Life, Love, and Other Inequalities

by Argentina Ryder

  “How do I solve it? What is the first step?” he asked, looking at his class and noticing that everyone was staring at the door. He turned his head and noticed Rebecca Hogan, their vice principal, standing outside in the hall.

  She opened the door and walked inside. “Mr. Ruiz, can I speak with you a moment?” Her face was a calm mask that told him something was wrong.

  “Of course.” She stepped back into the hallway, and he followed, one foot inside his door so he could monitor the class. “Is everything okay?”

  “Um, you need to call your sister. I’m here to watch your class while you go. You can use my office if you need some privacy.”

  This was it. “Is it my grandmother?” he asked point blank, that moment that he’d been dreading for years finally here.

  “Go call Sabrina,” she replied, her voice tight, and Matt knew he was right.

  “Um, okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Take as much time as you need.”

  Matt walked back into the room and picked up his phone. “Class, um, I’ll be right back.” He pointed to the lesson that they were working on and then reminded his students that they had to finish their assignment for homework if they did not complete it before the class ended. I’m stalling, he realized, looking at their faces and then back at Rebecca. Finally, he took a breath and headed into the hallways and down the stairs, walking into the front office. Rosa wasn’t at her desk, but Matt saw that Rebecca’s office was empty.

  He stepped inside and closed the door. Matt fingered his phone for a long moment before he made the call.

  “Hey Matt.” Sabrina’s voice was flat and empty.

  Matt swallowed. “What happened?” She’d been fine at Easter, but who knew how this all worked. Did it come back, and she didn’t tell them? Was it something different? “Is she okay?”

  “Matt.” He heard her crying now, her voice breaking as she spoke. “It’s Grandpa.”

  No. Sharp, like a punch to his gut. “Grandpa?” he repeated. “What… how-”

  “They think it was a heart attack. I found him this morning, out in the cow pasture.” She sniffed. “He went to feed them and when he didn’t come back, I walked out there and-” Matt heard her taking deep breaths.

  “Where are you?”

  “San Pedro Medical Center. The ambulance brought him in, but he wasn’t breathing. Grandma’s with him right now. Can you come?”

  “Yeah, I’m on my way. Hey.” Matt imagined what it must have been like for her that morning, finding him out there. “Love you, Sister.”

  She began crying again. “Love you, Brother.”

  Matt arrived at the hospital and spoke with the doctor who had seen Hector. Sudden cardiac arrest brought about by a massive heart attack. They’d done chest compressions in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but he was gone by the time they arrived. Now, a couple hours later, Elena held Matt’s hand as they sat together in the room with Hector’s body.

  Sabrina walked back into the room. “I called Miller and Sons Funeral Home. They’re picking him up this afternoon.”

  Elena nodded, looking older and tired. “We made all our arrangements a few years ago, back when I was sick. The funeral home knows what to do. It should all be taken care of.” Squeezing Matt’s hand, she leaned against his shoulder. “I always thought I’d go first.”

  “C’mon Grandma.” Matt hugged her. “Let’s go home.” He couldn’t remember feeling this empty, but his first concern right now was his grandmother and Sabrina. He had to be strong for them.

  Elena stood, walking over to Hector. “Can I have a moment with him?”

  Matt walked over and kissed his grandfather one last time, Sabrina next to him, touching his hair and then resting her head against his. “We’ll be outside whenever you’re ready.”

  The house was quiet when they walked inside later that afternoon. Matt had stopped off at his house to grab some clothes and his laptop before heading back to the ranch. Now he sat in the kitchen and worked on a lesson plan for the rest of the week. He didn’t know how long he’d be out, but it made sense to be prepared just in case.

  After emailing Deanna with attachments and instructions for his students, he closed the computer and looked out the kitchen window. There was an assignment for his Specialized Programs class due on Wednesday, but that was two days away. He couldn’t concentrate on anything right now but the garden, his grandfather’s beautiful green garden. Standing, he went outside, walking through the yard and into the garden. It was early in the growing season but already there were tomatoes on a few plants, the kale from last year still aggressively taking over their raised bed. Young plants, tucked in their own sections but not labeled. Matt laughed, quiet at first, but soon louder, until a few tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn’t know what his grandfather had planted, and probably wouldn’t, until they grew and flowered and the vegetables made themselves known.

