The Blueprint

by Jeannette Barron

  "You're not a home wrecker. Lily wants to marry me just about as much as I want to marry her." To Kim's raised eyebrows he continued, "And that's not at all. My mom wants me to be happy. It'll just take a little convincing to remind her of that." His head started hurting again with the thought of just how much reminding. "We'll be an untraditional family. But somethin' is better than nothin'...right?"

  Kim nodded, "I'd always hoped something was better than nothing. I guess we'll find out."

  19

  Kim rose to leave with the birds' first songs. She and Jimmy had failed to formulate a plan for their future or a coherent thought beyond an exchange of "I love you." Cuddled together on the couch, drifting in out of consciousness, it was easy to forget, if only until morning, that their couple-hood would forever have company. But, it was this time alone with Kim, content in her arms, that Jimmy knew for certain that she was the missing piece. With her there with him, his house felt full.

  After Kim called to let him know she'd made it back okay, a necessity she scoffed at but secretly wept at its sweetness, Jimmy collapsed in bed. The rehearsal of his inevitable conversation with his mother, however, kept his brain from its much-needed rest. He knew Kim was right. His mother and entire family would expect him to marry Lily. In families as big as his, accidental pregnancies were not unheard of, but happy unions between the responsible parties were rare. He could think of three cousins and one unconfirmed aunt and uncle (confirmed if one did the math) who were married under similar circumstances. These were the same factions of the Foster clan that often arrived at functions without their spouse or not at all, behavior considered hostile in an extended family where poor attendance was a sign of disrespect and fodder for the hungry gossips.

  He cared about Lily, and as the mother of his child she would always have an important place in his life, but he'd tried for almost a year to cultivate a loving relationship with her and failed. This recent failure gave the natural connection he'd found with Kim compelling significance. His relationship with Kim wasn't a rebound, but rather the accord of his heart and common sense---finally. He hoped he could convince his mom to see things as clearly.

  Jimmy arrived at his parents' house knowing he'd find his mom in the kitchen, slaving over the huge traditional Sunday supper immediate family members were expected to attend. He paused at the back door, watching her chop vegetables and add them to one of many pots simmering on the stovetop. She navigated the obstacles necessary in producing a meal for twenty plus people like she steered her life and everyone else's, with confidence and authority. The food she commanded obeyed and performed as did her family, without question. Jimmy had never had a knock-down-drag-out fight with Grace like his sister often did and he hoped this wouldn't be the first.

  "Mom, we need to talk," Jimmy said, settling himself in a chair at the table.

  Grace flinched at her son's tone. Something was wrong. She didn't need to turn and see his face to know that. The last time she'd heard him sound so flat and tired was when he came by to tell her he was following his ex, Laura, to New York. He didn't want to go; Grace didn't want him to go, and he went anyway. Decades of motherhood reminded her that sometimes bad news was best received while she worked. "Just spit it out, son. I can tell you've been chewing on whatever you have to tell me a lot longer than this soup's been cooking. Maybe with some help we can have both things fixed up by dinner time."

  "There's no quick fix for this one."

  "I'm waiting," Grace prompted, gripping the wooden spoon, dreading whatever he had to tell her.

  The moment of truth. Jimmy took a deep breath and blurted, "Lily's pregnant, and I'm not gonna marry her. I'm gonna marry Kim... after the baby's born and after things settle down."

  Unbeknownst to both of them, Tom was standing in the doorway and heard his brother's confession. "Holy shit! You've gone and stepped in it this time." Tom slapped Jimmy on the back, laughing and wearing that annoying grin he perfected as a child. The same grin he'd shoot Jimmy when he'd successfully convinced their mother that since his big brother was in charge, whatever crime committed was his fault. Ignoring his mother and brother's matching scowls, he continued with growing enthusiasm. "I can't wait to tell everybody. Ed is gonna want to kill you when he hears about you and Kim. And you knocked up Lily, too. This is fantastic!" He headed for the living room and the assembled relatives whom he was certain would find this news as entertaining as he did.

