Renew

by Charlotte Michelle

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I feel as if I have year to make up for. I don’t want to let either of you down, but I’m also nervous to find out all I’ve missed when I was gone. It’s hard to accept this man, knowing I didn’t meet him when I should have.”

  I gently run my finger along Maddox’s scar, giving a small smile. “I’m the only one who’s met him, Maddox. And that’s because he came into the bookstore once to see Kristy. You’re meeting him at precisely the right time.”

  Maddox closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He reaches up and tugs on a lock of my hair, twirling it around my finger. “I love you, Addy-Mae. Forgive me.” Maddox pulls away the same moment Scott returns to his seat. It’s Kristy’s turn, but she lingers to hear what Maddox is about to say. “Nice job, man. How about we do a little bit of friendly competition? May the best couple win!” Maddox raises a brow in challenge and Scott smirks.

  “It’s on!”

  I look at Kristy and smile encouragingly at her.

  Thank you, she mouths.

  The Accident

  *Maddox*

  July 7, 2017

  Adelaide laughs as Scott does an odd dance move and a twirl before rolling the ball down the lane. I smile, watching as the girls eat up his performance.

  I have to admit, Scott seems like a stand-up guy. He makes Kristy smile, and I can tell he does care for her. He also has a sense of sarcasm, joking with Kristy whenever she gets a gutter ball and exclaiming that she’s costing them the game even though they are currently winning.

  Adelaide doesn’t have any sense of competition. She doesn’t have a drive to win or beat them. She’s happy with just enjoying the sport and being with her friends. And, feeding off her energy, I have lost the need to prove myself to Scott.

  Adelaide is right. I’m learning more about him by being calm and friendly, than I would have by interrogating him.

  Scott is twenty-two: three years older than Kristy. But I have no right to fuss over the age difference, since I am six years older than Adelaide.

  Scott actually works for his father’s business, a local attorney’s office. I believe he’s going to law school as well.

  “Maddox, it’s your turn,” Adelaide whispers beside me. I shake away from my thoughts and look over at the girl who has changed my life. Her beautiful blue eyes meet mine and she offers me a large smile. My heart beats fast at the thought of finally kissing those lips. I know she understands the prospect of kissing and what it means, but I worry about moving too fast.

  I just gained her back, I don’t want to push her away and risk losing her for good.

  I stand and place a soft kiss to the top of her head as I go to bowl. I land myself a strike and Adelaide lets out a squeal of happiness, clapping loudly. “Woo hoo! Good job, Maddox!” I turn, and before I can blink, Adelaide’s body is thrown against mine. I chuckle, wrapping my arms around her slim body and holding tight. “Okay…you’ve been carrying the weight. Quite literally dragging us through No Man’s Land with barbed wire wrapped around my legs,” Adelaide says, walking to the ball return and grabbing the purple one. She turns to me as I laugh at her metaphor.

  “So, would you mind helping me?” she asks, batting her lashes lovingly. I arch an eyebrow, wondering why she suddenly is concerned about her skills.

  I glance back to our table to see that Kristy and Scott are no longer there. I feel my spine straighten and my muscles tighten as panic bubbles within my chest. Where is Kristy? Where did Scott take her?

  My thoughts are swarming with different possibilities. If Scott is a man like Nile, Kristy is gagged and in the back of a van, being driven off the grid. The likelihood of ever finding her again is slim.

  Images of Kristy being tied up, beaten, and even raped flash through my mind. My skin crawls with anxiety. My breathing becomes raspy as I try to fill my lungs with air.

  I can practically see her being delivered a punch that results in a black eye. My stomach churns and I feel sick.

  How could I have even been a part of a group like that? How could I have thought that the Cicero Disciples were my family? They’re not. Kristy is my family. And if something has happened to her…

  What if Nile wasn’t satisfied with my deeds? What if killing my father wasn’t enough? Or worse…what if he found out that I didn’t kill him? What if Scott is a rat, sent here to watch over my family and when the time is right, to infiltrate Kristy. To take her and use her against me.

