The Other Side of Tomorrow

by Micalea Smeltzer

  The higher we go, the more my fear disappears. You’d think it’d be the opposite, but I find there’s nothing to be afraid of. Fear is objective anyway. Some people are afraid of a mouse, others fear death, but being scared doesn’t conquer anything. You have to shove it away and force yourself out of your comfort zone, and once you do that’s usually when you experience something unbelievable.nbsp;

  “It’s so amazing up here,” I whisper, looking down at the tiny people below. My stomach dips a little, but not enough for me to look up right away. In the distance I see people strolling the beach, couples holding hands, and even lines at food stands.nbsp;

  “It is.”

  I look over at him and our eyes meet. As we near the top he cups my cheeks and slowly pulls me in until our lips meet. This kiss starts slow, but that small spark soon ignites a fire and by the time we reach the top I think I might spontaneously combust on the spot.

  He rests his forehead against mine, his breath tickling my skin. “In the short time I’ve known you, you’ve completely unhinged me. I’ll never be the same because of you and I mean that in the best possible way. You make me see things in a different light. I find myself being grateful for the simplest things, because each day is a gift and I can find something good in it, because if T.J. has to be gone his life should be celebrated and being depressed about it isn’t going to bring him back.”

  “But you’re allowed to be sad sometimes,” I remind him.

  “Sometimes,” he repeats. “But not all the time.”

  “And if you need to scream, or talk about it, or whatever, I’m here for you.”

  “And I’m here for you.”

  As we both turn away, at the same time and completely unplanned, we scream.

  It’s not a scream like we had that day on the cliff.

  That scream was filled with pain, and anger, and pure sorrow.

  Not this.

  No, this is a cry of a joy.

  “Slow down!” I scream, clinging to Jasper’s back as he runs on the beach, the pier now behind us as we go in search of Harlow and Spencer. “You’re going to drop me,” I giggle.nbsp;

  “I’m not going to drop you,” he scoffs.

  I squeeze my arms around his neck and tighten my legs around his waist.

  “But you might choke me to death,” he squeaks out.

  “Oh, sorry.” I loosen my hold and kiss his cheek. “I won’t do it again.”

  He chuckles. “Why do I doubt that?” He continues down the beach, now walking. nbsp;“Did she say where they were?”nbsp;

  “Just that they were sitting on the beach.”

  He groans. “Because it’s not like the beach is miles long or anything.”

  “Hey, at least this is fun.”

  “For me or you?” he jokes.

  “Me, of course. But you’re strong. You’ll survive.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he chimes, and I know he’s smiling even if I can’t see him.

  “Ooh, I think that’s them.” I point in the distance to a couple sitting on the beach, side by side. It’s dark enough out now, even with the light from the streets, that I can’t be positive.

  “Willa!” Harlow waves.

  “Yep, that’s them.”

  “Thanks for the confirmation,” he jokes. “I didn’t gather that when she called out your name.”

  “You’re welcome,” I say sassily and hop down from his back.

  Harlow and Spencer stand, dusting sand off their butts.

  “Hey, Willa. Jasper.” Spencer greets us with a tip of his head.

  I hug Spencer and turn to Harlow. “Are you ready to go?”

  She nods. “Yeah, we better get home before Dad kills us.” She rolls her eyes playfully and we both laugh.nbsp;

  Honestly, our dad has lucked out that the two of us haven’t been interested in boys until now. I guess it sucks that it’s both of us at the same time. Though, he doesn’t actually know about Spencer.nbsp;

  “Did you guys have fun tonight?” Spencer asks.

  Jasper and I exchange a look. I think of the ice cream and our kiss on the Ferris wheel.

  “Yeah,” we both say at the same time.

  Tonight has been fun, but I always have fun with him no matter what we’re doing. He’s shown me that it’s not what you’re doing, but the person you’re with that makes things the most worthwhile.

  We say our goodbyes and Harlow, Jasper, and I walk back to his Jeep.

  He drops us off without a minute to spare, and we head up to go to bed.