  He was watering the plants with a garden hose when he heard the door open and close. Sabrina set down two bowls of dog food, petting Pancho as he bounded toward her on his way to the bowl. She walked towards him and sat down on the grass just outside the raised beds. “You okay?”

  It was a moment before he answered. “I think I’m still in shock.”

  “Me too.” She pulled a few pieces of grass. “I didn’t think it would be him, and yet in retrospect,” she shrugged, “I don’t know why it never occurred to me.”

  “I don’t think I ever saw him sick a day in his life.”

  “Me either. I remember when he broke his arm, falling off that ladder.” Both of them chuckled, recalling that infamous family story of Hector insisting on removing the satellite dish on their roof only to end up with a fracture and Elena’s worry-flavored wrath.

  “How’s Grandma?”

  “She’s okay. Been on the phone all afternoon, telling people not to come over. Later this week, she said, but she just wanted to be with us tonight.”

  Matt put the hose down, turning off the water. “Did she get a hold of Mom?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Matt hoped she didn’t. “What’s next?”

  Sabrina pulled out her phone, sliding her finger on the screen before reading. “We need a death certificate. Funeral home will take care of that. Grandma was right, they’d made all the arrangements when she was sick. Paid for all of it too.” She shook her head. “Just like him, to make sure we didn’t have to worry about any of it.” Looking down at her screen, she read a text message to him. “They’ll call tomorrow to talk about a viewing, if we want one, and a service. Um, they both wanted to be cremated.” The dogs finished eating and ran over to where she was sitting. Sabrina began stroking Lefty’s fur, Pancho settling next to her on the grass. “Grandma wants his ashes brought back here.” Matt heard the tears before he saw them. “She wants to put him out by the big oak, with their Eddie.”

  Matt ended up taking the entire week off work so he could help his grandmother and sister with funeral preparations. On Tuesday, Matt drove them into town to go over the arrangements and get copies of the death certificate. Just as Elena had told them, they had arranged for a simple funeral mass with as little fuss as possible. Matt and Sabrina talked Elena into adding a small lunch after the service in the hall next door to the church to keep people from coming back to the ranch afterwards.

  After that, they went to see the Navarro’s lawyer. “We made all of our plans years ago,” Elena reminded them. “We didn’t want anyone to worry about this.”

  “It’s surprising how many people don’t take the time to make these plans.” Angela Rosales, their lawyer, agreed, and explained how their arrangements were being settled. They’d left everything to the surviving spouse, in this case, Elena. Hector also had some private bequests, money and personal effects for Sabrina and Hector and a donation to the cancer hospital in Houston where Elena had received her medical treatment. The lawyer ensured she would make the necessary changes to Elena’s paperwork
, changing the beneficiaries to Matt and Sabrina now that Hector was gone.

  They went out and had lunch while they were in town. “Thank you for both coming with me today,” Elena said after they ordered. “I want you both to know what the plans are, no surprises or unpleasantness. Mateo, Sabrina.” She reached for each of their hands. “When we first wrote out the will, we weren’t sure what was going to happen with you two. At first we assumed you’d both grow up and move away to one of the bigger cities to start your lives.” She smiled at Sabrina. “Nothing made your grandpa happier than seeing you grow into a rancher, Mija. He loved sharing that love of the land with you.” Sabrina wiped her eyes with her napkin, and even Matt sniffed a couple times.

  But Elena remained clear-eyed, now turning toward Matt. “We always knew you had plans outside Estella, Mateo. We are so proud of you and whatever you did, and we both knew what you gave up staying here close to us.” She looked between them. “When I go, the ranch and everything on it goes to both of you, in both your names. You can decide to leave it like that, come to some arrangement, or you can sell it and split the money. Or split the land. Whatever you both want to do. The selfish part of me hopes that one of you stays there, and that the property stays in our family for a little longer.”

