Precipice of Doubt

by Mardi Alexander

  “Baby. My heavens, you’ve made the garden bigger.” Charlie couldn’t contain the grin that split her face. “I guess this means you must’ve missed me. A lot!”

  Charlie’s warm vocal timbre sent waves of relief washing through Pip, stealing her words away on the tide of emotion that rose and threatened to engulf her. Dropping the trowel, Pip quickly strode the two steps to meet Charlie, embracing her and holding her tight. She enjoyed a quick warm kiss before burrowing her head down into Charlie’s shoulder, her grip around her lover’s waist tightening. “I did, sweetheart. I did miss you.”

  “I can tell.”

  Pip heard the laughter in Charlie’s words. Early in their relationship she had confessed to Charlie how parts of her extensive lush garden came to be, her way of expending an excess of physical energy and sexual tension. What she hadn’t told Charlie was that in other parts of the garden, for each death in custody, a plant of significance to the animal or to the species was added as a part of their legacy. Pip patted Charlie’s chest. “I did miss you, darling. But this garden isn’t for you.”

  Cold air rushed in and replaced Charlie’s body heat when Charlie pulled back and held Pip slightly away from her and looked into Pip’s eyes. A frown settled on her face.

  Pip wished there was an easier way to tell her but knew there was no such thing. Tears broke free, rolled down her cheeks, and free fell off her jawline to the dirt below. “This. This is Lucille’s garden.”

  “Lucille? What do you…?” Charlie looked towards the pens. Lucille was sitting contentedly on a branch eating her favourite red gum leaves. “I don’t understand.”

  “This is a garden for her friend, Felix.”

  “The old man roo, Felix?”

  “Yes. He came back home. Back to where he grew up, to say goodbye to his old mate Lucille.”

  Charlie pulled her back against her and cradled her. “Oh, baby. When?”

  Pip sniffed. “Not long. Probably just about the time you boarded the plane. Nothing you could have done, love. Nothing any of us could have done. It was his time.”

  A silence stretched between them as they held each other, until Charlie cleared her throat and asked, “Did…did he…?”

  “No. Jodi came out.”

  “I’m glad. Glad that you each had a friend here.”

  Pip knew she should ring Jodi and thank her, but she wasn’t yet ready to talk. She knew Jodi would understand.

  With a deep breath, Pip reached up and gave Charlie another kiss, longer, with hints of more to come later. “Have you had anything to eat?”

  “Not really. I just wanted to come home as soon as I could.”

  “Well, let’s head on back to the house. I can make you some lunch and you can tell me all about your trip.”

  With arms wrapped around each other, they walked slowly back. Chilli barked cheerfully on the veranda, wagging her tail so energetically it made her whole body shake with joy. Charlie squatted and hugged and kissed Chilli.

  Pip’s heart ached for the loss of Felix. And yet there was a soft song that began to grow in it at Charlie’s return. For the first time she had someone special who would help her build a new garden and honour the many more legacies to come.

  A hard knock sounded on Jodi’s front door and persisted. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter and ignored it, then grabbed the pillow and pulled it over her head. The knocking morphed into pounding.

  She squinted at the clock beside her bed. Seven a.m. “Oh, for feck’s sake.” She threw the covers off and leapt out of bed, ready to rip whoever the fool was a new exit hole if this wasn’t an emergency. She flung the door open and was temporarily blinded by the brilliant morning sun. But there was no mistaking the silhouette of the person who stood stupidly, unthinkingly, at her door at this ungodly Sunday morning hour. She growled. “This had better be good. You, of all people, know how rare a sleep in is for me.”

  Cole was seemingly unimpressed at her temper, or didn’t care, as she walked straight past her into the house. “Oh, it is.” Cole turned, smiled brightly, and threw some cloth at her midriff.

  Jodi caught it and looked down. Puzzled, she tried to work out what stupid game Cole was playing.

  “Get dressed. We’re going swimming.”

  “Where did you…?”

  “They’re your spare pair, from the apartment. You haven’t been swimming now for weeks and you need to get back to normal. Exercise, eating better, and getting some more sleep.”