  When I climb into bed I fall asleep almost immediately and sleep deeply. No text or ping of a rock on my window comes, and I know that Jasper too has been able to sleep tonight.

  nbsp;

  “Watch out.” Jasper passes me buy, three coffees balanced precariously in his hands as he rushes to get them out to customers.

  Cool Beans is packed with customers and we can’t seem to get things done quick enough. Tessa, Jasper’s mom, covers the register and the two of us, along with another employee, Kate, scramble to take care of the orders.nbsp;

  I feel like I’m running around like a crazy person. I’m sure I look deranged. But as quick as I get one drink made there are five others needing to be made.nbsp;

  Jasper, Kate, and I seem to do a dance around each other as we do our best to keep up.

  “Please tell me it’s going to slow down soon,” I beg of Jasper as I scoop ice into a cup.

  “We can hope.”

  “Ugh,” I groan.

  The only good thing is at least the tip jar is getting full. We all split it evenly, but anything extra is something I can put toward my trip. I get giddy thinking about it. I’ve never been out of the state, let alone the country, so this is a big deal for me.nbsp;

  I fill the cup with our house blend coffee, add a pump of caramel, and slap a lid on it before calling out the customer’s name.

  Brushing an escaped hair behind my ear I pick up the next cup and start the order. It didn’t take me more than a week to learn the drinks. It felt overwhelming at first but now it’s a piece of cake.

  An hour later things begin to slow enough that Tessa lets Jasper and me take our lunch break.

  We head down the street to Monsterwiches, order our food, and sit outside.

  “You know,” I begin, unable to stop myself from smiling, “this is where Harlow and I were the day Perry got loose. The first day I met you.”

  “Everything’s come full circle. It’s funny, isn’t it?”

  “Life’s weird.” I shrug and pick up my sandwich, taking a bite. “This place has the best sandwiches. Seriously, nothing tops it,” I say around a mouthful.

  So ladylike.

  “You’re right,” he agrees.nbsp;

  “I can’t thank you enough for getting me a job, but I did not realize how chaotic a coffee shop is.”

  “It’s nuts, but it makes the day go by faster.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Well, well, well look who we have here.” Meredith pulls up a chair from another table and sits down.nbsp;

  “Hey, Mere,” I greet her with a smile, and then swat her hand when she makes a grab for the other half of my sandwich.

  “Haven’t you heard of sharing?” she jokes.

  “I’m starving. Get your own.”

  “I was actually going to get coffee, but then I spotted you two losers here. Shouldn’t you be working?”

  “We’re on our lunch break.”

  “Right, of course. I knew that.” She waves a dismissive hand.nbsp;

  “Do you want to get something to eat?” I ask her.

  She shakes her head. “No, I better get my coffee. I’m on my way to the beach. Too bad you guys can’t come.”

  “I know.” I frown. “I need more surfing lessons.”

  Jasper chuckles. “That can be arranged.”

  “Text me if you guys come to the beach after work. If I’m still there we can hang out.” Meredith stands and puts the chair back be
fore hugging me. “Bye.” She waves over her shoulder as she heads down the street.

  “We can swing by my house after work to get the boards, if you want?” he suggests. “Then I can drop you off back at the shop to get your car after we’re done surfing.”

  “I’m good with that. I have my swimsuit in my car so I can grab it before we go.”

  We finish our lunch and head back to finish our shift. It’s after three when we’re done and I grab my beach bag from my car before getting into Jasper’s Jeep.

  The drive to his house is familiar since I took it nearly three months ago on my quest to meet the potential family of my donor. Looking back, I don’t know what possessed me to do that. Now, I feel the furthest thing from brave when it comes to thinking about telling Jasper. But back then I didn’t know he was T.J.’s brother.

  He pulls in the driveway of his parents’ house and pushes a button for the garage door to go up.

  “You can come inside to change. No one’s home so don’t worry, but you can change in my room. It’s upstairs, third door on the left. I’ll load the boards while you change.”

  I follow him into the garage and he points me to the door into the house.