  “It will, Grandma.” Sabrina nodded, looking over at Matt and smiling back at her. “I promise.”

  After they got home, Matt sat in his room and opened up his laptop to get his discussion posts written and submitted. Checking his work email, he noticed a high number of unread emails. Suddenly worried, he glanced over them and realized they were from his co-workers and even a couple students, offering support and condolences. Matt spent a few minutes answering these and then began working on his assignment.

  Later that night, Matt found Sabrina in the kitchen, reading something off of her laptop and eating some brownies that a neighbor dropped off the previous day. “Hey.” He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. After pouring a glass, Matt joined her at the table. “What are you looking at?” he asked, reaching for a brownie and a napkin.

  “Just some ideas for the ranch.” She turned the screen around so he could see the webpage.

  “Chicken coops?” He wasn’t shocked yet still, it surprised him. “So, you’re planning on keeping this all going?” Matt leaned back in his chair and faced Sabrina. “We could sell it, you know, get a lot of money for it. Set you and Grandma up in a nice house wherever you want. You guys could come live near me.” Their property was beautifully situated and people were already making inquiries to see if the family was interested in selling part or all of the land.

  But Sabrina shook her head. “I want to give this a try for a few years, see if I can make this place a real moneymaker.”

  It intrigued Matt. “What are you thinking?”

  She leaned in. “We had been talking about selling the cows for a while now. They’re not really much of an investment for us anymore. Every once in a while he’d talk about getting some more, breeding them again, but…” Sabrina shrugged. “We never got around to it. Grandpa stopped selling them like we should have.” She laughed softly. “They were more like his pets. He even kept putting off butchering them because he liked to go out and feed them, talk to them.”

  “He loved them. So, what’s this about?” he asked, pointing at the laptop.

  “I’ve been looking into the chicken idea that Sawyer mentioned. Fresh eggs are all the rage at the farmer’s markets. Just need to make some coops and buy some layers. I think that’s what they’re called. With a proper investment, selling eggs could bring in a fresh stream of income, especially if we got into the whole farmer’s market business, or selling to co-ops. We could turn this ranch into a proper business. Turn a profit instead of just getting by.”

  “Rio Riendo.” It had a nice ring to it. “What can I do to help you out?”

  Sabrina looked over at him, nodding. “I’ll let you know. I might call you to come help sometimes. You can help build some coops, for one. Keeping the land cleaned up.” She looked outside the windows. “I’m going to miss seeing him in the garden every morning. I don’t have that magical green thumb.”

  Neither spoke for a moment. “You’ll be great at this, Sabrina.” Matt couldn’t remember being prouder of her. “I'll support whatever decisions you and Grandma make. You're running the show now, Sister,” he said, resting his hand on hers.

  “Thanks, big brother.” Sabrina hugged him back. “Love you lots.”

  “Back at you.”

  She smiled grimly but squeezed his hand. “How are things with Sawyer?”

  Matt cleared his throat. “He’s good, I guess. We don’t talk much. I haven’t seen him around the school.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It didn’t end well.” Matt shrugged, making a face. “That was my fault. I was awful.”

  “Oh, Matt,” she sighed. “You know I just want you to be happy.”

  “I know. But he was right, I’m just not the type of person who can let go and just be happy with what I have.”

  “That’s a load of bullshit. You deserve to be happy too. The only one keeping that from happening is you.”

  The next day Matt worked on a slide show for the service. Elena pulled out some old photo albums to add to the more recent photos that he and Sabrina had on their computers. “Look at this,” she said, pulling out one from Hector’s childhood, a black-and-white photograph of a little boy playing in a pile of leaves. “I’d recognize that smile anywhere.”

  There were other great photos - grade school pictures, high school graduation, photos of Hector and Elena first starting out. “How old were you here?” he asked, pointing at a picture of her in a short skirt and coiffed hair, Hector wearing bright red corduroy pants and a matching jean jacket.