  "Thomas Carson Rogers!" Grace shouted to his back, "You need to keep your mouth shut! You hear me?!" But she knew it was no use and dropped in a chair across from Jimmy. Asking Tom not to spread the news was like asking a toddler not to share a cold. "James, James, James...what are we going to do?" she sighed.

  The worst was over. Jimmy straightened in his chair. "I'm gonna help Lily with the baby...money...childcare...everything. But I'm not gonna marry her. We'll figure it out." With conviction he added, "I'll think of a plan."

  "A plan?! A plan?!" Grace pounded the table with her fist. "You should have thought of that before you unzipped your pants. How could you? How could you do this to us? I raised you better than this, James." After several deep breaths, she continued in her best instructive motherly voice, "When a man takes the liberties you've taken with a woman, he then needs to take responsibility for the consequence. No son of mine will shirk his responsibilities. You will marry Lily. The sooner the better."

  Jimmy felt the heat of his mother's command, but he'd expected it and came armed with a response. "I told you I intend to help Lily and the baby every way I can. I'm not shirking my responsibilities. I'm just handlin' things another way. This is the eighties, mom, not everyone that screws up jumps into marriage anymore." She shook her head in frustration, and he stumbled on anyway. "Look, I know I messed up, but I know you wouldn't want me to mess up twice---right?" She gave no sign of agreeing. "I don't love Lily. I tried to love her and I think she tried to love me. But...I do love Kim. I was late in figuring it out, obviously, but she and I have talked and together we think we can make this thing work."

  "Either Kim's a saint or just plain stupid," Grace snapped.

  Jimmy's anger was palpable. "She's a saint," he growled back.

  Grace knew then that she had lost. He knew his mind. He'd found love. He was no longer hers alone. Damn. She'd surrender this battle, but she wanted a part in the negotiations. She conceded, "I like Kim. You know that."

  "Yeah, I know."

  "If the two of you are determined to do this your way, then you'll need some protection."

  Jimmy knew he'd won, but was confused by the direction the conversation was taking. "Protection?"

  "I want you to go see Teddy Shriver. He handles all the legal mumbo-jumbo for Dad's construction business. I think you should meet with him and figure out ways you can protect yourself from Lily, now and after this baby is born, too."

  Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Mom, really? Lily is not a threat. She wants nothin' from me. She's scared to death about all of this. I promised I'd help her... not sic lawyers on her."

  "You forget, son, this isn't only about you." Grace stood and crossed her arms, just barely giving herself the height advantage over her oldest son who sat and respectfully listened as taught while she continued her explanation. "The family business is in all of our names and once that baby is born, she could take a swipe at it. You might trust her, but I don't. I never bought into that whole wounded dove game she plays like you and everybody else did. Lily reminds me of my cousin, Jack."

  "Jack was a drunk, Mom," Jimmy interjected. "Lily's not a drunk."

  "Hush up and let me finish." Grace glared at her son. "They're alike because neither one of them had the good sense to help themselves. They both just gave up."

  Jimmy shook his head, but kept silent.

  Grace continued, "She might be having one of us, but she's not one of us. If she won't agree to signing a couple of papers, than that alone gives you a glimpse of what you're up against for the next eighteen years." Sh
e returned to her dinner preparations, content with having the last word.

  Jimmy moaned. He knew to his core that Lily wouldn't go after his family's money or the family business, but he also knew that this was his mom's version of an olive branch. If he sealed matters up tight with the help of a lawyer, she'd accept Kim and the baby into her world. He had no choice.

  The screen door to the carport crashed open and Jimmy jumped half-way across the room, abruptly interrupting his make-out session with Kim on the cowboy couch. Lily stumbled in with a tower of papers and plopped the pile on the dining table. Glancing up, she saw Jimmy, fidgety and disheveled at one end of the family room while Kim, hot with anger, straightened her clothes at the other end.

  "Whoops." Lily turned back to the door. "I'll leave."