  Jodi crossed her arms and tried to retain her grumpy facade. “And what makes you think I’m going swimming?”

  Cole put down a basket she’d been carrying and looked Jodi in the eye. She proceeded to slowly remove her shorts, revealing long shapely legs that disappeared under the hem of an oversized T-shirt. Bending over slowly, she retrieved a sarong from the basket and tied it around her waist. She walked up to Jodi and planted a teasing kiss on her stunned lips before walking to the front door. She turned and paused. “Because I’m coming with you. I’ll be in the car when you’re ready.”

  Before Jodi recovered enough to close her mouth, Cole disappeared out the door.

  Chapter Ten

  “Admit it. It feels good to get back into the water,” Cole said with a self-satisfied smile as she sat on the submerged ledge of the pool, swaying gently in the water.

  Jodi anchored herself against the side of the pool, still in the water. She stuck her tongue out at Cole as she caught her breath. “Says you. How many laps did you do? All of three?” But Jodi secretly admitted to herself that even though her arms and legs felt like melted jelly, the hundred laps left her copacetic. Well, nearly. Cole dragging her out of bed on the Sunday morning, while not initially appreciated, had helped her begin to re-establish her morning routine. Here it was, on the Monday morning before work, and Cole had turned up again, just as she was about to get into the pool. It was a lovely motivating surprise, which helped her push to her set goal of one hundred laps.

  “Maybe,” Cole replied.

  Jodi smiled at her. Cole was such a good friend. Friend. After that searing kissing session on Saturday night, Jodi wasn’t as sure of Cole’s orientation as she’d first thought. The air between them had certainly begun to change. Between the pair of them, she wondered who would be the first to bring it up. It scared her a little. They’d have to talk. There was no way around it. They had to discuss their changing relationship—otherwise they’d both spend all the hours ever made treading on thin ice until it came to a head. Jodi valued Cole as a vet nurse and colleague. As far as she was concerned, Cole was the best she could’ve ever hoped for. So if this thing between them didn’t work out, there was every possibility she’d lose Cole as a friend and employee. It seemed like an awfully high-stakes gamble. Jodi would have to think long and hard about whether she’d want to risk that in exchange for a few kisses and…and what?

  “Hey. Where’d you go?” Cole playfully splashed some water in her direction.

  Jodi blinked and refocused. It was not the time or place to air the thoughts that were playing havoc in her mind. “Just trying to remember what’s on today’s schedule.”

  “Did the whisky over the weekend make your brain fuzzy?” Cole shuffled through the water to the ladder.

  Jodi quirked an eyebrow. “Among other things.” She caught a glance at Cole’s reddening face just before she braced her feet against the pool wall and pushed out of the water.

  “How about I meet you back at the clinic?” Cole said. “I’ll go pick us up some brekkie.”

  “On the condition you let me give you some money.”

  Cole waved her away. “Don’t worry about it. My shout.”

  Jodi shook her head. “You’ve got to stop doing this. I know for a fact that your boss doesn’t pay you near what you’re worth.”

  Cole laughed. “I’m sure my boss will make it up to me someway.” She winked and disappeared through the entrance gates.

  Jodi shook her head and wondered what was going t
o come of all this.

  She showered quickly to rinse the salt off, got dressed, and headed to her car. The headache that had resided behind her eyelids had disappeared with the exercise. But her eyes were still a little sensitive to the bright sunlight. She slid her sunglasses on and drove to the office.

  The smell of antiseptic enveloped Jodi when she walked through the clinic doors. The endorphins that had flooded her bloodstream in the pool and on her way to work disappeared, and left adrenaline in their place. She went straight to her office and sat down heavily in her chair. As she rubbed a hand through her damp hair, she tried to figure out why her chest had suddenly tightened, and a sinking feeling started in her stomach. She’d been staring at the framed doctor of veterinary science certificate. She broke her gaze when Cole walked in with two cups of coffee and a bag that smelled suspiciously like a toasted bacon and egg sandwich.

