Honey Whiskey (Bastards MC #2)

by Carina Adams

  Chapter 28

  Matty

  I listened to Dean’s spiel half amused, until I felt Jo tense a little more with each word. He didn’t wait for either of us to respond. He just set his beer on the floor next to his chair, stood up, and strode down the stairs towards the kids. Jo and I sat in silence, neither sure what to say. Did she know that he was right? Or was she fuming because she wanted him to be wrong?

  I wrapped my arm tighter around her waist and leaned in so my chin was on her shoulder. I could feel the stress coming off her in waves and knew that it might have absolutely nothing to do with Dean’s opinion and everything to do with her own. Did she really think that I was trying to oppress her?

  She was wrong. Not every woman had to belong to someone, there were plenty of women in the club that didn’t. Jo was mine, yeah, but, shit, the ring on her finger showed everyone that she owned me. When it came right down to it, she had more say in my life than I did. If she wanted me to walk away from this life, I would. I’d be fucking miserable, but I’d do it and I’d understand where she was coming from ‘cause being an old lady wasn’t for everyone. I would do anything to be with her, I was that much of a pansy assed asshole. If she decided to leave, I’d do everything in my power to change her mind, but I couldn’t make her stay. It was her choice, and when she finally had all the pieces of the puzzle, there was a very good chance I’d be all alone. I sighed.

  “We’re gonna have to talk about this shit. It’s not gonna magically disappear just because we ignore it, is it?” I didn’t need to explain further. I’d tried to bring up the subject a few times over the last week and Jo had shot me down every single time.

  She leaned back into me, turning her face to mine. Giving me a quick peck on the cheek, she shook her head once. “No, it’s not going to disappear. But, I don’t want to know. I’ve told you. I made up my mind, Matty. The past is in the past.”

  My chest ached. “It’s not, though. It will never be that fucking simple and you know it. Pretending it is will only make it harder for you.” I resisted the urge to lean into her and kiss away the worry line that appeared between her eyes. “I’m not talking about the past right now. There’s a lot going on, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m keeping things from you.” Even when I am.

  “But you are.” Jo sighed and turned away. I followed her gaze. Dean was now chasing the kids in a game of tag and all four of them were laughing. “Let’s not do this now. Not here.” I started to agree, but she cut me off. “There was a time when that’s all I wanted. You to let me in, I mean. To tell me the secrets that it seems everyone else knows. I’d like to think that if you love me as much as you say you do, then I’d know everything important about you and the rest of it is just BS. But, every time we go somewhere, it seems like something else I don’t know pops up.”

  I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. Finding her hand, I pulled it into mine and gripped it tight. “And now?” She turned back to me, the look of confusion clear on her face. “You said there was a time when you wanted to know all my secrets. What about now?”

  She shrugged and turned away before pulling her hand out of mine and standing up. “You. Now, I just want you. And I’ll take you whatever way I can.” Biting her lip, she turned and jogged down the stairs as she adjusted her sunglasses back on her face.

  Watching her go, I leaned forward, putting my elbows on my knees, and steepled my hands. There was so much to think about. My mind was still reeling from the conversation with Becky and now I had even more to contemplate.

  When I’d walked into my old house a half hour ago, it had been to say hello and finalize my week with Sam. The look on my ex-wife’s face as she talked to Jo made my stomach knot though, and I almost snuck out before they’d seen me.

  “You’re fiancé’s brave.” Had been the first words Becky had uttered when she’d spotted me in the door. I’d gone into the room and kissed Jo quickly before I approached Becky, pulling her into a familiar hug. She hugged me back, but had told me not to hug her, that she was pissed at me. I knew it was coming. As soon as she’d said the word fiancé, I’d realized Jo had told her before I had the chance. Of course she’d be angry. We never, and I mean never, made decisions like that without talking to the other and making sure that it was the best thing for Sam.

  I pulled away and grabbed her chin. “I’m sorry, Bex. I should have talked to you before I asked her. It happened so fast…”

  “Fuck you!” She pulled away, smacking my hand back as she did. “You seriously think I’m mad about that?” She turned her back on me and slammed a dish into the sink.