  "Stop," Kim called after her. "Don't run off. You live here too." She stood and walked toward the kitchen, shooting Jimmy her best dirty look the whole way, making it known she didn't appreciate his extreme response to Lily's arrival. "Come on. We need to all practice being in the same room together. This will only be weird as long as we let it." She took her roommate's purse from her as she coaxed her to stay. Searching for a neutral topic, Kim asked, "What's all this? You don't usually bring work home. What are these papers for?"

  Lily let Kim guide her back to the kitchen table. She sat with her back to Jimmy as he tucked in his shirt and refastened his belt. "I had to tell Simon about the pregnancy today."

  Kim responded surprised. "What? I thought you were going to wait until you were showing... or people started talking."

  "I am showing. I can't button my pants anymore. See?" Lily lifted her shirt to reveal a rubber band looped through the button hole of her pants extending the waist a couple of inches. Kim smiled. Jimmy, who'd joined them at the table, took a peek and then looked away. Lily blushed, covered herself, and continued, "But you're right. I thought I had more time."

  "So what happened?" Kim asked.

  Lily sorted the papers and pamphlets as she talked. "Last week, I started noticing documents showing up in strange places, like in my mailbox and in the drawer in Simon's office where I keep my purse. I didn't think anything of it at first because Simon misplaces things all the time. So I just collected them and re-shelved them as always." She paused, wishing her audience wasn't so attentive.

  "Don't stop. I have a feeling this is going to be another nutty professor story. I've missed Simon's antics. What happened next?"

  "Well, also during that week Simon started asking and then later insisting that we have lunch together. I always got out of it with an excuse about too much work or that I had other plans. All the while, more misplaced government documents kept showing up." Lily folded her hands on the table and stared at them. "Today, I guess he decided that he was going to force me to have lunch with him. He went out and brought me back a fried fish sandwich."

  "Oh, crap!" Kim muffled her laughter with her hand.

  Jimmy looked back and forth between both women and couldn't understand their varied reactions. "What? What? I don't get it."

  Kim was failing miserably at hiding her amusement. "Lily gets sick when she smells fried foods... especially fried fish."

  "I thought fried fish was one of your favorites," Jimmy commented, still confused.

  Lily grumbled, "That was before the baby."

  "Oh...." He nodded, finally understanding.

  Lily exhaled and rushed forward with her story, grimacing at the memory. "I could smell it the minute he reached our floor and then he started walking toward me with a big goofy grin, but I was already too sick to run. I grabbed the waste basket and vomited just as he reached my desk."

  Kim laughed which Jimmy believed gave him permission to laugh, too.

  Lily glared at them both. "If you think that's funny, then you should enjoy the rest of the story, as well."

  "There's more?!" Kim asked catching her breath.

  "Yes, there's more." Their total lack of sympathy was met with the sharpest tone Lily could muster after such a horrible day. "After having the pleasure of disposing of the sandwich and the puke, I returned to learn that a concerned colleague had informed Simon that she'd overheard me throwing up in the library bathroom. And after witnessing my reaction to the fish sandwich, Simon decided that I was without a doubt suffering from bulimia. Then, he admitted that he had been leaving information on eating disorders for me all around the office. Next, he recited an overwhelming number of facts on all the ways I was destroying my internal organs by practicing imposed vomiting and handed me a flyer for the campus counseling center. He finished by hugging me and assuring me that we'd get through this together and that he wouldn't fire me even if---this is a direct quote--- 'even if my girth reached circus proportions.'" Even Lily couldn't help but laugh at her recitation of her boss's idea of what constituted a reassuring statement.

  Kim noticed the tension between the three of them dissipate and was glad to see her roommate smile for the first time in what seemed like months. "I'm sure it wasn't funny while it was happening, but it's good that you can laugh about it now." Jimmy agreed and folded his hands behind his head, a sure sign he no longer felt the need to bolt like Kim knew he was tempted to do from the moment Lily had entered the house. She asked, "So what did Simon say after you told him that you weren't bulimic but pregnant?"

  "He said that if it would help, I should tell everyone that the baby was his."