  I begin to hyperventilate.

  “Hey…” A hand touches my shoulder, and upon instinct, I grab the wrist of the assailant. I quickly twist it around into a giving position. One jerk, the bone will snap. I keep a lock on it as I turn and hear the agonizing cry rip through Adelaide’s lips.

  As if cold water were thrown on me, I release her and stare with wide eyes as she cradles her hand against her chest. Tears water in her eyes as she looks up at me with trepidation. Her expression is a dagger to my heart.

  She’s scared of me.

  Of course she is. I nearly broke her wrist and I handled her as I would have a grown man sent to kill me.

  “A-Adelaide…I-I am so sorry,” I whisper, my voice merely a breath as I stare at the woman I love, who’s in pain because of me. When I take a step toward her, Adelaide turns to shield her wrist, cowering away from me. “Please, sweetheart. I didn’t know. I…let me see your wrist, beautiful.” I speak to her as if she’s a frightened animal.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  How could I have let Nile get to me?

  “Maddox?” I look over my shoulder to see Kristy standing there with Scott beside her, holding a box of pizza and a pitcher of pop. Shame fills me as I see my little sister is safe.

  I acted completely irrationally. Tears well in my eyes as I look back at Adelaide.

  No matter how much I wish it weren’t true, there is no denying the fact that Nile actually won. He has chipped away a part of my soul and filled it with darkness. He has me living in constant fear that someone I love will be stripped from me. He has me so on edge that I mistook the gentle touch of Adelaide for an attempt on my life.

  “What happened?” Kristy gasps, running toward Adelaide to gingerly grab her coddled wrist. I try to peek around them to see the damage done. How am I going to live with myself, knowing that I harmed Adelaide?

  Perhaps it wasn’t safe to return. Perhaps it will never be safe to return. When I joined the Cicero Disciples, I knew it was for life. I wasn’t supposed to get out. And since I did, there will always be repercussions. And I cannot risk Adelaide.

  I had convinced myself that if Nile were to ever reappear, I would protect Adelaide with my life. But it seems that I am just another danger to her.

  I retreat a step back, ready to flee like a coward since Adelaide is in the capable hands of Kristy. However, I stop by the sound of her voice.

  “Don’t you dare. You promised me!” Adelaide says. I look over at her, my eyebrows scrunched together. Adelaide walks toward me and uses her good hand to push my chest. “You promised to never leave me again. How dare you even consider it! I see it written all over your face, Cameron Maddox Steele. You believe I’d be better off without you? Well, you’re wrong. You came back and you made me fall in love with you. If you leave…I will not be able to survive it a second time!”

  Adelaide sobs, looking at me with her beautiful tear-streaked face.

  My mind tells me to run. To go back to Chicago and keep all danger away from her. To ensure that she lives a life without fear.

  My heart tells me to stay. To wrap her in my embrace and finally bestow a kiss upon her. To never leave her and show her how much I truly love her, for all the days of my life.

  “Please.” Adelaide’s voice cracks and I let out a guttural growl as I cup her face between my hands and lay my kiss to her lips. Adelaide instantly steps closer to me, angling her face so that I have better access. I gently rub my thumb along her jaw as I carefully claim Adelaide as mine.

  This
is it. There’s no going back now. Absolutely no chance of me ever leaving, even for her own sake. I have lost all will power to be away from Adelaide, to do the right thing. But I will never stop to ensure that Adelaide will be safe. That the life we live will be filled with nothing but love, laughter, and happiness.

  Questions Revealed

  *Adelaide*

  July 7, 2017

  The kiss between Maddox and I is indescribable. It is my first, and I silently praise myself for never kissing the guys Kristy set me up with, even when they so desperately attempted to pucker up. I had always wanted my first kiss to be with Maddox and I waited, even without the knowledge of when he would return.

  I was willing to wait years for him. No matter how long it took. And it was worth it. I knew that saving this for the right person would mean more than words can describe. Because as I stand in Maddox’s arms, feeling him softly rub my jaw bone as he lays claim to my lips, I feel complete. My heart feels full and I finally understand the meaning of feeling loved.