  Leaning on the counter, I gawked at her back. Becky never swore, and if she did, something was seriously wrong. “I… uh,” I started cautiously, not sure what to say. “If I’d known that Jo was going to tell you, I’d have come in and we’d have done it together.”

  She turned, glaring. “Jo didn’t tell me, you ass! Dean did. It’s about damn time that you two got your shit together and agreed that you’re madly in love. Don’t you think? Twelve years is a long freaking time, Matt. I was sure I was going to die from old age before you two figured it out.” Crossing her arms in front of her, she gave me the death glare. “This has nothing to do with Jo.”

  I was at a loss then. Shaking my head, I asked, “Ok. What’d I do this time?” Even though I tried to cover it, the question was filled with irritation.

  Instantly her body was on alert and she pulled back her shoulders. “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Matthew Murphy!”

  I laughed. “Rebecca Murphy! I’m not sure what I’ve done, but I can guarantee I deserve your attitude. My poor horse, though? What did he ever do to you?”

  She tried to keep a straight face but it cracked slightly. “You are such an asshole.”

  Nodding, I agreed. “What in the hell is going on, Bex?”

  She sighed and looked sad. “Dean is in my backyard, Matt. There is only ever one reason for Dean to be here. You haven’t told me anything, and we both know I know better than to ask. But worse than that is that Jo doesn’t know there is anything going on. Why in the hell are you keeping her in the dark? She didn’t even know what he does!”

  I could feel my irritation growing, and I needed to nip it in the bud before I blew. “Jo knows what she needs to.”

  “Exactly!” Becky threw her hands in the air. “That’s what I’m talking about. I thought you learned from our mistakes, and you weren’t going to make them again.”

  My eyes narrowed. “I’m not making the same mistakes. You knew about the club. You knew about my life. You chose to stay out of it.”

  “I chose to have a baby and stay safe. You aren’t giving her a choice. So you’re just going to omit the truth for the rest of your life? Act like she’s some dutiful little thing that will follow you around and never question it? What happens when the cops show up, hmm? I at least knew enough so that when they started to spin their lies, I could laugh and tell them to go to hell. What’s she going to do when they show her pictures of a man beaten bloody and tell her that you’re the one they think did it? Or, if some of those skeletons really come out and they show her photos of bones and say you’re a murderer? Will she lie and give you an alibi, or will she pack her crap and run? ‘Cause, if you aren’t telling her anything, then she won’t be prepared for it. And how is she going to handle lockdowns? You think she’s just going to willingly lock herself in the clubhouse with your whores while you ride off with your friends to do God knows what?”

  “They’re not my whores!” I snapped back.

  “Out of everything I just said that’s what you got out of it?” She snorted disgustedly. “And, yeah, they are. She’s been your friend for years! Do you honestly think she forgot how you used to act? Jesus, Matt! Just because you haven’t been that man in a little while doesn’t mean she doesn’t remember!”

  I slammed my palms on the tile. “When I tell her, she’s gonna leave me, Becky!” The fear that had
been in the back of my mind for the last week came shuffling forward. “She won’t stay. She’ll give me back my ring, tell me what an evil cunt I am, and she’ll never talk to me again.”

  Becky came around the corner to me. “No, she won’t. That woman loves you. But, if you don’t tell her, and I mean tell her everything, she is going to leave. Secrets have no place in a marriage, whether you want to keep her safe or not. The only way you’ll be able to do that anyway is to tell her the damn truth!” Pulling me into a quick hug, she backed away and met my eyes. “Go talk to her.”

  “Now? Here, in the house I used to share with my ex-wife? With our kids around? I think I’ll pass.”

  She smirked. “No, not here. I’ve got the kids. Let me feed them supper and you two go somewhere.”

  I shook my head. “It’s a long drive and…”

  “Stop making excuses. It’s a long drive whether you leave now or in an hour. Go.”