  “You feel okay? You look a little pale.” Cole handed her a wrapped bundle and set a coffee in front of her.

  Although Jodi’s stomach growled she didn’t feel like eating. “I’m fine. My sugar is probably low because I had to drag myself out of bed—no coffee.”

  Cole put her hands on her hips. “I think you’re getting sugar and caffeine mixed up, Doc.” She sat down, unwrapped her sandwich, and took a big bite. “Yum.” When Jodi didn’t make a move, she said, “You better get a move on. Your first appointment is in twenty minutes.”

  Jodi grimaced and shook her head slightly. She picked up her coffee and took a long drink, ignoring the intense flow of heat that travelled down her throat. She forced herself to take a bite of the sandwich and chewed slowly. Cole finished her meal before Jodi had swallowed her second bite.

  “I’ll go set up the exam room. Eat up.”

  Jodi felt like she was operating in slow motion, her thought processes foreign and disjointed. She glanced at the lab reports on the corner of her desk. Instead of piqued curiosity, she felt indifference. Instead of excitement to start the day, she searched for energy she couldn’t muster. She finished the coffee in a long gulp and rose to her feet. She went to the closet and took a scrub top off the shelf and slipped it over her head. When she turned around to face the door, she took a deep breath. Whatever this was, she needed to shove it aside and get on with the day. Her patients and their owners were counting on her to turn up in body and mind.

  Penny Thornton and her Border collie, Teal, were already in the exam room waiting for her.

  Jodi scanned Teal’s chart as she walked in. “Good morning.” She stroked Teal’s head. “And hello to you, big girl. Just a heartworm test today?”

  “Yes, please. I need to get her tested before she can have the monthly pill, right?”

  “That’s correct. If she did have heartworm and was given the preventative, the worm load in her heart would die and possibly clog her heart as they let loose. So we want to make sure she’s good and healthy before we do that.”

  Jodi slipped a tourniquet onto Teal’s forearm and tightened it. She palpated the large raised vein and wiped it with alcohol. Holding the 5 ml syringe in one hand and Teal’s leg in the other, she placed the needle on top of the bulging vein. Suddenly her mind went blank and the hand holding the syringe quivered. She swallowed hard and tried to concentrate. But an action she’d done countless times before suddenly felt alien.

  She loosened the tourniquet and set the syringe on the counter. “Would you please excuse me for one second? I’ll be right back.” Jodi opened the door and walked out. She leaned against the wall and held her hands out in front of her. They still shook. She clenched them into fists and then slowly relaxed them, to no avail.

  “Jodi?” Cole approached her from the waiting room. “What’s the matter?”

  Jodi shook her hands out and then clasped them together. “I don’t know.”

  Cole gently took Jodi’s hands and unfolded them. “Try to relax. It’s probably just the caffeine hit. You did drink that coffee pretty fast.”

  “Maybe.” But Jodi wasn’t convinced. Cole could be right about the shaking. But not feeling comfortable taking blood was entirely different. “No, you’re probably right. Would you mind getting the sample and testing it?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to get a bottle of water and sit outside for a minute to clear my head. Just tell Penny I had to take an important call or something.” Cole’s eyes showed concern and Jodi appreciated the look of compassion. “Thanks, Cole. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Good thing you’ll never have to find out.” Cole quickly kissed her cheek and moved past her into the exam room.

  Jodi sat outside in the shade with her legs crossed. She twisted the bottle cap open and took a long drink, relishing the coolness in her throat and enjoying the fresh breeze. A mob of eastern grey kangaroos grazed a short distance away. A couple of joeys hung out of their mums’ pouches. She envied the fact that the little things didn’t have a care in the world. Four yellow-tailed cockatoos flew over, calling to each other in their plaintive plee-erk voice. They reminded Jodi of thick bushland with eucalypts that reached high into the sky. She missed her weekend hikes. With full weekend schedules and emergencies that inevitably cropped up, she had reluctantly traded off several hikes. After a while, it was all too much effort and she had just stopped going. Jodi sighed. That has to change. For my sake.

