Renew

by Charlotte Michelle

  I jab at my lasagna lazily as I listen to Maddox. “Nile’s goal was to win me back. To remind me of the good ol’ times. But no matter how hard he tried, I was determined to return to the ranch. I could never come back if I killed someone. Therefore, my younger cousin Mouse decided to help me. I was always his favorite when he was a kid. I taught him how to play lacrosse for his middle school’s team, and whenever his parents fought, he would stay at my place.

  “Anyway, he offered to help me. Nile gave me a final job. If I completed it and still decided to return to the ranch, he would let me…debt repaid.” Maddox goes quiet and I look to see him slumped over his plate, his head in his free hand.

  I release our joint hands and reach over to gently run a hand through his hair, down to his neck, where I give it an affectionate squeeze. “It’s okay, Maddox. You’re amongst people who love you. Tell us.”

  Maddox grabs my hand and pressed his lips to my knuckles. “My father wronged the Cicero Disciples. Nile beca—”

  “Wait…the what?” I ask, cutting Maddox off. He looks over at me with his honey brown eyes, a look of guilt and slight disgust swarming them.

  “Cicero Disciples gang…err, it’s the gang my family runs.” Maddox watches me, waiting for my reaction.

  I glance over at my aunt and uncle to see their stoic expressions. They know about Maddox’s upbringing…of course they do. I’m sure they were required to know everything in order to offer living accommodations.

  Gang…Maddox’s family is in a gang? How could I not know this about him? I look Maddox up and down, looking for any tattoo. People in gangs have tattoos, right?

  To, you know, brand them? I think.

  Maddox grabs the collar of his shirt and tugs it downward so I am staring at his bare chest. I arch an eyebrow in question. “Look very closely, Adelaide. Follow the curve of my collarbone.” I gulp and lean close, squinting my eyes.

  It takes a moment for my vision to adjust and change focus. Then, I am able to make out the slightest, tiniest hint of a tattoo. I gasp softly and look up at Maddox. The corners of his eyes dip down in shame.

  “What did it say?”

  “Cicero Disciples.” He answers. I nod my head.

  Of course it did. It was prideful and dangerous. Once upon a time, I’m sure Maddox wore that tattoo with honor. He wasn’t ashamed to walk around with the tattoo peeking out of his shirt. It was thrilling, I’m sure. At any moment, he could run into an opposing gang and with his tattoo on display, he would suffer the chance of a brawl, even in public.

  At least…that’s what I have read in books and seen in movies.

  “Missy took me to six appointments to get the tattoo removed. It’s pretty much gone, but can be visible in certain light if you’re really looking for it.” Without taking my eyes off the nearly invisible tattoo, I reach forward to run my fingers over the barely traceable wording.

  “Ahem. Maddox, would you mind finishing?” Adam clears his throat, causing me to lurch back in my seat, withdrawing my hand. Maddox is just as quick, snatching my hand in midair and folding his fingers around mine. He places our rejoined hands on the table, his thumb an abiding comfort as it rubs along my knuckles.

  “Nile became Boss during the time I have been in Oklahoma. And when I was back in Chicago, my father was caught embezzling money from the Cicero Disciples. Nile’s final job was for me to take care of my father.”

  It takes a moment for me to understand what Maddox means…but when Missy gasps and places a hand over her mouth, it clicks.

  “I couldn’t do it…it goes against everything I believe in. To kill my own father, it would have destroyed me. And that was Nile’s plan. But Mouse knew that I had chosen a different life and he seemed to appreciate that. Mouse volunteered to accompany me to the execution, to report back to Nile that I had actually done as commanded. Nile always favored Mouse. He trusts him with his life and didn’t hesitate to allow his kid cousin to fill in the position. So, Mouse sliced my face and shot my father. And I just let it happen. I basically killed my father myself.”

  Tears accompanied all four of our faces as we sit in silence. I cling to Maddox’s hand as if it were my anchor, scared to let him go.