  I’d gotten sidetracked by Dean when I first came out, but remembering Becky’s words now, I pushed myself up and headed down to the lawn. Grabbing Jo’s hand, I started to pull her around the house. Surprisingly, she didn’t put up much of a fight. She looked more surprised than anything. “We’ll be right back,” I called over my shoulder.

  That made her dig her heels in, though. “What? Where are we going?”

  I pulled open the passenger door and pointed at the seat. “Get in the car, Jo.”

  She shook her head and yanked her hand from mine before crossing her arms defiantly. The sunglass she wore were large and dark, covering half her face and hiding her eyes. I had no doubt she was glaring at me from behind them. “We just got here! I can’t leave my kids.”

  I hardened my stare, letting her know she had no choice in the matter. “They’re with Bex and Dean. They’re fine.” She twisted her lips, a sure sign she was barely containing her anger. “We’ll be right back,” I promised, my tone softer than it had been.

  “Whatever.” She huffed and then gave me what I assumed was supposed to be a nasty look before she slid into the seat. I closed the door and then turned, smiling to myself. I dropped into the driver’s seat, half-surprised that she was still in the vehicle. Part of me had expected her to be a petulant child and run as soon as I made it halfway around the hood.

  I didn’t know where to go. The last time we’d been at my house was the day we’d broken up, and I didn’t want that hanging over our heads. Her house was out because it was too far away. It took a few minutes, but finally inspiration struck. When we pulled into the park ten minutes later, she looked up, surprised.

  I shifted the car to park, unbuckled, and turned my body towards Jo. I wanted her to be able to see my face for this talk, to look me in the eyes and tell me that she hated who I was, if need be. After looking out her window for what seemed like forever, she followed my lead and mimicked my movements, unbuckling and turning toward me. “I haven’t been here since Memorial Day.”

  I nodded. I hadn’t either. That had been a good day. We’d had a great meal with good friends and lots of laughs. Not even a year had passed, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Jo had been here with Will and the kids, and I’d been here with Tay and Sam. This place held tons of great memories. Jo and I would come here on our lunch break or after work to run, and we’d talk about everything.

  I reached over the center console and pulled the sunglasses off her eyes before tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. I needed to see her without anything in the way. She could never keep her feelings from being reflected in her eyes, and now more than ever, I needed to see what she was thinking. All I could see now was love and trust, and I cursed myself for not having a better plan.

  Taking a deep breath, I just said whatever came to mind. “My name is Matthew Murphy. I’m 36 and a half, have a ten year old son, am engaged to the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and I live a double life.” I smiled. “By day, I’m a caseworker that lives in a little ranch and drives a piece of shit car; the same one Adam Sandler sings about.” I winked, hoping for a laugh. She didn’t disappoint. “I like to run because it helps me de-stress, I enjoy staying at home on Saturday afternoons, lounging in my sweats, watching the Syfy channel and eating junk food. My best friend is the most important person in my world, and I drop everything when she calls, no matter who I’m with or what time of day.”

  Jo’s face had softened and she was biting her bottom lip. I reached over, stroking her cheek, and then pulled her lip free. I wanted to end here, reach over and kiss her, and then spend the next hour fogging up our windows. I swallowed. “By night, I’m Mateo Murphy, reformed man whore, VP of the Bastards MC. I own an apartment that you could fit four of my house in, and I ride a Harley. I inherited a shit ton of money when my grandparents died, I invested wisely, and now co-own Beautiful By Design.” Her eyebrows rose with that. She’d been surprised when I told her about being the Bastards’ VP, but Rob’s company being half-mine wasn’t common knowledge, and I knew no one had told her.

  “A lot of people think BBD is a cover for the club, that we filter money through it. But, it’s legit. I worked my way through college next to him, building the business into what it is today. And, even though a lot of the guys work for us, it is completely separate from the club.” What it was now was a nightmare. Over the last few years, it had become ‘the company’ to have remodel your kitchen, bedroom, or bath. Anyone who was anyone within the city limits had custom cabinets from us.