  I always knew I was loved by the Crane’s and by Maddox. But to feel him tenderly holding me and sharing this intimate moment with each other, I feel loved.

  I wrap my arms around his neck, hissing slightly at the ache in my wrist, but don’t attempt to pull away. I never want to pull away. How do people ever stop? This feeling is downright amazing.

  Why didn’t I kiss him all those months ago? Why did I wait until after he left to know that I yearned for a kiss?

  There’s no chance he’s leaving me now. I won’t let him. He has claimed my heart with this kiss. I can’t let him leave, in fear that he might not return. If he doesn’t return, with my heart forever lost with him, I will surely fade.

  Maddox is the first to step back, and I look up at him with half-lidded eyes dazed with love. Maddox smiles down at me, his honey brown eyes practically liquid as he stares. “Let me see your wrist, sweetheart.” His voice is deep and husky. He clears his throat a few times and runs his hand up the length of my arm, around my neck and, with a gentleness a man his size shouldn’t possess, he grabs my wrist and brings it down to his eyes.

  Maddox skillfully holds it, giving it a few subtle twists. I watch, knowing he’s checking to see if he broke it. “Ack. I’m so sorry, Addy-Mae. I’m so ashamed of myself for hurting you.” Maddox’s brows are furrowed with a deep frown as he leans down and gently kisses my hand. “I can’t tell how bad it is, but based on your pain tolerance, I’m assuming it’s a grade one sprain. We’ll ice and elevate when we get home.”

  “Okay,” I whisper, amazed that this man is a former gang member.

  I saw that side of him when he grabbed my wrist. I saw the speck of darkness within him, the way he acted on pure instinct. I don’t understand the life he lived, but I can tell that it makes him tense and alert. He treats every movement and every touch as a threat. He didn’t hesitate to subdue me, even though I was consoling him. He was trained to never second-guess. To eliminate every threat.

  While that scares me, I’ll have to learn to not sneak up on him. I will try the best I can to bring Maddox back to the man he was before. I don’t want him living in fear, always looking around the corner for Nile.

  Maddox walks us back to the table, grabbing my purse and shoes. I stand behind him, watching as he bends to put his shoes on. “Maddox?” I whisper.

  He looks over his shoulder at me, his right eyebrow raising in question. “Yes?”

  “I have some questions,” I say softly, watching his reaction. Maddox stands, his spine straight as his muscles tense. I know he doesn’t like talking about his past and what he did, but I have to know. I want to know everything. I don’t want any secrets. I don’t want to be blindsided by anything.

  “Okay.” He nods, grabbing my good hand, and after we say goodbye to Scott and Kristy, he leads me to the parking lot.

  I sit in the passenger seat of his truck and stare at the console before me, my heart racing. I’m nervous about the answers I will be given.

  “Ask whatever you wish to know,” Maddox says, his voice gravelly as he stares at the road in front of him. I see his jaw is set and I can practically hear his teeth grinding together.

  “Let’s go to the field,” I whisper. Maddox looks over at me, his eyes hard but his facial expression softens. He nods, reaching over the console to grab my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly. I grip back, trying to comfort him.

  No matter what he says, I will never run. I hope he knows that.

  When we reach the field where Maddox and Kristy took me to answer all my questions my first week here, Maddox cuts the engine and we make our way to the bed of the truck. Maddox skillfully set the blankets up and then sits, his arms open as invitation. I sit in between his legs, my back to his chest as he wraps me up in his embrace. His chin rests on the top of my head.

  I softly run my fingers up and down the length of his arm. We sit in silence for a moment, enjoying the cool night air. The moon and stars are the only source of light we have, illuminating our private part of the world.

  “Who is Emily and how does she know the Cranes?” I ask my first question, hoping it’s an easy one to start off. This question has been on my mind since that trip into town.

  Maddox lets out a gusty breath, giving me a squeeze. “She’s my sister. Nile is her husband.” Maddox buries his nose into my neck and just holds onto me. Why is this so hard for him?