  How could someone be so cruel as to assign Maddox to kill his own father? I don’t understand the gang world…

  “Maddox, we will never understand the life you lived before you came here. We know you did things that you regret. That you have demons. But when you began to accept God into your life, none of that mattered. God forgives you for all your transgressions. He loves you. Do not go astray, Maddox. You are a strong man and you know God’s word better than anyone. You preached it to Adelaide, even when you were hundreds of miles away. It is time you now take heed to your own teachings and seek God. He will forgive you, and His forgiveness is all that matters,” Missy says, reaching over to gently place a hand on his cheek.

  Maddox nods his head in agreement.

  “You will spend the night in Jeremy’s room.”

  “But I just live dow—”

  “Maddox, you are spending the night in Jeremy’s room. End of discussion. I’m not ready to send you off just yet.” Missy gathers the dishes from the table and goes to the sink. “Adelaide, make sure he’s settled in.”

  I look over at Maddox with a silly smile on my face. Even at the age of twenty-five, he’s still being told what to do. Maddox stands, kisses the top of my head, and goes outside to retrieve his clothes from the truck.

  By the time I help Missy put the dishes in the dishwasher, he’s back with two dufflebags. I then accompany him upstairs and wait until he’s settled to make my way to my bedroom.

  I lie in my bed, staring up at the ceiling as my mind races with all the information Maddox fed us. How could I not know he was in a gang? He is the nicest man I know, yet he was born and raised in a drug smuggling, man-slaughtering family.

  Cooper lies at my feet as I try to close my eyes and sleep. I try to push all thoughts aside, however it proves difficult.

  After a year and three months of missing Maddox, he is finally back and just across the hall. Why am I trying to fall asleep and waste precious time?

  I roll out of bed and tip-toe to Jeremy’s room. I knock on the door softly and wait for Maddox to invite me in. I peek in to see him sitting on the bed, his head resting against the headboard. My hearts stops at the sight of him, his upper body completely bare as the comforter rests atop his lap.

  “Adelaide. Come in,” Maddox says, shifting forward to grab his shirt off the floor. I watch as he easily slides it on and pats the bed. I close the door and walk over to sit at the foot of the bed, crossing my legs and facing Maddox.

  “I’ve waited over a year to see you. Can I just sit here? I just want to be near you.” Maddox smiles softly and nods his head. He watches me with tired eyes as we sit in each other’s presence for a couple of minutes, neither speaking.

  Maddox then leans forward, grabs my hand, and yanks me over so I’m lying beside him. I turn and rest my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his stomach.

  “This is what kept me going…the thought of one day holding you in my arms.” Maddox kisses the top of my head. “I love you so much, Adelaide. I never want to let you go.”

  “Then don’t,” I whisper, closing my eyes. Maddox tightens his arm around my shoulders and I let out a sigh of contentment.

  As we lay, listening to each other breathing, I can’t help but finally feel as if I’m at peace. The tranquility of it all almost lulls me to sleep.

  That is, until the door is thrown open.

  Double Date

  July 4, 2018

  I run my brush over Phoenix’s back and rump, seeing the dirt and dust swirl in the air. He stands still, allowing me to groom him as Kristy ties Dexter up in front of us. I peek at Kristy from the corner of my eye, watching her skeptically as she then begins to brush her horse.

  We work in silence, neither speaking, and even moving around with cautious actions
. She has hardly spoken to me since last night. I wonder what’s going through her mind. How did her date go?

  I go to ask but she quickly walks to the tack room and walks back out with Dexter’s saddle and bridle. I place a kiss to Phoenix’s muzzle and lead him back to his stall. I quickly pull Serendipity out and silently apologize for not grooming her before tacking her up. By the time I have her bridle on, Kristy is riding out of the barn, and once she reaches the gravel, she’s galloping away.

  Deciding I don’t have time for the saddle, I use a plank of wood on a stall door to help boost me up and situate myself on Serendipity’s bare back.

  I squeeze my legs together and urge her forward. We quickly gallop after Kristy, following the trail of uprooted foliage and swirls of dust.

  Riding bareback has been a challenge I’ve been working on the last few months. It has proven to be difficult, but in this moment of desperation, I seem to be rather skillful.

  Serendipity sidles up beside Dexter and I yell at Kristy over the roaring wind to slow down. She glances at me for a brief moment before falling into a walk. I do the same and let out a deep sigh.