  “The club isn’t a normal club. We don’t sell or transport drugs or guns. In fact, we don’t allow any of our members to use any illegal substance.” Her features relaxed. “That doesn’t mean we don’t break the law, because we do. In order to become a Bastard you have to take an oath to protect those that can’t protect themselves. In order to do that, I’ve done alota things I’m not proud of. I’ve also done things that should keep me up at night. But, I sleep like a baby.”

  She opened her mouth, and I knew what she was going to ask. I shook my head, not giving her a chance. “Things that I may never be able to tell you. Not because I don’t want to, but because its club business and if you knew, you’d be a liability. I’ll be as honest as I can, but will never tell you any specifics. I have hurt people, Joes. I have tortured men.” Jo’s face lost all color, but she didn’t turn away. I didn’t want to say more, but knew she needed to hear it all. “I’ve killed.”

  She shook her head. “Stop. I don’t want to hear any more.” Still shaking her head, as if she could rid her mind of everything I’d just said, she swallowed hard. “That’s not you, Matty.”

  “It is me, Joes. You’ve seen the same fucked up shit I have. You know what it’s like to see a child who’s been broken by the one person that shouldn’t ever hurt them. You’ve felt the same rage knowing their parent is going to get away with it, yet the kid will carry those scars for life. I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done. We take away the boogieman so kids can sleep at night, so that a mom can leave her house without fear of her fucktard of a boyfriend attacking her and dragging her into hell with him. We help those families take back something that was stolen from them.”

  I couldn’t believe she was still sitting in front of me. She looked horrified, but she was still here. I’d take that as a good sign. When I reached for her hand, she didn’t resist. Her eyes never left mine as I talked, saying whatever came to mind, telling her as much as I could about the ins and outs of the club and how it worked, and who did what within the club. I just kept talking, mentioning that once we saved a kid or a family, they became our family and we protected them forever. I didn’t want to tell another Brother’s story, but I did say that sometimes those kids grew up and joined us. If Dean or Bear wanted her to know that Rocker and I saved them from hell, it was their tale to tell.

  I explained how we took the ‘jobs’ we took, and that some jobs required us to leave at a moment’s notice, often for unknown periods, but that there would always be someone left behind to watch over her and our kids. I fini
shed with lockdowns, and how that even though we were trying to help, we had made hundreds of enemies over the years. I finished with the fact that while we weren't on lockdown now, we'd beefed up security just in case, and that's why Dean was with us.

  “Whenever there is a threat, I'll make sure you're never alone. If you’re up here, I’ll send someone to you. But if you’re home, then you’ll need to stay at the clubhouse. As my ol’ lady, you’re in more danger than most." She was irritated by that, and I knew her pathetic arguments about being able to take care of herself weren't far from her mind. I pulled our linked fingers to my mouth and kissed her wrist. "If someone is out for revenge, they’ll come after you. I know you’re not going to want to go, but I can’t keep my shit together if I have to worry about you. So, if you want me safe, you need to do what you’re told and move into the house.”

  She rolled her eyes, but nodded anyway. My throat was dry and I felt like I’d been talking forever. I was positive I’d never seen her be quiet this long—not even when we watch a movie. Her color had come back, and she hadn’t run from the car screaming. Maybe she was still processing? I had to know. “Joes? Say something.”

  Her eyes searched my face for a minute. “Wow.”

  I snorted. “Wow? That’s all you got? No questions?”

  She grinned back at me. “Oh, I’ve got questions.” She wet her bottom lip and adjusted in the seat, staring out the windshield instead of meeting my eyes. “How come you never get caught?” I scowled at the radio. That was a good question—one I wouldn’t be able answer completely. My hesitation spoke louder than any words I could have said. “Hawk’s dad.” She said the words as if she already knew the answer. “Corruption at its finest.” I could feel the judgment from her side of the car.

  I raised an eyebrow. “No. There’s no corruption. We have some people in the department that keep us informed and help us out when we need it. And, yes, we have someone with pull looking out for us. But, we’re still a target. You were there when we were all hauled into the station last summer. Tank just got out of prison. We have to keep our train on the tracks or we're in deep shit, just like everyone else. I am smarter than your average bear and a lucky son of a bitch, and have been able to avoid the inside of a cell.”