  When Cole joined her fifteen minutes later, she handed Jodi another bottle of water and a granola bar. “Shakes gone?”

  Jodi flexed her hands and nodded. “I’ve never had that happen before.”

  “Well, like I said, it was probably the coffee and you only ate half your breakfast after pushing yourself in the pool.”

  “Mm.”

  “Look, we have a very light morning until surgery. I can handle stitch removal and refilling scripts. You just take it easy. Relax and rehydrate.”

  Jodi looked up. “That’s all there is? I didn’t think to look at the schedule when I got here.” Truth be told, she hadn’t even thought about it, let alone cared to look.

  “You should know by now that I try not to cram the mornings with appointments on surgery day.”

  “And here I always thought it was a fluke.” Jodi held her hand up and Cole helped her to her feet.

  “The only flukes around here are attached to dolphins and whales.” Cole leaned back as Jodi stood up. She didn’t let go of Jodi’s hand when she was upright, but rather used it to pull her close. She wrapped her arms around Jodi’s waist.

  Jodi smiled and glanced around to see if anyone could see. Thankfully not.

  “You okay now?” Cole pushed a strand of hair behind Jodi’s ear.

  Jodi placed a soft kiss on Cole’s lips. “I’m good. My hands have stopped shaking. Must be time for another coffee.” She winked at Cole.

  “Not until after lunch when you have more in your stomach.”

  “Yes, boss.”

  Cole tapped Jodi’s nose. “Someone has to keep you on the straight and narrow.”

  Jodi spent the remainder of the morning reviewing lab reports and X-rays. It seemed that whatever had overtaken her earlier had passed.

  The office closed for regular appointments at noon. Surgery day meant she might be able to go home at a normal time unless an urgent call came in. Or she might find herself leaving a lot later.

  Cole strode in with fish and chips and two bottles of water. She set them on Jodi’s desk and took a seat. “Whiting and flathead were on special today. I got one of each so we could share.”

  “Did you get me a coffee?”

  “Nope. Just two waters.”

  “Come on, Cole, you know I like coffee with lunch.”

  Cole pinned her with her gaze. “Do you really think it’s a good idea for you to have caffeine, given what happened this morning?”

  Jodi rolled her eyes. Mainly because she was frustrated and also because she knew Cole was probably right. “Fine.”

  They ate in compan
ionable silence until the only things left were the copious amount of chips that the co-op always added.

  Jodi wiped her mouth with the serviette and guzzled the rest of her water. “What’s on the surgery schedule?”

  “Just two things. I’ve already set up for them. The first is a bladder stone removal and the other is a hematoma ear tacking. Easy stuff.” Cole smiled at her and Jodi wondered why she’d never really noticed how pretty she was, with her dark eyes and hair and tanned skin, a stunning reflection of her grandmother’s Maori heritage.

  “I recognize the ear tacking. That’s George Schmidt’s dog. But I don’t remember a patient with a urinary calculi.”

  “Oh, you wouldn’t. Frank Hodder had a new kelpie flown up from Melbourne. He brought all his vet records when he dropped him off.”

  Jodi finger-tapped the desk and clenched her jaw. “I would’ve appreciated a heads-up on this one.” Shit. Anybody but Frank.

  Cole shoved a chip into her mouth and looked surprised. “I didn’t think it’d be a big deal. You’ve done heaps of these procedures. And as you always say, in and out, easy-peasy.”

  Jodi rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’ll go read his records while you get him on the table.”

  “Righto.”

  Jodi pulled the dog’s X-rays from the envelope and held them up to the light. The uroliths sitting in the bladder were unmistakeable. As with the skeletal system, the rock-like collections showed up clearly on the film because of their mineral density. There were only three, easy enough to remove.

  After donning a surgical gown, Jodi scrubbed her hands and watched Cole through the window. The dog was already on the table, anesthetized and intubated. All four legs were tied to the corners of the surgical table. Cole plugged in the clippers and began prepping the surgical site. Jodi knew by the time she walked into the surgery room, Cole would have already scrubbed the site with an iodine solution and pinned sterile drapes around the dog’s abdomen.