  “What’s going on?” I ask her.

  “I could ask the same question. What exactly did I walk in on last night, Adelaide?” Kristy halts Dexter and turns to face me directly. Her eyebrow is raised in question and I run a hand down my face in exasperation. This is about Maddox and me? Not about her date with Scott. Well then, there’s still a chance the date went well.

  “Kristy, you know I have always had feelings for him.”

  “Yes, I know,” she mutters, bowing her head. I watch as she runs her fingers through Dexter’s mane.

  “What’s the matter then? I thought you supported us…supported me.”

  “I do support you, Adelaide.” Kristy lets out a heavy sigh and shakes her head. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself. With Scott and with everything that happened yesterday.”

  Oh no. The date did go bad! What did that man do to her? I swear, if he disrespected her, he’s going to wish he never knew either of us.

  “What happened? What did Scott do?”

  “He did everything right, Adelaide. I’m the one who screwed up! I’m the one who pushed him away. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. He’s a great guy and I truly like him, but I still refused him.”

  I pull my eyebrows together in confusion. Now, why would she do something like that? Why would she push away someone she likes? That doesn’t make any sense.

  “Um…why would you do that?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’m scared. I guess I’m scared that with falling in love comes the risk of heartbreak. And I saw what that did to you and Maddox…I never want to feel that way.” I frown, shaking my head.

  To think that Kristy is looking toward my experiences…I’m the one who has only been in the real world for a year. I have been looking to her since day one. On how to act and how not to act. On how to think and how not to think. And here she is, taking what happened between Maddox and I to heart.

  “Kristy…losing Maddox was the most painful thing I’ve ever endured. You’re right about that. Heartbreak sucks. But loving him…there are no words to describe it. But loving him does outweigh the pain of losing him. Don’t be afraid to love because there’s a chance of pain…just as we should not be afraid to take risks because of the fear of a poor outcome.”

  Kristy hangs her head, looking up at the clear blue sky. We stand still for a few moments before she turns Dexter and clicks her tongue. She slowly walks back toward the house and I turn Serendipity to follow after her. Once I’m by her side, Kristy reaches over and grabs my hand.

  “I’m so grateful for the day that Ma invited you into our home. I gained a sister that day.” I smile softly and nod in agreement.

  Kristy may be my cousin by blood, but she is my sister by heart. My best friend.

  “When we get home, you’re calling Scott and we’re going on a double date. You’re going to fall in love with this man, Kristy Crane.”

  “When exactly did I agree to this, Addy-Mae?” Maddox whispers in my ear as we walk into the bowling alley behind Kristy.

  I look over at Maddox, rolling my eyes at the nickname that lets loose thousands of butterflies within my stomach. Maddox had asked what my middle name was a few days ago, considering I knew what his was. And ever since, he has been calling me Addy-Mae.

  He claims it is the most beautiful name he has ever uttered and I simply couldn’t disagree, when it’s coming from his lips. Plus, he always says it with a smile and who could deny him?

  “Shush,” I say, grabbing his hand and interlocking our fingers as we follow Kristy. When we get to the booth to purchase our lane and shoes, Maddox uses our intertwined hands to jerk me away and tuck me behind him. He then deftly pulls out his wallet and pays before I can even attempt to reach into my purse.

  I giggle at my gentleman and hug him from behind for a quick moment. I become self-conscious with my public display of affection and release my hold.

  Even though I have stepped out of my shell within the last year, there are still limits. Besides, I doubt people want to see me hug my boyfriend.

  Huh…I will never get over the fact that Maddox Steele is my boyfriend.

  Maddox turns and wraps an arm around my shoulder as we search for Kristy and Scott. They are already picking out bowling-balls and I can tell Kristy is nervous to introduce Scott to the man who is practically her brother. I have a slight feeling that Maddox is going to lay it thick for this poor guy.

  “Let’s see if I can get him to squirm.” I tug on Maddox’s arm when he steps toward the new couple. He looks over at me with tight eyebrows, silently wondering if I’m okay.

  “Maddox, go easy on him. Kristy is a nervous wreck.”