  The roommates laughed together as tears streamed down their cheeks, Lily releasing all the stress built up from her long day and Kim enjoying the idea that her old boss could be so clueless.

  Jimmy, on the other hand, didn't find the end of the story so funny. With a sternness that Kim found even more amusing, he asked, "And what did you tell him?"

  Lily wiped her delirious tears, "I very politely answered, 'No thank you.'"

  Even though that was a nicer version of his preferred answer, Jimmy hadn't lost his frown. Kim gave him swift kick under the table. In reply to his yelp and scowl, she sweetly said, "Simon is not a threat. He's just a brilliant man who lacks social skills."

  Jimmy spurred Kim on. "I can tell you somethin' he's not lackin'."

  "Oh yeah, and what's that?" she asked.

  "A hairy ass."

  The three of them shared their first dinner together since their relationships with one another had shifted so dramatically. Jimmy retold his version of his first meeting with Simon, including all the colorful details that kept smiles on their faces and the conversation light. Kim was helping clear the table when she again noticed the stacks of papers Lily had brought from work. "So you never said what all these papers are for?"

  Busy washing dishes, Lily answered over her shoulder, "I didn't look at them. But before I left, I think Simon rounded up all sorts of documents on pregnancy facts."

  "Can I look at 'em?"

  "Sure. It's probably all pretty boring stuff."

  Jimmy returned to the table and sat next to Kim where they began thumbing through piles of data displayed in pie graphs, bar graphs, and spreadsheets, detailing birth rate and death rate information on every country in the world. But nothing really caught their attention until Kim stumbled across a paper-clipped bundle of tiny brochures. "Hey look, here's an entire sheet on nipple confusion."

  Jimmy teased, "My nephew, Sam, had that. But I told my sister, I was sure he'd have it figured out by high school."

  Kim rolled her eyes and returned to the stack. "These have info on the baby's development month by month. That sounds like something we should know. Let's make a separate pile for stuff worth looking at." She placed the nine sheets of paper in numerical order away from the other piles before grabbing another sheet. "This one is about home birthing options. What do you think? Keep or not keep?"

  "Not," Jimmy answered. "That's what hospitals are for."

  "Okay. How about info on epidurals?" Kim asked.

  "Keep. My sister swears by the drugs."

  "This one is on the effects of smoking a
nd alcohol on developing babies. We can skip it. Lily knows better. But here's one on diet and exercise during pregnancy. Let's keep it. I can do the exercises with you, Lils."

  "And I'm sure fried fish is optional," Jimmy joked.

  "Let's also keep this sheet on c-sections. I'm sure everything will go fine, but it doesn't hurt to know about it. Right Lily? Lily?" Kim and Jimmy turned together to gauge Lily's response, but she was gone.

  20

  Kim entered the clinic to find Jimmy pacing the floor. "Hi, there," she called.

  Jimmy swung around. "Where is she?" he spouted panicking. "You were supposed to bring her."

  Kim prickled at his harsh tone and counted to ten, reminding herself that everything to do with the baby set Jimmy on edge, and unfortunately his adoring girlfriend was often at the receiving end of his razor sharp nerves. She assumed her best smile and gave him a quick kiss. "The hearing I had to attend ran long, so I called Lily and she said she'd drive herself."

  "She's late."

  Kim glanced at the clock perched over the receptionist's window. "She still has plenty of time," she countered.

  "What if she doesn't come?"

  Kim took his hand and led him to two seats facing away from the clock. "She'll come. She's never missed a doctor's appointment."

  "But..."

  She gave his bobbing knee a comforting squeeze. "Look, I know she's not showing all the enthusiasm you had hoped for, but you have to give her some credit. She's following doctor's orders. She's eating right and getting lots of rest. It's no real surprise that she's not gushing over this baby. She's never been a gusher...about anything... and certainly not something that terrifies her. She'll be here. And maybe...when she sees the baby moving around on the ultrasound, she'll show some excitement."

  Jimmy peered over his shoulder and checked the time again. "You're sure she's comin'?"