo, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” A few more uncomfortable minutes passed before Matt excused himself. He could hear them continuing their conversation as he headed into the living room, dropping onto the sofa, and turning on the television.

  After dinner Sabrina joined him. “What happened?” When Matt didn’t answer, she reached over and grabbed the remote control from his lap and paused the show.

  “Dammit,” Matt said. “Leave me alone.”

  “No. Tell me what happened and then I’ll leave you alone.” She reached for his hand. “But you’re telling me first.”

  They stared at each other for a minute, and then Matt gave up. Reaching for his cell phone, he scrolled through his messages to the one that had the link to the video, and then handed it to her. He heard the song play again, that silly stupid song about love and forever, and he pictured that video in his head, the two of them touching, kissing, dancing…