  “That is my baby sister, Adelaide.” Ooh, he said ‘Adelaide.’ He means business. I furrow my brows. “I’m not going to interrogate him much. I just need to be sure he’s good enough for her.”

  I laugh. “You got off easy then. No one to interrogate you on my behalf.” When Maddox doesn’t say anything, I cross my arms and lean away from him to read his expression. But he just stares at me, as if waiting for something. “Adam?” Maddox shakes his head. “Missy?” Another shake. I look over at Kristy, but before I could ask, Maddox grabs my wrist and pulls me to his chest.

  “Jeremy called me a few days ago. And he practically threatened our brotherhood if I hurt you again, Adelaide.”

  My heart races. Jeremy did what? Surely, Maddox is just pulling a fast one on me. There is no way that Jeremy would do such a thing.

  He has never been anything other than standoffish toward me. I could have sworn he didn’t like me. But Maddox is claiming Jeremy would cut ties with him for my sake? When did Jeremy form such a protectiveness over me? And why?

  “W-what?” I whisper.

  “Your reaction to me leaving shook him to the core. He hated seeing you hurting. Claims it’s one of the reasons he moved.” Maddox leads me to our lane and we sit at the table. I turn the chair to face him as he runs a hand through his hair. “Adelaide, everyone is naturally drawn to you. It is nearly impossible for someone with a sane mind to not care for you. So yes, Jeremy is the one who spoke on your behalf.” Maddox reaches over to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

  I bite my bottom lip to keep tears from gathering. Hearing this touches my heart. To know that Jeremy actually does care for me means more than I can express. I always wanted to have the relationship I have with Kristy, with him. And it seems I’m a step closer.

  “Maddox…” Kristy says softly. I look up to see her standing beside the table with Scott beside her.

  Scott has a small smile on his lips, trying to cover his nerves as he looks at the beast of a man sitting beside me. I try to keep from laughing, for he fears a teddy bear in disguise.

  Scott is a charming man. He has light brown hair with dazzling green eyes. He’s a few inches taller than Kristy and he has
a smile that grandmother’s swoon over. I have always thought he was a nice man and I’m sure he’s a suitable match for Kristy. The only thing that matters to me, and I’m sure Maddox, is Kristy’s happiness.

  When Maddox sees just how much he makes Kristy smile, he will approve of Scott.

  But for now…

  Maddox stands, slightly flexing his muscles to appear large as he leans over the table to offer his hand. I meet Kristy’s wide eyes as she looks at me with anxiety. I give her a wink. “…nice to meet you,” Maddox says. He stares Scott down and I decide to intervene.

  “Hi, Scott! It’s good to see you again!” I beam, offering him a bright smile as I gently place hand on Maddox. With a tug, I bring him back down to his chair.

  “Hi, Adelaide. How’ve you been?” Scott sits across from me, seemingly glad to escape Maddox’s scrutiny.

  “Great. Great. I’m glad you agreed to join us for a night of bowling. It’s going to be—”

  “What are your intentions with Kristy?” Maddox interrupts.

  “Maddox!” Kristy and I both say at the same time. I look at him with disbelief. How dare he interrupt me. And to ask that question, of all questions!

  Maddox doesn’t look at either of us as he continues to stare Scott down. He does, however, reach under the table to grab my hand. I give his fingers a tight squeeze, warning him to be nice.

  “Ignore him. Scott, do you use bumpers?” I ask, turning to punch in our names for the game we’re allowing to tick away. We only have an hour reserved and we’re losing precious time.

  “No, I don’t,” Scott answers me. I nod, tapping away on the screen. After putting in Kristy’s name, I type in mine, only for Maddox to lean over and swat my fingers away. I sigh as he erases part of it to retype Addy-Mae. Maddox sneaks a kiss to my cheek before he puts in his name last.

  “Okay, you’re up!” I say to Scott, smiling over at him. He gets up to bowl and I turn to glower at Maddox. “Don’t be a Neanderthal. This is important to Kristy. Please, give him a chance. You’ll learn the answers to your demeaning questions simply by learning about him.” Maddox meets my gaze and his expression softens. He leans over and rests his forehead against mine.