  Inside it’s painted in warm neutral colors with dark rustic hardwood floors. I head toward the front of the house and find a Spanish-style staircase with intricate wrought iron work. I take the stairs up and push the door open on the third door on the left.

  It’s my first look at Jasper’s room and somehow, it’s everything I expected and completely different at the same time.

  The bed sits against the left wall—which is done in some kind of weathered wood while the rest of the walls are painted a deep blue. The headboard is a dark wood color that contrasts nicely with the gray of his comforter. There’s a dresser across from the bed and above it are posters of surfers and pictures with his friends and family posted. There’s a desk in the corner with a large iMac and several notebooks and pens littering the top. Overall, it’s super clean and neat. Somehow, I expected it to be messier. On the contrary, my room is far messier than his and I feel like I need to go home and clean it now.nbsp;

  I turn around and close the door so I can change. Knowing I’ve probably spent five minutes gawking already and he’s bound to come looking for me if I don’t get with it.nbsp;

  I change into a red one-piece swimsuit with black piping on it and stuff my discarded clothes into my bag. Heading back downstairs I hear someone in the kitchen and head that way.

  “All set?” Jasper asks, pulling two water bottles from the refrigerator.nbsp;

  “Yep.” nbsp;I look around the kitchen that’s as warm as the rest of the house with dark cabinets and a cream-colored granite countertop. A row of windows overlooks the backyard, which is surprisingly large with bright green grass, a pergola, and outdoor furniture, set up around a fire pit.nbsp;

  He hands me a water bottle and I follow him back into the garage. We both change into a wetsuit before getting in the Jeep to drive to the beach.

  I lean out the window with my arms crossed, my hair blowing in the wind. I can’t stop myself from smiling. When I was fourteen and my whole life imploded I always pictured this day. A day when I finally had a kidney and I’d feel better than I ever had. At the time, it was hard believing this day would come true. I knew it had to, that dialysis wasn’t forever, and each day was a step closer to transplant, but it wasn’t easy. The first few months I cried myself to sleep every night. Not because I was sad, but because I was in mourning. Like I told Jasper, I grieved for the loss of the life I’d never have again. I had to put it to rest and accept that life would always be different, but because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad. If anything, my life is better because of what I’ve gone through. I understand things most people don’t even begin to grasp even if they live to be one-hundred. While this hasn’t been easy, not by a long shot, if you told me that it could be taken all away and it never would’ve happened … I’d say don’t do that. Because the person I am now is stronger, kinder, and more compassionate than I ever could’ve been if I didn’t go through this. Life’s full of trials and tribulations, tests to see how we respond; do we become stronger or weaker for it? Sometimes we think we have no choice in the matter, but we do. We always have a choice in how we react.nbsp;

  nbsp;I turn to Jasper as we reach the beach. “I’m going to catch a big wave today and I’m not going to fall down, either.”

  He chuckles. “You think?”

  “I know. If I will it, it’ll be.” I stick out my tongue and laugh.nbsp;

  He shakes his head. “Whatever you say. But I believe in you. You almost had it last time.”

  I feel eager to get out on the board and see what I can do. I know I’ll never be Jasper’s level of good at surfing, but I find that when I’m out there with him I can’t think of anything else and that’s nice. I like having my mind emptied of all other thoughts.nbsp;

  Gathering the boards, we head for the water. When we reach the ocean Jasper hands me my board and I carry it into the water, setting it down when I’m waist deep and climbing on top. Jasper, with his height, has to wade further into the ocean before he can get on his board. Together we paddle out to wait for a wave.nbsp;

  While we sit on our boards, legs in the water and bobbing up and down from the current, Jasper goes over instructions again. Even though I remember most of what he’s taught me, I appreciate the refresher.nbsp;

  “All right, here comes a good one. Paddle, paddle, paddle,” he chants.

  My arms work hard to propel me through the water. I’m sure this would be easier if I had longer arms, but hey you work with what you got it. It doesn’t mean I can’t do it, just that it might be more challenging.

  I rise up on my board, feeling the wave swell below me.