  She looked at it for a long moment. “Eighteen? Maybe nineteen? Elizabeth hadn’t been born yet.” Matt knew the story before of how they met - young Hector coming to town to work in the oil fields and falling in love with a rancher’s daughter. “Fifty years we had together.”

  Matt exhaled. “That’s incredible.” He lifted another photo, seeing his mother as a child. Page after page of a happy family, loving each other. “Seems impossible now for two people to stay together that long.”

  “Mijo, there’s time for you. Don’t rush it.” Elena reached for his hand. “But don’t push it away either, when love presents itself.”

  Matt looked down. “Did Sabrina tell you what happened?”

  She made a soft sound. “Your face told me, Mateo.” She touched his cheek, and he closed his eyes. “I’ve known you since before you were born, and you’ve never had a secret that I didn’t know first.”

  He chuckled, casting his eyes down. “That obvious?”

  “To me? Yes. Always.” She leaned in and kissed him, then passed him another picture.

  “How did you know Grandpa was the one for you?”

  Elena stared at the picture. The faded colors couldn’t keep the love and laughter from exploding from the image. “There isn’t such a thing as just one person for you. Love is all about making someone else happy, that joy you feel in here.” She touched his chest gently. “When you see that person smile. There will be many people in your life who you will want to make happy. Once in a while, you meet someone who wants to make you happy too. You fit together just like the puzzle pieces, and you just know.” She gave his arm a squeeze. “That’s the magic, when it happens to both of you at the same time.”

  Matt thought about that weekend Sawyer spent at his place, the expression on Sawyer’s face when Matt ate the lasagna he’d made. “Sometimes I think I’m too selfish to fall in love.”

  “I hope not,” Elena said, “because you’re a wonderful man, and I want you to be happy, like your grandpa and I were. I want you to spend fifty years with someone you love.”

  Born on August 10, 1943, Hector Navarro was preceded in death by his parents, Jose and Beatriz Navarro, a
son, Edward Navarro, and his brother, Lionel Navarro. He is survived by his beloved wife Elena Navarro, his daughter Elizabeth Navarro, and two grandchildren, Mateo Ruiz and Sabrina Ruiz. Services will be held Friday morning at Our Lady of Grace Catholic Church at ten o’clock.

  Matt was up early on Friday morning. He’d taken on feeding the cows that week to help Sabrina out, and as he drove out to the pasture where they grazed, his grandmother’s words floated through his head. Spending a lifetime with another human being. That wasn’t anywhere in his timeline, his spreadsheet, his plan for the future. A year ago, Matt wouldn’t have given it much thought, wouldn’t have been worried about finding someone to spend his life with. If it happened, it happened, but not anytime soon, please.

  But today, Matt wasn’t so sure. Sure, there was nothing wrong with being alone if that’s how the cards played out, but did he want to push away someone who might love him? Did he want to be alone?

  Would he come to the end of his time here and have no one who missed him? No family, no great love of his life? Looking back at the ranch, he knew Sabrina would do an outstanding job running the place. It would always be his home, but his grandpa's death left an emptiness that would never be filled.

  Almost two hundred people crowded the pews of Our Lady of Grace Church on Friday morning to attend the funeral service for Hector Navarro. It did not surprise Matt to see his principal and assistant principal among the mourners, but the number of teachers and co-workers who also attended shocked him. There would be lots of substitutes at Hays Middle School today, he thought to himself, wondering if Sawyer was one of them. But just then, he spotted that familiar lanky frame standing next to Cora. Their eyes met, Sawyer offering a sad smile. Matt lifted his hand and waved.

  After the service, the guests walked into a reception hall next to the church and had some lunch, finger sandwiches and pasta salad. Matt walked around all the tables and spoke to everyone he could, thanking them for coming. Spotting his coworkers, he went to their table. “Thank you for coming,” he told them in a low voice, surprised by the emotion. “It means a lot to me and my family,”