  “Maddox…no matter what you tell me tonight, I’m never leaving. I love you, and that’s not going to change. Please, don’t be scared to tell me your story.”

  Maddox let’s out a sarcastic laugh. “Adelaide, my story is you. My life didn’t truly begin until I found you. Everything before that…it’s just a dark, soulless past.”

  I smile. “Exactly. Our story is just beginning.” Maddox places a long kiss to the side of my neck before he lifts his head to continue his answer.

  “Emily knows the Cranes because Missy invited her to stay for a weekend a year after my arrival to the ranch. Missy actually invited my father as well, but my father was head of the Cicero Disciples and couldn’t come. Not that he’d want to, I’m sure. Anyway, Emily acted as a spy, reporting back to our father that I was happy with the Cranes. I never saw or spoke to her again, until that trip into town,” Maddox says.

  I bite my bottom lip. How could his sister turn against him? How could she rat him out to his father? Shouldn’t she be happy that he found a life outside of the gang? Why would she want him to be there, where he risks his life every day?

  “I’m sorry, Maddox. I can’t imagine how hard that is for you. You have lost a sister…and a brother,” I say, thinking of Nile. Even though he seems like a piece of work, he was also the closest thing Maddox had to a brother at the time.

  Maddox gently grabs my chin and turns my head so he can look into my eyes. “But I also gained a brother and sister. And a mother and father. Missy is my ma and Adam is my pa in every way my real mother and father weren’t. Don’t be sorry for me, Adelaide. Rejoice.” Maddox kisses my forehead. “Next question, sweetheart.”

  I ask Maddox about the man he killed and how it happened. He explains about the gas station and how Nile was yelling at him to drive away quickly. “I didn’t even see him…but the image of him lying there, under the wheel of my truck, haunts me forever.”

  I try to console Maddox as much as I can, running my fingers up and down his arms and legs as he tells me about his past.

  “Were you ever scared?” I ask after a moment of silence.

  “Every day,” Maddox whispers. His answer is a dagger to my heart. I curl my lips inward in vain attempt to keep tears from gathering. I don’t want Maddox to be scared and to think he lived seventeen years of constantly being frightened… “Adelaide, don’t shed tears for me. I don’t deserve them.”

  “The only thing you don’t deserve is what happened to you. You deserve to be loved and cared for, Maddox.”

  “Next question,” Maddox says softly, dismissing my word
s. I sigh, knowing he doesn’t believe what I said and doesn’t want to discuss the matter any further.

  “What did Nile make you do?”

  “Next question.” My chest tightens as his words hit me. I turn in his arms so I face him head on. I arch an eyebrow and Maddox’s features soften to the point where it looks as though he’s about to cry.

  I lean forward and rest my forehead against his. “You can tell me anything.”

  Maddox shakes his head and lifts his hands to fist his fingers into my hair, as if rooting myself to him. I smooth the frown on his lips, rubbing my thumb along their form. I then gently follow the length of his scar, from his cheek to the tip of his chin. It’s odd…some days, I don’t even see it. I have grown used to it and it has become another feature to his beautiful face.

  I know it bothers Maddox, however. He’s self-conscious of it, always tilting his head to the side in an attempt to hide it when he speaks to locals. It breaks my heart, because I know the people of our sweet town would not give him grief over it. But Maddox is trying so hard to return to the loving, outgoing man he was.

  It’s hard to watch him struggle. His hellos aren’t as confident anymore. They’re soft whispers that people rarely hear. He barely steps out of his way to make conversation, to ask about John’s family or Susan’s business. When he passes them, he tilts his head and gives a subtle greeting. I always see the flicker of regret in his eyes. He wants to speak to them, but something is holding him back.

  “I’m not proud of the things I’ve done. You’ll be disgusted.”

  “No. I won’t,” I say, trying to have the most confident tone in my voice. Truth is, I’m scared of what his answer is going to be. I know he didn’t kill someone, he told the Cranes that much.