  My legs shake, and I hold my arms out, exclaiming, “Whoa,” as I try to maintain my balance.

  “You’ve got this!” Jasper calls out.nbsp;

  I take a breath and find my balance, riding the rest of the wave.nbsp;

  I hear Jasper cheering and I smile so big I’m surprised my face doesn’t split into two.

  I did it. I actually did it.nbsp;

  A year ago, I never could’ve imagined this happening, but here we are.nbsp;

  I drop into the water and climb back onto the board, paddling over to Jasper.

  “I did it,” I exclaim, slightly breathless.

  “You did it,” he echoes and reaches over, taking my face in his hands so he can kiss me.

  I smile against his lips. “Thank you,” I breathe. “This is all thanks to you.”

  He rests his forehead against mine. “No, you did this. That was all you. I only helped.”nbsp;

  I place my hand over one of his, still pressed to my cheek. In that moment I can only look at him because there aren’t words to describe how I feel in this moment. But the way he looks back at me … he knows.nbsp;

  Letting me go, he says, “Next one is mine.”

  Two hours later we tumble from the water, laughing and unable to stop smiling. My fingers are crinkled and shriveled from the water but I don’t care. I managed to catch two more waves but wiped out on most. I’m so happy to have caught one, let alone three, that the times I fell don’t matter.

  We head back to his Jeep and he loads the boards before we take off the wetsuits and pull on our clothes over our swimsuits.nbsp;

  “I’m going to text Meredith and see if she’s still here,” I tell him.

  He nods, wiping his hair with a towel.

  Willa: Hey are you still at the beach?nbsp;

  Meredith: Yep. We’re setting up a bonfire. nbsp;

  Willa: Where?

  Meredith: I’ll come find you guys. Where are you parked?

  Willa: The usual spot.nbsp;

  Meredith: Be there in 5.

  “She still here?” he asks when I put my phone down.

  “Yeah—she says they’re setting up a bonfire and she’ll come find us. I h
ave no idea who she’s with, so knowing Meredith this could be a total bust.”

  He chuckles. “Hey, it’s worth checking out. The worst that can happen is we eat some s’mores and I can never say no to that.”

  “I don’t like them.”

  His jaw drops. “You don’t like s’mores? Who are you? I went nuts when my mom had a limited time s’mores coffee drink at the shop. I drank that thing every day.”

  “They gross me out.”

  “How? It’s chocolate? And marshmallows? And graham crackers? Nothing gross there.”

  “Marshmallows,” I shudder.

  “Marshmallows? You don’t like marshmallows? But … they’re marshmallows.”

  I shrug. “They get all gooey and stretchy and it freaks me out.” I nearly gag at the thought.

  He shakes his head. “That’s it, I need a new girlfriend.”

  I frown.

  “I’m kidding—but seriously, you don’t like marshmallows? That’s wrong.”

  “I know it’s weird but I don’t like them. I like the chocolate, though.”

  “Well, at least there’s that.” He cracks a smile.nbsp;

  “Oh, there’s Meredith.” I point to the red head stumbling through the sand. The sun is beginning to set and the deep orange of it seems to make her glow.nbsp;

  Jasper locks the Jeep and reaches for my hand as we go to meet her.

  “My friends,” she cries, when we reach her throwing her arms around us in the most awkward three-person hug known to man.nbsp;

  “Meredith,” I say in my best Mom voice, “have you been drinking?”

  “No … yes … maybe. Just one. Don’t judge me,” she says holding up three fingers.

  I shake my head.

  “Don’t worry—one of them was for you since you can’t drink, and I’ll be sure to have one for you later too.” She latches onto my free arm, pulling on my slightly to lead me in the right direction too. “I’ve been thinking too. nbsp;If one day you two want to have kids, I’ll totally be your surrogate. I won’t even charge you a penny.”

  I force a laugh and my eyes dart to Jasper in panic. He seems merely amused.

  “Thanks for the offer, Meredith, but since I just turned eighteen and all babies aren’t a high priority on my list.”